Skip to main content

Kidnapped (A Short Story by Martie Coetser)

Salvatore Vuono @

Salvatore Vuono @

The sound of a speeding car close behind urged Mia to steer her bike onto the pavement and almost through a shrubby fence. Anger overwhelmed her. The yellow Honda was her heart’s desire for more than three years. At last, a week ago, on her sixteenth birthday, she finally got it. And now she was battling to free it from this shrubby fence. The wind was blowing her hair all over her face, making it impossible for her to see what she was doing or the scoundrel who was speeding like a maniac in a built-up area.

Abruptly she became aware of the car that had come to a standstill right behind her. It was a black car with dark-tinted windows. A man who was dressed in jeans and a red T-shirt was standing between her and the car’s opened door.

The next moment she found herself inside the car, gasping for air under the unbearable weight of a man's body, stinking of fish, old sweat and garlic. The car was moving fast, cutting corners evidenced by screaming tires.

Her mouth was as dry as a whistle, her heart was hammering in her throat; the realization that her life was in danger paralyzed her like an anaesthetic.

A power inside her took over. The next moment she found herself sitting in the corner of the back seat, twisted with her arms around her legs. In the process of freeing herself, she had kicked the man where no man should be kicked. She expected to be killed with one blow the moment the man caught his breath. In vain she tried to open the door.

They were driving on the N-1 highway. Nobody on the outside could see her through the tinted windows. The steel-blue eyes, in the rear-view mirror, of a driver with a big shaved head, sent shivers with blades through her veins. She had no doubts, she was facing Death.

When the man next to her, the ugliest man she had ever seen, started to hit her in the face, she felt no pain. The hate and contempt in his eyes penetrated her soul and released the tears no one was supposed to see.

“So you are a fighter?” he snarled, and, with his fingers around her neck, he slowly started to strangle her, as if her agony was his delight. “Just because your daddy is a judge..."

“Shut-up!” bellowed the man behind the wheel. “I said no talking!”


Fighting nausea and dizziness, Mia covered her face with her hands. The darkness reminded her of praying but 'Jesus' was the only word she could find in her mind. She could feel His absence; she was all alone like a lamb, caged with two hungry lions.

Random pictures of her parents, imprinted in her memory, flashed through her mind. Her father, Judge Gerry Nicholson, and her beautiful mother, Maryanne. She could see them standing next to her grave, petrified with grief.Suddenly she knew what they were talking about the previous day when she burst into the kitchen with the good news that she was going to be awarded as best achiever on piano. "What can they possibly do to us?" were the words of her father before he pretended to be his calm and contented self. The release of prisoners who were convicted by him was a constant concern of her mother.

The car was no longer on the highway, but on a bumpy, graveled road leading to the dam. The man was pulling her hair, forcing her face into his lap. He was calling her names, shouting, demanding the unimaginable, threatening her with an enormous flat-file.... "Please me and maybe I will let you live, or would you like them to rake you together with scoops...."

“For f-c-s sake!" bellowed the man behind the wheel again. "Just kill her and throw her out.... this road is a f-ck-ng nightmare!" Indeed, he had chosen an unlit, abandoned road on the edge of a precipice.

Mia was no longer afraid to die. She made up her mind; she would die fighting. While using her teeth, nails, feet and fists, she targeted herself towards those brown eyes burning with hatred. She was no longer Mia Nicholson, but a wild cat in a tearing rage. He was stabbing her with the file, but she felt no pain.


© Martie Coetser

Scroll to Continue

When she opened her eyes she saw fluffy white clouds floating in the air. A couple of yards away was a fire busy devouring a black car. Inside the car, draped over the steering wheel, was a human body in flames. Pinned to the trunk of a tree was another body burning.

“This can’t be real,” was the only thought in Mia’s mind. One minute she was trying to free her Honda from a shrubby fence. The wind was blowing her hair all over her face.... her face. Her face was now bleeding in her hands.


© Martie Coetser

Revised: 2013-09-01

Salvatore Vuono @

Salvatore Vuono @


Anita Hasch on September 07, 2018:

Well written Martie. Incidents like you described happen too frequently. I was raped as a teenager and nearly killed. The trash was squeezing the life out of me. So I decided to stop fighting which saved my life.

jgshorebird on March 01, 2018:

I think you captured the essence of it here. Nice fiction, but often all too real.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on December 11, 2017:

Thank you, Randi! Hugs to you :)

Randi Benlulu from Mesa, AZ on November 29, 2017:

Nothing to be embarrassed sbout here, Martie!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 28, 2017:

Hi Randi! Thanks for reading this oldie. I better read it again, as you know, there comes a time when our oldies are embarrassing :))

Randi Benlulu from Mesa, AZ on November 28, 2017:

Wow! Am I glad Hubpages has a way of reminding us about older hubs or I would have missed this gem! What a great, gripping story! Thank you for sharing.


Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 04, 2016:

Thank you, Peg! I've just read about Kala Brown who was kidnapped in South Carolina, and now found alive in a container chained like a dog. WTH?!? What kind of monsters are living on this planet, and why?

Peg Cole from North Dallas, Texas on November 03, 2016:

Powerful and emotionally charged, this story takes on a life of its own in the comments section. I'm staggered by this act of violence by these criminals. Reading carefully I found the clue, "What can they possibly do to us?" Frightening and realistic. Well told.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on September 04, 2016:

Hi johnmarriow and Shyron, thank you so much for your comments. You've encouraged me to write some fiction again. I found a few more-suitable images for this story, but haven't inserted them yet. Take care!

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on August 31, 2016:

Wow, Martie how graphic you brought this to life, this left me with chills as I read the ordeal that some girls go through at the hands of evil.

I am glad Mia won the fight.

Blessings dear Martie.

johnmariow on July 24, 2016:

An excellent story! The story is both gripping and terrifying. It held my attention from the first word till the last word. It took me a few moments to realize that the car went out of control and crashed. Mia was thrown from the car which had caught fire.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 29, 2015:

Dankie, Martie!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 18, 2013:

Alice, it must be in the genes. Born a fighter, dies a fighter. Sadly, fighters are sometimes in a position of total submissiveness..... then they will die, knowing that it was their time... Thanks for coming over for the read :)

Alice Ann Day on November 18, 2013:

I loved the ending. It's true, don't back anyone into a corner. If they're going to die anyway, they will die fighting. At least I would anyhow!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on February 03, 2013:

@ Mary

@ Kiru

Thank you so much for your input. I am editing all my stories, cutting them to the bone, to comply with readers 'modern' life style. Flash Fiction - maximum 1000 word, seems to be all they can/want to read. At least when it comes to short stories. Thanks again.

kirutaye from London, UK on February 03, 2013:

Wow, Martie. What an intriguing story. You had my attention throughout. I love the heart stopping action. Well written.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 27, 2012:

Thank you, carrie! Much appreciated :)

Carrie Lee Night from Northeast United States on November 26, 2012:

I loved the way this story was written, I felt like I was there watching it and feeling her pain and agonizing fear. Thank you for taking the time to write such a wonderful story! :)

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on October 22, 2012:

Thank you, clockworkbohemian, for your much appreciated comment :)

Christian Taylor from San Diego CA on October 22, 2012:

extremely well-written. i could easily feel the emotion. so powerful.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on September 24, 2012:

Cailin, thank you for your kind comment and tip. The best for me will be to appoint a professional editor, as English is not my mother tongue and I will never master it completely. In the meanwhile here in HubPages - before I bundle them all together in an anthology properly edited - I play with it. I will surely follow your advise asap. Thank you very much :)

Cailin on September 24, 2012:

The story was exciting and a very fast read. A tip for you: reading your story out loud will help you find the correct verb tenses. If you have to read it twice for it to make sense, it probably needs some fixing.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on August 04, 2012:

Mr Love Doctor, thank you so much for your beautiful and inspiring comment. You have put me in the mood to write another short story :)))

Mr Love Doctor from Puerto Rico on August 04, 2012:

Reading this story, I'm struck by the fact that you keep your sentences short and tight. No extra adjectives or extraneous descriptions. Masters of writing like Jack London, Michael Ondaatje, Ernest Hemingway, and Ian Fleming utilized the same technique to keep the action pumping with a savage lifeblood. "A hand on her face is crushing her jaw and nose. Something in her mouth tastes like blood – a piece of her own lip between her teeth." That is classic, classic. Keep practicing and publishing. With this type of gripping place narrative, you will go far.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on July 04, 2012:

Thelma ~ Good to know you've enjoyed the story. Stories always end on a positive note. Badies are punished and goodies live happily forever after. Things are a bit different in real life, BUT eventually everything turns out for the best. Thanks for you lovely comment :)

Thelma Alberts from Germany on July 04, 2012:

Awesome! It was so thrilling that I just hold my breath. So sorry that you had this very bad experience. You were so brave in this situation. I hope you are okey now. I was fascinated by the way you have written this story. Thanks for sharing.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on June 24, 2012:

thecrazzykylex - Glad to meet you, and glad you enjoyed this story. Yes, maybe it is time to write a hub about my idea of an amazing short story and how to write it. But I always say: "To know how to do something does not mean you can do it." It takes a lot of hard work and continuous practicing and sadly every story you write, even when you are an accomplished writer, is not a success. Stories are like babies - they could be born with a fatal disorder/defect. Thank you for your lovely comment and fan mail, Crazzy. I wish you only the best of success here at the hubs.

Crazzy Kylex © 2012 from Incredible India! on June 23, 2012:

Awesome story, Martie! It just got me hooked to. Yes, I'm your new fan, now! Would love to read more of your stories, especially mystery ones, somewhat Sherlock Holmes. Rated up! and appreciated.

Further, will you please do a hub on how to write an 'amazing' short story?

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on June 07, 2012:

cmiller0161 – Nice to meet you and thank you so much for your kind compliments. I look forward to read your writings as well. In the meanwhile, take care :)

Claire Miller from UK on June 07, 2012:

That was amazing! I actually felt like I was struggling for breath throughout. You are such a talented writer, Martie. Can't wait to read more of your stories!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on December 02, 2011:

Happyboomernurse - Thank you so much for your inspiring comment. Between you and me, hubbers, including me, are polite; we encourage each other with positive and uplifting comments. So in our capacity as authors we soon learn how to distinguish between politeness and sincere approval and commendation. I can sense you were really in the story and that your compliment came out of your heart. And this is the only way an author can accept his/her story as good enough for formal submission to an editor/publisher. So thank you again, you've made my day.

Re my personal experience - after all these years it still doesn't take much to trigger my fear of that day. Though the brain - adrenalin - change the fear during frightful situations into the strength one needs to fight, flee or fall, the fear kicks in when everything is over, to stay with us forever. My fear of that day often manifests in claustrophobia and even when I can't justify it, i.e. on the back seat of a car with my grandchildren, trusting my son-in-law behind the wheel and my daughter next to him.... Then out of the blue comes the fear to strangle me into a state of hysteria... And this is but only one example.

Conclusion - Dents in the soul remain forever.

Gail Sobotkin from South Carolina on December 01, 2011:

Stunning, chilling story and all the more horrifying knowing it is in some ways biographic. Your writing talents are extraordinary and the pacing in this story was perfect. Got my heart racing even as it ached and feared for the life of the heroine.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 29, 2011:

fpherj48 - HubPages is indeed a fantastic site where birds of the same feathers can find each other and communicate spontaneously without considering their neighbor. Believe me, I will never try to convince anybody that their ideas and concepts are wrong. As long as they are happy, the birds in my world are singing.

Suzie from Carson City on November 29, 2011:

You have arrived at an ideal place....serenity, acceptance, appreciation and enjoyment. and how true, Martie, that the questions have no answers...purely & simply...NO answers. Only a fool would continue to ask where answers don't exist. You are too wise, my friend...I am soaking up your thoughts before I dry up a befuddled, thirsty old lady.........Thank you. Hubpages Community is a HELL of a healthy place to hang out!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 29, 2011:

fpherj48 - I've studied this topic inside out for decades, and eventually came to the conclusion that us humans are like dogs chasing our own tails when it comes to the Breath of the universe we call God. I've stopped reading and talking and writing about this. I live every day with gratefulness in my heart because I have the opportunity to enjoy a life on this beautiful planet. I ignore the bad and enjoy the good and try my best to be good and not bad. Really, I've wasted 50 years of my life searching for the answers of questions that have no answers. I am living now... only living... until death stops me. "Live and let live", is one of my motto's.

Suzie from Carson City on November 29, 2011:

Sneaky little devil you.....I'm tossing it around the empty room in my fact, I've been stalking around the hub community reading everything I can find on this very topic. It's a touchy one for me....I balance on a very shaky fence. BTW, there are a number of excellent hubs by our genius fellow-hubbers on this subject.....If you are interested and haven't read them, I'll find the names for you and pass them on. In the meantime....I'm pondering...I wade slowly into waters I've not splashed in before. Would LOVE to read your thesis, woman of wisdom. I'm sure it's powerful.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 29, 2011:

fpherj48 – Once upon a time I was able and willing to preach a superb sermon on this topic. Then came a time I was willing and able to write a thesis on this. At last I found peace in agnosticism – I just don’t wreck my brain anymore on issues like these that are totally beyond my comprehension.

So, fpherj48, if you don’t hub it, it will not get hubbed.... :))))

Suzie from Carson City on November 29, 2011:

I'll tell you what, dear lady....It would be an excellent topic for a HUB....and you are the perfect author to do just that. I would be honored if you used my comment as the basis of a hub. I trust you will provide me with the credit of my words by quoting me or slipping a "Plug" into your hub, never let it be said I will forfeit my percentage of the interest!!! Get going on that Hub....can't wait to read it!!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 29, 2011:

fpherj48 - that is certainly an excellent topic for a hub.... :)))

Suzie from Carson City on November 28, 2011:

Often, we may be better off if God DID forget us.....rather than beat us senseless & bloody.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 28, 2011:

fpherj48 - Now you are pulling my tears! Yes, when I allow myself, I feel very sorry for that poor girl who was apparently forgotten by God for two years. Two bad years out of thirteen established the basis of her outlook on life. When I find myself in a situation between the devil and the deep blue see, I experience the same emotions I had while I was trapped in a cramped car by those hooligans. And still, I kick like a mouse facing drowning in a bucket filled with milk until the milk becomes butter. Thanks for your much appreciated support.

Suzie from Carson City on November 28, 2011:

I did know this story was your own. I had read your bio written by Sunnie....My heart is heavy with sadness for what the precious "child" Martie endured. These men were well-beyond having personal issues...but I'm sure you know that better than anyone. Your strength survival and Victory are astounding.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 28, 2011:

fpherj48 - and this story is based on a personal experience - It took me months - and is still a wound in my soul - to realize that I was not born to be the victim of men with personal issues.

Suzie from Carson City on November 28, 2011:

Martie....SPECTACULAR. My heart is racing, for in the past few minutes I was "Caren, daughter of Judge Jerry Nicholson." I have been egregiously traumatized and critically injured........and I must rest now.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 26, 2011:

Sharyn - Thanks so much for giving me your opinion. Much appreciated!

Sharon Smith from Northeast Ohio USA on November 26, 2011:

Wow Martie, This was great story writing Kept me intrigued all the way through.


Justin W Price from Juneau, Alaska on November 17, 2011:

you're welcome. Can't wait to read more!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 14, 2011:

Rosemay50 – It is good to know I managed to ‘catch’ you from the beginning. Time is totally irrelevant in Hubland. Your ‘in time’ is when you read the story, and my ‘in time’ to reply on your comment is within 48 hours. You will read the real story in my comment to makusr. Thank so much for reading and commenting. I’ll see you soon again in your corner.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 14, 2011:

PDXKaraokeGuy – Thank you for the encouragement. Take care.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 14, 2011:

makusr – Most of my stories are biographic, but turned into fiction with what I wish it was, or could have been. Unfortunately Life happens to all of us, and we can but only make the best of it. Yes, I was kidnapped when I was only 12 and I did fight like a crazy animal, and ever since that day I wish I was able to kill them. I was lucky that day, I was saved by a miracle.... that would not have happened if I had not bought time with the fighting.

I believe we should never stop fighting any devils who try to kill our spirits or bodies. I know sometimes fighting means pretending we are already dead. I believe this is what drug addicts and alcoholics try to do – pretending they are dead for the enemy, not knowing that the drugs and liquor are in fact the allies of the enemy. Thanks for your insightful comment, makusr. Much appreciated.

Rosemary Sadler from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand on November 14, 2011:

Oh dear I read your story days ago and must have gotten distracted, then went away for a day or 2 then I wasn't well so I am extremely late in leaving a comment. But I know you'll forgive me.

This was a great story, it always amazes me just how we can find that incredible strength when we need it. I was caught up in this story right from the start and was on the edge of my seat till the end.

If this is gathered from real life experience then I admire you tremendously Martie.

Justin W Price from Juneau, Alaska on November 14, 2011:

Anytime, Martie. Keep up the good work!

Manoj Kumar Srivastava from India on November 14, 2011:

Martie, That's cool. You know how to write fiction. It's the pace of the story that clinches the issue. Women of your stories always fight back. They are strong characters. May be you portray them like you are. I always find that women in your story always rise up to the occasion and can never take anything lying down!

With warm wishes


Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 13, 2011:

Neelesh - Don't stop inventing nice things to say to me. I just love to hear as many as possible :))) If you have LOTS of money, I can help you grow your wings.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 13, 2011:

PDXK - Scary is not the word. It is truly horrifying. Yet, thanks to the brain releasing just the right hormones, one is calm and strong and clever in these kind of situations. Afterwards the shocking reality kicks in to cause phobia that last a lifetime. Thanks for your visit.

Justin W Price from Juneau, Alaska on November 13, 2011:

great poem. What a scary situation. Voted up!

neeleshkulkarni from new delhi on November 10, 2011:

i keep inventing nice things to say to you infatuation gives me wings.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 10, 2011:

Prince - I appreciate your comment. Thank you.

Prince on November 10, 2011:

Nice skill of story writing you have. Voting up your story.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 10, 2011:

Hi Augustine, yes, I don't host a lamb, but sometimes I wish it was the case. No wounds, just instant death...

Augustine A Zavala from Texas on November 10, 2011:

So violent, but so true. I can see the lioness in you in this story Martie. We've all heard you roar...

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 09, 2011:

@@@ prasetio30 – Thank you so much for your never-ending much appreciated support. Take care!

@@@ jfay2011 – Only one of his kind, once seen with your own eyes, stay forever like sunglasses on your face. Got to take it off if you want to have a clear view of the man you are actually looking at. In fact, we are all like glasses to each other and should therefore try to be like glasses that improves optimal view. Thanks for the visit.

@@@ neeleshkulkarni – Wow, what a lovely description: unputdownable. Many thanks for your support :)))

neeleshkulkarni from new delhi on November 09, 2011:

such a story needs pace. you put in pace beautifully.unputdownable as they say Martie

jfay2011 on November 09, 2011:

Oh, that sounded so scary. I would sure hope I never see a man like that.

prasetio30 from malang-indonesia on November 09, 2011:

Another great job from you, Martie. I had never doubted your talent, including this one. I give my vote again and again, you deserve to get this. Have a good day. Cheers...

Love and peace, Prasetio

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 09, 2011:

WillStarr – Thanks for the smashing, vivid comment.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 09, 2011:

marcoujor –Some indoctrination makes us believe that everything that goes wrong with us is the result of something we have done wrong. Thanks for reminding me that it is not true. S@*t just happens or it doesn't happen.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 09, 2011:

drbj – Thank you so much for your empathetic and compassionate comment. I’ve sincerely appreciated every word :)

WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on November 09, 2011:

Gritty and stark, like a cold black and white movie with crimson blood.

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on November 08, 2011:

Dear Martie,

Hands such as yours are for creating. They are beautiful and need to smell like lotion/ powder of your choice. You are not guilty of a thing except being a stellar writer. Hugs, Maria

drbj and sherry from south Florida on November 08, 2011:

I never doubted you were a talented writer, Martie, and this gem of a short story is the proof. You grabbed me by the throat just like the wretch of a protagonist in your story. And I felt every emotion and torture you were experiencing. There is no doubt in my mind that this has to be an autobiographical tale to some extent. I felt your pain and horror and do regret with all my heart that you had a similar experience. But you are a fighter - we both know that - and like that song title, You Will Survive. Brava and up to you, m'dear.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

always - What a nice surprise - to wake up, land in the hubs with a cup of coffee in my hand, and to see you first. It just thrills me to know that you love my stories. I'm between the devil and the deep-blue sea now, what shall I write next - another hate-men thriller or a love-men thriller? For it seems to me I enjoy writing both genres :))))

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on November 08, 2011:

What a story Martie! I was glued to my seat. What a twist at the end. I love it when you write. I know it's gonna be a thriller, and you didn't disappoint me..Thank you again...

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

MARCOUJOR - Got to add, I've got no blood on my hands, only s@h#t, and I'd washed them like P.Pilates the day the scum were convicted and sentenced.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

Becky Katz – Thanks for defying her actions so perfectly: She had nothing to lose, but still a hope to win.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

mckbirdbks – Fight, flee or fall is basically all one can do in a dangerous situation. I think people are born with a tendency to do one of the three first. Or maybe it depends on the situation and opportunities. I mean, when I feel a spider crawling over me, I will pretend I am dead. (What a lie! I will flee like a rocket through the roof.) A burglar will probably make me flee. I only fight when I am in a corner facing death and fleeing is not an option. I only fall when something heavy comes down on me. Thanks again, Mike, I honestly treasure your comments on my stories.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

marcoujor – Thanks for your lovely comment. Yes, this is real. Happens all the time. Happened to me as well. This is in fact a dramatized version of one of my horrible memories. Thanks for all your love.

Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on November 08, 2011:

This was a fantastic story. I believe that you should never back a person into a corner. They will come out fighting with everything they have. This is definitely true in this story. She had nothing to lose, so she fought and won.

mckbirdbks from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas on November 08, 2011:

I am so impressed with this story, I cannot begin to explain it. It reaches the highest level of story telling while at the same time declaring a universal truth that is often forgotten. Fight to the death.

Now, I would normally invite you for coffee, but i don't know..... :)

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on November 08, 2011:

Dear Martie,

I feel sickened, saddened, repulsed, horrified and connected to the reason that Mike is a little nervous about the passion in some of the writing around here these days. This is gritty and real... just like it happens, girlfriend, people just keep fighting until they cannot...with strength they never knew they had.

And you nailed it, Martie style! I love it and "love to love you, baby!" Voted UP & UABI, mar.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

Deni Edwards – Thanks so much for telling me. I can’t think of anything that is more delightful for a writer than knowing he/she has fans enjoying his stories. Only one fan will encourage a writer to excel. Thanks again!

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

ubanichijioke – It is always my intention to draw the reader into the shoes of the character, in order for him/her to experience the emotions of the character. And it is always wonderful to know my efforts were successful. Thanks for your much appreciated comment.

Martie Coetser (author) from South Africa on November 08, 2011:

Vinaya Ghimire – To be honest, English tenses are above my comprehension. I write and talk English by ear, as I play classical music by ear, of course after I had memorized at least the notes of the melody. In my language we write fiction (actually everything) in the presence tense and only in past tense when referring to the past, while in English past tense is actually the formal tense for fiction, which keeps me as a reader always merely an observer, instead of inside the story, as if in the shoes of the character – as one experience while watching a movie. Let’s just say I enjoy myself while writing English fiction the Afrikaans way, just as I enjoy myself playing Tsjaikofski my way. Thanks for telling me you have found it ‘engaging’.

Jenifer L from california on November 08, 2011:

I'm a big fan of your short stories, Martie.

Voted up and awesome. I loved it!

Alexander Thandi Ubani from Lagos on November 08, 2011:

A great sad story. I could feel the pain, cruelty, torture and agony of the young girl. A wonderful story!

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on November 08, 2011:

The descriptions are so real, feelings so painful that I felt like a girl being kidnapped. The third person narrative in simple present makes is engaging.

Related Articles