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I Wish I Were Dead - A Poem

This poem is based on real events

This poem is based on real events only the names have been changed so that the people involved are not easy to identify from the poem.

The young man was in prison, he was nearing the end of his sentence and his common law wife had not answered any of his letters and so he was thinking the worse.

I was the person that befriended the girl and later was a witness at their wedding that took place a few months after the young man got out of prison.


I Wish I Were Dead

Lost and alone

Feeling so sad and blue

Locked up in jail

And don’t know what to do

She’s outside

Doing God knows what

I’m in here and haven’t heard a thing

We don’t have a phone at home

So there is nowhere for me to ring

She doesn’t answer my letters

She won’t tell me what’s going on

I haven’t heard from her in so long

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That I’m going crazy in my head

Thinking of things she might be doing

Thinking of where she is going

Now my head is about to burst

Her life still goes on

The pub the clubs the bars

Blokes lining up

To see what they can get

I’m all alone here behind bars

Not knowing who she has met

Does she still love me?

Does she still care?

Why doesn’t she write me?

Is she just trying to scare?

Or does she not want me?

It’s doing in me head

All these questions unanswered

I wish I were dead

Life is not worth living

When it's being lived like this

I’m going to do something about it

She’s surely taking the piss

I’ll make her get in touch with me

I’m going to take control

I may be in a prison

But now I have a goal

They have put me on a suicide watch

Because I’m now on hunger strike

It's beginning to work already

Because the chaplain has been

He wants to know what’s what

I’ve told him why I am feeling like

There is just no point in me living

When the one I love and care for

Doesn’t care if my heart is breaking

I have tried so hard to stay positive

But in here that is hard to do

My life around me is crumbling

The mates in here are few

But even those I have

Are fed up with my cursing and crying

They say they are fed up with hearing

My tales of endless woe

Either I get my act together

Or their friendship I forego

Today I’m feeling better

The chaplain has been to say

He’s been in touch with a minister

Of a church near to my Jane

They're sending someone

Round to find out what’s her game

Why she hasn't been in touch

And what the problem is

I’ve promised to start eating again

As soon as I hear back

I hope that will make hurry up

Because I am hungry all the time

The pain I was in kept me from thinking

About the food that I was not eating

But now there is a chance of hearing

My hunger is beginning to grow

I hope that I hear something soon

I really do want to know

Even if the news is bad

At least I will know what’s what

Then I can go on living

When I know just what I’ve got

The chaplains been to see me

And the news is really good

Someone's been to see my Jane

A new friend to help her to cope

It seems that it's not that she doesn’t love me

And it’s not that she doesn’t care

It’s just that life’s hard for her too

She’s all alone with three kids under five

And a dog that has just had puppies

And it is hard just trying to survive

With all this going on

The house was in a mess

And my Jane was fully stressed

And more than a bit overwhelmed

But now there is a friend there to help her

And she’s getting on her feet

Jane wants me to give up my hunger strike

And get myself something to eat

It’s not long now till I get out

And I’ve had three letters from home

I am so glad I took control of my life

I am so glad that I had a goal

We are closer now than ever

We are looking forward to rebuilding our lives

The future has never looked brighter

I am sure our family will thrive

No more will I put our lives in jeopardy

No more will I do anything that could lead

To me being taken into custody

In this we are both agreed

© Annie Laurie 2009

My Other Poems

If you have enjoyed this hub then try some of my other poetry Hubs by clicking on the links below

Thank you for your visit please take time to leave a comment


Kenneth Avery from Hamilton, Alabama on May 22, 2014:

Dear annie,

Wow, what a piece of great poetry! I mean it is real, honest, painful, and has a hint of faith hidden behind some of the man's tormented mind. Right? I LOVED IT. Voted up and all of the way.

Check your fan mail. Then check my hubs for these two pieces: "Sunset, I Am Worried About You," and "An Old Dreamers Dream."

And then be one of my followers for I would love that.


Kenneth/ from northwest Alabama

P.S. do not quit writing for any reason or any one.

Cathy Nerujen from Edge of Reality and Known Space on February 03, 2014:

Wow, Annie. I had no idea you wrote other hubs under another name. Thank you for telling me. The poetry flows and feels so much more than it was before. I love the story behind this and the insight into the personality of the person in prison. There are very few hubs with a point of view like the one portrayed here, Annie.

The hub is wonderful, and the back story you provided at the start is great. You have a quality hub and it has great context and you are a hero, for making it work.

I Voted previously, and now I will tweet it to my fans. Have a sweet day, Annie.

annie laurie (author) from England on February 03, 2014:

@Astra Nomik Thank you so much for your lovely comment, I have not visited my attempts at poetry for a long time, so it was nice to see that my poetry still gets an occasional hit.

I write on Hubpages under another name and so my attempts at writing poetry under this name were an experiment that I tried around four years ago.

All four poems were written within the space of a few weeks, and I have not tried to write any poetry since then, because I really didn't know what I was doing, plus I have been busy doing other stuff that I enjoy and also know a little more about lol....

I have been and edited this poem hopefully along the lines that you have suggested, I hope that this has made it easier to read. I have also changed some of the wording to make it flow a little better.

Thank you for your kindness :D

Cathy Nerujen from Edge of Reality and Known Space on February 03, 2014:

Thank goodness for first attempts. Just keep writing, and you will be great. This hub was honestly wonderful, and written from the heart from a thoughtful scribe. Write from your heart and write with passion, and it will be a good teacher. All the best poets do this, published expert or otherwise.

I became interested in what was happening in this hub. Life should not judge, even if people do. I would have loved to know more backstory to the "person" behind bars and what they were in prison for. I know the synopsis of the poem mentions a male prisoner, but a small mention of this in the beginning of the hub itself would work wonders.

Also a few line spaces to break up the long text to allow for breathing spaces for words and for the readers would be great.

I enjoy reading your work, Annie.

annie laurie (author) from England on November 01, 2011:

lilyfly, I did? I think you have become a little confused my profile picture and the name should give you a clue that I am not a sir :( But thank you for taking the time to leave a comment :)

lilyfly on August 28, 2011:

You suggest one spoke of Shakespeare. My God. Really?

Well, sir, I hope you are out of jail. Bets thing to do would be ,stay out of it, yes? Keep going with the poetry. Maybe, try not rhyming. Good luck, and best to you! lily

annie laurie (author) from England on December 11, 2010:

Thank you so much sentimental for your kind and encouraging words, I appreciate them very much. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond but I don't look in very often and this is the first time that I have seen your comment.

Capt Semant from India on November 02, 2010:

A refined narration....sweetly used words....I am a writer too and could not deny the envious charm

annie laurie (author) from England on September 29, 2010:

Hi words cocktail, thank you for taking the time to leave a comment I appreciate you doing that though I am not sure that I understand why you are feeling a little hurt.

words cocktail from Australia on September 01, 2010:

i feel so many of the un- named names!! :/ feeling little hurt. Really.

annie laurie (author) from England on August 20, 2010:

Thank you Kenny for your kind comments,I very much appreciate your encouragement.

kennynext from Everywhere on August 09, 2010:

Hi annie For being some of your first pomes, it is very very good work. keep on hubbing

annie laurie (author) from England on August 09, 2010:

Hi shikha joshi Nepal is a beautiful place, thanks for stopping by.

annie laurie (author) from England on August 09, 2010:

Hi Ktarcus thanks for your comments, and it may well be better edited as a lambic pentameter style but I really don't have a clue what that is.

I think at the end of the day it is all about personal taste and some seem to have liked it as it is, and as these are my first stumbling attempts I was pleased to have done as well as I did. Lol..

shikha joshi on August 06, 2010:

hi i am from nepal

ktarcus from northumberland on July 29, 2010:

There are no set rules to poetry any more write as you will and say what you feel but for me this is far to long and rambling and may be better edited in an Iambic pentameter style.

All the best for the future

annie laurie (author) from England on July 27, 2010:

I have written back

you suggest one from NOTTINGHAM ENGLAND on July 26, 2010:

I come from a town called ARNOLD about 4 miles north of Nottingham,I sent you an email,but if you don't wish to answer I understand,keep on writing.

annie laurie (author) from England on July 22, 2010:

Because of your encouraging comments I have posted another poem, thanks for taking the time and trouble. What part of Nottingham do you come from?

you suggest one from NOTTINGHAM ENGLAND on July 22, 2010:

I wonder how Shakespeare felt the first time he picked up a quill,perhaps you should read the works of WENDY MORTON,a

Canadian lady,she is excellent,I think you will like her.

Write exactly what you feel,have fun.

annie laurie (author) from England on July 22, 2010:

Your comments have prodded me into giving poetry a try once again, I must admit since I have no real understanding about how to write poetry or what the rules for writing good or even any kind of poetry are. It only took one comment pointing out that my rhyme scheme was complex to put me off trying again which of course I took to mean I had not got a clue which. This was a fair comment, as I really don’t have a clue, but you feel a bit of a fool displaying your ignorance for all the world to see.

We are very vulnerable when we put pen to paper in an area that we have no previous experience and kind comments are perceived as just that people being kind. I did have fun doing the few poems I posted so I will see if I can get that feeling back again.

you suggest one from NOTTINGHAM ENGLAND on July 14, 2010:

No matter how hard we try it is sad to know that we really cannot help those who cannot help themselves,but still we try,great hub,oh by the way I am great friends with an English college lecturer and his writing is unreadable so don't worry about that,what you write is what you write and should never be revised,if it is then you lose part of you.Keep writing as you do.

annie laurie (author) from England on October 31, 2009:

Hi Elliot you obviously can tell that I really don't know what I am doing, I left school at 15 with a very basic education which contained little or nothing about poetry at all and I don't even know what ABAB is though I could hazzard a guess.

I saw an interview with a poet on Youtube and he encouraged you to try writing what you felt strongly about, which I have done. So as feeble, messy and complex as this seems it was the best that I could do and really I was very pleased that I have done as well as I have. Though knowing next to nothing about poetry I suppose I am easily pleased, though not to worry I won't be giving up my day job. Lol

Thanks for your comment and taking the time to read this through and I will however try in future to do better, though I doubt that I will ever be able to write as well as an English college major. Lol

elliot.dunn on October 30, 2009:

your rhyme scheme seems really complex...could you simplify it for me? what is it exactly? its not like ABAB...that's pretty much all i know! :)

annie laurie (author) from England on October 26, 2009:

Hi Blaise thank you so much for your comments they really gave me a real lift.

annie laurie (author) from England on October 26, 2009:

Hi poetlorraine thanks for the kind words and I am a big fan of yours too.

annie laurie (author) from England on October 26, 2009:

Hi ralwus I am fine thanks for asking and I see you have been busy I have been following Duncans Passion a great read

Fehl Dungo from close to you... on October 21, 2009:


loved it! ;p

thanks for sharing this poem annie!

all the best,


poetlorraine on October 17, 2009:

hi i really enjoy your work

ralwus on October 17, 2009:

How are ya dear?

annie laurie (author) from England on October 14, 2009:

Beata Thank you for your kind comments I have read some of your stuff and you seem to be the sort of person who has taken hold of life and used your chances well. I especially liked your poem ‘Scattered images in my mind’ I am very new to any type of poetry and I think that you are more able to give advice than I am.

Beata Stasak from Western Australia on October 12, 2009:

Your poem resonated in me, I realized we can be all locked in our own cells, we have touched our rock bottom,then and only then you start to realize that you have a second chance to rebuild your life, if you take it.

Thank you for great poem. I try to write poems and stories as well. Maybe you can have a look and give me some advice as well:

annie laurie (author) from England on October 10, 2009:

Pachuca213 I am glad that you enjoyed the poem and I can see from your comments that you have insight into what goes on insides the mind of someone that is locked away and out of touch with loved ones on the outside. Thanks for your kind comments

Pachuca213 on October 08, 2009:

well this was really good. I myself cannot deny that there was a time when I dated someone who was locked up. They do go crazy in there if you don't keep writing them or accepting their collect calls. (I remember) They also sometimes do get suicidal if they think the person left them all alone in there. So I could understand this very well. In most cases it never works out when you are with someone who is in jail....So that doesn't surprise me that it didn't work out. But this was a really good poem and story!

annie laurie (author) from England on October 06, 2009:

PeeGee thanks for your comment I am very new to writing any kind of poetry so any kind of help or advice is most welcome as I really don't know what I am doing really.

PeeGee from UK on October 06, 2009:

Wow - strong stuff, must have been tough....great rhythm and pace and although subject was v sad I enjoyed reading it - thanks for sharing

Maybe more will read this great piece if you tweak the title - sounds like the worst Teen Angst Horror and is anything but that...just an idea!

annie laurie (author) from England on October 01, 2009:

Thank you thanglynn for your kind comments and yes it was sad that they didn't make it.

thanglynn07 from Long Beach, CA on September 30, 2009:

That was beautiful how you captured his frustration. And I'm sorry to hear that they couldn't make it work. But good to hear that you stuck it out through the rough times. You are a good friend.

annie laurie (author) from England on September 26, 2009:

Hi Ralwus yes it was sad I was hoping for another more happy ending but in some lives a whole lot of bad stuff seems to happen and this lass had more than her fair share, she had a whole lot of other peoples share as well or so it seems. Her first husband dropped dead from a heart attack at twenty four before that she had been in care and moved from one place to another and in most of the places she was abused. It was like she had a sign that abusers could see that said I'm a victim do what you like to me.

ralwus on September 26, 2009:

Sad all the way 'round. Good story in a poem. thanks for sharing

annie laurie (author) from England on September 25, 2009:

Shalini yes it is a true story and yes it is sad that they didn't make it as a family.

Shalini Kagal from India on September 24, 2009:

A true story? Wonderful poem - and sad they didn't make it!

annie laurie (author) from England on September 24, 2009:

Hi Brenda glad you liked it, unfortunately this family didn't make it, I was the friend that was sent in. I stayed with this lass for about 5 or 6 years through all sorts of traumas and I thought for a while that they were going to make it they tried so hard, but that was how he was thinking at the time and for a while it did work.

\Brenda Scully on September 24, 2009:

i just love happy endings i really do..... great hub

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