Humor and Gardening on Amazon
Buy Things to Annoy Your Neighbors
Do you really loathe your neighbors?
Is your daily goal to find ways to bother them?
Does the image of their manicured lawn and picture-perfect garden really whack your weeds? Well, what better way to annoy them than by using your own lawn and garden?
Here are some ideas that you can use outdoors to really pluck your neighbor's petals. Let's call him Mr. Wilson.
- Buy a high-powered fan and plug it in outside. Position it so that it blows dandelion seeds into Mr. Wilson's yard. Or just use a leaf blower.
- Spray paint a line dividing your lawn from Mr. Wilson's lawn. Use a really bright, obnoxious color. Neon orange is effective. For added effect, spray "MINE" on your side and "YOURS" on his side.
- Mow fun shapes into your lawn, like red-breasted robins or large-breasted women. This one may require some training to develop your skills.
- For the artistically challenged, mow words into your lawn. Possibilities include your name, SOS, Paris Hilton's Boy Toy, or I'm With Stupid with an arrow pointing toward Mr. Wilson's house.
- Never rake your leaves. This is especially annoying when Mr. Wilson just spent hours raking his own leaves; a gust of wind is sure to come and blow yours all over his formerly tidy lawn. Again, you can buy a leaf blower instead of waiting for a wind. Waiting is so annoying.
- Use your weed-whacker at 3 A.M. Make sure you go through your lawn thoroughly. Mistakes are bound to be made, though. Correct them at the same time the next night.
- While Mr. Wilson is working in his garden, stand outside in your underwear and yell, "Working hard or hardly working?" Repeat this frequently. Laugh hysterically every time.
8. Obtain several cats to hunt the pests and vermin in your garden. Let them be outdoor cats. This works especially well if Mr. Wilson is allergic or ailurophobic.
9. Track down and plant the Rafflesia Arnoldii. [Wikipedia: "they attain massive proportions, have a reddish-brown coloration and stink of rotting flesh, which is why it was nicknamed the 'corpse flower'."]
10. And finally, what would an annoying garden be without decorations? Buy the plastic flamingo lawn ornaments, but don't stop there. Buy a zombie surfacing, a Peeking Giraffe, and Dodo Birds on a Stick!
Lawn Ornaments on Amazon
A Final Word of Advice
When attempting to annoy your neighbors, you must always remember to toe the line between annoyance and destruction of property. You don't want to get sued.
The "Corpse Flower"
Shinkicker from Scotland on June 02, 2013:
I live in an apartment but I'll store this ammunition for future suburban warfare.
Many thanks PP for a funny Hub.
gnome cicerone on April 21, 2009:
What great ideas. It makes Springtime, the outdoors, and gardening that much better.
You could send lawn ornaments, like garden gnomes, on a trip. They seem to love it. Trevor, the traveling gnome, has starting getting world wide fame from it all, and his trips, thoughts, and hijinx is viewable at thegreatungnome.com --lots of fun!
moonlake from America on November 12, 2008:
Place the compost as close to your neighbors as is allowed by law. They never like that. If you can buy a couple roosters to run around your yard say it to keep the ticks down. We once had two roosters that disappeared I went looking for them found them next door. The man next door was on the ladder painting his house my two roosters were under the ladder going Cock-A-Doodle-Do back and forth to each other like they were having a contest. I was so upset our neighbor was nice about it but I bet he could have chocked those birds.
gwendymom from Oklahoma on October 19, 2008:
This is so funny, Great Job!!!!! I like my neighbors so I won't use these techniques but I waill pass along the information to other people I kow that don't like their neighbors.
Anna Marie Bowman from Florida on October 17, 2008:
Excellent!!! I loved this! Don't forget a collection of brightly colored garden gnomes or those geese you can dress in clothes for different holidays!!
Susan Keeping from Kitchener, Ontario on October 17, 2008:
Excellent hub. If I had a house and had neighbours like I do in my apartment building I would love to follow some of your advice.