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Lawyers Jokes, A Collection of the Funniest Lawyer and Attorney Jokes

When we flaunt off some jokes, we definitely can’t missed about some of the hilarious lawyers jokes in the house. Humor is very legal and our jokes about lawyers are just one of the funniest among our collections of laugh list. Below are the best lawyer jokes I have collected from all the corners of the net. You can have them included in your lawyers joke of the day. Enjoy and have fun. Comment, object and share yours if you want. :) Lawyer lawyer, here we go!


Funny Lawyers Jokes

“When the 30-year-old lawyer died he said to St. Peter, "How can you do this to me? - a heart attack at my age? I'm only 30."

Replied St. Peter: "When we looked at your total hours billed we figured you were 95."

- Anonymous

“How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Fifty four. Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty-eight to bill for professional services.” –

"There is no shortage of lawyers in Washington, DC. In fact, there may be more lawyers than people." - Sandra Day O'Connor

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So you wanna go to Law school?

I know, I know I posted this video in one of my hubs in here but I just love it! It’s so funny though annoying. So here it goes….

Are blondes smarter than lawyers? You be the judge.
A blonde and lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, very tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over toward the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists (as lawyers are wont to do) and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00 and vice versa."
Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $500.00."
This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to the torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.
The lawyer asks the first question, "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in her purse, pulls out a $5 bill and hands it to the lawyer.
"Okay," says the lawyer, "your turn."
She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"
The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and Library of Congress, still no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, all to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.
The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.
The lawyer, more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"
Without a word, the blonde reaches in her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.


Lawyer Jokes One Liner and Some Q & A

As a response for those who loves one liner and Q and A lawyer jokes in the courtroom, here they are…

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?
Just say "Fees!" Anonymous

A man is innocent until proven broke. Anonymous

In the USA, everything that is not prohibited by law is permitted.
In Germany, everything that is not permitted by law is prohibited.
In Russia, everything is prohibited, even if permitted by law.
In France, everything is permitted, even if prohibited by law.
In Switzerland, everything that is not prohibited by law is obligatory.

Being a lawyer in a hurry, my aunt left for the Regional Trial Court without going over her files. When she arrived in court, she finally took time to read the papers she was to present. To her surprise, she found that her secretary had typed “People of the Philippines versus Immaculate Conception” on all the papers, instead of “Immaculyn Camilio,” the name of the accused. – Jane Tan Yap (Reader’s Digest Asia)

Lawyers Joke Book

If you loved these lawyer jokes, why don’t you grab your own lawyers joke book and enjoy your spare time while waiting for your once again late lawyer. JK Attorneys always have the humor, eh. :)

This is just for entertainment. I love my lawyers anyway. :) Peace!

Related article:

Lawyers Quotes – the best quotes about lawyers. Read their quotes and sayings and see if you believe.


Brad Masters from Southern California on June 18, 2012:

Here is one of my favorite lawyer jokes

A client is paying the lawyer for services rendered. The fee was $500 and the client paid with crisp new hundred dollars bills.

When the client leaves the lawyer notices that there was actually two bills that were stuck together making the total $600 instead of the $500.

Now the lawyer realizes that this is an ethical dilemma,

....... should he share the extra hundred with his partner.


I am sure that out of the huge number of lawyers in the country there must be a few good ones. Not that I have actually met one of them yet. I am just guessing because of the law of averages.

The legal INdustry is broken, and the closed system provided by lawyers becomes a monopoly where legal fees are set so high as to make them unconscionable.

These high legal fees insures that the average person cannot afford to get adequate legal representation when they need it.

Remember also that whether the lawyer wins or loses your case, they make the same amount of money. It doesn't matter whether lose you case because it was a bad case, or they were just a bad lawyer, or just not motivated.

enough said

twentyfive (author) on June 17, 2012:

gotta check your lawyer hubs then :) Thank you

Chris Hugh on June 15, 2012:

@dahoglund I used to work for a Legal Aid Society. I had time to really work all my cases and I cared a lot. I got to see people at their best during some of the worst times in their lives. I burned myself out in record time, but I feel honored to have been able to help people. Some of them had done bad things, but everyone deserves at least one person who will fight for them and protect them and not judge.

Not to imply that was the situation in which you had used Legal Aid. I did Legal Aid criminal conflicts, but many aspects of law have legal aid. Thank you for the kind words. As much as I make fun of lawyers in my Hubs, we really are a necessary evil, and in some cases we are just necessary, not evil at all.

Chris Hugh on June 15, 2012:

The blonde joke made me laugh out loud. The video has an uncomfortable amount of truth in it. I wish I could have seen it before going to law school. I should write a Hub about things to consider if you're considering becoming a lawyer.

BTW, I have a lot of humorous lawyer Hubs if anyone wants to check them out. And if about 3,000,000 people check them out a month, I'll be able to stop being a lawyer, which would be great for everyone. :)

twentyfive (author) on November 25, 2010:

LOL Well at least :) Good to see you Dahoglund

Don A. Hoglund from Wisconsin Rapids on November 25, 2010:

The only lawyers I ever had that were much good were from legal aide. I wonder why that is.

twentyfive (author) on November 24, 2010:

Love the first video. Damn funny! heheh Good to see you Georgie :)

georgiecarlos from Philippines on November 24, 2010:

Really funny! A nice hub to read while I am on break :) Thanks for sharing!

twentyfive (author) on November 23, 2010:

Hi Prof A! Wow, glad he did. He needs it :) Brilliant lawyer :) For sure brilliant fees too haha

Hi Cheeky! We always need them. In moi country though they aren't so badly need. LOL

Maybe your granny is a lawyer? Speaking of, I notice that. Lawyers are majority granny LOLOL

Lawyers know the ways. :)

Cassandra Mantis from UK and Nerujenia on November 23, 2010:

Lawyers always get the brunt of the jokes and the insults, then when we need to buy a house or take an action - who's he first person we call?

Our Granny! Yaaaah! You thought I was gonna say Lawyer. You were right. I am kidding, Fehl! Hehehehe! Great hub!

We can learn so much from lawyers! All politicians want to know what Lawyers know! Ooops, bad example! LOL!

Mentalist acer from A Voice in your Mind! on November 23, 2010:

My friend won the million dollars;)

twentyfive (author) on November 22, 2010:

You're a very good friend Prof. A :) Did he win? I hope so because he deserves the money for being disable..Lawyers have their brilliant ways. And Rihanna's song is perfect for them "I love the way you lie" LOL Thank you Prof. A :)

Hi Mik! hahaha Yup, everything has fees. Wonders about lawyers population in America LOL Thanks Mik :)

Micky Dee on November 22, 2010:

BEAUTIFUL! Lawyers ruin the world! They cannot/will not police their own. They have an ATM machine called the American Injustice system. They also run the legislative branch and the highest office in America. Shame!

Mentalist acer from A Voice in your Mind! on November 22, 2010:

I have first-hand experience with the fact that lawyers are extremly devious in every way,including out right advising a client to bluntly and forcefuly lie on the stand,as I traded my testimony on liability of an accident in a company vehicle that wasn't my fault,in order to win a $ settlement in favor of a friend who could no longer work,with the opposeing litigant only able to pay a meager sum if found liable for the accident;)

twentyfive (author) on November 21, 2010:

I'll ask my lawyer hehe Doctors will have their moment soon ;)

drbj and sherry from south Florida on November 21, 2010:

Thanks for the funny jokes and videos. Are doctors next?

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