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Fifty Shades of Imp

Mohan is a family physician, film and TV aficionado, a keen bibliophile and an eclectic scribbler.

Smoke and Mirrors

The strong odor of sulphurous smoke snaps me out of my reverie as I am sitting here typing a story of Pooh bear and his amnesiac wanderings. I am hunched over my keyboard, in my study, as I’ve been these past few nights, feverishly spinning out my whimsical narrative. It is a peaceful night with just a faint patter of raindrops on the windowsill as night’s heavy blanket cuddles my household. As the acrid smell intensifies, I know the cuddly cosiness is about to be wrenched from around me by an impetuous Imp.

“Pardon me, Docmo. How are you at picking locks?”

I nearly topple my chair over as he appears few feet in front of me, wizened and wrinkled like a breakfast prune. He is not very tall and has a face only his mama could love. But, I must admit, there is something in those porcine eyes that stops one from turning away. He has that usual glint of mischief in them. It is what is covering his face that shocks me, although I should really know better by now. After all that has happened I shouldn’t be surprised at his increasingly errant antics.


Thongs and Thrills

Pandemonicum Grenvillard Woodimp is wearing what looks like a Venetian carnival mask and a studded leather collar around his stumpy neck. His hands- and I use the term loosely – are behind his back held in a gleaming pair of handcuffs.

My eyes move down to his nether regions where a leather thong covers his unmentionables. It is decorated with silver sequinned letters which say - I kid you not- the word ‘ Imp – ressive’.

I choke back a combination of a gasp, a chuckle and a faint gag reflex.

“What on earth-?”

The Imp stands there with his usual nonchalant posture as if this is all in the line of duty.

“Dear boy. By now you should know the inefficiency of that expression. For one I am not of this earth. Secondly I suppose I deserve a ‘who’ rather than a ‘what’. Thirdly I have no intention of watching your uvula flap, so close your jaw, get a grip and answer my question. Do you know how to pick locks?”

“Now why-?”

The Imp rolls its bulbous eyes behind the mask. “Stop exclaiming and help me at least take this mask off.”

I reach forward and undo the mask. The Imp blows a gust of air and wrinkles its facial muscles in a variety of contortions. “There- that’s much better. Now c’mon have you got a safety pin or a small screw driver?”

I scramble in my desk and pull out one of those mini screwdrivers one never finds when one wants to. The Imp however has this lucky streak.

“Come to mention it, I did do a stint in my youth learning how to pick locks. It was to open a locker in our house where there were some ‘artistic’ pictures.”

“A-ha, I knew it. You are the kind who learns for the sake of learning and wants to be in on everything. So here’s your chance to rediscover those lost skills. Pick the lock in these handcuffs. C’mon.”

He turns around and I try not to look at the leather thong riding his bum crack. It is not a pretty sight.

Me and the Imp: in a contemplative mood

Me and the Imp: in a contemplative mood

Rough and Tough

The Imp’s visitations have been happening since I started writing on hubpages. Initially I had wondered if he was a figment of my fertile imagination, a delusion of my demented mind or perhaps a sign of impending insanity. Lately I have concluded that I am not as insane as I thought (the reader is allowed to differ) and that Imp may indeed be a creature from another dimension who has chosen me to impart his impish wisdom through me.

He, you see, only appears to me and is invisible to the eyes of others. He says he could choose to manifest to others if he wants to, but prefers not to. He thinks it makes me feel special. I didn’t have a heart to tell him!

My brain zings back into action. It is like riding a bicycle. I insert the mini screwdriver into the keyhole and pick a paperclip that I straighten with my teeth. I insert one on top of the other and close my eyes. My nimble fingers can sense the inner clasp and tumbler that are locked in I slowly rotate the tumbler and press down the clasp as there is an audible click and the handcuff unlocks. I repeat it on the other side.

The Imp throws the handcuffs on the floor and rubs his wrists vigorously. “Phew. That was an awkward position to be in during inter-dimensional travel!”

I sit back and steeple my fingers. “Pray tell”

The Imp as usual, walks up to my scotch cabinet and pours a generous slug of Glenrothes. He gulps it down and shivers. The silver sequins glint and shine on his thong.

“You know I partake in some activities with the Impette in fourth dimension. “

“Is this the masseuse?”

The Imp drags a chair and parks its butt. The squeak of leather on leather and sets my teeth on edge.

“No not her. This one is wilder. Likes to play rough”

I looked at the discarded handcuffs. “You don't say!”


Print and Mint

PG Woodimp crossed his legs and rested his Scotch tumbler on his knee. “Have you never partaken in a bit of pain and pleasure, my boy?”

I was taken aback by this sudden line of enquiry. I gulped, scratched my nose and looked to one side.

“Your body language,” says the Imp, “not only tells me you have, but also that it wasn’t a pleasant experience. Pray tell.”

"Never mixed pain with pleasure. Not my cuppa. anyway enough about me. To what do I owe this visit? Did you just need a lock-picker and thought of me”

“On the contrary. I have been reliably informed by my spies here on earth that there is a Harry Potteresque outbreak of a publishing phenomenon. Thought I should investigate and maybe give you some hints”

I raise my eyebrows. “Which book are we referring to?”

“Books. Dear boy. Books. Apparently the whole series appeared as a fanfiction on a Twilight fan site. It was a series of erotic stories called Master of the Universe. It originally featured Meyer’s characters and then the author pulled it and made it her own with fresh characters!”

Realisation dawned. “Do you mean Fifty shades of Grey?”

The Imp raised the glass. “Lets drink to the success of Erika Leonard a.k.a E.L.James. The woman’s done well.”

I sip some more scotch. “I suppose so”

“Ten million copies don’t lie. I’m here to ask you to get on the bandwagon now. Compared to her work your stuff reads like nursery rhymes and baby books. You need to amp up the heat. You need heat and sensuality. Pull out the leather and rubber.”

"As a medic, I should point out pulling-out- the-rubber is not sensible advice for safe sex."

The Imp smirked. "Ha, ha, you're so funny I'm gonna book you a comedy tour. C'mon show me you can write erotica"

The 'Imp-spiration'

The 'Imp-spiration'


Pooh and Woo

I shook my head and sipped some more scotch. “You see, I am not going to pander to the market forces. I have high ideals. I shall not sully my reputation…”

I stopped as the Imp choked and spluttered on his drink. He started chortling in his own Impish manner. He sounded like a badly tuned Engine of a fifties Morris Minor.

“Are you ok?” I queried, concerned.

His eyes were watering and he kept chortling for a bit. He lifted his palm and waved me to sit down as I stood up to help. He wiped his eyes and blew his nose with a loud harrumph.

“Sorry dear boy. I was just taken by surprise. I have never laughed so much in polite company.”

I felt my face go warm.

“So what, “ I said with an edge in my voice that could have cut glass, “Do you find funny?”

The Imp grinned. “There was some mention of a reputation. But never mind, I am here to help you practice writing cutting edge titillation”

“But.. But I am in the middle of my Winnie the Pooh article….”

“Don’t make me come over there. Save that childish distraction and get on to grown up writing. Unless Winnie the Pooh is wearing leather thongs and …”

“Please.” I warned. “Please don’t sully my childhood favourite with your impure thongs. I mean thoughts.”

I leaned over to my laptop and saved the file. I opened a brand new document and cracked my knuckles. The Imp can be very persistent and I thought it was better to indulge him for a bit than fight the critter.

"So tell, me oh wise master. How does one write sizzling sex scenes?"

The Imp leaned back on the armchair. Steepled his fingers under his considerable nostrils and closed his eye. " Begin, I will." he said in a voice that sounded very much like Yoda.

And he did.

-Mohan Kumar-

The Imp returns in Despicable Imp...

QUIZ: Do you know your erotic literature?

For each question, choose the best answer. The answer key is below.

  1. Fifty Shades of Grey was originally published as ...
    • Twilight Fan Fiction
    • Star Wars Fan fiction
    • Harry Potter Fan Fiction
    • A Technical Manual for a Vacuum Cleaner
  2. Which of the following was considered erotic verse during its time?
    • Longfellow's 'Paul Revere's Ride'
    • Shakespeare's 'Venus and Adonis'
    • Wordsworth's ' The Oak and Broom'
    • Tennyson's 'Tithonus'
  3. Which of the following is considered Classical Erotica?
    • Iliad by Homer
    • Metamorphoses by Ovid
    • Songs of Songs from Old Testament
    • History by Herodotus
  4. Which of the following is NOT a sex manual?
    • The Ananga Ranga ( India)
    • The Kama Sutra ( India)
    • The Perfumed Garden ( Arabia)
    • Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam( Persia)
  5. The first conviction for Obscenity for the book 'The Nun in her Smock' was in
    • 1627
    • 1727
    • 1827
    • 1927

Answer Key

  1. Twilight Fan Fiction
  2. Shakespeare's 'Venus and Adonis'
  3. Songs of Songs from Old Testament
  4. Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam( Persia)
  5. 1727

Interpreting Your Score

If you got between 0 and 1 correct answer: You are pure and white! Go pray.

If you got between 2 and 3 correct answers: You are curious but chaste, Go play

If you got 4 correct answers: You are interested and inventive, stop while you are ahead.

If you got 5 correct answers: You should be ashamed of such in depth knowledge. But who am I kidding. I bow to a superior master of depravity.

© 2012 Mohan Kumar


Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on July 16, 2013:

Are you never satisfied, Nikki?

By the way. you have a cabin booked on the Holiday Tours you were inquiring about. Someone paid for the ticket. Didn't give his name... tall Swarthy Gentleman, by all accounts.

Beautiful Garbage from Louisiana on July 16, 2013:

I am on book 2 of the fifty shades series. Love me some Christian, I would so be his little submissive...um..anyway...great story, Thumbs up and stuff. Hope I get to read that saucy story of erotica that you and the imp are working on lol.

Deborah Brooks Langford from Brownsville,TX on September 11, 2012:

This is funny and cute to read.. I can see why it was shared on Facebook.. I love it..I have always said you are a great and exceptional writer.



Michelle Liew from Singapore on August 29, 2012:

Imps in thongs....well, well, well! You have a really creative imagination Docmo. I"m sharing this wonderful story. I love it when you write about imps!! Thanks for sharing!! Sharing, and tweeting.

RunningDeer from Iowa on August 14, 2012:

I am so glad you decided to write this. I think those books are a bunch of ill-written smut. But that's just me. I also like that you mentioned it came from a Twilight fan fiction site. I knew that, and am not too keen on fan fiction, another reason why I don't want to read them. I like that he was a big, ugly imp. Very hilarious that you were writing Winnie the Pooh when he showed up. Can't wait for the next part!!

Tammy from North Carolina on July 22, 2012:

Wow.. what a read. It is incredibly creative. I have never envisioned an imp in a thong. I have read the 1st 50 Shades but I really wasn't impressed. There wasn't enough substance to the story line. I think your version is better.

Deborah Neyens from Iowa on July 16, 2012:

This hub is quite Imp ressive. But I did poorly on your quiz. I haven't read Fifty Shades of Grey and I guess it shows. Thanks for the fun read.

Rachel Vega from Massachusetts on July 16, 2012:

I'm glad to know the Imp has this side to him -- although terribly distressed at the thought of him in a thong! "Imp-ressed" for certain. I can't wait to read the next installment.

p.s. 80%!

Gypsy Rose Lee from Daytona Beach, Florida on July 15, 2012:

Thoroughly enjoyed this. Interesting, delightful hub and love that imp. Awaiting eagerly your next. I am with you all the way on this one. I'm quite physic and I did have a small dwarf appearing now and then. Really, In fact he could tug on the hem of my skirt to let me know he's there. Never really said much but was sort of a good luck kind of talisman. Haven't seen him around now. So either we're both nuts or as I always say there are things that happen in this world which you cannnot explain.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 14, 2012:

Ah, TT. I'm glad you came. That boy Docmo hides behind his professional veneer not an Imp but a true devil. He may pretend that I'm the naughty one but I know him only too well. As for you dear, I hear you have been surrounded by spiders. I am told in the Arachnid dimension there is a rumor going around that you are indeed a manifestation of 'Arachnia' the spider-queen herself. I fear all those spiders you squashed or flip-flopped were merely coming to pay their respects, poor souls. Go easy on them. Next time one arrives in your table o r in the shower ( cough) pick the little critter up and give it a blessing/ kiss/stroke as you please. They deserve that for their long journey to see the Queen. Thank you dearie.

Terrye Toombs from Somewhere between Heaven and Hell without a road map. on July 14, 2012:

P.G., how are you?! :) I've finally found the time to read this little jaunt and it is as wonderful as all your other collaborations with Doc. I have to agree with you, Doc tries to come off as the straight laced doc, but I know he has an inner "imp" side he tries to hide from the world. Thank you for making him realize it. :) Looking forward to the next installment. VUM.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 12, 2012:

Dear Ruby, my my. 'We're going to see erotica like we've never seen before'. You know Docmo is shy underneath that brash exterior and is more of a prude than a shipload of puritans. Hence my mentor'ship'. However, I am seeing a new side to you, Dearie. Come closer and whisper to papa Imp exactly how much erotica have you actually seen/read, you minx. Love, P.G.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 12, 2012:

Dear Amy, I don't know what to say. I heard about your beautiful canine companion and I know MacGregor's own interdimensional travel has taken him away from you to a place of his own. I know he is happy but he does miss you too. He longs for a cuddle and still wiggles his tail and ears in his happy anticipation of your hand stroking his head. I know my silhouette reminded you of him. Memory is such that it echoes in everything we experience. As an Imp I am not usually susceptible to human emotions- but I do have a tear in my eye and a hug in my heart for you. Love P.G.

Dana Strang from Ohio on July 12, 2012:

Dear Mr. Woodimp - You certainly are a character. I could just sit you on my lap and scratch those adorable ears of yours! ... It is appreciated that you keep Docmo on his toes. We wouldn't want the old man's writing to get stale now would we?! And now a foray into imp-inspired erotica! If you thought the Limerick battle was something, this could open a whole new level of warfare ;) Always nice to read Docmo's accounts of you. What a pleasure it is to finally meet you. See you around the hubs. ~ dana

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 12, 2012:

Dear Dana - The truth, as they say, is STRANGer than fiction. Docmo has told me about your limerick battle. I am delighted this little excursion has been amusing to you. I am glad you are 'increasingly' fond of me. I am not as scary as I look. I am really a kind hearted, warm Imp with a penchant for passionate play. There is beauty inside this beast. thanks for the visit- P.G.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on July 11, 2012:

I have this feeling that we are going to see erotica as we've never seen before. The Imp is just impish enough to aid you into writing love scenes that are out of this world and a little impish I might add. I don't think he is all bad. I think we all could learn from him. Hee..Great write Docmo...

Amy Becherer from St. Louis, MO on July 11, 2012:

Dear Mr. Imp, This hub brought me to the realization that you have magical transformative powers. I was taken aback as I looked at the sunset photograph as your outline looks just like my beloved, recently lost canine companion, MacGregor. I kid you not. I must say, you have shaken me to the core and I don't remember a thing that you told Docmo other than a lot of talk about your thong...You have left me "nearly" speechless. I am now quite in awe of you.

Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on July 11, 2012:

My friend, we are influenced all along the way, whether we are aware of it or not, at the time.

I am writing a story which has recently become a novel, entitled. 'The Potter' and if that doesn't have connotations , I don't know what has.

I sprang from a discussion I was having with a born again Christian friend and during the ramble that my discussion usually become, I maintained, much to her horror, that as God is omniscient, then He could create evil, whereas she maintained that He, being Good would be incapable of such.

That blew a hole in omniscience as far as I was concerned.

But I found I was writing the story, and of course there is the reference in that particular Rubaiyat (!) to the potter and the pots in discussion.

Now she will not talk about my story at all to me.

Perhaps it is because I quoted to her one of my favourite Surahs, Al-Falaq:

"I seek refuge in the Lord of daybreak,

From the evil of that which He hath created..."

Dana Strang from Ohio on July 11, 2012:

FANASTIC! I could see the whole scene play out (even at those times when maybe I would rather not have!). Cannot begin to count the times I laughed out loud. I am growing increasingly fond of this imp of yours.

Impatiently awaiting the next installment!

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

On the contrary, dear Ian, there's nary a slap in sight, a mere repartee between two friends who love literature.

Oh how much I would like to have been in that car. Your father's scholarly renditions haven't been in vain. Your love for the written word, multilingual insights, your poetic passion, the word perfect rendition of Omar Khayyam's quatrain... he'd certainly be proud of you.

I am as guilty of riding a high horse like a galloping knight only to realise I am on a chess board and we all are...

But helpless pieces in the game He plays

Upon this chequer-board of Nights and Days

He hither and thither moves, and checks ... and slays

Then one by one, back in the Closet lays...

Zakim dil, my friend.

Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on July 11, 2012:

Well, that's me put in my place, Mohan.

But I am glad of it.

I love learning new things and I needed that slap to tell me to get off my pretentious horse.

Attaboy... Or Giddyup. They both have the same ring to them.

But when you sally forth to your local hostelry and say to the buxom barmaid there, "A ferkin beer, lass, and be sharpish." she'll probably reply,

"Gimme a ferkin minit, darlin', I'm ferkin workin' me arse off 'ere."

Yep, he spoke Urdu and or Hindi, read ad recited in Sanskit and knew several Pashtun marching songs which would be much against what the HubPages Police consider decent.

So he would be driving the car and either reciting.

"Awake for morning in the bowl of night,

Has flung the stone that puts the stars to flight

And Lo, the hunter from the east has come

and caught the sultan's turret in a noose of light"


Bellowing the words to 'Zakim dil' in Pashtun and then in English and telling me the why and wherefore.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

And hence the parentheses, my dear Ian. The reader may beg to differ.

Deluded is just about right.

As for the Rubaiyat- my dear Ian- a Ruba'i - is an Arabic term for a Quatrain. The plural form of Ruba'i is Rubaiyat.

There are many Rubaiyat in Persian and Arabic. The most famous collection is perhaps the one by Omar Khayyam. so much so, it has become synonymous with this work.

Its a bit like someone in Arabia only reading translations of Shakespeare's Sonnets and thinking all sonnets are by Shakespeare. Deluded I may be, Ian, but I know what I'm talking about. he he.

I am amazed at your car journeys and your father reciting Omar Khayyam is certainly be a unique memory, my friend.

However, he must be a truly linguistic scholar if he knew them in Sanskrit, as the originals were written in Persian ;-) Later translated and popularized by Edward Fitzgerald. Thank you for your kind words. I do like the idea of having a 'no ferkin idea' choice.

Next time I'm in the pub, I may go ' May I have a ferkin beer!' and see what happens.

Twilight Lawns from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K. on July 11, 2012:

You said, "Lately I have concluded that I am not as insane as I thought ."

I beg to differ.

Oh dear, a bit of Physician heal Thyself is called for. Deluded, my friend deluded.

By the way, when you have another mini quiz, how about another button... I have no ferkin idea.

But the Rubaiyat of Omar Khayam?

Firstly, did anyone else write a Rubaiyat? The Rubaiyat of A.A.Milne for example?

And that was my father's favourite poem. he would recite stanza after stanza to me while he was driving me to school. He knew much of it in Sanskrit as well as the Fitzgerald translation.

N.B. "Ferkin" an Old English measure of mead, beer etc..

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

Dear Mary , the titan from tillson. Docmo has told me he has a hub-crush on you. He thinks your comments are always wonderful, supportive and warm. I can see why now. However, I take affront that you think he may be 'smarter' than me. you see, dear girl, as an interdimensional being, I have access to knowledge from not only this world but from others too. Docmo is getting smart only because I share this wisdom with him. I am glad this is working, cuz, judging by the comments, There is steady stream of fellow hubbers who appreciate his work.

As for you, dear girl, let me know if you need your own personal Imp. I know Imps who can help in may other ways cuz I dont think you need help with your writing. mwah. P.G

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

Mhatter- if you're hinting I'm a figment of Docmo's Imagination, think again. I'm merely mentoring him in the aspects of writing. He needs me. I sometimes wonder if he is a figment of *my* imagination, you know. Thanks for coming over. P.G.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

Exactly, suzette ( btw, Docmo once took me to a local french pancake shop and ordered me a delicious crepe suzette, named after you perhaps?) I think he is likley to increase his hubhits should he write with a bit more sizzle and a little less drizzle. know what I'm sayin? thank you my french crepe. P.G.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

eHealer, I'll make sure Docmo keeps 'em comin' baby. as long as you promise to come back and read 'em baby. your comments will definitely make Docmo smile. As for me, P.G., sometimes he says my smile could freeze a lake. He's unkind to me, eHealer. unkind. P.G

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

Drbj, I always wondered if you had an IMP yourself on reading your outstanding interviews and psychic abilities. My cousin, DG Woodimp is a psychic channeller and does help people talk to long gone celebrities. I wondered if he has been manifesting to help you with your fantastic hubs. thank you for taking the time to pop over, dr. I hear you like a good joke:

What do you call a female Imp with a strong armor and a big sword?

Imp-Pregnable. nyuk!nyuk!

What do you call an Imp who thinks he is an Elf?

Imp-personator. he he.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 11, 2012:

Ah the English (Nell) Rose. I saw your picture as the Queen on one of Daisy's hubs. If you think I get Docmo into trouble, that canny little wordster only makes it appear so. He is much cheekier than me and blames it all on me. thank you for your visit Nell.

Jools Hogg from North-East UK on July 11, 2012:

Mohan, or should I say P.G. Woodimp - I laughed my head off reading this. I am the only one in the staffroom who has not, is not and has no intention of reading these books but I loved your take on them! Very funny read!

Mary Craig from New York on July 11, 2012:

Dear P.G. Woodimp;

It is so kind of you to take over for Mohan, after all he is writing at your request! You know P.G., you really should go easy on him. It is a good thing to be one who learns for the sake of learning and wants to be in on everything...you are the same or you wouldn't be showing up to see what's going on in our world. Imagine how dull life would be without Mohan and his talents!

You're lucky Mohan welcomes you and shares his knowledge with you (even though you think you're smarter than he is!)

This was a great hub with the talent and humor Mohan always gives us. You really should be proud to be his imp!

Voted up, funny, awesome, interesting and shared with my followers!

P.S. Can't wait for the next installment!!!!

Martin Kloess from San Francisco on July 10, 2012:

This is "good stuff". You have a great imagination. Thank you for sharing it with us.

Suzette Walker from Taos, NM on July 10, 2012:

My heavens, this is hilarious! You have quite the imagination! This is so entertaining and funny. I enjoyed this one as much as Pooh. Well, I don't blame you if you are ready for more, ahem, adult writing - go for it. You will probably up the hits on your hubs lol. Can't wait for the next part!

Deborah from Las Vegas on July 10, 2012:

Docmo, you are an imp! I love the creativity, you are too cool! I really like the photo, "me and imp have a contemplative conversation." You are so incredible. Love it and keep em' comin' baby!

drbj and sherry from south Florida on July 10, 2012:

An imp with an improbable British name, wearing a leather, sequin-studded thong who will be teaching us how to write sexy, steamy, scintillating sentences . . . and some people call my interviews imaginative! They don't hold a candle to your stories, Mohan. Trust me.

Nell Rose from England on July 10, 2012:

So funny! lol! that little Imp is going to get you into trouble! I haven't read that book yet, but according to reviews its pants! apart from the obvious bits, I prefer p.c. casts books, she writes house of night vampire stuff for teens, but her Goddess books are for adults! lol! very very steamy! loved this, can't wait for the second part!

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 10, 2012:

Ah Becky, a Gentle-Imp never probes. I mean.. er.. never asks.

Janine Huldie from New York, New York on July 10, 2012:

Docmo, you are right I am so not alone and knew many people reading it when I did too. I too read out of pure curiosity and never even heard of this book before Easter, when my sister-in-laws were talking about it and asked me if I had read. Well of course curiosity got the best of me. I read one and was hooked and then read the other two as well. I was hooked not for the writing, but for the steamy scenes as you put it, therefore truly total guilty pleasure. Anyways, I so enjoyed your article and look forward to reading more from you on this. Thanks again!!

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 10, 2012:

Dear Sir Holland, It is a rrare honor to meet you here , sir. Docmo has mentioned you many times, he is in awe of your integrity, your passion for teaching and your honesty in sharing your life journey. If I had a hat, I 'll take it off. In the Imp-world he salute you by a two stage wiggle of our ears. I am glad, Sir Bill that you found this amusing and laughworthy. I am not particularly thrilled at Docmo's attempt at getting cheap laughs at my expense, but hell, he is a writer and I am his unofficial mentor, so I am pleased. Thank you, kind sir. P.G.

Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on July 10, 2012:

You never know, and a lady never tells.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 10, 2012:

Becky, my dear, Docmo has mentioned your name. He is so pleased you did that hub on him. He always loved the attention. As for me, I am glad you find my presence in his hubs a naughty pleasure. As for my backside, years of interdimensional travel has taken its toll and the skin of my bum is indeed, like leather.

But never mind the texture of my buttocks, you seem well versed with the engineering dynamics of a thong... do I dare suspect... thank you, my dear for your visit and comments.

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 10, 2012:

Janine - you are not on your own as 10 million copies prove- EL James was mentored by one of my cousin Imps - so I am well versed with the story's genesis. Docmo himself is 'guilty' of reading the trilogy purely out of 'curiosity 'and the fact that every woman he knows at work, at home (yes) has been reading it. He found the titillation suitably well made but the writing appalling. However, it delivers on what it intends to deliver - a middle grade fantasy and a guilty pleasure. this is what prompted me to reflect on the mechanics of writing steamy scenes - they are not always easy to pull of as if done wrong they can be tedious and boring. If the writer crosses the line it could be disgusting. That tightrope is not an easy one to walk- so hats off to Erika Leonard. I intend to tutor Docmo on how to navigate these straits. Much love, P.G.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on July 10, 2012:

Well my friend, I laughed out loud and that is a compliment indeed. Very creative and imaginative and yes, a little bit naughty. Great hub!

Mohan Kumar (author) from UK on July 10, 2012:

Critical message - thanks for the visit. It always amuses me when a niche lifestyle choice goes mainstream and becomes a fad. Two things happen one it makes it easier and less 'taboo' to talk about it. Two it annoys the hell out of those who have pursued it. As you say where the structure, authenticity and intent is lost to a 'fashionable fad'. Thanks for your visit and comments. Much appreciated.

Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on July 10, 2012:

Just curious about the squeak of leather on leather when the leather thong was up hi bum on the back. Is his bum leather too?

Becky Katz from Hereford, AZ on July 10, 2012:

This was funny and awesome, as usual with your Imp stories. Naughty too, hahaha.

Janine Huldie from New York, New York on July 10, 2012:

What can I say, I am guilt I read all 3 Fifty Shades books and they were a total guilty pleasure. so when I read this I knew to some degree where you were going and getting at. Loved it Docmo and have shared and voted up. Look forward to the next installment too!

Murphy from Chicagoland, Illinois on July 10, 2012:

A great read Docmo!

One that I can relate to all too well personally.

I have seen the BDSM lifestyle grow from an underground, underworld activity into one of the greatest marketing fads of all time...

It has been a long time since it has been pursued solely on its principle structures and intents. Yes, there are still rare exceptions.. Rare being the keyword there.

It is now more about posing, posturing, and the look at me function for the ego-maniacally insecure.

It used to be so much simpler, and authentic, when it was still a taboo instead of the marketing tool it has become today.

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