Celine is a neurodivergent Mystic, Writer, and Witch. They have Claircognizant, Clairaudient, Clairsentient, and Clairempathic abilities.
"The Universe does not generally do 'take-backsies' with gifts that it has given you. If you were born with a great ability to write, you will always have that.
Even if the depression or the trauma or the anxiety makes it inaccessible for a while. Even if you feel numb and dead, and can barely string a sentence together. Even if your brain feels so overwhelmed and scattered that you can barely read. Take a break. Put your energy where it needs to be prioritized (healing, or simply survival). It is okay to simply survive, to do what you must as you hold out for the better times. These better times will come.
Plants go through periods of drought, or frost, or scorching. They may not look ‘pretty,’ through this. They may not be as large as others with more favourable conditions. They may not bloom, at all, or not for many years. They may even look totally dead, but unless the most extreme and unrelenting circumstances have occurred, they will live. And living is not the same as thriving - they will thrive, eventually, if given enough care and time, but sometimes all there is to claim is resilience. It is here. It has survived. It may not be the prettiest or the healthiest or the strongest (outwardly), but it has survived adverse conditions – and that in itself is an amazing feat.
"You do not look at a flower who has endured months or years of dehydration, harsh winds, [or] torrential rain, and be horrified to find that it is not blooming
Blooming is part of flourishing, which by definition means their baseline needs have already been met for some time. So if your needs have not been met for a long time, do not be shocked or ashamed that your Body, Mind, and Spirit are not operating at full capacity. They need rest, good food, good sleep, peace. They need joy and trust and stability and BELIEF. Believe that you will be able to access your gifts again (you will), but don’t expect a timeline. Do not expect them to return exactly as you left them, either – if you liked writing about witches and mermaids (like I did as a child), when your stories return to you, when your Voice and the Divine, creative Spark driving it come back, they may want to tell a different story.
They may wish to comment on what you have been through, on what has come to pass since you last met. They may have a differing perspective now, different beliefs, griefs, joys. They may return to you with a different accent, tanned, or extremely translucent. But they will come back. And even though they'll look and express themselves differently, they will FEEL the same – that deep inhale that is full of knowledge, that sets your heart fluttering; the gentle smile you make involuntarily because, yes, this is good. This is just as it was, the old balm and the old breath that comes gifted from The Wind (or the Fire, or the Water, or the Earth, depending on what your Gift is).
"The din of your life, your traumas, your responsibilities got too loud for you to hear it. That is not The Voice being dead or you being severed from it."
It is still that knowing that settles comfortably inside your skin, like a nesting doll – that Voice within. It never went – but the din of your life, your traumas, your responsibilities got too loud for you to hear it. That is not The Voice being dead or you being severed from it, only that there is a jackhammer and a screaming baby and several car alarms all going on at the same time, so of course you can’t hear it! Maybe it is easier to hear if you are high or drunk or having sex. Maybe it’s easier to hear early in the morning or late at night – but these are not prerequisites; they are just shortcuts that sometimes lead to connection to your Voice. Sometimes these shortcuts can temporarily reconnect you, but even if these do not work, don't worry.
The Voice becomes quiet only when other parts of our lives become too loud. Sometimes we spend many years not being able to control the volume of our Lives; the heavy footsteps of our Traumas wake us up at 5am and we curse and can’t fall back asleep. There are years of drudgery, of being cold all of the time, of feeling so close to death that you marvel that your breath is still hot. Where does that Heat come from? It comes from the same place as The Voice - that Spark of Life within us, who can never die, but only retreats to wait for a time that it can be heard again.
It is not Dead and never can be. I don’t care if you can’t focus your attention enough to read a single line. I don’t care if you haven’t written a poem in years. I don’t care if you’ve forgotten the big words you used to impress others with. I don’t care if you have a journal you’ve been meaning to write in for 6 years. One day, in a comfortable silence, The Voice will come knocking, gently or loudly, but you’ll hear it. You’ll be surprised to see it, but when you let it in, it’ll be as if nothing has changed. You’ll fill each other in and the exchange will ignite something in you - that old, familiar warmth. The Voice cannot be killed. It is a God-given gift, and God cannot die.