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Deep Reason

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Deaf rest yawn

Never say you understand
Get over here so you can
Even big dams collapse
When it can't handle anymore
Tears turning into laughs
Is even more dangerous
It means no more tears comes out
When you cant say no
It means you're tired
Im tired
Why am I born here
Why am I here
Im so tired
I dont even feel the weight of my hand
Kill me instead
I wanna die instead
I dont deserve to live
I want to give my perfect heart
To some one who needs it
To someone whose family is waiting
They dont deserve me
I am very vulnerable
I want a quiet place
I dont want people to see me
To recognize me
I want to die now
My ears tired of listening to heavy music
Which i dont even like
I have them for this purpose
I want to cut it
I want to kill
I want to kill my self
Even now I cant even stop writing
So I could focus myself on this damn shit
I want to rest peacefully
I want to eat things i like
Nobody listens
Even him
I dont have anyone
Everyone is having their bad times
I dont to be an extra baggage
I want to die as if natural
Everyone had disease
Can you give me please
I want the darkness eating me
Swallow me whole
So that I feel no more
I cry no more
I hurt no more
Pain pain go away
I want to play
I want to live
But Im tired
My hands are tired
Where are you
You see me now
You happy now
You regret now
You cry now
No dont
I am at peace
I finally wont exist
Be glad
I am free
Think about of yourself
Gonna close my eyes
And feel everything
Im yawning even right now
I remember
Its my fault
Why I choose to live
I have many chance to end it sooner
Why now
My child
I love my child
He loves me too
He says Im pretty
But im nothing
It was just shadow behind me
I remember how he hugs me
How he pats my back at night
Ignorance that will end soon
He'll realize soon
I want to hug him more after he realize
My man
Always in the worry
I dont know
And even remembered
When was that first time
I say i love him
I finally love him
I learned everything
About love
Its not easy
Requires process
Less talk
Love more
Act more
He doesn't have any idea
How this gonna end like this
Everyday is a death sentence
Everyday its getting heavier
Pounding me killing me
Like the earth pulling me down in the deepest
I dont think I can do this
I want to laugh
I want to shout
I cant
I can still handle
The world against me
My ears tolerating it more
More and more
Loud like quiet
Quiet like loud
Somethings eating me
As I see the veins in my wrist
I want to cut it
No not the veins
But the one thats eating me up inside me
He want me to hang up
He want me to jump
He want me to disappear
I wont be eaten up
Yeah die
Suicide or Live as a corpse
If I die I won
If I dont I'll keep suffering
If I dont I'll keep thinking
I want to sleep tight
And never wake up
That people will not think
My plans
My motives
Airplaines fly soar high
Success is not when your up
But when you finally touch down
But I will not fly anymore
I will not walk anymore
Depression is not a joke
You laugh but not a joke
I keep writing
I dont have pen
I dont have paper

My eyes are closed... goodbye

© 2020 Byeol

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