" We've been through situations that had us feeling like we weren't enough but I want to remind you that you are ENOUGH"
Yesterday, I came back from work and saw a stain on my white sitting room couch. It looked like a crayon stain- a red crayon to be exact. I tried to wipe it, but it would not come off. I figured that it was from Dave- he was probably doing an arts and craft thing for valentine’s day which was 3 days from now. It was kind of our thing- we always try to make each other something personal for special events. My gift for him was already in the closet, I had made it 2 weeks back when inspiration had struck me. It was a five senses gift box- items for sight, smell, touch, taste and sound. I was quite happy with the outcome; I could not wait to give it to him.
Dave was at the store getting groceries since it was his day off. When he got back, I jokingly asked him how he had managed to stain the couch with crayon, which he denied- of course. We are literally the only two people in this house, we do not even have a dog because Dave is allergic. I laughed it off when he denied it but now, I am curious about what he got me. Yes, yes, I know I should wait but one little peek cannot hurt anybody.
Dave and I got hitched about a year ago and we had not been trying for kids yet. He kept saying how he was too busy for kids right now. Which is confusing because we had the talk before we got married and he had wanted kids immediately- like I did. Since I love my husband, we agreed to wait till he was less busy with work- that is what marriage is, isn’t it? Compromise? Anyhow, I know the perfect way to sneak a peek at my gift. Last Christmas, Dave got me a camera- the same one I had been ogling at when we passed the store at the mall during a shopping trip.
I decided to put the camera in the living room, so that I could see the gift when he wraps it up- the crafts usually take him a couple of days, I am better at crafts than him which is why it is so cute that he makes the effort. Today, I came back from work early and decided to make food for Dave as I watched the video. Dave would not be home for another hour, so I had time. I clicked play, fast- forward till he came into frame and set about chopping the green bell peppers. A couple minutes into the video I was sure I had wasted my time; he was just watching a football match. He would soon start yelling at the screen. Chuckling, I washed my hands and was about to turn it off, resigned to wait till he gave me my gift to see it. Then I hear the doorbell ring. Dave moves out of frame to answer the door and comes back in with a tall brunette.
They sit down and exchange a few words which I cannot make out. She starts rubbing his thigh and next thing I know they are kissing. I could not believe my eyes! I was sure that there had to be a mistake and that could not be my Dave. But it was- pieces of clothing were flying all around. I paused the video and looked around the kitchen without really seeing anything. I did not want to finish watching a video of my husband having sex with some other woman. A sudden calm came over me. Dave was cheating on me. I didn’t know for how long or with how many women but all that didn’t seem like important information right now. Cheating is just cheating. There was no explanation or reason behind it that would justify it to me.
I picked up my knife and continued chopping my ingredients. When I was done, I proceeded to cook the meal and tidy up the kitchen. Then, I went into the room and began to pack my belongings. As I was packing, Dave came back. He called my name from the sitting room and I went down to answer him. He pecked me on the cheek and asked “How was your day, beautiful?" “It was uneventful. Are you hungry?” I responded, a bit surprised to hear myself sounding so normal. “Yes, some food would be amazing right now.” He replied taking off his tie. I went into the kitchen to bring his food. After placing his food on the dining table, I asked him “Did anyone drop by yesterday?”
He looked at me as if I was losing my marbles and responded “No, why do you ask? I just watched the match, played FIFA with boys, then when grocery shopping” I bobbed my head repeatedly as the lie sunk in then, before I realized it, I picked up the knife I had brought from the kitchen and threw it at him. It missed his head narrowly. “WHAT THE FUCK MONICA!” He screamed when he realized I had just thrown a knife at him “What the fuck! What the fuck!! I should be asking you that. You dirty son of a bitch. I trusted you! How could you! Oh God! I’m so stupid. I didn’t even know. How coul…” I responded with my voice raised too, as a tear rolled down my face. “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, looking genuinely confused. “Who is she?” I retorted, wiping the stray tear. I saw a light dawn in his eyes and another tear rolled down my face.
“Baby, it’s not what you think” He said pathetically. “Really? It isn’t?” I replied emotionlessly. “It isn’t. Let me explain” He said. “It wasn’t you fucking some girl in my living room?” I asked sarcastically and he visibly flinched. “I can explain” he repeated. “Fine, explain then” I replied, and he looks at me as if shocked I told him to explain. I watched him open his mouth and shut it half a dozen times. Then I heard a loud laugh- it sounded empty and if I were not numb, I would have been scared. His eyes widened and I realized I was the one laughing. I left him there and stormed upstairs to finish stuffing my bags. I heard the door open and realized he had just come into the bedroom.
“Moni, I love you. Don’t do this. I was a mistake. It won’t happen again. I swear. I can’t live without you. Please baby” He pleaded from the door of the bedroom, using the nickname he gave me when we first started dating. Another tear rolled down my cheek as I turned to him, I swiped at it. “How many were there?” I asked calmly. “Wha…at?” He asked. He appears to be shocked which I do not really understand. Seems like a reasonable fucking question to me. “How many girls did you fuck that weren’t me?” I repeated and he flinched again. “I… I am sorry. I love you. Don’t do this” He repeats. “How many?” I asked yet again, enunciating each word this time. “Thr...ee” he said, and another tear rolls down my face. I don ‘t bother stopping it as another follows in its wake. Why the hell am I crying right now? I am so pissed. “How many times?” I asked “I…I don’t know. Moni, baby. Please” He begged looking desperate.
By now, the tears have a mind of their own and are just rolling down my face. He didn’t know. The phrase is on a loop in my mind. He was basically saying that it was not once or twice. It was a lot. That’s why he couldn’t count how many times. Then, I felt anger consume me. Why did I have to leave? Why was I packing MY things? I didn’t do anything wrong. I should not have to leave MY home. He should leave. I wiped at the tears and turned away from him, walking to the closet. I started pulling out his clothes and shoes. “Mo..ni?” he called out hesitantly. I ignored him as I walked past him to the balcony and start throwing his things out. “Baby...” he said again and I turned to face him. “DON’T! Don’t call me that! Don’t call me anything. You lying piece of shit. How long has this been going on? You know what? Never mind, don’t answer that because I don’t want to know” I said, as I continued to dump his belongings down the balcony.
“Mo..ni, we can work this out. We can go to therapy.” At that, I stopped to look at him, the man I love, the man I thought I would grow old with, the man I wasn’t good enough for, the man who has shattered my heart and all I wanted to do was make him hurt as much as I did right now. “Get out. Now! Get out of my house!” I shouted. “You can’t just kick me out! I own half the house too you know” He replied “DO. I. LOOK. LIKE. I. GIVE. A. FUCK! GET YOUR SHIT FROM THE FLOOR AND GET OUT!” I screamed. He just stood there looking at me as if I was crazy. So, I went into the kitchen and got the knife set. “Get! Out! Of! My! House! Asshole!” I yelled, punctuating each word with a knife thrown at him. He runs ahead of me into the living room grabs his keys and runs out of the house. The next knife I thrown lands on the front door as he shuts it. The knife clatters to the ground as I walk to the door and lock it. Then, I slump to the floor as a sob escapes me and the dam of tears break.
© 2020 Yvonne