Christine is a mediocre writer but that has never stopped her before
I am not a great writer or even a good one.
But I enjoy it, it helps me release energy, both positive and negative. Even if no one appreciates my style, it's the way I like to do it. I found another writing site where the atmosphere appeals to me. It's not as stuffy as HubPages.
I feel freer to say what I want to say, and how I want to say it.
I guess there is a place for everyone. Not that I am going to leave HubPages. I'm just going to be spending more time over there.
Will the Excitement Wear Off?
Of course, but I will enjoy the honeymoon while it lasts. I am old enough to realize there is always a honeymoon period. Then you either break up in a passionate fight, or you settle in for the long haul.
And I am also too old for passionate break-ups.
So I will enjoy the ride, then settle in for a comfy extended stay. Sometimes you just feel at home right away. I am tired of trying to please other people. I am feeling a bit selfish. I want to just do what I want to do, and enjoy myself.
I have been feeling this way about many things lately. For example, when it comes to creating artwork. I try to come up with ideas that will sell. And I just hate doing that. I don't feel good about myself or my work when I am in that mindset. If no one ever wants to buy my work, then that is that. I would rather work at Mcdonald's than sell art I don't like making.
And I have worked at Mcdonald's, so I know how crappy THAT experience is.
Basically, I am tired of letting other people dictate what I do. If I don't have an audience, if I don't have buyers, then too bad. I am not going to sell out anymore. I feel good about that. I feel good about myself.
This Has Fired Me Up
I am going to do an experiment. I am going to sell my artwork online as planned previously. But no keywords. No market research. No catering to what "sells". I will only create exactly what I desire. Then I will put it out there, and let fate dictate the outcome.
Do not get me wrong. I have nothing against doing what you have to to make money to live. It's what we have to do. But I am in a place right now where I don't have to do that, and I am going to take advantage of that.
They say Do What You Love and the Money Will Follow. Maybe this is true. I am a dreamer after all. I have gone through periods in my life where I put on a persona in order to fit in. And I always felt like a fake. I am a little bit obnoxious, even a little mean on occasion. More like I speak my mind, even if I know it will ruffle feathers.
It's ok to be nice to people even when you aren't feeling it. Polite is fine. But being a doormat is not.
Bipolar, Lack of Sleep, or Just Wanting to be Myself?
It could be all three. But I feel incredibly good about myself right now. And it stems from this newfound passion, that just took a tiny flame to ignite. All from finding freedom of expression on an online writing site. Go figure. I'm feeling a lot of self-confidence. That is always a good feeling to have.
My life feels like spring right now. I know this is only a symptom of something that's been held back for a while. Whatever it is, let it be. I need joy in my life. Who wouldn't? I am just going to take a break today, cancel the chores and work commitments I made for myself. Just enjoy myself. Think things through. Come up with new plans. I am done now, and I'm so glad I got it out. I wasn't even sure what I was going to write when I started. Now I know.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.