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How to Tell If You Are Living in a Fantasy Novel

Even wonder if you might be trapped in a fantasy novel?. Here are some clues:

  1. There is a prophecy that only you can fulfill, and you haven’t started shaving yet.
  2. There will be gods or angelic beings. They may or may not get involved in what is going on.
  3. There is an all-powerful evil overlord with far more followers than he should have, but they can be defeated in one, giant battle. Bonus points if the evil overlord is one of the gods or angelic beings.
  4. The evil overlord will have a crew of dangerous creatures in their service, ones that the good guys would never use.
  5. Your crew is made up of a group of people who would normally not associate with each other.
  6. You have a wizard as your guardian.
  7. You, the hero, will come from some ideal pastoral landscape (probably a farming community where you know nothing of the outside world), and the bad guy will come from a country that has embraced industrialization.
  8. You will discover you have magical powers, and they will be more powerful than anyone else’s in existence.
  9. There will be a quest. Maybe you need to find something. Maybe you need to destroy something. Whatever the case may be . . . you are going to have to travel. Make sure you have some sturdy shoes, or your feet have tough, leathery soles.
  10. While your crew will be made up of different nationalities, none of them will be peasants. They will all have some important standing in their home countries.
  11. Facial hair. There will be facial hair. Any man in your crew of drinking age will have facial hair.
  12. Everyone of drinking age will drink. No one will get a hangover. There is only a slight possibility they will get drunk.
  13. Everyone in your crew will be the very best at something: the best archer, the best swordsman, the best user of charm that has ever lived. One of them may also be able to turn into a bear.
  14. Kings will always take care of whatever trouble is going on. He will never delegate.
  15. Your hero is going to be trained with a sword by a master swordsman, taught a secret language by someone who is from the place where it originated, or is taught magic by his wizard guardian.
  16. Your hero, despite being nearly an infant, will be able to outthink the wizard (who is thousands of years old).
  17. There will need to be a prophecy about the hero marrying a princess. They both fight it at first, but eventually, they both want to get married.
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