Insecurities (The reasons)

The world maybe forget about me

All the things I see doesn't fit me

The flowers is just a good scenery

But it doesn't build a fresh picture to me

What I desire something that I surely can buy

World can fake things in blink of an eye

While making them stay open wide

A pure desire not so pure flights

I'm blind by the time

I wasn't able to take care myself so fine

I was confident enough reaching the top

Then my fall is just a snap of the hand

Just one step then I'm going to drowned

But the breathing is so suffocating now

I don't want to move even just to lay down

Me and everything just so alive right now

But I'm high

No, I'm not on the drugs

I think overthinking was killing the crown

It's getting bigger and bigger

I can't stop me now

Wide awake on darkness of the night

I wish there is someone who can understand my mind

This is not enough, Am I not enough?

Why am I left all alone with no stars that shine tonight

Abandoned by the light in the middle of the night

The moon shines that leave my sight

Just like everyone who like putting someone down

And I get all the word to realize my bads

How this thing doesn't have an ending

Once it starts it doesn't want to leave me

A never ending sad story

Every night it always haunt me

A step back an always step back

No more forward I just forget how to clearly do that

Every time I can clearly see myself from the start

A start I never even see at once

A new start, I did went that far

All the hardworks become out of fun

Is this a joke I still work that out

No more left to cheer my mind

What did I do? Do I deserve their boo?

I hate myself from believing too high

I think I can continue to be that high

They all look at me before like I can fly

I didn't expect this ties

A suffocating promises i made while trying to go back where I couldn't find

This isn't do or die

This is me when I'm inside the box they've building while I'm busy reaching the heights

No, I still didn't see the right path

But I know I've been living a life they want

They all see me confident in my wants

So they all try to pull me down

Till I'm drowned, down, when there's no light left next to mine

It's okay to give up a thousands times

But I live to make my own light

I forgive and didn't need to fit myself in crowned

I find a different path where the light was made by my own sacrifice

No, this isn't an easy path for a no leading light

But I try to reach again my made up desires

No one will care what's in my mind

I'm now okay and continue my journey in time

I've learned that there's one left to my side

The one who experience the same path I've gone

She's with me and I'm with her and that is my favorite part

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 Beanz

Comments

Chrish Canosa from Manila Philippines on December 13, 2020:

You've addressed your message beyond thoughts, well I can say we have to be our own comforter relying it to someone else is way too risky. And awesome night to you!

Patty Florence from Illinois on December 13, 2020:

A realist perhaps!

manatita44 from london on December 13, 2020:

Interesting poem. Noble effort.