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Do I have "Please Grope Me" Tattooed on my Forehead?

Picture courtesy of http://pokergrump.blogspot.com/2008_07_06_archive.html

Picture courtesy of http://pokergrump.blogspot.com/2008_07_06_archive.html

I am seriously beginning to wonder what kind of message I am unintentionally giving out to men! It feels as if I have "Please Grope Me" tattooed on my forehead, yet I offer no actual encouragement as far as I am aware. Let me explain:

I suppose the worst of it began without an actual grope being involved, and was the time I was flashed by a man when I was at work, on my own, in a lonely one man petrol station in the middle of nowhere. Those of you who read the hub will know I handled this weird experience pretty well, and actually found it quite amusing, (not an easily shocked person as you may have gathered). I have always been fairly outrageous in personality, and it takes one hell of a lot to embarrass me, although many have tried. Actually, one of the nicest compliments I have ever had was from a male friend in the pub who included me in an all bloke conversation by saying, "Oh Cindy, she's okay, she's one of the lads". Don't get me wrong, I am ladylike and usually smartly dressed when I go out, but I do seem to fit right in with the lads, at least most of the time anyway, and am rarely offended by any topic of conversation, no matter how crude it may seem to most women.

Picture courtesy of http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-ways-guys-ruin-the-mood_1p.html

Picture courtesy of http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-ways-guys-ruin-the-mood_1p.html

Picture courtesy of http://strange-games.blogspot.com/2006/05/slapsies-slaps.html

Picture courtesy of http://strange-games.blogspot.com/2006/05/slapsies-slaps.html

Picture courtesy of http://www.suburbancamping.com/2009/05/01/dirty_old_men/

Picture courtesy of http://www.suburbancamping.com/2009/05/01/dirty_old_men/

Perhaps this is mistaken by some males to mean I am "up for anything", as the first time I was physically groped was about 2005, when I was in my regular pub (at the time) on a Friday night enjoying a few drinks with the usual locals and spending a bit of time with the man who was later to become my current Husband. I had briefly left the crowd I was sitting with and headed up to the bar to buy a drink. On my way to the bar I started chatting to another regular in the pub who had already enjoyed quite a few beers. Normally him and I got on okay, and we had played a number of games of pool against each other in the past, (I had actually won a fair few drinks off him this way previously). His name was Wayne, and although for the life of me I cannot remember what we were talking about, I do remember that suddenly, and without any warning, he grabbed hold of my right breast, (boob), whatever you choose to call it, and squeezed it rapidly three times as if it was some kind of vintage car horn or something, you know, like Noddy's car "Parp, Parp, Parp".

My reaction was purely reflex, as if my right arm had a completely independent brain from mine, as I immediately slapped him very hard around the face. There was a split second pause, and then the pub landlord, (who happened to be my Ex Control Freak Boyfriend), came rushing over to prevent the situation escalating any further.

Meanwhile, a few of our crowd had witnessed this event, and were actively encouraging my future (slightly inebriated) Husband to go and deck the bloke. I ended up having to convince him to stay out of it, and explained I had already dealt with the situation myself. Eventually Wayne called me over and apologised with a bizarre explanation that didn't make me feel any better at all. His explanation was that he had drunk so much he had no idea who he had been talking to, and I could have been "Boogie" or anyone. I would like to explain here that "Boogie", is a bloke, a little shorter than me, and slightly tubby, in fact, I couldn't look much less like "Boogie if I was Father Christmas. Anyway I accepted the apology, told Wayne if it ever happened again I would "lay him out" and prised my future Husband away from the discussion and went on to enjoy the rest of my evening.

This however, was not to be the last time I got groped!

Picture courtesy of http://movies.indiainfo.com/2009/10/19/091019162335_who_is_groping_asins_breast.html

Picture courtesy of http://movies.indiainfo.com/2009/10/19/091019162335_who_is_groping_asins_breast.html

Picture courtesy of http://www.zazzle.com/you_grope_i_slap_comprender_tshirt-235242479414303311

Picture courtesy of http://www.zazzle.com/you_grope_i_slap_comprender_tshirt-235242479414303311

Picture courtesy of http://whatnottoknit.wordpress.com/2007/02/

Picture courtesy of http://whatnottoknit.wordpress.com/2007/02/

Some time has needless to say gone by, and I guess I had relaxed and didn't expect things like this to happen to me any more, (after all, I am turning 40 next month). I no longer frequent the same pub, and the pub I do frequent is a trouble free zone, so why is it that last Saturday night, my Husband and I are enjoying a few drinks together, when a certain male acquaintance of ours comes into the bar, starts chatting and drinking some beers, and waits for his opportunity to grope me?

Now let me just describe this man to you. He is approximately in his late 60's, has had two knee replacements and is married to a very sweet lady who happens to work for the same company as my Husband. He has never made a pass at me before, and I can't really blame it on the alcohol as he had only drunk a few pints when the grope happened.

Richard went to the toilet, (and probably for a sneaky cigarette as well because he knows I have quit smoking). This man then began to relatively harmlessly (or so I thought), flirt via some slight innuendo type remarks. I initially let the comments roll over my head like they normally do, but that was until he commented on the fact I had "Buttons on the inside of my jumper". Realising he was referring to the fact I was not wearing a bra (and it was a little chilly), I tried to laugh it off saying that there were no buttons on the inside of my jumper:

"Yes there are" he says, "Here", and begins twiddling with my left nipple as if trying to tune in a radio station.

I was taken somewhat by surprise, and removed his hand immediately, whilst trying to put him down a bit by saying:

"Well at least I don't have a button on the inside of my trousers".

Fatal, big mistake, as he grabs my hand and says words to the effect of, "It's no button, here, feel it", and promptly begins pulling my hand down towards his groin.

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I yanked my hand away, feeling pretty disgusted, but not wanting to make a scene. He exchanged a few more flirtatious remarks to me that I politely rejected, before he must have seen my Husband returning from the toilets, at which point he immediately and smoothly changed the subject.

Shortly after we left to go home, and on the way back I told my husband what had happened. He was pretty shocked to be honest, and so was I. It left me feeling almost "dirty" and "sullied" in some way, and yet I did nothing to encourage him.

It leaves me with one very awkward additional dilemma. This man is one half of the couple that have offered me use of their land for my second vegetable allotment, and I am now not so sure it is a great idea for me to take them up on the offer as his Wife will be at work most days, and so will my Husband. This chap only works as a handyman now if work is available, (as since his knee replacements he can't perform in a regular job). I am guessing you know where this is heading, I am not so sure he wouldn't be hovering around me when I was tending the allotment, and potentially being a total lecherous old man. Of course I could take the gamble and work on the principle that I will threaten to tell his Wife it it happened again, but what sort of dread would I feel each time I went to the new allotment knowing he might be there! It would also be awful to put in all the work and expense of ploughing and fencing in the allotment area, only to have to walk away from it if he became a total nuisance.

Any suggestions anyone, (and no more offers of further gropes please)???

I suppose if the worst came to the worst I can run faster than him LOL!

Picture courtesy of http://gauthieracademy.com/blog/?p=73

Picture courtesy of http://gauthieracademy.com/blog/?p=73

do-i-have-please-grope-me-tattooed-on-my-forehead

Comments

Persona on December 15, 2011:

You did good in my book. I'm glad the man you slapped didn't retaliate. Lol, when a woman grabs more ass or crotch, I usually take it as an invitation and if i'm feeling up to it, i'll accept and give her the business. Looking at all the comments saying slap him or do more, I can't help but laugh. Maybe next time a woman grabs my sack, and i'm not in the mood, I'll slap the shit out of her. Wonder if i'll get the same reaction you got from the spectators. Lol I doubt it, probably have to shoot my way out the crowd of heroes. I still say good job though, I just like to throw a what if or two out there every now and then

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 11, 2011:

Ahhh you are a sweetie L.R. thanks so much for the lovely compliments :)

Lone Ranger on December 11, 2011:

Well, Ryan, my boy, they say "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder", so I would dare say that the men who associate with Cindy, know her best, and "reach out" to her, think she is definitely grope-worthy!

Who knows, perhaps Cindy is on Euro Poll's "100 Women You Must Grope Before You Die" list? Besides, the Lone Ranger is an authority on beauty and from where I am sitting, Cindy looks like a real cutie to me!!!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 11, 2011:

That really isn't the point Ryan as I think you know.

Ryan on December 10, 2011:

Are u even hot?

Lone Ranger on December 02, 2011:

Thanks, Cindy, I'll definitely look into it! :0)

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 02, 2011:

PS L.R. This overall link to Hubpages FAQ is helpful. If you scroll down to the second section it is entirely about how you can make money on Hubpages.

https://hubpages.com/faq/

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 02, 2011:

Hi L.R. It is largely to do with the adverts that appear on your pages/hubs, and depending on if you use Hubpage Ad programme or Adsense alone (either way you need to sign up with Adsense which is free), you either earn through the amount of times those adverts get seen (impressions), or the amount of times readers find the adverts of enough interest to click on them, (although this has to be natural and not through getting friends or family or yourself to click on Ads). Essentially the more popular your topic is, the more times the hub is likely to be seen by people searching Google for the subject matter, and therefore the more money you will make. You will find a lot more information about this if you read my hub called 'How can I make money from writing online?'. The link to the hub is:

https://hubpages.com/money/How-can-I-make-money-fr...

This Hubpages link is also useful and explains how you make money on Hubpages:

https://hubpages.com/faq/#royalties

If you have any more questions after that then let me know. You can always contact me privately if you prefer by using the contact envelope icon just below my profile picture on any of my hubs or on my profile page.

Catch up after

Cindy

Lone Ranger on December 02, 2011:

Dear Cindy:

I have heard "Hubbers" talk about making money writing essays, but didn't think anything of it. I just do it for a release and to be helpful. Having said that, the Lone Ranger lives in a material world and would not reject any monetary numerations that may come my way.

How, praytell, does this system work? How can a "Hubber" make money talking about Dopamine or psychopathic relationships? I just don't get it.

If you wouldn't mind, I'd love to hear more.

Better scoot - L.R.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 02, 2011:

Hi L.R. No worries. You really should look at doing some writing here soon though, you are wasting a good talent otherwise. Also don't forget loads of writers here have several accounts, so you can sign up under different people. It was too late for me to really split my stuff up when they brought in subdomains (I already had too many hubs on different topics under my existing account), but ideally they reckon you should have a different account/subdomain for each 'niche' you write about as this raises your status within Google's eyes and it can judge your subdomain more easily. Hard to explain, but worth remembering when you finally get started.

No worries re- calling me Mindy (I have been called worse and have lost count of the amount of times my name has been spelled Sindy by other people).

Catch up soon and take care

:)

Lone Ranger on December 02, 2011:

Thanks, Cindy!

I had hoped to start my own Hub page perhaps at the tail end of December, but we'll have to see how things play out.

You know, I would love to sign-up under your name, but I have two other people who have been standing in-line for 6 months already, hoping for the same consideration. I cannot say for sure how it will turn out, but I definitely do not want to hurt either of them, so having a "plan C" may afford me a potential solution.

Best wishes to you and yours. - L.R.

P.S. Sorry for hailing you as "Mindy" in the previous post. My sons and I had just completed season one of "Mork and Mindy" and I think that little cutie was still on my mind. :0)

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 02, 2011:

Thanks L.R. Okay, let's forget about it now as I have no desire to have conflict over any such issue, and respect the fact you are saying this is not your actual opinion, just an alternative suggestion. I am hoping that as I can see from comments on other articles that you have now read some of my work you can see the kind of person I am.

I would also like to say that based on your wonderful and educational comment on my latest hub on the need to be in love with a partner or not, and the level of articulate interaction you have shown, that you should consider writing on Hubpages yourself. I am sure you would do very well. (If you do please can you sign up under my referral link as I could do with the extra money LOL. You can find the link on my Profile Page in the first block of text, it says 'join here'). You can earn some money from your writing and your knowledge this way, although it takes a while. I started writing here just because I loved writing, the money was a bonus.

Take Care

Cindy

Lone Ranger on December 01, 2011:

Dear Mindy:

I am sorry to hear about your first husband's death, but I am encouraged that you were able to find another good man to help ease the pain and add joy to your life - I am sure your first husband would have wanted it this way.

Please know that I have not judged you, Misty, although it may seem like I did. Remember, I was only giving you an alternate opinion..."If for no other reason than just to be different." I did not say that I believed in the opinion that I rendered, but I got what I was looking for through the ensuing discussion, because: (1) I wanted to help you figure this thing out, and (2) I was interested.

Now, if you tell me that A and B are not valid points, that's no sweat off my back...I don't have a vested interest in this issue other than to get you to explore other possibilities regardless how absurd they may sound to you.

Then again, if you found something useful, then my work here is done and I can die happy. And, please understand that I never said or implied that I thought you were the cause, but were perhaps aiding it along a little. I didn't know, but I knew you did and I wanted you to explore that possibility, not for my benefit, but for your's.

Now, if your picture is an accurate indication of your inner essence, then I would have to conclude that you are a real sweetheart and one that possesses a heart of gold; if this is indeed the case, then your husband is a lucky man.

If I were a betting man, I would have to say that most men probably find you grope-worthy but would not dare act upon this primal-urge without the aid of alcohol. Hence, the chances of being groped in an atmosphere with alcohol and men increases the chances of another incident exponentially.

At any rate, let us put this issue to rest and know that I was not intending to insult you or patronize you, nor did I endorse my own opinion, but only registered the response for your benefit. The bottom line is that I don't know enough about you or your life to make a judgment, so I had to use projection to fill in the blanks. Thanks for being a good sport! Peace be with you. - L.R.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on December 01, 2011:

L.R. Firstly if I had intentionally deleted your comment believe me I would have said so. My initial reaction was that it should be deleted as it goes, not least because I found it totally insulting and offensive. I then decided I would allow the comment in order to respond to it properly and make sure the facts were put straight. Unfortunately when I posted my reply, your original comment vanished and I could not get it back again (believe me I tried).

Secondly if you want to post the missing points again I will happily address them. My conscience is totally clear on this matter as I KNOW I did nothing to provoke or encourage this person to grope at me.

The account I wrote here is exactly as it happened and is not embellished in any way.

The land deal was a part of my plan for a full time income, not just a hobby, so yes, I did briefly consider going ahead because land is at a premium here, and this was free, close to where we live and the right size. I also hoped he would not be a problem with the risk his wife could catch him trying it on if he did. Ultimately it felt 'wrong' and my Husband and I discussed this at length before deciding I would scrap the plans for the land.

As for 'shooting pool' My first Husband (sadly now deceased) and I used to go and play pool a lot, we played so often that we were both very good at it, and ultimately I joined an all girl team and we played in the leagues against teams that were predominantly male. Our boyfriends and Husbands trusted us, and it was never an issue. My current Husband also trusts me, and I am not the only woman who plays in the leagues, even though I am the only one in our team. This is just a night out with friends who have a laugh, a bit of banter and a few games of pool. I really can't see what the big deal is about this.

I do find it patronising to be told that you felt a need to get me to look at myself to see if I was the cause of the problem. I think it is pretty clear if you read the article that I must have already done this by the way I describe the fact I was not wearing make-up, was wearing casual clothes etc (in other words I looked at the situation to assess if I caused it). I would know if I had been the cause of this in any way and I certainly wouldn't be writing about it if I knew in any way I was responsible for the incident.

I am sure you do have a heart of gold, and perhaps if you knew me you would see I do too. I can only suggest that in order to get to know the kind of person I am better you might want to read some of my other articles and realise just how seriously you have misjudged me. I suggest you start with these:

https://hubpages.com/health/Bowel-Cancer-Stole-My-...

https://discover.hubpages.com/education/Do-You-Rea...

https://hubpages.com/health/My-Beloved-Dog-Died-Ye...

https://discover.hubpages.com/politics/How-do-you-...

https://letterpile.com/personal-essays/My-Ex-was-a...

https://hubpages.com/politics/My-Memories-of-911...

Lone Ranger on December 01, 2011:

Dear Misty:

I cannot help but notice that my "alternate response" got you to think and that was my sole intention. I'm sorry it was deleted because I think there were some really good points that you did not touch upon in your rebuttal. :0)

You see, Misty, people often see themselves through a different set of lenses than the rest of the world and this was one of my points to you. You see yourself one way and they see you another way. I just wanted you to take another look at it, from a unique perspective.

Now, I don't know how often you go pubbing and perhaps I assumed too much based upon the title of your essay and perhaps you may have even embellished the account somewhat, I don't know, but the things I said about human nature is true nonetheless.

I am encouraged that you decided not to go ahead with the land arrangement and I am thankful that you found yourself a good man. I still don't like the sound of a married woman hanging around men in a pub shooting pool and I am still baffled why you were still considering going ahead with the land deal even after this debacle occurred.

As I said in my deleted post, I just don't want you or anyone else to get hurt and my main goal was to get you to look at yourself to see if there is something you may be doing that is causal.

Was my response alarmist? Yes, perhaps, but I intended it that way; you already had 50 people saying the same things, so, as I said in my deleted post to you that I would offer you an alternate opinion, and so I did.

If every person in the world sees things the same way you do and thinks the same way you do, then most of them are no longer needed. Yet, there is much evil in this world, even as we speak, so perhaps people aren't seeing things through the proper lenses.

I truly hope you did not delete my post intentionally, but it sure seems fishy because you did not seem to have this problem with anyone else, but only the guy who offered a different opinion and asked you to take a good look inward to try and help explain these unwanted outward expressions from men.

Please don't be angry with me. I think you will find that I am a stable-minded, level-headed, straight-shooting son of a gun, who has a heart of gold. Be well, Misty. - L.R.

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on November 30, 2011:

I might add that I do not frequent places full of drunken people, and the places I go generally attract decent people who are well behaved. I have also been playing pool for a team for over a year now and I am the only woman in our team. Never ever have any of my team or people we have played against, attempted to touch me inappropriately or make inappropriate suggestions even though I DO make an effort to look nice on pool night as a matter of self respect. To my mind this proves I am not the problem here as we play at many different venues. This groping comes down to matter of having little respect for the opposite sex or theirs or your own, marital status... period!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on November 30, 2011:

For some reason the end of my last post to you vanished LR. Essentially I pointed out that I have no need to prove I am still attractive. According to you I am apparently not allowed to dress in casual clothes and go to a quiet local hotel bar, with my Husband, whilst wearing no make-up and not wearing a bra I don't need. If a sober, elderly acquaintance to both of us then chooses to grab and twiddle my nipple whilst my Husband is in the toilet it must therefore be my fault and I need some kind of validation I am still attractive!!! Are you reading this the way I am?? This assumption is true madness by anyone's standards!

Cindy Lawson (author) from Guernsey (Channel Islands) on November 30, 2011:

Wow Lone Ranger, I accidentally deleted your comment but I reckon this response pretty much quotes all you said anyway. I can't retrieve your original comment although I have tried because it is so wrong that I actually wanted to allow it LOL.

I hate to say this, but you couldn't have misjudged me and the whole situation more if you had tried. I will attempt to cover what you said point by point (which might take a while but needs doing).

1) I don't frequent many pubs, in fact usually I only go the same one. The first time an incident like this happened in a pub was six years ago, the second time was in my local pub and that was about 2 years ago. Am I supposed to stay indoors and never go out?

2) I wasn't wearing a bra because if you are not 'big breasted' then it isn't always essential to wear a bra, (they stay up on their own). A bra is not like knickers, it actually serves a supportive purpose, so if on occasion I choose to pop out with my Hubby for a quick drink on the spur of the moment, dressed casually and not wearing a bra, I don't expect it to attract a grope from an elderly man at least 30 years my senior.