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Joke of a Poem


Stand up

I have always admired comedians being able to do a routine and make the jokes flow and not just random jokes and one liners.

I thought I would have a go at writing a short one but in the form of rhyming poetry. Hope you have as much fun reading as I had writing.

Joke of a Poem

My wife told me to move out and filed for a divorce

I begged her to tell me what had made her so neurotic.

she had been to see the doctor

and he told she was allergic to anything alcoholic.

I don’t think I drink too much

in my opinion so to speak.

I once went on a vodka diet

and lost three days in one week.

It has left me with insomnia

which makes me feel quite listless.

But looking on the plus side

only three more sleeps till Christmas.

She kept the car so for me it’s public transport

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I went to the bus stop at the end of street

I asked a guy “how long will the next bus be mate?”

He answered “about thirty feet.”

I was living in an HMO

a house of multiple occupation.

With tenants of various cultures

and sexual orientation.

The landlady asked if everything was alright

and was there anything she could do

I said “well there is never any paper

when I go to use the loo”.

“Well you’ve got a tongue in your head”

she said giving me a laugh

“I know I have a tongue in my head

But not a neck like a Giraffe.”

I left there and moved in with a mate

he found out he was dyslexic

with something he misread

He got an invite to a toga party

and he dressed as a goat instead

“I am sleeping with both my girlfriend and her twin”

he said with a sense of panache.

When I asked him how he told them apart

he said “her brother has a moustache”

I joined a gym the other day

to get me back in shape.

so maybe I can keep a girl

without having to use duct tape.

“Can you teach me how to do the splits?”

I asked the trainer there on duty.

“Depends how flexible you are” he said

I told him I could do a Monday or a Tuesday.

I am going into town shopping

to help me to unwind

I am looking for a camouflage jacket

but a good one is hard to find.

Now we are stuck in this lockdown

with all the different covid-19 views.

The one thing that it’s managed

is to keep Brexit out the news.

Before we started Brexit

and trying to be subjective.

I thought the withdrawal agreement

was a form of contraceptive.

I will leave you with this last thought.

Every book ever written is in the dictionary

you just have to put the words in the right order


Charlie Halliday (author) from Scotland on May 26, 2020:

Thanks for reading Kathy. glad you got a laugh.

Charlie Halliday (author) from Scotland on May 26, 2020:

Thanks Clive. The losing three days in one week stanza is a true story

Charlie Halliday (author) from Scotland on May 26, 2020:

Glad I put a smile on your face Lorna.

Charlie Halliday (author) from Scotland on May 26, 2020:

You are welcome Ann. Liked the EU comment maybe use that if write a part 2 haha

Charlie Halliday (author) from Scotland on May 26, 2020:

glad you liked it John.

Kathy Henderson from Pa on May 26, 2020:

Charlie -

Humor is so important in this season. Thanks for the giggles!

Lorna Lamon on May 26, 2020:

I really enjoyed this poem Charlie - just what I needed today. I definitely think this should be part of a Comedian's routine.

Clive Williams from Jamaica on May 26, 2020:

This is quite not drinking though....hick.

Ann Carr from SW England on May 26, 2020:

Thanks for the smiles, Charlie!

Covid's certainly a drastic way of getting away from Brexit. Now we socially distance everyone instead of just the EU!


John Hansen from Gondwana Land on May 26, 2020:

I love this Charlie. Humour is always welcome at the moment and more than one of these stanzas made me smile.

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