Funny Quotes about Vegans and a Vegan Diet

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StricktlyDating is an Australian writer who creates pages of original funny quotes and status updates.

A collection of sarcastic and funny quotes about vegans and a vegan diet.

Vegan Quotes

First rule of vegan club, tell everyone about vegan club.
Why did the vegan cross the road? To tell somebody else that she is a vegan.
Every healthy vegan has a parent who quietly mixes cows milk with their grains.
Stop talking about your diet. Eat a lettuce and be sad.
I've got 99 problems and protein ain't one.
This lettuce died just so you could be vegan.
How can you tell if someone is vegan? Don't worry they'll tell you.
The hardest thing about being vegan is waking up at sunrise to milk the almonds.
Even vegans have competition about who has the best vegan diet: raw vegan, gluten free vegan, sugar free vegan, junk food vegan, eating disorder.
Vegan - just another way of saying I'm afraid to eat anything that poops.
Vegan - just another way of saying I'm afraid to eat a normal diet.
Vegan is just an old native word for bad hunter.
You'll never have beef with a vegan.
Dear Vegans, most animals eat animals, it's the circle of life, deal with it.
Dear Vegans, filling your body with only garden produce doesn't make you a better person.
Dear Vegans, shock, horror I know, but your body was perfectly designed for consuming animal products.
Vegans will tell you that restricting their diet is not a diet.
I'm tired all the time. That is because you are vegan.
I love telling people I'm vegan. Why? Are you seeking sympathy?
Imagine how bored vegans are when they haven't told anyone they are vegan for more than 10 minutes.
Vegans must be so bored checking the label on everything they eat before they decide if they will allow them self to taste it.
He was so vegan that he wouldn't even call me honey.
So you're a closet carnivore? Only eats meat when no-one is looking.
Vegan: A person who doesn't eat meat and does not shut up about it.
Non vegan: An advocate for plants feelings once they know you are vegan.

A vegan's life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what milk is in it.
If vegans love animals so much why do they eat all their food?
When you ask someone if they're still vegan and they admit they are but they really crave ice-cream.
Newsflash! No one thinks you're a better person than them because you are a vegan.
A vegan said to me people who sell meat are disgusting. I said, people who sell fruit and vegetables are grocer.
How many times I've asked if you're vegan = 0. How many times you've mentioned being vegan today = 10.
You mean to tell me society thrived on eating meat for years because we are all uneducated?
Vegan level 5. Tries to educate everyone about why vegan diet is healthy. Meanwhile eats fries as it's the only option on the menu.
For every animal you don't want to eat, I want to eat two. I crave bacon burgers.
No-one cares less about a balanced diet than a vegan.
The salad didn't grow for you to eat any more than the cow did.
If you have to ask if there’s a vegan option you probably shouldn’t be in the restaurant.
It's all fun and games until a vegan starts to tell you why their diet is better than you.
Dear Vegan, you are here today because your ancestors farmed the land you live on.
Have I mentioned I'm vegan yet?
If you are a vegan who went to the gym today, what do you tell people first?

When a person tells you they're almost a vegan, they just haven't given up white meat yet.
Look over here please, we have a vegan! See? Nobody cares.
I start to feel sick every time a vegan tries to explain how healthy it is to be vegan.
I start to tell someone I'm vegan and I'm disappointed when it doesn't make them like me more.
If you care about animals so much, why don't you volunteer at an animal shelter?
If you think animals should be free why do you keep a fish as a pet?
Part of the reason vegan's suffer anxiety is they sometimes forget to check all of the ingredients on the label before they eat.
Hey you pesky vegan, stop eating my garden!
Sorry I can't come for a walk, I'm vegan and my bones might break.
You can talk to a brick wall. Or you can try to convince everyone to stop eating their cheeseburgers.
When you tell a vegan you eat meat for health reasons, and they think you are less of a human than them.
Best way to get no one to like you - Tell them you're vegan.

Supermarket - the place vegans go to study food labels.
When you have no energy because you spent all day studying food labels and you decided on lettuce for dinner.
Breaking news! You are not less of a person because you put milk in your coffee.
When you make one vegan dish at the party, and everyone thinks it's a side dish and eats it before the vegan.
Can I tell you a vegan joke? I promise it won't be cheesy.
I'd make a vegan joke, but no one would carrot all.
When you don't want friends, start your conversation with "As a vegan...".
Dear Vegan, no you cannot explain how you are better than me without offending me.
So I noticed your bathroom has a bad odour. Yeah, I'm vegan.