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Hilarious / Funny Quotes from Qantas Airline's Gripe Sheets

hilarious-quotes-from-qantas-airlines-gripe-sheets

After flights Qantas Airline pilots have to fill out a form called a 'Gripe Sheet' which tells the mechanics of any problems with the aircraft. The mechanics then correct the problem before adding their solutions to the sheet, and then the pilots review the gripe sheet before their next flight.

The ground crews obviously have a great sense of humour as reflected in their gripe sheet comments and solutions.

The quotes in this hub are not new to the Internet, but I am sure not everyone here on hubpages will have seen them before, and they are well worth reading for the laughter factor. I take no credit for this hub as I simply copied the content to spread the laughs further.

For ease of reading I have referred to the pilots by the letter 'P', and the mechanic's solutions with the letter 'S'.

Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident!

hilarious-quotes-from-qantas-airlines-gripe-sheets

P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S) Almost replaced left inside main tire.

*****

P) Test flight ok, except auto-land very rough.

S) Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

*****

P) Something loose in cockpit.

S) Something tightened in cockpit.

*****

P) Dead bugs on windshield.

S) Live bugs on back-order.

*****

P) Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

*****

P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S) Evidence removed.

*****

hilarious-quotes-from-qantas-airlines-gripe-sheets

P) DME volume unbelievably loud.

S) DME volume set to more believable level.

*****

P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S) That's what they're for.

*****

P) IFF inoperative.

S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

*****

P) Suspected crack in windscreen.

S) Suspect you're right.

*****

P) Number 3 engine missing.

S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.

*****

P) Aircraft handles funny.

S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

*****

P) Target radar hums.

S) Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

*****

P) Mouse in cockpit.

S) Cat installed.

*****

P) Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S) Took hammer away from midget.

*****

hilarious-quotes-from-qantas-airlines-gripe-sheets

Comments

Captainanchor on October 02, 2017:

Oi croickee moit! It's a bloody crock it is! The joke's on the Quantas Pilots (skippers) I see eh? Er, ya those mechanics seem to have a sense of humor though. They've got the humor down apparently but still working on the 'sense'. Hopefully their required critical skills don't end there, lol!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on September 19, 2016:

Me too Erika, they never fail to make me laugh out loud.

Erika on September 19, 2016:

I have laughed at this for years

Brendan on December 19, 2014:

BEST AIRBUS

I LOVE QUNTOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fauve on November 26, 2011:

very goood

Ex Q Pilot Keith on September 22, 2011:

Flying DC-3's for licence renewal @ Narromine

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 27, 2008:

Thanks Sixty, so glad you hadn't seen them before as they are that much funnier the first time :)

Clive Fagan from South Africa on October 27, 2008:

Misty Screamingly funny.i have not seen these before.

i really enjoyed these.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 27, 2008:

Glad you enjoyed them too Milla, thanks for stopping by :)

Milla Mahno from Florida on October 26, 2008:

Thank you Misty, this is very funny!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 26, 2008:

So glad you are all enjoying these. I never get tired of reading them and laugh every time :)

KT pdx from Vancouver, WA, USA on October 26, 2008:

ROFL!!! That's great!!! Especially like the "took hammer away from midget" and "aircraft warned to straighten up..."!

Misha from DC Area on October 26, 2008:

It's hilarious! I can't remember last time I laughed so hard, seriously. Thanks for bringing this here :)

Christoph Reilly from St. Louis on October 26, 2008:

Very funny! I laughed a lot! I hadn't seen it before. Thanks!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 26, 2008:

Hi Misha, yes it is funny isn't it, although not new to the Web. I just couldn't resist allowing all of the people here on hubpages who haven't yet seen these quotes to enjoy them too. :)

Misha from DC Area on October 26, 2008:

oi-oi-oi-oi-oi! Cindy! it hurts! I can't laugh anymore, have mercy! :D

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 26, 2008:

Thanks uninvited writer, they certainly made me laugh.

Sock Puppet, no worries, I am sure they were intentionally being funny, (typical Aussie humour). :)

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 26, 2008:

Thanks uninvited writer, they certainly made me laugh.

Sock Puppet, no worries, I am sure they were intentionally being funny, (typical Aussie humour). :)

Victor Doppelt from San Diego, California on October 26, 2008:

I hope the mechanics are being intentionally funny; otherwise I would be scared to fly this airline.

Susan Keeping from Kitchener, Ontario on October 26, 2008:

That is funny :) Thanks.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on October 26, 2008:

LOL :) thanks for commenting Benson

Benson Yeung from Hong Kong on October 26, 2008:

I can't find anything wrong with the gripe sheet either.