Updated date:

Morning Snivels with Blake and Wendy Episode 1: A Satirical Look at Our Feelings Driven Culture

Author:

Lori loves a good punchline. She loves to spread humor to make people laugh and not take life too seriously.

Feelings News Network logo.

Feelings News Network logo.

At some point in recent years, we exchanged facts for emotions. Our culture is driven by feelings. Knowing facts help us assess a person, place, or thing so that we can find a solution or have a greater understanding. People will always have a different perception of the problem or debate which solution is correct, but at least they have more to go on than hurt feelings, tantrums, or being offended; that is after all, how children operate. They don't care about facts unless it's to their benefit. They care about getting their own way, even if it's the wrong way. I realize there are some things that are relative and subjective, but there are some absolutes out there too.

Today, if a fact bomb is dropped on some people, and they don't like it, they are highly offended. This means the people, places, and things behind that fact are bad, evil, and should issue an apology, (which is never accepted); in some cases, they should be punished severely. People lose their reputations, their livelihoods, and are subject to abuse. You have a Maga hat, that offends me so you should take it off. You deserve to be harassed and attacked. If you wear a Biden/Harris shirt, that offends me because you're a flaming liberal socialist moron and you shouldn't wear it (these are hypotheticals not me speaking). It's not that people have never been emotional about issues of the day; that's why they say never talk politics or religion or someone will get hurt. But today it is at absurd levels. All you hear is whining, victimhood, and hostility. So today, I offer a ridiculous scenario. It's obviously satire and greatly exaggerated. It may or may not be funny, but if we're not careful, this may become a reality to some degree. If you disagree with my assessment, let me hear from you in the comments.

Debut

Today is the debut of a newly created show on FEELINGS NEWS NETWORK [FNN] where feelings are the antennas of truth. The show is called Morning Snivels with Blake and Wendy. Co-hosts Blake Blubber and Wendy Weepers chat about feelings as they are related to current events and cultural trends and are joined by others for special show segments. The show is filmed before a small live audience.

The show opens on a typical network news set. The co-hosts are seated at a table, with tall cups of coffee with their show logo on them. In the middle of the table is a box of tissues for those moving moments. The director sounds off, "Four, three, two, one, you're on." Blake and Wendy turn on their network smiles and beam into the cameras.

Blake: Good morning and welcome to Morning Snivels with Blake and Wendy. I am Blake Blubber.

Wendy: And I am Wendy Weepers. This is our very first airing of Morning Snivels with Blake and Wendy. As a matter of fact, it is the first day of broadcasting for FNN. (she swivels her chair to face Blake)

Blake: It is indeed, Wendy. It's a very emotional day. I mean finally, we have a news network that overtly and unashamedly claims that feelings determine the facts in news reporting and talk programming. Rather than the erroneous idea that facts guide our feelings, we will show that the heart is the main thing. (His lower lip trembles just slightly.) It's been a long time coming.

Wendy: Yes, it has been. (She reaches over and swipes a tear off of Blake's face). Aw, you really are emotional, Blake. (she hands him a Kleenex). Let's talk a little bit more about the philosophy behind FNN.

Blake: (Blows his nose). Of course. Look, for as long as there has been network news the motivation has been to inform the public as to what is going on in the world. You look back at the renowned newscaster Walter Cronkite, who was a straight-shooter of unbiased news. He delivered the news so matter of factly we didn't know how he felt about the news he was reporting.

Wendy: Well, he did cry while reporting Kennedy's death, but he never got offended about anything, denigrated presidents, political figures, or stood up for his political views.

Blake: True, but he was a good man. It was the era in which he lived. The news was delivered without bias and feelings. Sad but true.

Wendy: (turns to cameras) So you folks at home may be wondering how this ties in with the mission and philosophy of FNN. We at FNN are committed to feelings informing our facts. And here on Morning Snivels with Blake and Wendy, we fly under the banner of wearing the heart of America on our sleeves. We want to present news and discussion through the lens of emotions to help us all make sense of the realities of life.

Blake: Well, said, Wendy. FNN is about heart, passion, fear, joy, anger, wonder, agony. Feelings are the antennas of truth.

Wendy: (grabs a tissue and dabs at her eyes). That was very profound, Blake. I mean, Dude, you nailed it.

Feelings determine the facts in news reporting and talk programming.

Feelings determine the facts in news reporting and talk programming.

Platitudes with Peggy Cliche

The show pauses for a commercial break. When the show returns a new segment is introduced.

Blake: Hey, we have a news segment coming up called Platitudes with Peggy Cliche.

Wendy: Yes, our dear friend Peggy Cliche. Oh, look, here she is now.

Behind the desk, Peggy is lowered down on a swing with a screen behind her of the city skyline, sunshine, and clouds. Peggy is young and pretty with a face bathed in serenity. She holds a book of Platitudes.

Blake and Wendy Hi Peggy.

Peggy: Hey everyone.

Weepers: What do you have for us today?

Peggy: A little news on protests vs. riots. Today in the news, protests continue in major cities around the nation, with looting, arson, and vandalism causing millions of dollars of damage to businesses. Violence on the streets has caused thirty-one murders of police officers and many citizens killed or injured. Some people are upset that these activities are being called peaceful protests when in reality are riots. That's insulting to the protesters who just want to be heard. Perception is reality. It's all how you choose to look at it. For those who have been injured, had loved ones murdered, or lost their businesses, I say hang in there, time heals all wounds. This too shall pass. And take heart, it will all be better in the morning. Tomorrow is another day. And it if doesn't go away just yet, remember this: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Wendy and Blake and the studio audience stand to their feet applauding. Peggy rises up out of sight.

Blake: Wow, that so profound, wasn't it Wendy?

Wendy: (grabs a tissue and dabs at the mascara dripping from her eyes) I have no words. Well, actually, I do. She was spot on. Such wisdom moved me.

Blake: It's all about perspective, about feelings, as Peggy said. And we know that feelings and opinions determine truth. What is one person's truth is not necessarily another person's truth. And that's the truth if it feels true. And if it doesn't, then it's not true.

Wendy and Blake burst into laughter and high five.

The audience claps with vigor.

Peggy Cliche

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

2020 Warning Report

Wendy: Well, Blake, it's time to move on to our next segment. It's called the 2020 Warning Report by Karen Warning, a formidable commentator.

Blake: Okay everyone, let's give Karen a warm Morning Snivels welcome.

Not knowing what was ahead, the audience offers tentative, polite applause.

Karen stands at her podium, ready to lower the boom on Americans. A sideways smile seems to be the permanent position of her mouth as she speaks out the side of it.

Karen: Hello everyone. Let me introduce myself. I'm Karen Warning, your cynical, hard-nosed, sarcastic doomsayer for 2020. My purpose is to warn Americans about things that should cause fear, panic, offense, and hurt feelings. I don't candy-coat, I don't mince words, I cause chaos with my dire warnings. Now, are you ready? Duck and cower!

The clock is ticking fast, folks. Each moment that passes by we are nearer to the demise of our nation from the war between the donkeys and the elephants. The barnyard stench, hee haws, mooings, whinnies, and cluckings are filling the airwaves. And you want to know something? The people who disagree with my ideology and worldview offend me and should offend you too. Therefore I am justified in my hate because believing and acting contrary to me is inciting hate and violence.

If you believe as I do, censor the opponents, deny them access to college campuses, demand Max Limburger, CEO of Disgracebook, and Joe Horsey, CEO of Litter to silence them. Grow some hair on your chest and speak out against ideologies that hurt or offend you; If you don't, you have only yourselves to blame.

You say Walter had a sign off phrase? I have one, too, adapted for family-friendly standards. Are you ready?

And that's no horse pucky!

Audience: (standing, shaking their fists, and yelling)

Karen Warning

The clock is ticking, folks.

The clock is ticking, folks.

Special Guest Hush Withdraw

The camera returns to Blake and Wendy who are now sitting on a sofa and an easy chair with a coffee table and their coffee plus an extra cup.

Blake: Thank you, Karen. You are one tough cookie. Wendy, would you like to introduce our special guest?

Wendy: I would. Our guest has been a powerful advocate for the cancel culture movement in recent years and received the Criticism Choice Award in 2019 for his podcast Hush Up and won the 2020 Farewell Peace Prize last month. He's just finished a new documentary, Gag Order: Silencing the Damned, which comes out on November 3rd on ThreatFlix. Let's give a warm welcome to Hush Withdraw.

A middle-aged man with unkempt gray hair, three-days growth of facial hair, an ample waistline, and over-sized suit with no tie struts his way to the set, kisses Wendy and fist bumps Blake. He sits on the sofa with Wendy, Blake in the easy chair. The audience gives hardy applause.

Blake: Hush, welcome to Morning Snivels. We are so honored to have you here today.

Hush: My pleasure, Blake. I'm honored to be asked.

Blake: First of all, we'd like to say congratulations on your recent awards. Your podcast has been praised by hundreds of podcast junkies. Tell us a bit about it.

Hush: Thank you so much. We just finished our 400th show yesterday and we're excited about that. Basically, my message is that there is too much free now in free speech, and one of the best ways to stop it is to cancel, cancel, cancel. People think they can say whatever they want. I just spoke before congress recently asking them to cancel or amend the first amendment. Yes, it's part of the constitution, but it was written in a different time, it's outdated and does not consider how free speech causes conflict between the masses. The following day they debated, but the side that favors me made it a filibuster. Good move to silene the other side.

Wendy: That's pretty extreme and could draw catastrophic consequences. Some would argue that the first amendment restrains only the government. How do you answer that argument?

Hush: People read into it what they want it to say. But let me talk more about my show. I have guests on every podcast. We recently had on the entertainment mogul Boorish Mann and we discussed the canceling of some high profile comedians. I mean Willie Wildman did that bit on SNL where he joked that Joe Biden's on a new sugar-free diet to keep those beautiful white campaign teeth healthy and sniffing Twinkie wrappers in his basement. That's defamation of character. It's basically implying that Joe is an addict. He's running for president, he could lose a lot of votes. Hostess company and Mann demanded a public apology and that his Disgracebook and Litter accounts be canceled.

Blake: I heard about that. What did Biden say?

Hush: He took it lying down. Said something like being a public figure is fair game for SNL and he'd be hurt if they only covered Trump. The guy is clueless, being gracious like that. He just wants the public to think he's a nice guy. But Wilder made his apology, a lame one at that. Hostess is suing anyway. Think about it: the implication is that Twinkies are a controlled substance. Twinkies for crying out loud. That's hurtful, a case of libel, slander, defamation, and opens them up to the tabloids to be further damaged.

Blake: Okay, moving on, can you give us a little scoop on your upcoming documentary?

Hush: Yes, it's called Gag Order: Silencing the Damned. I'm not allowed to say much but it's a film on the importance of cancel culture, and the need to change or cancel the first Amendment. We have a long line of revisionist historians and prominent people in our culture today to weigh in. I think it's a must-see. It debuts on Threatflix on November 3rd.

Blake: Hush, thank you so much for being with us today. Best of luck with your documentary. Let's give Hush a round of applause.

fake-news-network

Thanks for Joining Us Today

The show goes to commercial. When it returns, Blake and Wendy are standing before the audience to wrap up the show.

Blake: Wendy, wasn't this great fun?

Wendy: Beyond my wildest dreams. What did you all think of it?

The audience cheers and applauds. The camera zooms in on Blake and Wendy's smiling faces.

Blake: Thank you everyone and you at home. We're so glad you joined us. We're on Monday through Friday 9:00 a.m. pacific time.

Wendy: Please join us tomorrow for our next show. We have a very special guest lined up - Psychologist to the celebrities and best selling author Dr. Debra Gushy.

I'm Wendy Weepers.

Blake: And I'm Blake Blubber.

They look at each other and smile, then look back at the camera.

Wendy and Blake: Wearing the heart of America on our sleeves. See you tomorrow everybody.

© 2020 Lori Colbo

Comments

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on November 10, 2020:

Hi Bill, thank you.

William Kovacic from Pleasant Gap, PA on November 08, 2020:

Lori at her best! Enjoyed it much. I really have tp say. I like that new picture of you/ You look so author-ish.

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 23, 2020:

Hi North Wind. Thanks for the encouragement. I think I will do another episode.

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 23, 2020:

Bill, thanks so much for your kind words. Maybe I'll have you on my next show.

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 23, 2020:

Eric, very true. There are a lot of scared people. Thanks for stopping by,

Lori Colbo (author) from Pacific Northwest on October 23, 2020:

Hi John, i am sorry to say the same.

North Wind from The World (for now) on October 23, 2020:

Somebody should pick this up. I would love to see this as a series. There are still some actors and actresses out there who don't mind voicing unpopular opinions and say what they really think.

A very entertaining read. I do hope there is a part two. I would love to hear what Dr. Debra Gushy has to say about all this. I need my feelings validated! LOL!

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on October 22, 2020:

Brilliantly creative and funnier than hell, my friend.

Eric Dierker from Spring Valley, CA. U.S.A. on October 22, 2020:

Well you handled this masterfully. A whole lot to laugh at and a whole lot of accuracy. It sure is a big old goofy world. Being afraid of social interaction Is a real road to a world of depression.

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on October 22, 2020:

Lori, this is so clever. You are really talented and whether it is Dear Andy or this political satire you excel. I wish there wasn't so much truth reflected in this article, but there are numerous problems in our country right now.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on October 22, 2020:

This was very well done, Lori. It is unfortunate that this really seems a direction that society is going.