A Bold Statement
At a press conference today Joe Biden made the statement that if it weren't for him we would still have slavery in United States. "Don't forget it was me who pushed legislation for freeing the slaves. I was there, doing the work. Getting things done. I...um I did the aah thing with their, you know, proclaiming ejaculation."
This statement was met with thunderous applause from the 4 people that turned out. Tears were wiped from the faces of 2nd generation European Americans who were ashamed of the slavery they weren't responsible for.
Biden was then escorted out and given ice cream for being a good boy.
The thoughts of the audience
"It's about time that someone did something about all the evil that us white people have done. I'm embarrassed about what I've done." Said Jack Meauf, the son of a German immigrant. "We have treated people of color so badly. Biden is a true hero."
Fact checkers jump in
An extremist (conservative) media outlet tried to claim that Abraham Lincoln was responsible for freeing the slaves. Fact checkers were quick to denounce their crazy conspiracy theory and get them banned on social media for 2 weeks.