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Funny Pun - Number Four

Funny Pun – Number Four

Sir Dancelot

Back in medieval days,

King Arthur ruled the land

His Knights of the Round Table,

Comprised his merry band.


Do you remember Sir Gawain,

Galahad and Lancelot?

And Lance’s younger brother?

Handsome Sir Dancealot?


Dancelot never fought

In the various wars,

He was much too busy

‘Dancing with the Stars.’

funny-pun-number-four

One dark and stormy night,

He set out on his steed,

He rode much too fast,

Drunk from too much mead.


Fierce lightning and thunder

Caused the horse to blunder.

It avoided six trees

But not tree seven.

Dancelot survived

The horse went to horse heaven.


Lacerated and bruised,

Damaged in more than one spot,

The knight grabbed his sword,

Heading for Camelot.


Trudging in the rain and sleet,

Was not his avocation.

He needed a new horse

For his transportation.

funny-pun-number-four

Through the storm he saw a farm,

Surely a horse would be there.

Every farmer has a horse.

A stallion or a mare.


He rapped boldly on the door

With all of his might.

They could not refuse him,

Not on such a night.


The door opened slowly,

There stood a lovely girl.

Beautiful and nubile,

With her hair all a-curl.


"Come in, my wet knight,

Let me get you a flagon.

Where is your horse?

Was it killed by a dragon?"


"It was not in a fight.

It just expired tonight."

funny-pun-number-four

"Can you help me,

My sweet little lass.

All I need is a horse.

A mule or an ass.


"I must get to Camelot

With no more delay.

How much to rent one?

I have gold, I can pay."


"Dear knight, I can’t help,

The horses are away.

My father and brothers

Won’t be back for a day.


Please come on inside.

Warm yourself by the fire.

I know you are Dancelot.

Your talent I admire."

funny-pun-number-four

"I would like to stay,

But I’m on a mission.

So help me, I pray,

I’m late for an audition.


"If you do not have

A mule, donkey or horse,

Can you please suggest

Any other recourse?"


"No other horses are near,

But I have a suggestion.

In the barn is my Mal.

Do you have a question?"


"What is a Mal?

Is it something I can ride?"

"Of course, he is huge,

My brothers ride astride."


funny-pun-number-four

To the barn she led the knight,

"Is not my dog a sight?"

There was a Malamute,

A HUGE dog, black and white.


The dog’s coat was shaggy,

And its body was bony.

But it was a monstrous dog,

And as big as a pony.


Each breath the dog took,

Shook its giant frame.

But despite the dog’s look,

Sir Dancelot was game.


Off he rode to Camelot,

The beauty threw him a kiss.

As she said, "I must be crazy

to send a knight out on a dog like this!”

Sir Dancelot and Sir Lancelot

Sir Dancelot and Sir Lancelot

Postscript:

You read the words

that lovely lass said.

Were they not

An invitation to bed?

I should have named him Sir Duncealot!!!

© Copyright BJ Rakow, Ph.D. 2011. All rights reserved. Author, "Much of What You Know about Job Search Just Ain't So"


More Funny Puns

Comments

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on January 09, 2012:

Thank you, Jim, for the very gracious comment. I knew you would understand. I think Sir Duncealot's porch light was not lit! :)

Springboard from Wisconsin on January 09, 2012:

lol. Yeah, I thought ol' Sir Dancealot was going to get a little...roll in the hay. Duncealot would be very fitting. Good stuff as always.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on December 05, 2011:

A perfect NUT? Well, then that's O.K. What more could I aspire to?

Sharon Smith from Northeast Ohio USA on December 05, 2011:

Well, um, huh, ugh, YES. I am kidding. I am not attacking you, I am approving of your NUTTINESS. I LOVE IT! You are a perfect NUT in my book!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on December 05, 2011:

Yes. Sharyn, you have used that well known term before to describe me but I see it as approbation, not denigration. I aspire to be a great nut, not just a plebian one. And I know you are just kidding. Right? You are kidding, right? Right?

Sharon Smith from Northeast Ohio USA on December 05, 2011:

I think I've used the term "nut" before? Of course I have, lol. Very funny doctor. Does your mind ever rest? Seriously, you know I enjoy your writing!

Sharyn

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 23, 2011:

It's funny that you say that, nicomp,

Because Monty Python was on my mind.

I really tried to imagine

What a conclusion ole Monty would find.

Have I mentioned it's nice to see you?

Not yet? Well I certainly do.

nicomp really from Ohio, USA on November 23, 2011:

Your knight pursued his quest,

His horse expired bravely.

Your pun was near the best,

It smacks of Python, Monty.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2011:

Hi, Hanna. The Epigram virus? Not so bad, that's one of the most creative, poetic viruses I know. I will try to stay a nice person - but no guarantee, m'luv.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2011:

Thank you, Derdriu, for the 'something extraordinary." You do the same with each one of your fantastic fish tales (pun intended). And thank you for the Up, etc..

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2011:

The fun was my pleasure, Sunshine. Thank you for the 'genius.' I'm delighted to quack you up any time.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 20, 2011:

Oh, Will, you do say the nicest things. "Groans of anguish?" Could not have hoped for more.

Hello, hello, from London, UK on November 19, 2011:

Oh, no, no, no, not yhou drbj. You have been affected by the Epigramman virus. You were such a nice per son and now look at it. lol lol lol

Derdriu on November 19, 2011:

drbj: What a talent to reverse the ordinary and come up with something extraordinary!

Thank you, voted up, etc.,

Derdriu

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on November 19, 2011:

You quack me up drbj! Genius! Thank you for the fun :))

WillStarr from Phoenix, Arizona on November 19, 2011:

(sigh)

Why am I so willing to partake in what I very well know will assuredly result in groans of anguish?

I should have stopped at "Dancealot.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

If you understand Spanish, Kelly, then when you visit Italy, they think you understand Italian. How do I know? My husband spoke a little Spanish and when he didn't know the Spanish equivalent of a word, he just added an 'o' at the end. Worked so well for him that when we visited Italy, some of the restaurants had him translating the menu to the gringo tourists. True story.

I discovered that I could function well in any country as long as I learned how to say three phrases: 1. Where is my hotel? 2. Where is the bathroom? and 3. That is too expensive. Works like a charm.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

Hi, b.M. Delighted you had fun and a laugh with this read. I would share your message with Dancelot but the fool, as you so aptly put it, is out on a road trip as a singing minstrel. He will never know what he missed!

Kelly Umphenour from St. Louis, MO on November 17, 2011:

No hablo Espanole - Mal en Francaise - I.e., j'ai mail al a tete! Lol.

I look back and wish I would have taken Spanish!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

Oh, Martie, you have now been knighted, or is it dubbed, Queen of Versification. Your poetry is such a sweet and tender epitaph for Dancelot's noble stud, I mean, steed.And the up, funny and too clever for awesome I will treasure and hold close to my hearth, I mean, heart. Thank you, m'luv.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

So I elicited a grin, John? That's so much more rewarding than a groan. Which I usually solicit, I mean, elicit. Now how did you learn about the djinn? I promised Aladdin I would never tell.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

Ah, Rosemary, that is the ultimate compliment. Trying to figure out the pun until the very end. I do appreciate you sharing that thought since it is inevitably difficult for me to keep quiet about it for that long.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

Yes, Feline, my dear, Dancelot did win the audition and went on to achieve fame as a wandering minstrel. His family were very pleased with his new vocation as it kept him traveling far. far away.

b. Malin on November 17, 2011:

Well another Good, Fun read, and Laugh, DRBJ...and to Sir Dancealot, I say, you should have sat this one out...Fool!

Martie Coetser from South Africa on November 17, 2011:

I’ve shed a tear

When Dancelot’s horsy so dear

Hit the seventh tree without fear

for death’s blatant spear

sending him off to heaven so near

where only horses appear

to live forever and a year.

Voted up and funny and just too clever for merely an awesome.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 17, 2011:

Dear Holle - Those are the same words I heard from my shrink. Do you happen to know him - Dr. Strangelove?

You, senile? Perish forbid! I'm not surprised though that you were unaware of Dancelot. He was never in the history books since his crusades were auditions only. Thank you for the up and etc. m'luv.

John MacNab from the banks of the St. Lawrence on November 17, 2011:

Visited & elicited brought forth a grin

And drbj's rhymes are conjured up by a Djinn

Rosemary Sadler from Hawkes Bay - NewZealand on November 17, 2011:

Amother great one here.

I tried to figure out the pun might be all the way through but failed until I reached it.

Feline Prophet on November 16, 2011:

If not the fair maiden, did Sir Duncealot win the audition at least?

Holle Abee from Georgia on November 16, 2011:

You, my friend, are not well...but I loves you, anyway!

Ya know, I've studied the Arthurian legends for years, but try as I might, I cannot recall Sir Dancealot. Must be getting old and senile.

Voted up, etc!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 16, 2011:

Your words, Dear John, are like music - I'm so glad you visited.

Because you didn't see it coming and the deep groan it elicited.

John MacNab from the banks of the St. Lawrence on November 16, 2011:

Darn it, even though I was looking for the pun I couldn't see it coming. Deep groan, drbj.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 16, 2011:

Hi, Movie Master, if I really made you laugh with this 'funny,' then my mission has been accomplished. Do not self-destruct. Sharing is my middle name . . . except when it's chocolate.

Movie Master from United Kingdom on November 16, 2011:

So funny, really made me laugh, thanks for sharing!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

I love this comment of yours in verse, Ruby.

I shall treasure it all of my days.

I'll be able to say I knew Ruby when ...

As finally everyone shall sing your praise.

Thanks for loving it - I love you, too.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on November 15, 2011:

drbj, You are so funny and i do admire your wit

Your heroic tale i proudly declare a number one hit

Dancelot riding a Doggie instead of a galloping horse

Brought uncontrolled laughter, throat a little hoarse

When Dancelot recalls what the sweet Lass was implying

He turned that Dog around and went back with wings afly'n

Loved it....

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

Hi, Hilary, yep, flagon has two meanings: one - a drink container from medieval days; and two - as in the sentence: "See that flagon the flagpole." Delighted you got a hoot from this pun.

If the muse holds up, as Ahnold said, "I vill be bach." Thanks for the visit, m'luv.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

Hey, Paradise ... you laughed THAT hard??? Whoa!

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

Hi, pd, since you asked, I'm waiting for an invitation from Spielberg ... Lucas ... Eastwood ... or any other of those Hollywood bozos.

Thanks for the idea and the 'wonderful.'

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

I agree with you, Kelly. This verse would have been extremely useful for Sir Dancelot if he had read it prior to taking his departure. No?

Aha, you read mal as 'bad?' Habla espanol, mi amiga?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

Thank you, carcro, for the sublime adjectives and the up. Do visit Funny Puns Number One, Two and Three - I believe they will appeal to you also. :)

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

You know, Audrey, that you and your three beautiful malamutes were the inspiration for Sir Dancelot. That Great Dane/Mastiff mix you mentioned may grow to horse size. Saddle up.

Thanks, m'dear, for loving my rhymes and the 'cute, cuter, cutest.' What, no cutestest?

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

" ... a perfect way to end your day?" What a lovely thing to say, mary. Thank you for enjoying the characters and the UP, etc. vote. Dancelot is such a character I'll have to dream up another caper for him.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

'Brilliant as usual?' snakeslane. 'Clever and poetic,' too. You do have a way with words. Thank you. Regards, backatcha. :)

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

Nice to meet you, cre8ivOne. 'Cute?' So are you.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

I make you laugh, christopher? You say the nicest things. The pleasure is entirely mine and I will keep it up as long as the muse (and the brain cells) are functioning.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

You are speechless, CM? What a chivalrous comment. Where do I think these up? The voices - they are always talking to me.

Yep, Dancelot was a bit of a clod but then he wasn't a genuine member of the Round Table. More like a guest at the Square Table - for Squares.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

Nice to meet you, tillsontitan. Thanks for the 'hilarious.' 'Playing on and with words is my passion. Thanks for the stop-over.

drbj and sherry (author) from south Florida on November 15, 2011:

"Keep 'em coming," Susan? Sweeter words were never heard. Thank you, m'dear.

Hillary from Atlanta, GA on November 15, 2011:

What a hoot! My favorite line is "Let me get you a flagon.

Where is your horse?

Was it killed by a dragon?" (I had to look up "flagon")

More please!

Paradise7 from Upstate New York on November 15, 2011:

Oh, you are the MAN! LMAO!

psychicdog.net on November 15, 2011:

Wonderful read Drbj - when is the movie coming out!

Kelly Umphenour from St. Louis, MO on November 15, 2011:

Drbj - I just don't know why no one else marked this useful! Lol

And when I got to the line "in my barn is my Mal" my brain automatically read it as "in my barn is my bad" LOL

Paul Cronin from Winnipeg on November 15, 2011:

Great and funny, witty ... just plain old Awesome! Noted Up my friend!

Audrey Kirchner from Washington on November 15, 2011:

But of course I have to love it - my beloved malamute~ Griffin, however, is only 95 pounds so he is not as big as a pony!

I could interest you, however, in a Great Dane/Mastiff mix in Griffin's obedience class who is in FACT at 9 months as big as a freaking pony. Griffin is a little jealous as I think Dewey is getting a saddle next week.

Cute, cuter and cutest! Love your rhymes as always.

Mary Hyatt from Florida on November 14, 2011:

This was a perfect way to end my day! I really enjoyed the characters! I voted it UP, etc.etc.

Verlie Burroughs from Canada on November 14, 2011:

Brilliant as usual drbj! You are very clever and your verses poetic, Regards, snakeslane

cre8ivOne from Midwest, USA on November 14, 2011:

Cute : )

Christopher Antony Meade from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom on November 14, 2011:

You certainly know how to make me laugh. Clever pun. Thank you. Keep up the good work.

CMHypno from Other Side of the Sun on November 14, 2011:

Well drbj I am speechless - where do you think them up? Very funny, and I think that you are right - Dancelot passed up a sure thing? But maybe we shouldn't stereotype knights of the Round Table?

Mary Craig from New York on November 14, 2011:

Hilarious! Great play on words.

Susan Zutautas from Ontario, Canada on November 14, 2011:

LOL :) Keep em coming drbj.