StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.
A collection of sarcastic and funny quotes about vegans and a vegan diet.
- First rule of vegan club, tell everyone about vegan club.
- Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell somebody else that she is a vegan.
- Every healthy vegan has a parent who quietly mixes cows milk with their grains.
- Stop talking about your diet. Eat a lettuce and be sad.
- I've got 99 problems and protein ain't one.
- This lettuce died just so you could be vegan.
- How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.
- The hardest thing about being vegan is waking up at sunrise to milk the almonds.
- Even vegans have competition about who has the best vegan diet: raw vegan, gluten free vegan, sugar free vegan, junk food vegan, eating disorder.
- Vegan - just another way of saying I'm afraid to eat anything that poops.
- Vegan - just another way of saying I'm afraid to eat a normal diet.
- Vegan is just an old native word for bad hunter.
- You'll never have beef with a vegan.
- Dear Vegans, most animals eat animals, it's the circle of life, deal with it.
- Dear Vegans, filling your body with only garden produce doesn't make you a better person.
- Dear Vegans, shock, horror I know, but your body was perfectly designed for consuming animal products.
- Vegans will tell you that restricting their diet is not a diet.
- I'm tired all the time. That is because you are vegan.
- I love telling people I'm vegan. Why? Are you seeking sympathy?
- Imagine how bored vegans are when they haven't told anyone they are vegan for more than 10 minutes.
- Vegans must be so bored checking the label on everything they eat before they decide if they will allow them self to taste it.
- He was so vegan that he wouldn't even call me honey.
- So you're a closet carnivore? Only eats meat when no-one is looking.
- Vegan: A person who doesn't eat meat and does not shut up about it.
- Non vegan: An advocate for plants feelings once they know you are vegan.
- A vegan's life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what milk is in it.
- If vegans love animals so much why do they eat all their food?
- When you ask someone if they're still vegan and they admit they are but they really crave ice-cream.
- Newsflash! No one thinks you're a better person than them because you are a vegan.
- A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
- How many times I've asked if you're vegan = 0. How many times you've mentioned being vegan today = 10.
- You mean to tell me society thrived on eating meat for years because we are all uneducated?
- Vegan level 5. Tries to educate everyone about why vegan diet is healthy. Meanwhile eats fries as it's the only option on the menu.
- For every animal you don't want to eat, I want to eat two. I crave bacon burgers.
- No-one cares less about a balanced diet than a vegan.
- The salad didn't grow for you to eat any more than the cow did.
- If you have to ask if there’s a vegan option you probably shouldn’t be in the restaurant.
- It's all fun and games until a vegan starts to tell you why their diet is better than you.
- Dear Vegan, you are here today because your ancestors farmed the land you live on.
- Have I mentioned I'm vegan yet?
- If you are a vegan who went to the gym today, what do you tell people first?
- When a person tells you they're almost a vegan, they just haven't given up white meat yet.
- Look over here please, we have a vegan! See? Nobody cares.
- I start to feel sick every time a vegan tries to explain how healthy it is to be vegan.
- I start to tell someone I'm vegan and I'm disappointed when it doesn't make them like me more.
- If you care about animals so much, why don't you volunteer at an animal shelter?
- If you think animals should be free why do you keep a fish as a pet?
- Part of the reason vegan's suffer anxiety is they sometimes forget to check all of the ingredients on the label before they eat.
- Hey you pesky vegan, stop eating my garden!
- Sorry I can't come for a walk, I'm vegan and my bones might break.
- You can talk to a brick wall. Or you can try to convince everyone to stop eating their cheeseburgers.
- When you tell a vegan you eat meat for health reasons, and they think you are less of a human than them.
- Best way to get no one to like you - Tell them you're vegan.
- Supermarket - the place vegans go to study food labels.
- When you have no energy because you spent all day studying food labels and you decided on lettuce for dinner.
- Breaking news! You are not less of a person because you put milk in your coffee.
- When you make one vegan dish at the party, and everyone thinks it's a side dish and eats it before the vegan.
- Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won't be cheesy.
- I'd make a vegan joke, but no one would carrot all.
- When you don't want friends, start your conversation with "As a vegan...".
- Dear Vegan, no you cannot explain how you are better than me without offending me.
- So I noticed your bathroom has a bad odour. Yeah, I'm vegan.
© 2019 StrictlyQuotes
Mary Wickison from Brazil on April 14, 2019:
These are funny and so true. Thanks for the laugh this morning.
diogenes from UK and Mexico on April 13, 2019:
Hi, 'Sheila! You're still around? We're the old timers on here now.
Loved the vegan jokes: why can't people be what they want to be and shut up about it!?