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Empower Yourself! How to Become Invisible

Author:

Disappearing for Fun and Profit

It is not known who exactly was the first person to become invisible, but certainly it reaches far back into the mists of time, possibly all the way to Adam and Eve when they used the power of becoming invisible to hide from God.

"Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God..." Genesis 3:8

possibly a trick they learned from that notorious denizen of the ground, the Serpent.

At any event, everyone from Harry Potter to Houdini, David Blaine and David Copperfield have mastered this art and it is possible that you too can master this mysterious, and magical trick.

Note from the Author:

The art of becoming invisible is, dear friend reading this, a little bit dangerous to let everyone know about as it could be used for dishonestly motivated persons who might reference this science-based-imaginary-technique and get into an apartment invisibly to perform bad acts like taking objects found therein for free or some similar series of illicit actions and then leave and because they are invisible unfortunately escape without a trace using the fictional science of invisibility found in this Hub. Saying that, I hope that only nice people will be using the tips here to become invisible.

Biggest Misconception about Invisibility

Certainly the biggest misconception concerning invisibility is the fact that you do not appear invisible to yourself--only other people. This probably comes as a shock to most of you, who have H.G. Well's The Invisible Man, and others,but the hard truth is that when you are invisible there is no way to tell except in the reactions of other people. You will never be invisible to your pets--you dog may see you as a shadow but he can still see that much, and your cat can see you just a sharply as when you are not transparent, so don't try to fool Mr. Whiskers.

You can look in a mirror--go ahead--you won't be see-through. You can look at a photo of yourself you take with your webcam, you can be caught by a CCTV monitor (so don't think of committing some crime while being watched by one) and you can be seen by insurance salesman, so don't think this will get you out of buying a lifetime policy to insure yourself against sudden while watching a puppet show. It won't.

But other people? Yes, they will look right through you as if you weren't there.



Side Effects of Becoming Invisible

In your pursuit of becoming invisible you must first be made aware of the side-effects that may accrue to your new metaphysical status. There is only one:

  • dry mouth

How to Become Invisible--The Directions

1. Stand upright, legs spread apart, arms akimbo, and eyes closed. (Refer to the first illustration of this Hub above).

2. Visualize 'Fermat's Last Theorem'. Don't worry, you don't have to solve it, just visualize it. (See sidebar to right)

3. Repeat a mantra. If you don't know one, sing the words to 'Take Me Out to the Ballgame' in Croatian. Remember: proper pronunciation is paramount.

Testing your Invisibility

Testing is essential, of course, otherwise you won't know if you have achieved your desire to become transparent.

Fortunately this is fairly simple. Just go downstairs (if you became invisible in your upstairs bedroom for example) and ask your Mother,Father,Wife,Sister,Brother or visiting Relative (who is still there after all these weeks and shows no signs of going back home,) "am I invisible?"

Don't be shy. Just blurt it out.

If they answer 'NO of course not' then you can be sure you ARE.

Why? The human mind is a complex organ and one which does not like to admit to itself impossibilities,paradoxes,contradictions and other events which do not fit into it's closed,secure,predictable world-view. This is natural. And so, what it cannot believe, it denies TO ITSELF. In other words, while your Mother may very well know she cannot see you and that you are invisible, her brain, clever thing that it is, will construct a hyperspatial model of you, made up of her most recent memories of you, and use these to fill-in the missing sensory clues that her mind is not able to percieve. Again, the person who says you are not invisible is actually asserting you ARE invisible because they cannot admit to themselves the possibility that you could be invisible--that way lies madness --as the philosopher's say.

So be assured, you are now invisible, provided you followed to the letter my directions above.


Uses of Becoming Invisible

Being invisible is awesome and has a number of handy uses, just a few of which I will list here from my personal experiences of becoming invisible:

  • Save money on buying clothes. When you are invisible you don't need any!
  • Go to a rock concert and sit up on stage--but pick a place where Lady Gaga won't accidentally slap you with a a piece of her meat-dress as she pirouettes.
  • The next time President Obama gives a press conference, make his tie rise up slowly over his head. Every time he pulls it back down, do it again.
  • go to the U.S. Tennis Open and evertime Federer tosses his ball into the air to serve, smack it into the audience.

Some Drawbacks of Becoming Invisible

  • its difficult if not impossible to turn a door handle. Your hand will simply go right through it. In such a case you can just walk right through the door.
  • tendency to slowly sink into the floor depending on which shoes you are wearing. Myself, I never become invisible without wearing sneakers.

The last time I became invisble I changed some of the headlines in the New York Times on July 1,2011. Some of the things you read on that day never really happened. But I'm not telling.

Then I went down to a Starbucks and changed all their prices to 'Coffee-All Flavours- One Cent'.

That was fun.

I wonder what I'll do next time.


Comments

Teresa is Awesome on February 15, 2016:

I have a few questions. First of all, how do you become visible again? Second of all, is this against the Catholic Bible? I really need to know.

Woody Marx (author) from Ontario, Canada on January 16, 2013:

I don't recommend invisibility to play pranks, but if you must then use Urdu as it works quicker and won't leave you with a headache afterwards. ;)

Purplepenguin1234 on January 09, 2013:

What if you don't know urdu or Swahili? Please help me, i think it would be fun to pull some harmless pranks on my older brother because he always does that to me :/

Maria Janta-Cooper from UK on December 10, 2012:

:):):)

Woody Marx (author) from Ontario, Canada on December 10, 2012:

jan: O my that's surely not true! But funny nevertheless. :)

Maria Janta-Cooper from UK on November 27, 2012:

I love your hub! Great!

Here is another, much easier way of being invisible:

1. Forget the Fermat's Last Theorem

2. Be a woman over fifty

That's all what you need!

You're invisible!

:-)

SweetiePie from Southern California, USA on August 12, 2011:

Will do Woody!

Woody Marx (author) from Ontario, Canada on August 10, 2011:

Lee: that is a complaint that I often hear from people--you are not alone--except when people can't see you--in which case you ARE alone--in a manner of speaking.

Sweetie: You are what I call "an obervant". Observants are highly intelligent,have exception visibility skills, and find it difficult to become invisible. You may need to say the mantra not in Urdu but in Swahili. This will likely work to make you invisible, should you wish to 'disappero'! as Emily Watson might say. ;)

Feline: No I can't see a comment at all. ;) (So how do I know what you wrote?) ;)

Feline Prophet on August 09, 2011:

Just testing if my comment is visible! :)

SweetiePie from Southern California, USA on August 09, 2011:

I seem to notice people others do not notice. I always look at all the details in a room.

Leesleez from New York on August 09, 2011:

I've been invisible all my life. When I'm on a line people will just walk in front of me without a care. The man behind the counter at the bagel store will ask the person behind me on line if he can help them. My problem is how to become visible?

Woody Marx (author) from Ontario, Canada on August 08, 2011:

james: Great you had such foresight! :)

jamessteadman on August 07, 2011:

I knew taking those Urdu pronunciation classes would pay off someday!

Woody Marx (author) from Ontario, Canada on August 06, 2011:

Christopher: Yes it's a talent many people seem to have naturally as you do. Personally I have to go through the entire process...and chanting in Urdu didn't come easily I can tell you! ;)

Christopher Dapo from Morehead City, NC on August 06, 2011:

I think it's kinda funny you have to go through all of that to become invisible! Unless, I guess, it's just that it's one of my innate abilities, I'm invisible at will, sometimes even not at will I'll be totally transparent to everyone and everything...yes, even animals and pets!

I tend to have lots of fun doing the old "tap on the shoulder" trick and watching my victim leap a hundred feet in the air, then I go immediately visible again and they turn around to say, "Don't DO that!!" Hilarious!! Works every time!

Great hub! :D

- Christopher

Woody Marx (author) from Ontario, Canada on August 06, 2011:

Rochelle: The only way around cold weather is to only go invisible indoors. It's what I do here in Canada. But if, say you lived in CA well you don't have that problem. Now as to the levitation--I don't recommend levitating while invisble. The laws of physics say: "Whenever a levitating body intersects with a transparent one--something has to give"

--Albert Einstein

Rochelle Frank from California Gold Country on August 06, 2011:

Sounds like it's worth a try. The only drawback I can see is that people will notice you if you wear clothes. In cold weather this means they will notice your teeth chattering. Can this be done concurrently with your levitation instructions?