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Silly Poems - To Tickle Your Funny Bone

John values the use of humour and enjoys writing and reading limericks and jokes. He is a fan of Dr. Seuss, Edward Lear and Shel Silverstein

funny-bones
funny-bones

It's One Of Those Days....(female perspective)

When you hang the washing out

And it rains for fifteen days.

When you meet a hunky guy

And he turns out to be gay.


When the landlord wants his money

And you haven't got a cent.

When the iron destroys your best dress

And you have to wear a tent.


When you throw a dinner party

And no one keeps the date.

When you've got too many kids

And your period is late.


When you're watching a great movie

And the tv blows a fuse.

When you need to win the Lottery

And as usual, you lose.


When you tell a funny joke

And no one even smiles.

When the bus does not turn up

And you have to walk for miles.


When you've had a shopping spree

And your partner throws a fit.

When you have a birthday

And no one gives a shit.

funny-bones
funny-bones
funny-bones

One Day As I Was Walking - or 'It's One Of Those Days'...(male perspective)

I saw a girl the other day,

Her beauty took my breath away.

Long tanned legs and bouncing breasts,

Her body gave my eyes no rest.


As she passed me in the street

My body turned, but not my feet.

I tripped and fell upon the ground,

But checked her bum as I went down.


I jumped up quickly for to follow,

So in her charms my eyes could wallow.

Her long blonde hair and slender waist,

A barber's pole, fair in the face *#*.


Slightly stunned and seeing stars,

I stumbled on the road...oops cars!

Weaving through the peak hour traffic,

There she was again...terrific!


Proceeding at a steady pace

I caught her up to check her face.

But as I tried to pass her by,

She looked at me and winked her eye.


On waking in the public ward

I saw a doctor check my board.

I said, "Hey Doc, what is the score,

How come my body's bruised and sore?"


He looked at me, and with a grin

He placed a finger on his chin.

"In future when you're walking Sir

Please watch the ground ahead.

You fell into a manhole

And it's lucky you're not dead.

funny-bones
funny-bones

The Gift

The laundromat was empty,

The corner store was closed.

A Pakistani gentleman

Sat down and picked his nose.


As I walked by the lamp post

He raised his head and spoke.

"Excuse me Sir, so generous,

Could you spare me just one smoke?"


I stopped right there, next to the man,

Then knelt down by his side.

I reached into my overcoat

And withdrew twenty-five.


I said, "here, take the packet,

I'm gonna give 'em up.

They're just too damned expensive."

And he gladly snapped them up.


"Thank you, thank you, very much,

You've pulled me from a hole.

I haven't had a puff in days,

Mohammed bless your soul."


"As a token of my gratitude

Please accept this gift.

It isn't very valuable,

But your spirits it may lift."


He handed me a leather pouch

Which I accepted as a joke.

I didn't take a look inside,

And he blew a ring of smoke.


I bid my new found friend farewell,

And quickly walked away.

I was already late for work,

And sure they'd dock my pay.


When I arrived at 9.15

The boss screamed, "Late again today!"

He tossed an envelope at me,

"Here's your severance pay."


I sat down at my office desk

Intent to clean it out.

And as I took my jacket off

The leather pouch fell out.


I placed a hand into the bag

And removed a tiny clock.

It's face was numbered backwards,

And the hands said 9 o'clock.


I turned the key to wind it up,

Then suddenly it rang.

My boss walked in and grinned at me,

"On time at last, hey Stan?"


I sat there shocked, mouth gaping,

I hadn't lost my mind.

this tiny clock upon my desk

Could somehow TURN BACK TIME.

Comments

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on September 08, 2020:

Millicent, it is great to get some readers of this rather ancient piece of writing of mine. I guess there is still some life in these rather tongue in cheek poems. Thank you so much for reading. I am glad they gave you a laugh.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on September 08, 2020:

Thank you for reading Drew. Much appreciated.

Millicent Okello from Nairobi, Kenya on September 08, 2020:

You are such a gifted writer. I love when i read and laugh. The intro pic nails it even more

Drew Agravante from Philippines, Currently in Qatar on September 03, 2020:

You kept me grinning until the last part. Thanks for the awesome poem, Jodah.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on September 02, 2020:

Thank you T B. I really appreciate your comment. This old hub need some new views.

Timothy Whitt from New Jersey on September 02, 2020:

Loved these poems.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on November 10, 2017:

Thank you Dave. Much appreciated.

Dave Proctor from Alfauir, Valencia, Spain on November 07, 2017:

jajajajajajaja.......as they say here in Spain

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on November 07, 2015:

Thank you for reading these attempts at humour ps. Angels back at ya.

Patricia Scott from North Central Florida on November 07, 2015:

A smile is always a good thing..

And O if we could all have someone offer us a gift such as was given in this entry we would be thrilled no doubt.

Well done

Angels are on the way ps

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on December 03, 2014:

Thank you Phyllis.

Phyllis Doyle Burns from High desert of Nevada. on December 03, 2014:

Jodah, this came up an my notifications and I just had to come read it again. I love that doodle art of the little woman at top. You make me chuckle with this hub. Thanks.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on December 03, 2014:

Thanks for reading these poems Alun. Glad you could relate . Cheers for the vote up too.

Greensleeves Hubs from Essex, UK on December 03, 2014:

Good funny poems Jodah - and it seems in touch with your feminine side :) I can empathise with some of the experiences in the first (some of which apply to guys as well as girls) and I can sympathise with the guy in the second (that could happen to me!)

And I wish I was the guy in the third - how nice to be able to turn the clock back! Voted up. Alun

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 17, 2014:

Hey thanks for reading Shanmarie. Glad you found these interesting. I seem to be partial to poetic stories for some reason...guess it's just my preferred style of writing.

Shannon Henry from Texas on October 17, 2014:

Hi Jodah. Glad you read my hub and directed me to this one of yours. You're quite amusing. Interesting too. I don't think I tell stories in poetic form so well, but you did it quite well with the one about the clock. Thanks again!

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on August 20, 2014:

I love to hear those words "made my morning" Audrey, thanks for revisiting.

Audrey Howitt from California on August 20, 2014:

Came back for another read! Thank you John--made my morning!

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 18, 2014:

Hi carrie,thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed this and found it funny.

Carrie Lee Night from Northeast United States on July 18, 2014:

Voted funny and interesting . I especially like when the mans eyes got no rest :). Cute. Thank you for sharing

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Hi Fullerman, it' good to be able to give each other a laugh. Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed.

Ryan from Louisiana, USA on July 16, 2014:

Hahaha, great poems especially the one about the girl. Your writing is great and very entertaining. I do want that clock as well. Great work and great hub.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Hi Cherylone, glad these brightened your day. It makes me feel good to do that. Take care.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Hi Phyllis, thanks for reading. I needed to post a humorous hub after my last more depressing one 'Body in the Forest'. Glad these have you a giggle. Thanks for the vote up and share.

Cheryl Simonds from Connecticut on July 16, 2014:

This was great! Just what I needed to brighten my day! Thanks for the boost in moral.

Phyllis Doyle Burns from High desert of Nevada. on July 16, 2014:

I love this little journal of poems -- starts my day with a giggle. Thanks for the delightful coffee break, Jodah. Voted up ad sharing. I like the drawing of the little lady... cute.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Thanks for reading Kevin. I know youweren't really into poetry until recently. Glad I've helped to change that. I appreciate the sharing, vote up and pin.

The Examiner-1 on July 16, 2014:

Awesome! I loved it John. :-) The part that I liked best was the clock that turned back time. Hilarious. I sure wish that was true. I voted it up, shared it and pinned it.

Kevin

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

I had fun writing these Frank. Glad you especially liked "the Gift".

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Thanks for reading Harishprasad and for your wonderful comment. Glad you found these funny, and that I was able to entertain you in my own unique way.I appreciate the vote up and share also.

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on July 16, 2014:

Jodah these were great and I loved the last one... best

Harish Mamgain from New Delhi , India on July 16, 2014:

All three poems are fantastic and so much entertaining ! The last two poems also weaved suspense along with humor and mirth. Reading the second one, I was expecting so many twists but surprisingly none of them surfaced in the end and instead an entirely unexpected turn was there. The third showed a magical gift in the end whereas I expected some expensive gift/ money. John, you create an unexpected world in your poems and we are left intoxicated with all that for a long time. Loved reading these very hilarious, funny and interesting poems. Voted up and shared.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Thanks Jamie, have a great day.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Glad they gave you a laugh Suzette. Thanks.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on July 16, 2014:

Thanks Marie.

Jamie Lee Hamann from Reno NV on July 16, 2014:

Nice job. Great fun for the morning. Jamie

Suzette Walker from Taos, NM on July 16, 2014:

LOL! Hilarious! These are clever and creative.

Marie Flint from Jacksonville, FL USA on July 16, 2014:

I like your original sketch with the symbols above the figure's head. Nice bright yellow.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 12, 2013:

Aw thank you Cris,

I love it when someone finds my writing funny, or touching, or interesting...in fact if it can stir any emotion at all, I feel it's been successful...except maybe boredom...lol.

I appreciate you voting it up and sharing. I'm currently working on a humorous article that I'm having fun writing. Keep your eyes peeled for a new hub in the next few days.

CrisSp from Sky Is The Limit Adventure on October 12, 2013:

Very smart on the perspective and a bit yucky on the laundry scene. Lol! This is hilariously brilliant! You're brilliant!

Voting up, funny (of course) and sharing!

Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on October 11, 2013:

I hope to see one! This a great time of year for writing and for reading stories! :-)

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 09, 2013:

No, not at all Nellieanna. I didn't take your comment as a criticism or as an attempt to coach me. You did say I could probably write better short stories than you. I just decided that I should reread any I have written and see if they can be improved before posting them. As i said 'I' wasn't happy with some endings. I will check out that hub, thanks. Keep your eye out, maybe there'll be a story from me on here soon...haha.

Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on October 09, 2013:

Oh, dear. I meant you could write a much better story than mine! It must have sounded like I was saying you could improve on yours. But if you got some good out of my boo-boo, that's good.

My motive wasn't to coach you, but just to relate my experience with my being coached. If it helped you, I'm glad. The writing ending first really is a great tip. He suggested making a tentative 'time-line' outline, with the general idea for the ending written in, then fill in the steps and scenes to reach it, starting at the beginning. I just found his hub on this, in fact, if you'd like to check it out:

https://hubpages.com/literature/Three-Steps-to-Fin...

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 09, 2013:

Thank you for voting it up Eddy and sharing on your Facebook page, wow!

Eiddwen from Wales on October 09, 2013:

A great read Jodah and voted up plus shared onto my Fb page A Brand New Dawn

Eddy.

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 07, 2013:

Nellieanna, thanks again for the kind and sensible advice. I'll have a look through my short story collection and try to touch them up. As you say some seem to start off well and then go nowhere or end too abruptly. A good tip to write the ending first and work towards it. You are right, this isn't a competition and I've learnt a lot already.

Thank you drbj,

Glad they gave you a laugh. Hmm, I think the clocks are available at a small stall in an alleyway in the southeast corner of Bangalore...lol

drbj and sherry from south Florida on October 07, 2013:

Three very clever and very funny poems, Jodah. Thank you for this pleasure. Just one question I have for you. Where can I buy one of those clocks, too?

Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on October 07, 2013:

Jodah - I'll bet your short stories are good, too! This isn't a competition. Writing is actually hard even to compare, because different styles and perspectives are what make it interesting. How can those really be compared? It's the variety that makes Hubpages so much fun for which to write and to read!

I've never been good at writing stories because they never seemed to 'go anywhere'. I could develop characters, set scenes, describe so one could almost see it but my plots just languished. Then a dear person/brilliant writer and fellow Hubber (shadesbreath) gave me a tip from which I managed to grind out a 5-part story for a Halloween writing challenge 3 years ago, which got by pretty well. (He advised to write the ending first! Wow. How clever!)

I'd wager you could write a much better story! Just do it!! Don't compare with others. There are some professional writers on here! They're not here to overshadow anyone but are usually willing to help and encourage, in fact. There are plenty of us amateurs, too. Remember, even the best writer in the world will have some kudos and some criticisms, as in any endeavor. One can glean some value from either of them!

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 07, 2013:

Thanks Wayne, I consider my writing a success if it makes someone smile. Hope you have a great day...even if it involves manholes.

Wayne Barrett from Clearwater Florida on October 07, 2013:

I'm up too early this morning; plenty of time to do some reading before heading off to work, so I wanted to give your work a look. So glad I did. You put a smile on my face to start my day. Especially since I work in manholes!!!

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 06, 2013:

Nellieanna, thank you for checking out another of my poetry hubs. I am having so much fun now putting my poetry out there for people to see and hopefully appreciate.

I like to bring a smile to people's faces, and at other times make them stop and think. My message is rarely far beneath the surface. I guess subtlety isn't really my forte.

I have a few short stories which I haven't yet had the courage to publish here because of the high quality of other hubs I have read. Most people are very kind on here though and seldom critical, so maybe soon.

Nellieanna Hay from TEXAS on October 06, 2013:

Jodah, you continue to surprise and amaze me with your versatility, wild imagination, keen insight and ability to express them all so well poetically!

Again, you're getting voted all across the choices!

You make it so easy to follow along reading your lines, laughing one minute, studying the next. What fun! How happy I am to have found you!

John Hansen (author) from Queensland Australia on October 06, 2013:

Thank you once again Jaye for checking out my work and for the generous comments, votes and shares. Yes it would be handy to have that clock.

Sligobay, your comments are spot on and I appreciate your insights. Glad you enjoyed.

Thank you Audrey for visiting my hub and glad you enjoyed these poems. Now I have to reciprocate and check out your own hubs.

Audrey Howitt from California on October 06, 2013:

Well done! I enjoyed these!

sligobay from east of the equator on October 06, 2013:

The male focus is exclusively sexual and the female focus is upon every

aspect of life, chores to dinner parties. Sex drive seems somewhat self-destructive. "The Gift" is very imaginative. I enjoyed them all.

Jaye Denman from Deep South, USA on October 06, 2013:

It's an exceptional writer who can grasp the perspective of both genders equally well and write about them. These are all terrific verses. As for that clock...I want one!

Voted Up++ and shared

Jaye

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