Limericks - From Funny Famous Ditties To Rude Little Witty's!

Limericks can be traced as far back in History as the fourteenth Century, starting in England. They were mainly used as nursery rhymes for children, but of course because they were short and to the point, they spread to the inn's and taverns and ended up being bawdy and rather rude! So, as I was in a particularly funny mood, I thought that I would add a few of my favourites here. There were so many to choose from, and I thought that I had better only choose the ones that weren't, well, too bad, if you know what I mean! as I didn't want to shock the more delicate sensibilities of some of the more refined readers! Which of course is all of you! As you are so well behaved and such genteel ladees and gentlemen, I suggest that you read them with one eye closed, and that way it won't be as shocking to your delicate systems! Ah Ha

The word Limerick comes from the town in Ireland called, well, Limerick! Which is situated in the southern part of the country. Where songs were sung, and the bawdiness of the drunken man and the strumpet inn keeper's daughter brought a new type of poetry mixed with hilarity and this is what made the chorus change and of course brought us the famous Limerick .All because people had had too much to drink!. So there you have it, mixing the English drunkards with the poetic Irish, we ended up with the mixture of Limerick that we know so well today! Anyway, off we go, and if anybody has got any good ones, please feel free to add them at the bottom. I of course, know that you will be very sensible and just add sweet little poems! Uh Uumm! Hick! Sooo Shorry, too much tooo drinkkkkkk...............!

Merry Meet My Friends here's to the Ale and the Bawdiness!

There was an old man from Sprocket,

Who went up to Space in a Rocket,

The Rocket went bang,

His gonads went clang,

And his bum ended up in his pocket.

 There was a young woman called Sally,

Who loved an occasional dally

She sat on the lap

Of a well endowed chap

And said 'You're right up my alley.

 A wonderful bird is the pelican

His bill can hold more than his belican

He can take in his beak

Food enough for a week

But I'm damned if I see how the helican.

by Dixon Merritt.

 There was a young man from Savannah

Who met his end in a curious manner

He whittled a hole

In a telephone pole

And electrified his banana

 There was a young girl from Madras

Who had a most beautiful ass

Not rounded and pink

As you probably think

But Grey with long ears, and ate grass

Anonymous

A young engineer name of Paul

Was equipped with an octagonal ball

The square of his weight

Times his pecker, plus eight

Is his phone number, give him a call!

There once was an artist named Saint

Who swallowed some samples of paint

All Shades of the spectrum

Flowed out of his rectum

With a colourful lack of restraint!

There once was a man from Bonaire

Who was doing his wife on the stair

When the banister broke

He doubled his stroke

And finished her of in midair!

Limericks By Edward Lear

Just to prove that I do have a bit of culture in me, I thought I would add a few famous limericks by the poet Edward Lear!

There was a young lady whose chin

Resembled the point of a pin

So she had it made sharp

And purchased a harp

And played several tunes with her chin!

-

There was an old person of Dover

Who rushed through a field of blue Clover

But some very large bees

Stung his nose and his knees

So he very soon went back to Dover.

-

There was an old lady of Chertsey

Who made a remarkable Curtsy

She twirled round and round

Til she sunk underground

Which distressed all the people of Chertsey.

-

There was an old man who supposed

That the street door was partially closed

But some very large rats

Ate his coat and his hats

While that futile old gentleman dozed.

-

There was an old man in a tree

Whose whiskers were lovely to see

But the birds of the air

Plucked them perfectly bare

To make themselves nests in the tree

-

There was an old person of Ware

Who rode on the back of a bear

When they asked, 'Does it trot?'

He said 'Certainly not!'

He's a Moppsikon Floppsikon Bear!

• Birthday Limericks
  Don't be boring with your birthday card messages. Be original! Be fun! Write a limerick!
• How to write a Limerick
  The trouble with wearing the tartan /is everyone thinks you're a Spartan /who relishes cold /in the goolies. (I'm told /the best way to heat 'em is fartan!) A limerick is a short verse in a well-defined form which...

 If you like mysteries, psychic phenomena, true stories or just a good laugh, please feel free to click on my Profile page, the link is below, it would be great to see you.

• Nell Rose on HubPages
  I live in Buckinghamshire, and have been writing for about twenty years. I had a couple of shorts stories published and a poem accepted for an...

Comments

Nell Rose (author) from England on May 11, 2020:

Thanks Umesh!

Umesh Chandra Bhatt from Kharghar, Navi Mumbai, India on May 10, 2020:

A nice collection. Limmericks are always enjoyable.

Demas W Jasper from Today's America and The World Beyond on April 04, 2020:

Good response, Paula, but you have done even better, as Nell will probably attest.

Nell Rose (author) from England on April 04, 2020:

LOL! Thanks Demas! I needed a laugh.

Nell Rose (author) from England on April 04, 2020:

LOL! Yeah! brilliant Paula! lol, love it!

Suzie from Carson City on April 03, 2020:

Hello again, Nell......Perspy actually challenged me to come back here & write a limerick! Far be it for royalty such as myself to reject a challenge!

There was an old man from beyond

Who lived with a frog in a pond

He thought he could croak

Instead pooped on a bloke

So now sits in Jail for bond

Demas W Jasper from Today's America and The World Beyond on April 03, 2020:

For all of the fun and the clatter,

the best limerick here was the latter.

If whimsy and chuckle

are testing your buckle,

I suppose it really doesn't matter.

Nell Rose (author) from England on April 03, 2020:

Hiya Paula, it must be really hard for you too, its pretty strange over here. I do have a bit of garden, and two balconys so I head out to those. you take care.

Suzie from Carson City on April 02, 2020:

You ultra-talented little English woman!! Just what I needed to perk me up and make me smile. I can always count on you, Nell! Doing my best to ride the silent, lonely," driving-us-mad,"......Wave of isolation!!

Stay well, my friend! Love Effer

Nell Rose (author) from England on April 02, 2020:

Thank you Sankhajit.

Sankhajit Bhattacharjee from MILWAUKEE on April 01, 2020:

awesome piece of writing

Nell Rose (author) from England on July 09, 2017:

LOL! yep I know the one WP! thanks for reading!

Fin from Barstow on July 08, 2017:

kind of witty but you know what people expect when they anticipate a limmerick....

the only one i have memorized is about a man from nantucket and said something with a grin

while wiping off his chin and i went ahead and left the other parts out

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 13, 2017:

Thanks Shyron, I used to do them a lot, but not recently. Thanks for reading.

Shyron E Shenko from Texas on March 11, 2017:

LOL, these are so funny Nell. I do wish I could write limericks.

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 17, 2017:

LOL! Thanks Lizzy! I will have to remember that one!

Liz Elias from Oakley, CA on February 17, 2017:

ROFL! You found some choice ones there, Nell! But of course, don't you know, the gentility is but a mask, and the funniest jokes are off-color! HA!

Here's one my mother used to recite--it may be from Lear, but I'm not certain:

There was an old man of Blackheath,

Who sat on his set of false teeth.

He jumped up with a start,

And cried, 'Bless my heart!

'I've bitten myself underneath!'

;-)

Nell Rose (author) from England on December 10, 2015:

LOL! Jodah, nothing is ever to rude for me! these are funny! and you did cover up those words! lol! I love limericks, I am always making them up, nell

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on December 09, 2015:

Hi Nell, I know I am five years late, but i just came across this hub and I love limericks. These are great and very saucy. In my limerick hubs I always had some problem getting them past the HP censors and had to change a few. I think the editors are more prudish than they used to be.

I'll try to add one here but it is quite rude so I will edit out one of the words. There are two versions.

There was a young lady named Hunt

Who performed the unusual stunt

Of screwing long distance

At her lover's insistence

For she had a detachable ****

or

There was a young lady named Hunt

Who performed the unusual stunt

Of screwing by mail

With her lover in jail

For she had a detachable ****

Please delete comment if too rude for your hub.

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 23, 2015:

lol! well when you put it like that Perspycacious! thanks for reading, and I love the limerick!

Demas W Jasper from Today's America and The World Beyond on October 22, 2015:

For all of the raving reviews,

For all this limerick news.

It's safe to retort

This limerick sport

Will keep me from having a snooze.

(Others elsewhere.) and see Mhatter99 too.

Nell Rose (author) from England on May 29, 2014:

Hi Vellur, lol! yes limericks are hard to write, but fun though! thanks for reading, nell

Nithya Venkat from Dubai on May 28, 2014:

Enjoyed reading, great limericks! They are tough to write and I never can! Great hub.

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 17, 2014:

Hi Crystal, lol! It took a lot of searching all over the place, but I love them, don't you? Funny stuff! thanks so much for reading, nell

Crystal Tatum from Georgia on March 17, 2014:

These are a lot of fun! Wherever did you find them all?

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 17, 2014:

LOL! thanks Audrey! glad it made you laugh! Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Audrey Howitt from California on March 17, 2014:

I just guffawed!!

Nell Rose (author) from England on January 04, 2013:

Hi teaches, lol! thanks for reading, nell

Hi Deborah, good to see you too, and thanks as always, nell

Deborah Brooks Langford from Brownsville,TX on January 03, 2013:

Nell my friend.. I love this.. made me laugh I really enjoyed. this..

good to see you 'Debbie

Dianna Mendez on January 03, 2013:

Funny and very entertaining. You certainly know how to put the words together to make witty tales! Thanks for the laugh in my day.

Nell Rose (author) from England on November 30, 2012:

Lol! bravo!

Thanks owner, glad you liked it, and I love your little limerick!

owner on November 29, 2012:

Add more, they're grand

From where I stand,

seated at my PC.

Now I'm done, and all forlorn

there's no more fun to see.

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 17, 2012:

Hi Mohan, thanks for reading them, my witty little ditties! lol!

Mohan Kumar from UK on September 17, 2012:

So many chuckles in these witty little ditties, Nell Rose. Thanks for the laughs.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 25, 2012:

Hi rcrumple, yes I do look good in leather! haha! well, I wish! thanks for reading, I am having trouble with my pc at the moment and have also been busy with my brother, I just can't get on here enough these days, but thats gonna change! lol!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 25, 2012:

Thanks Linda! lol!

Rich from Kentucky on August 24, 2012:

A limerick I shall endeavor

A gift to one very clever

Your skills are strong

Your hubs not long

Given that you look good in leather

Another great hub, my dear! We don't hear from you often enough. Fly across the Internet seas and join us whenever possible! Luv Ya!

Linda Bilyeu from Orlando, FL on August 24, 2012:

LOL! Thanks for the laughs!!!

Nell Rose (author) from England on June 09, 2012:

Hi tony, glad you liked it! they are funny aren't they? I didn't know that Lear was an artist too, a man of many talents! thanks so much for reading, cheers nell

Tony Mead from Yorkshire on June 09, 2012:

Hi Nell,

what a popular hub you have created, so many people joining in and enjoying your effort. I love a good limerick and in particular those of Lear which I think were very clever. Did you know Lear was also a brilliant artist?

I really enjoyed your hub, thank you for sharing. Voted up and the buttons too.

regards

Tony

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on June 01, 2012:

how am i doing (limericks)?

Nell Rose (author) from England on May 13, 2012:

Hi Larry, lol! if you are not a conventional poet then maybe you write limericks instead! lol! thanks for coming back, nell

Larry Fields from Northern California on May 11, 2012:

I should have expressed myself more clearly. AFAIK, the Bartok limerick is the handiwork of Jim Wildman, whom I haven't seen in ages.

Nobody has ever accused me of being a poet before. Maybe a bar-room poet. Oh wait a minute; I just remembered that I don't frequent pubs. *sighs* Not even a bar-room poet.

Nell Rose (author) from England on May 11, 2012:

Hi Sue, lol! yes Larry is quite the poet don't you think? I am glad you liked it, we are always making up Limericks in my house! thanks!

Suelynn from Manitoba, Canada on May 11, 2012:

Hi Nell, LOVE this hub! Interestingly enough, I find the first batch of limericks a lot more entertaining than Lear's... may I open my eye now?? Larry Fields... great response! Voted up and across and thanks for the entertainment. :)))) (fab. grafix!)

Nell Rose (author) from England on April 29, 2012:

Hi Larry, haha! brilliant! loved the first one best! lol! thanks again, nell

Larry Fields from Northern California on April 28, 2012:

Voted up, funny, and shared. Here's a Limerick that I heard in college from a music major.

There once was a man named Bela Bartok,

Who tied mandolin strings about his c***

With each erection he made,

A selection he played,

From Johann Sebastian Bach!

Even though I'm not a poetry buff, I did feel obligated to contribute to the genre, because of all the great Limericks out there. I actually put this one on my answering machine many years ago.

There once was a man named Larry,

Whose schedule was quite contrary.

If you want him to phone,

Leave your number at the tone,

And please, not in binary!

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 09, 2012:

Thanks Lee, really funny! lol! but sorry I will have to take it off because its a bit naughty! haha!

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 01, 2012:

Thanks Vinaya, they are the one thing that always makes people smile when they hear them! glad you liked them, cheers nell

Vinaya Ghimire from Nepal on January 31, 2012:

I love limericks, I have so often downloaded podcast about limericks produced by the BBC. However, I did not know about its root.

This is funny and amusing, I enjoyed your work very much.

Nell Rose (author) from England on December 08, 2011:

Hi, Martie, I love limericks, I can't even remember why I started this hub, must have been in a joking mood! lol! I have looked everywhere for the photo, but this was before we were told to add links, and I wish I had now, I think, If I remember right, that I put in google search something like tavern wench, but I am not sure, sorry, I will take another look because its driving me mad now! lol! thanks for the read, cheers nell

Martie Coetser from South Africa on December 08, 2011:

Nell, do you have any idea who painted that lady with the feathered hat?

Martie Coetser from South Africa on December 08, 2011:

Hi Nell, one of my hubber friends, kallini2010, just sent me a link to this hub of yours.... Oh, and how I needed all the smiles you’ve given me in here. These (above the belt) mixture of limericks of English drunkards with the (sober? – ha-ha) poetic Irish, is truly hilarious. I feel like writing a few myself. Just need some Irish beer.

Voted UP and awesome!

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 28, 2011:

Hi, Bella, thanks again, nell

Bella DonnaDonna from New Orleans, LA on October 28, 2011:

;-) ;-) ;-)

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 20, 2011:

LOL!

zack on October 19, 2011:

There once was a man from kanass

Who's nuts were made out of brass

in stormy weather

he'd clack them together

and lightning shot out of his ass

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 18, 2011:

Thanks Cresentmoon!

Cresentmoon2007 from Caledonia, MI on October 18, 2011:

Funny hilarious and enjoyable

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 28, 2011:

Hi, Shaisty, lol Brilliant! sorry it took so long to answer, I seem to be running around like a mad woman these last few days! but I love the little ditty! ha ha thanks nell

Hi, funmontreagirl, thanks most of its from history, but I did add a few! could do more, but a bit risque'! ha ha

funmontrealgirl from Montreal on September 28, 2011:

Fantastic. I have no abilities like this, but I am so happy to read your work. Voted up. Thanks for that Nell.

Shaisty-Chase-Tea from The Outskirts on September 27, 2011:

this is a prompt by green lotus upon her comment above: I like to be promtped in limericks, as a game to play

"Cowboy Billy had a ten foot willie"

but all the ladies thought he was just silly

so his heart wiped it out

ladies screamed "sour krout"

Said "No more women!!"... and took the motto of Philli

Shaisty-Chase-Tea from The Outskirts on September 27, 2011:

"limericks can be traced back in history"

why they prompt a good eye is a mystery

I write them on Kane,

Maddie taught me the game,

but noting for me, cause i'd piss a streak

I'm brilliant but crude as i go

as in 'limericks'... not so naughty, i know

i play kinda wrough

pitty poets that bluff

my might and arms are night sticks, they glow

"if i could stay in bed all day"

only my pillow would get a good lay

i'd write all the time

a few limericks that ryhmed

maybe then my hubpages will pay

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 26, 2011:

Hi, rj, lol brilliant! how did you know? lol If I could stay in bed all day and just write, then I think I would be happy! as long as the coffee is on the go all the time that is!

rjsadowski on September 26, 2011:

There once was a Hubber named Nell Rose.

Who resided in England not Melrose.

She wrote day and night.

To her reader's delight.

And never got out of her bedclothes.

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 22, 2011:

Hi, lambservant, lol! I am glad you liked it! and you can stop blushing now! ha ha thanks so much for making me laugh! cheers nell

Lori Colbo from United States on September 21, 2011:

Oh my, I'm blushing and LMAO!

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 09, 2011:

Hi, Dustin, appreciate it! glad it made you laugh, thanks!

Dustin_Ashe on September 07, 2011:

I found this extremely entertaining, thanks for the laughs.

made me smile bunches. :)

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 01, 2011:

Hi, suzette, thanks! I love limericks I think they are the best sort of poems out there! ha ha

Suzette Walker from Taos, NM on September 01, 2011:

These are great! What an entertaining hub you wrote. I like your choice, ribald or not, it's just something to have fun with. Keep writing!

Nell Rose (author) from England on May 19, 2011:

Hi, Thatguypk, lol brilliant! your a poet but I bet you didn't know it! thanks so much, nell

Thatguypk on May 17, 2011:

A hubber of note is Nell Rose,

As her number of followers shows.

Full of wisdom and wit.

(Yes, I've read her a bit!)

So I'll follow her too, I suppose!

Very entertaininh hub! Thanks for the fun. PK

Nell Rose (author) from England on May 02, 2011:

Hi, vietnamvet, thanks so much, glad you liked them, cheers nell

vietnamvet68 from New York State on April 29, 2011:

now these are really cute, I'm surprised I never found them before.

God Bless

Nell Rose (author) from England on March 16, 2011:

Hi, jamiecoins, thanks for the comment, glad you liked it, cheers nell

jamiecoins from ireland on March 15, 2011:

cool limericks :)

Nell Rose (author) from England on February 01, 2011:

Hi, NLL, glad you liked it! and thanks, nell

Non-Linear Lines from Alberta, Canada on February 01, 2011:

Thanks for the giggle! These were so fun!

Nell Rose (author) from England on December 22, 2010:

Hi, Docmo, ha ha glad you liked it, and thanks nell

Mohan Kumar from UK on December 22, 2010:

Thanks for the laughs. I am rather fond of these bawdy little ditties( careful!) and its great to hear some new ones.

Nell Rose (author) from England on November 24, 2010:

Hi, saleheen, I am so glad you found it amusing, it is good when you can have a laugh, especially if you are feeling down, thanks so much nell

Nell Rose (author) from England on November 18, 2010:

Hi, Doug, thanks for reading it, I love Limericks too, I was going to add a lot more, but couldn't find any innocent ones! lol thanks so much nell

Doug Turner Jr. on November 17, 2010:

Limericks are always good, racy fun. Quite a few of these were new to me. Thanks for the post.

Nell Rose (author) from England on October 13, 2010:

Hi, kathryn, glad you enjoyed them, and thanks nell

kathryn1000 from London on October 12, 2010:

Really good.Must read them again if the winter blues strike/

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 19, 2010:

Hi, Sligo, thanks for reading it, I thought you might appreciate this one! lol glad you liked it, cheers nell

sligobay from east of the equator on September 19, 2010:

Hi Nell- What a wonderful diversion for an old rugger like me. All of are parties were bawdy and limericks were a fixture that induced competition and mixed well with the mud, the blood and the beer. Cheers.

Nell Rose (author) from England on September 02, 2010:

Hi, Micky, ha ha I am glad you liked it, I was going to be ruder but thought I had better not! lol thanks nell

Micky Dee on September 02, 2010:

I had to hit all your buttons because they are "all that". These are so funny. Thank you for a beautiful and funny hub! Great stuff!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 22, 2010:

Hi, raisingme, I was going to get ruder then I thought better of it! lol glad you liked it, I was just in a funny mood! ha ha cheers nell

raisingme from Fraser Valley, British Columbia on August 22, 2010:

What fun, I haven't read or written a limerick in years. And I do mean years because, while I recognized some, others I wasn't 'exposed' to in school nor were my children. Great treat to read them. Thank You.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 20, 2010:

HI, angel thanks for stopping by, yes they do certainly have a soothing rhythm to them, glad you liked them, cheers nell

angel on August 19, 2010:

This is my first time to hear about limericks. They are funny, but they can be a good lullabye.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 19, 2010:

Hi, pmc, lol glad you like them, I did have a few more, but they were, well a bit more rude! ha ha thanks again nell

pmccray from Utah on August 18, 2010:

LOL LOL hahahaha... these limericks are priceless. Thanks so much for the yucks!!!

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 18, 2010:

Hi, Ivorwen, ha ha that's great, I love limericks we have always made up some at home, and I was in a funny mood! so I am glad you liked them and I hope your brother in law does too, thanks for stopping by, cheers nell

Ivorwen from Hither and Yonder on August 18, 2010:

These are so funny! I am going to forward this to my brother-in-law, 'cause I know he will get a kick out of it! And I had never heard a one of these before.

My favorite ones have always been about the little boy Willy:

Willy saw some dynamite,

Didn't understand it quite.

Curiosity seldom pays.

It rained Willy seven days.

Nell Rose (author) from England on August 18, 2010:

Hi, ACSutliff, thanks for liking it, I was going to make it a bit ruder then I thought, no don't push my luck! lol yeah I like the sally one too, just about right, but I think Edward Lear needed to take a few more poetry lessons!! ha ha thanks again nell

ACSutliff on August 17, 2010:

Nell,

This is understandably a very popular hub. Your limericks are humorous and smart and just the right amount of naughty. :-) They are so fun to read, but also fun to write. I wrote one recently that has gone missing, and I wish I could find it. I really enjoyed the one about Sally!

~AC