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Funny Puns about Losing Jobs

funny-puns-about-losing-jobs

Funny Puns about Losing Jobs

Let me explain, dear reader, before you get your panties in a bunch. I know there is absolutely nothing funny about losing a job. It is often a wrenching, painful experience.

But because it IS so unfunny, I’m here to cheer you up with a recital of 15 very funny, very short puns about all the wonderful jobs I lost:

I once worked in an orange juice factory.

It was the largest in the land.

Then only three months later,

I got my pink slip and was canned.

No, it was not cruel fate,

‘Twas because I could not concentrate.


Then I worked for a short time

In the woods as a lumberjack,

But I couldn’t clear the tracts,

So the boss gave me the axe.


I tried to be a tailor,

But I wasn't suited for it.

Ah well, you should know,

The job was only sew-sew.

I don't know what's going on and I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did!

I don't know what's going on and I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did!

I tried to work in a deli

But the job got me flustered.

No matter how I sliced it,

I could not cut the mustard.


I thought about becoming a witch,

So I tried that for a spell.

Managed to summon the devil

But was fired for raising hell.


I managed to get a very good job

After several weeks of training.

Working for a pool maintenance company,

But I found the work was just too draining.


For a short time, I worked for a butcher,

And my duties I would never shirk.

Had to quit when I backed him into his grinder,

And he got a little behind in his work.


My favorite job was flight attendant,

Wheeling drink carts from front to back.

But I lost that job when I spied a friend,

And loudly yelled, Hi, Jack, Hi, Jack!


I once worked in Australia and learned

To throw a boomerang eventually.

Can’t remember exactly how that works

But don’t worry, it will come back to me.


"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Worked for an eye doctor in Alaska,

But patients had trouble with their eyes.

Turns out he was an optical Aleutian,

Just another quack in disguise.


I would have liked to be a singer

And I often broke into song.

Because I could not find the key,

I would always get the gong.


I worked in a towel company,

But then the owner sold it.

So I worked for the new buyer

Until the towel company folded.


Weather forecast for tonight: dark!

Weather forecast for tonight: dark!

I always wanted to be a teacher

With morals and ethical scruples.

But because I was born cross-eyed,

I could not control my pupils.


After many, many, many years

I have almost reached my limit.

Now I work as a historian,

Even though there’s no future in it.


I never joined a dangerous cult,

Those folks can cost you your wealth.

I always practiced safe sects,

So much better for my health.


Are you wondering, did I really have all those jobs? Of course I did. Would I lie to you?

Note: If you are speculating about my personal life, too . . .

. . . I had a boyfriend with a wooden leg,

Who tried to take me down a peg.

So I broke it off.


"All you need in the world is love and laughter. That's all anybody needs. To have love in one hand and laughter in the other." – August Wilson

"Seven days without laughter makes one weak." – Mort Walker

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2013. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So." Learn to write a dynamic resume and cover letter, network effectively, interview confidently, and negotiate salary.

Comments for Funny Puns about Losing Jobs

RedElf from Canada on June 21, 2018:

I was determined not to smile... But you got me with "optical Aleutian." I particularly enjoyed our take on the historian's work, though I would have to say "safe sects" is probably my favorite... Thank you so much for brightening my day.

Ruby Jean from Maryland on November 24, 2017:

These are amazing -- love them -- I also found a ton at The SaltyPun.com -- you should check them out, I bet you would like them too!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on July 16, 2015:

Wow! What terrific comments. 'Superfine' status is what I have always hoped to attain. Thank you for loving these puns and I love you, too. Promise!

Supers49 on July 15, 2015:

All I can say is that you are a Master of writing! So creative and so witty! Everything you write is SUPERFINE! Loved the puns! Love you!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on July 13, 2015:

Hi, brakel2 - don't know how I missed your comment. My sincere apologies, m'dear. Yes, I have done limericks in addition to verse and haiku but puns are one of my favorite forms of printed laughter. Thanks for the kind words and the sharing.

Audrey Selig from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma on June 18, 2014:

Hi drbj. I think puns are hysterical, especially yours. One about a dr cracked up my med school relative. Do you also do limericks? I made up a not too funny limerick and puns seem difficult. Keep up the good work. Sharing. Blessings. Audrey

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2013:

I like that, Feline, 'professional punster.' Perhaps I should add that to my business card underneath where it says: "Mirthologist." For real.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2013:

You got that right, Audrey, here is where to come when you need a laugh. Thanks for the kind remarks, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2013:

Hi, Audrey. Congrats, m'dear, on the 3-time visits. Any time, m'luv, there is no charge. Love the pure gold comment - so are you, so are you!

Feline Prophet on November 16, 2013:

How about professional punster...now that's a job you could never lose! ;)

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on November 16, 2013:

Oh, the joy you bring to others! And how much do I love these funny puns? Let me count the ways. My third time here and laughing as much as my other visits. You are gold - pure gold!

Audrey Selig from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma on November 16, 2013:

Hi. Now I remember reading a funny story by you and pinning it. I remember thinking when I need a laugh I know where to go. These are all hilarious. I like the meat grinder. It is hard to remember so many. To a talented person. From. Audrey

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 20, 2013:

You could not be more right on the ball, Audrey. Laughter makes the world go 'round. Thanks for loving my sense of humor ... as I love your poetry, m'dear.

Audrey Howitt from California on October 17, 2013:

Sometimes I think we just have to laugh--Love your sense of humor!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 17, 2013:

Y'know, J. Rocco, to answer your query, how do I do what I do? I haven't the faintest. I just think of stuff and rush to get it into the computer before the tiring brain cells yell, Whoa! So far, so good ... as the fellow falling below the 35th floor of the skyscraper was heard to yell.

What lovely comments. And what a lovely coincidence - I always feel so much better after I read them. :)

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 17, 2013:

My sincere apologies, Jennifer. Somehow I missed responding to your comment above. Mea culpa, mea culpa. Thank you for the congrats and the gracious comments and laughing over 'Hi, Jack.' Thanks for the Up and the votes. YOU are the best!

J.Rocco on October 16, 2013:

Love your puns. How do you do what you do? You are so good at it. In fact your are Terrific and amazing. Thank you for adding laughter and joy . I always feel so much better after I read what you write.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 14, 2013:

Not me, for sure. Thanks, m'luv, for 'playing the game.'

Suzie from Carson City on October 14, 2013:

LOL!!! I love it! Do you realize an entire DAY could be spent, coming up with these quips! Who says we don't use our time productively??!!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 14, 2013:

Somehow I knew, Paula, that you believed in those final laughter quotes, too. Takes one to know one, y'know. Thank you for the congrats and the kind words.

Too tall to be a short-order cook, eh? I know exactly how you felt. I had to quit my job as barista at Starbucks ... it was always the same old grind.

Sorry! :)

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 13, 2013:

Hi, DDE - You win my personal and coveted, of course, Hubbie Award for most perfect comment. Thank you, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 12, 2013:

Thank you, Faith, for the visit, the vote and the congrats. You ARE a sweetie, y'know. And congrats right backatcha for your award as best religious writer. The Hub team got that right!

Hugs to you, too, and wishes for a very pleasant weekend.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on October 12, 2013:

Hi, Maria. You are never too late as long as you arrive. So there! Happy you had a good belly laugh and thanks for your creative, poetic comment. Thanks also for the congrats on my wins - 'twas nice to learn that I may not be the only one who thinks I am funny. Heh, heh.

Hugs backatcha, m'luv.

Jennifer Stone from the Riverbank, England on October 11, 2013:

Congrats on your awards drbj.. very well deserved I must say! Love this.. still laughing over "Hi Jack!" :) Voting up and all sorts... all the best, Jen

Suzie from Carson City on October 10, 2013:

CONGRATULATIONS!! Doc, you deserve it! Funny, funny, funny...and I believe in those quotes, at the end!

I know how you feel about all those jobs.......all I ever wanted to be was a short-order cook, but they said I was too tall........UP+++

Devika Primić from Dubrovnik, Croatia on October 10, 2013:

Funny Puns about Losing Jobs the Funniest Hub so much to laugh about and you did this to perfection.

Faith Reaper from southern USA on October 08, 2013:

Congrats dear drbj on your award. I voted for you as Funniest Hubber, so well deserved.

Hugs dear friend,

Faith Reaper

Maria Jordan from Jeffersonville PA on October 08, 2013:

Late to the comment stream but never too late for a good belly laugh with drbj. This is punny, funny and makes me feel sunny!

Congratulations on your win as Funniest Hubber...well deserved and awesome! Hugs, Maria

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 30, 2013:

Aw, brblog, that's the nicest thing you ever said to me. We pun-lovers have to stick together, y'know.

Bruce from Chicago, Illinois on September 27, 2013:

drbj,

You are a card and you should be dealt with . . .

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 26, 2013:

Hi, SuperS. Thanks for the re-visit my dear, especially when your comments are so gracious ... and true, of course.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 26, 2013:

You are welcome, Crafty. 'Amazingly hilarious' are two of my favorite words, y'know.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 26, 2013:

Been missing you, Mary, so it's twice as nice to have you visit. Hope all is going well with your move. And that you are well, too.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 26, 2013:

Another rerun, Patricia? I am blessed. Thanks for loving this. You know the smile and the chuckles, as always, are on me, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 26, 2013:

Look at it this way, Audrey. Rolling around on the floor is a great way to exercise. Thank you for loving these puns, m'dear. You know what they say about the second time around. Thanks for the priceless. So are you, m'luv, so are you!

SuperS on September 24, 2013:

You are amazing and the most unbelievable writer. You are so clever!

CraftytotheCore on September 24, 2013:

You are amazingly hilarious! Thank you for that! :D

Don A. Hoglund from Wisconsin Rapids on September 24, 2013:

These are great puns. You are making me appreciate some of the stuff I used to hear all the time but didn't think of them as puns. Maybe because I come from a Scandinavian background and punds like these would be said as if they were serious.

Mary Hyatt from Florida on September 24, 2013:

Darn it, I had to wait until that stupid floating ad made its way across my screen. I mentioned these in the Forum. Said to take a screen shot and report, but it moves before I can get to my screen shot.

Anywho.....I just need a chuckle this AM, and I haven't seen you in a while: not your fault. I don't get over this way very much any more. Hope you are well.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on September 24, 2013:

Good morning drbj

I needed to chuckle this a.m. I probably read and commented on this before but if so I must have loved it enough to read it again.

The orange juice one is divine. :D Thanks for the smile Angels are on the way ps

Audrey Hunt from Idyllwild Ca. on September 24, 2013:

Will someone please pull me from off the floor - you see I've bee rolling around on it with laughter from these funny funny puns.

I loved these the last time I was here, but I find them even funnier now. These are priceless!!!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on September 23, 2013:

Thank you, sweet Dianna, for returning to read again. The smile, m'dear, is my pleasure. And thanks for the re-posting, too. Blessings backatcha!

Dianna Mendez on September 20, 2013:

Okay. I read this again and am laughing, again. Thanks for the smile in my day. Reposting for others to get a bit of good medicine: laughter. Blessings.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on July 22, 2013:

Nice to meet you, georgescifo. Happy to provide a good start to your day. Any time. Thanks for laughing at the poems and the images.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on July 22, 2013:

Delighted to provide another guffaw, Audrey. Thanks for the return visit and the sharing.

georgescifo from India on July 22, 2013:

really and funny images..can't stop laughing. Had a good start to my day by reading this hub.

Audrey Howitt from California on July 22, 2013:

I just had to come back and read this one again---I needed a good gut guffaw--and sent it around again as well!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 29, 2013:

Dear Audrey - You could NEVER be the witch raising hell. Trust me with this! Thanks for the funny, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 29, 2013:

Hi, sg, thank you for loving all my puns and my sometimes, somewhat distorted sense of humor. You don't have to choose a favorite either - you can love them all. Happy to supply a few laughs. Thanks for the Up and funny.

Audrey Howitt from California on June 29, 2013:

So funny!! I might be the witch raising hell!

Sheila Brown from Southern Oklahoma on June 26, 2013:

I love all your puns! I can't even pick a favorite. I love your sense of humor, it's just what I needed today! Voted up and funny! :)

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 25, 2013:

I can't see you laughing, Thelma, but I do believe I heard you way over here on the other side of the world. Thanks for loving the puns. Delighted I could provide your first laugh of the day. May you have millions more!

Thelma Alberts from Germany and Philippines on June 25, 2013:

Brilliant! Funny! Can you see me laughing out loudly? I love the pun with the "Hi, Jack". I hope no stewardess will say that when I´m in a plane. LOL! Thanks for sharing. This was my first laugh for today. Awesome!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 21, 2013:

Oh, I like that one-legged girl named Eileen pun, Mel. Thanks for sharing it. Like you, I believe that he who laughs ... lasts!

Mel Carriere from San Diego California on June 21, 2013:

I had a one legged girlfriend once too, her name was Eileen! (Get it?) I enjoyed your puns. I wouldn't worry about the bellyachers who call you insensitive because you stand here and crack jokes on the gallows. If one can't laugh at oneself then one's life must be pretty bleak indeed. Thanks for the smiles.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 21, 2013:

Hi, precy, thanks for stopping by, and for the up, awesome and sharing. Happy you enjoyed the funny puns including the 'Hi, Jack' one.

precy anza from USA on June 20, 2013:

Good evening! :) Thank you for the funny puns. And I too, love the flight attendant pun ^-^' Up, awesome and shared!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 20, 2013:

And so are you, Superfine, creative that is, to recognize that. Thank you for your gracious comment. ;)

Superfine49 on June 20, 2013:

I loved the puns about losing a job. You are so creative!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 20, 2013:

Thanks for the 'funny,' Nicole. Nice to make your acquaintance.

Nicole S Hanson from Minnesota on June 20, 2013:

Too funny! Great hub here.

Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on June 20, 2013:

Mwah!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Perhaps, my dear Ian, you mean really off the wall some times and only slightly off the rest of the time. Both of which I shall take as an accolade.

Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on June 19, 2013:

You always do entertain me, drbj. I look forward to reading your hubs... they are so off the wall, sometimes.

(What do I mean, "sometimes"?)

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Nice to see you again, iguidenetwork. Thanks for loving the 'Hi, Jack' pun. Isn't it sad that something so innocent could be so frightening if we heard it on an airplane?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, padi k. Delighted I could provide some chuckles for you with a whole lot of funny puns. I know that you are a believer just like me in the power of love and laughter. May angels surround you as well.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Kathryn, welcome to the discussion re Shanmarie's account. Happy we got that straightened out.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

What a revoltin' development that was, Shanmarie, involving your bank and your account. That senior bank official was much too big for her britches as well as being a complete cretin. You did the right thing by closing your account.

No need to apologize, m'dear, you are welcome to use a tony of my comment space ... any time!

iguidenetwork from Austin, TX on June 19, 2013:

I love "Hi Jack!" thing. Might have scared a lot of passengers! :D

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

So nice to meet you, las. Thanks for finding my funny puns and liking them a lot. Happy my timing was perfect. So did you vote up - for sure?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Kathryn - making you laugh, m'dear, was my pleasure. Thank you for the Up and sharing.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

So happy, KKGals, that I made you laugh with a hub that came just at the right time for you. Do hope you are not jobless because of cuts in your school system. Whatever happened to the notion of tenure?

Thank you for the compliment and my awesome sense of humor thanks you, too.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Thanks, JRocco, for loving my puns and the A with multitudinous pluses. As well as the Up and up vote.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

I would be delighted, Martie, to become your PC - Private Comedian. If you can send your pilot on your private plane to fetch me, that is the very least I could do in return. Thank you for the sublime adjectives. My pleasure, m'luv, to supply your best laugh of the day.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Genna. My pleasure, m'dear, to supply chuckles and grins via puns and photos. Happy you found the boomerang pun scrumptiously funny, and so voted.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Dianna, thanks for loving this and chuckling about the teacher pun. Yes, by all means do share with others. Why should just you and I have all the fun?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Yes, shanmarie, even yelling 'Hi, Jackie,'to a friend on a plane could get you in a heap of trubble.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Now that's funny, Ian, how you were entertaining folks in the next car while laughing out loud at these puns. If they were upset it was obvious because of their lower class standing - or sitting. So happy I could return the favor and entertain you.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Loved your comment, tireless: 'Mind stimulating shoot, funny to boot.' That was delightful reading for me, y'know.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Linda. Thanks for hitting all the buttons and your kind comments. And for enjoying the photos, too. Say hello to Laura for me.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Crystal. Delighted I made you smile. You made me smile, too , with your voting up, funny, awesome, and sharing.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi again, Nellieanna. Thanks for enjoying the rubber band pun. But you mentioned guns and common sense in the same paragraph. Isn't that an oxymoron?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Amazing? bp. Takes one to know one. Thanks for the up, funny and awesome!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, livingsta - so nice to meet you. Thanks for enjoying this, the Up vote and the sharing. It was my pleasure, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

By all means, Chris - please visit whenever you feel the need. Your appearance is always appreciated. Have you moved into your new digs yet?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Thank you, Alicia, for your sublime comments and ingenious, inspiring adjectives. You are most welcome, m'dear, for the entertainment.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Wow, Cat - what sublime comments. I 'rock the puns'? Sorry about causing any stomach pain from laughter. Take two jelly beans - but don't call me in the morning.

Thank you for punching all those buttons, too.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Your father knew what he was talking about, Don. Only the greatest minds truly appreciate these thoughtful examples of punnery. Trust me.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Wow, Audrey, do transcriptionists labor under conditions like those in that first photo? If so, you do need union representation. Happy that is behind you, m'dear. The favorite puns you chose are among my favorites, too. Just goes to show, great minds and all that! You are most welcome for the giggles. Any time!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

So nice to meet you, Gail Meyers. 'Cute and clever' are commendable comments. Thank you. And you are most welcome for the chuckles.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

So happy I could provide your morning giggle, Scribenet. What a great idea you mentioned - using the meerkat photo as a screensaver. Those lil guys are fun to watch. I was addicted to that TV documentary on meerkats that was popular not long ago.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Chris - where have you been? Miss your magnificent musings, my man. Thanks for stopping by with your kind comment.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Audrey. Do hope all is well in your world. Thanks for enjoying my job loss puns - the butcher and the flight attendant are among my favorites, too. As a fellow believer in the power of humor and laughter, it's always my pleasure to hear from you. Thanks for sharing, pinning, tweeting and spreading ... the laughter, that is. Be well.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Hi, Martin, thanks for the 'hilarious' accolade regarding my funny puns. I can easily say the same for you regarding your limericks. You are the Limerick Professor. Trust me. And you're welcome!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

What a pleasure to meet you, dghbrh, sorry you lost your vowels. Thank you for your most gracious comments and the sharing and ALL those plus votes. You ARE special!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 19, 2013:

Love that title, Ruby - 'master (or mistress) of untruthful events.' Sorry to hear about your darn carpal tunnel problem - but fervently hope it is the worst that ever happens to you.

Thank you for that inspiring comment - that you love all I do and say. Bringing joy your way makes my day, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 18, 2013:

Hi, Stephanie. You got the message, girlfriend, folks dealing with job loss do need a bunch of good laughs!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 18, 2013:

You may be absolutely correct with your comment, Linda: "Only drbj could make losing a job so darn funny!" Thank you, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 18, 2013:

That was great, Nell, you know I'll try to use it one day. " I used to work in a fireworks factory, but one day when we were testing the fireworks the boss said: 'Retire to a safe place' So I did, I went to live in Mexico!" You won an enchilada with that one, m'dear.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on June 18, 2013:

Hi, Rebecca. You are SOOO perceptive, m'dear. I can understand why a telemarketing job might have been less than your favorite profession. You have too much talent for that, y'know. If you think of a limerick for that depressing experience, please let me know.