This is not my original work. It is a story I heard many years ago on a Flip Wilson album. I just think it is funny.
An affluent businessman that was away on a lengthy business trip came home recently to his palatial estate. His personal assistant, Ron, met him on the front lawn as he drove up.
‘Hey Ron!” the businessman shouted, “How is everything?”
“Everything is fine, but…oh yeah, your dog died.” The assistant replied somewhat somberly.
“Ol’ Roscoe? He’s dead?” The man was shocked. “Why? What happened to him?”
“He ate the meat from the dead horse that was in the barn, he got sick and he died.”
“Dead horse? What dead horse?”
“Your dead horse.” Ron replied. “He got burned up in the fire, and the dog ate the meat from it and he died.”
“The barn fire.” Ron’s speech was getting a little terse.
“How did the barn catch on fire?” The man’s words were becoming terse as well.
“The sparks from the house.” Ron retorted.
“Sparks from the house?”
“Yup. The sparks from the roof flew over to the barn, the barn caught on fire and burned up along with the horse, and the dog ate the dead horse meat and he died.”
“Wait, wait….” The man was getting irritated. “The house was on fire? How did the house catch on fire?”
“From the candles.”
“Candles?” The man asked angrily. “Why were there candles burning? We have all electrical fixtures in my house!”
“The candles were around your mother in law’s coffin in the study.”
“My mother-in-law is dead?”
“She had a heart attack.”
“A heart attack? What happened?”
Ron rolled his eyes. “I ain’t going to tell you this but one more time….Your mother-in-law caught your wife and the UPS man fooling around together. She was so upset by this that she had a heart attack and died. I didn’t know what to do, so I put her body in a coffin, put the coffin in your study and put candles around it. The flame from the candles caught the curtains on fire. The fire shot up the wall to the roof, and the roof started burning. The sparks from the house blew over to the barn and caught the barn on fire. The barn burned up, killing the horse and the dog ate the meat from the dead horse and he died.”
“Where’s my wife now?”
“She ran off with the UPS man.”
The man stood quietly for a moment. “So Ol’ Roscoe’s dead, huh?”
“I’m going to miss him.”
Sheila j. Holmes on August 31, 2017:
This story was told to me many, many years ago and today I thought of it and tried to remember how it went. So I put the title in an internet search and yours popped up. Thank you soooooooooooo much.
Clifford Bowser on May 13, 2015:
I too heard it years ago on a flip Wilson album...so glad you told it again. Clean humor!
April Reynolds from Arizona on October 05, 2012:
that was funny, thanks for sharing
Del Banks (author) from Southern Blue Ridge Mountains on September 20, 2012:
At least I can still make people smile!
Robert D'Silva from Mumbai on September 20, 2012:
nice one! really made me smile.
anivardiashvili from Georgia on September 20, 2012:
Angela Blair from Central Texas on September 18, 2012:
What a hoot -- thanks for this one -- made my day. My brother wrote a clever, funny song about his divorce -- went into great detail -- and his last line was "I'm sure gonna miss my dog!" Again, very entertaining Hub. Best/Sis
Del Banks (author) from Southern Blue Ridge Mountains on September 18, 2012:
I wish that I could say that it was my original work, but it isn't. It is a story I heard about 45 years ago. It recently popped into my head, and I decided to retell it here. I'm glad that you enjoyed it.
KT Banks from Texas on September 18, 2012:
How funny! How in the world did you think that up???