It's Called Geocentrism
You've probably been taught your entire life that the Earth revolves around the Sun and that the Sun is the center of our galaxy.
Unfortunately, this has been a vast scientific conspiracy to convince us that Earth is not the center of the galaxy.
Scientific conspiracies are running rampant in our society now and it's up to right-thinking human beings to set people straight. Greedy scientists have put forth these conspiracies in an effort to increase their personal wealth through the funding of their pet projects and desire to collect data to prove their theories correct or incorrect. Among these false theories are evolution (the Earth is 2 billion year old? Right!), vaccines don't cause autism (just read the work of Andrew Wakefield!), and global warming (it's snowing in Ottawa right now, you idiots!). We must not let scientists perpetuate the myth that the Earth revolves around the Sun any longer.
Did you know only 3 out of 4 Americans believe that the Earth revolves around the Sun according to discovery.com? There are 25% of us out there who know the real truth.
By most scientific accounts, Copernicus "discovered" that the Earth revolved around the Sun and published these findings around the time of his death in 1543. But what do we really know about Copernicus? Did you know that he lived and died in Prussia? This almost certainly means that he was a Communist or held pre-Communist views.
Copernicus held a doctorate in canon law and was, though without degrees, a physician, polyglot, classic scholar, translator, governor, diplomat, and economist, which all adds up to a big, fat liberal. Nobody could spend that much time in academia and not be a liberal. Further, his father was a merchant, which seems to indicate that Copernicus rejected the hard-earned life of his father to spend his days lollygagging in higher education where we know liberal thinking to be rampant. Although he died just after posing his theory, it's quite likely that he falsified the information to bring attention to himself and funding for further research.
Known as the "father of modern observational astronomy".
He was born after Copernicus died and was a strong supporter of heliocentrism, which is the theory that the sun is the center of the galaxy and the Earth revolves around it.
However, did you know that Galileo had a criminal record? That's right, he was placed under house arrest by the Church for heresy. Who do you trust more: a criminal or the Church?
Galileo seriously considered joining the priesthood as a young man, but ended up going to medical school. He later switched to mathematics and launched his attack on the Church and geocentrism. This is not unlike many of the liberals of today who attack the Bible and its principles, like the fact that marriage is defined as being between a man and a woman. Undoubtedly, Galileo would have supported gay marriage and other liberal causes.
"As regards equations, there are only six, and only three are needed to be explained, which we do for you in simple language. If you can add 2 + 2 and get 4, you can understand our explanation of these equations."
--advertisement for "Geocentrism 101"
Look up at the sky
Many scientists use observation to justify their theories, so they must think we're really stupid given that most of us can walk right outside our front doors and observe the sun moving across our sky during the course of the day and the moon moving across our sky, along with the stars, during the night.
So what does this mean? Well, it means that we are in a fixed position and the sun is moving around us obviously.
You can conduct an experiment to verify this observation by standing flat-footed in your yard and then asking somebody to run in a circle around you. Notice that if you keep your head still and just follow the person with your eyes, he or she will move across your field of vision, just like the sun moves across the Earth's field of vision.
If the Earth revolved around the sun, then we would see the Earth moving across our field of vision while we stood on the sun and nobody has ever observed that.
the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose and criticize people's stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.
How Do We Know What We Know?
There are several ways we know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Earth does not revolve around the sun.
Fox News has reported on many of today's scientific conspiracies and provided sound evidence that they are not true or are the work of dishonest scientists with ulterior motives. Their conclusions are supported by several Texas school boards and many bloggers. Such evidence has contradicted the theory of evolution, proving evolution not to be a fact at all, but only a theory. Additional evidence has contradicted the theory of global warming. Fox News has featured many scientific experts who the mainstream media ignore and provides evidence that firmly contradicts established scientific theory.
On the issue of the Earth orbiting the sun, Fox News recently featured a compelling debate between John Bennett, one of the so-called "leading experts" on astronomy in the world, and a chicken.
While Bennett provided considerable evidence that's been accepted over the years by the scientific community explaining why we believe the Earth orbits the sun, the chicken could not understand this evidence. Further, when the chicken expressed his disbelief, Bennett could not make the chicken believe that the Earth orbited the sun. Polls following the debate indicated that only 35% of the viewing audience believed Bennett while 65% believed that the chicken did not understand Bennett's argument and that the fact that Bennett's argument confused the chicken was reason to doubt its veracity.
- Galileo Was Wrong: Geocentrism 101
If you don't like big words and a lot of pictures, then this book is for you.
- Galileo Was Wrong
Because theologians know physics!
- 1 in 4 Americans doesn't know Earth circles sun
To put the brightest possible spin on this story is to say that three-quarters of Americans are fully aware that the Earth revolves around the sun.
- 1 in 4 Americans Don't Know Earth Orbits the Sun. Yes, Really. : Discovery News
Dear Science Communication Professionals: We have a problem. Continue reading →
Jay C OBrien from Houston, TX USA on October 25, 2014:
lol, great hub.
Since you are into expansive thinking I will offer a hub for your review, "My Telepathic Experiences."
crankalicious (author) from Colorado on May 06, 2014:
Thanks for your comments. Perhaps satire is not dead.
Greensleeves Hubs from Essex, UK on May 06, 2014:
crankalicious; it is indeed depressing how so many fail to learn, understand or believe the simplest evidence-based facts about science; and that stat about Americans who don't know the Earth goes round the Sun makes one feel like giving up all hope for the human race!
Some of these people have such unbounded faith in their unscientific ideas that nothing will ever persuade them they are wrong. And they'll selectively ignore uncomfortable truths and pounce on the flimsiest of evidence to support their beliefs, as you have implied here. I'm actually a little surprised that no creationists, flat earthers, or conspiracy theorists have yet commented hailing your 'arguments' as further support for their ideas! :-)
Jethu262 from Cincinatti on April 11, 2014:
I actually realized the brilliance of this article only 2 or 3 paragraphs in. You had me at first though! Well done!
crankalicious (author) from Colorado on April 11, 2014:
Is satire truly dead as a writing form?
mbuggieh on April 11, 2014:
I am going to assume this hub is a joke---perhaps designed for April Fool's Day or some similar "event".
This is particularly likely, in my opinion, since you cite FoxNews and Texas textbook publishers are your sources.
Melvin Porter from New Jersey, USA on April 11, 2014:
Crankalious, everything you said here is totally wrong. You are writing a lot of misinformation here. Everyone, pretty much know the earth revolves around the sun and the moon revolves around the earth. These are basic facts. There is no conspiracy here. The earth is a little than 4 billion years old based on the decay rate of several radioactive elements. There is a long list of evidence that support all the scientific facts which you are disputing here. You need to watch the "Cosmos" currently being broadcasted to get your facts straight.
Chaos from Providence on April 10, 2014:
Chaos from Providence on April 10, 2014: