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Annalisa Thorne Diary (New Year)

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Writing is one of my passions and it keeps me going when I am happy or sad. Writing is a wonderful way to tell my stories without my voice.

I am Annalisa Thorne

I am happy that a New Year has come along, but at the same time I am a little conflicted with the change. I am not talking about the year, but myself in general. My name is Annalisa Thorne and I thought that this New Year would bring me some great joy, but as of right now I am in a really dark place. I have a lot of things to talk about, but I don't know where to start. I am going to share a story with you that has been with me forever, and it is time it is shared.

This story brought me a long way, and it is still bringing me through my dark place til this day. One story of Hope, Loss, and Love is one way to describe it in my opinion.

New Year! New Annalisa?

Today started the New Year, but I did not start the new me trend, because I am the same old me. I don't like following the trends and I don't like the fact that people feel the need to change themselves when it comes to a New Year, but I guess it is what it is you know. I want to start my little New Year story from the beginning just to let you know why I feel the way I do when it comes to the start of a New Year.

My hope has been gained and lost, people close to me have come and gone. Love is one thing that I can gain and lose in a matter of seconds, because even close family share their hate for me and my mother. I have always wanted to know why so much hate ran through my family especially when it came to my grandma Ida. If my Grandma Ida was always like this then why would my mother send me to live with her in the first place?

Grandma Ida

Today started the New Year, but I did not start the new me trend, because I am the same old me. I don't like following the trends and I don't like the fact that people feel the need to change themselves when it comes to a New Year, but I guess it is what it is you know. I want to start my little New Year story from the beginning just to let you know why I feel the way I do when it comes to the start of a New Year.

This all started back when I was about thirteen years old which was the age that my mom hated, because she told me that was the age I started to really change. I didn't see how my changes were hurting the ones around me until it was too late. I started to fall in with a bad crowd which basically took a huge toll on my mom and my dad in a way that I never expected. Not only that, but I dyed my hair red one month, and then I started to wear revealing clothes the next. I was told that I was out of control and that I didn't care. You want to know the truth? I did care, I just wanted to fit in and be like my peers. I was not having relations or doing drugs if that is what you are thinking. Dressing different and just dying my hair was getting my mom in a huge mood that she didn't want to be in. I never understood her problem and she would never tell me so we always had tension.

When my parents sent me to live with my Grandma Ida for a year that was the worst year of my life.

My Grandma Ida was a very lovely woman says most people, but she had a lot of rules. She was really nasty to me and for some reason she would tell me how much she hated me. She even went as far as to tell me that my mom was dumb for keeping me she found out that she was pregnant. I would go into my room and just get on the bed and cry, because I always wanted to know why she would say those things and why she hated me so much.

My Auntie Kay would come around a lot, so there were times that I would stay with her because I couldn't take my grandma Ida's verbal abuse anymore. Yes, I would tell my mom, but she would just ignore everything I had to say. One day I asked my Auntie Kay about my mom and Grandma Ida, she finally sat me down and told me the whole situation about grandpa Joe and how he was not only verbal but physically abusive. He would hit my mom and grandma all the time, but the problem was my grandma Ida wanted to keep him around because she "Loved Him."

Auntie Kay said when they went to school one day the nurse saw that my mom had a lot of bruising on her arms and even her abdomen when they did a full exam, because she was complaining of having a lot of pain during track and gymnastics practice. My mom didn't want to, but she finally told them who was at fault, and they removed her from the home, but in the end they were able to arrest my grandpa Joe so that my mom could stay with grandma Ida. Aunt Kay told me that grandma didn't want to be a single mother that had to work, so she depended on my grandpa for support.

Years went by and my mom became a beautiful twenty-year-old with dreams of her own and pregnant with me. She had me at the start of a new Year which is why New Years is a holiday that I am not fond of, because it seems like it is a curse for me rather than a peaceful celebration. Something bad always happens to me around the start of a New Year!

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Making a NEW!!

I have to say that being me just sucks and going to a new school was the worst part of living with my Grandma Ida. You would think that I would...... You know what it was about the same, because on one hand I have a family member that is supposed to be my loving grandma throwing hateful words at me, and now I have kids and teachers alike doing the same. I just hated it, but I pulled up my big girl panties and carried on.

I lived with Grandma Ida and went to that awful school for a full year and a half before my parents decided it was time for me to come home, but by that time I was going on fifteen and finding my own path that I wanted to walk. New Years was becoming a holiday that I didn't want to celebrate ever again. My parents never understood, and I really didn't have the patience to tell them, because I knew that they wouldn't listen.

I was becoming a new me and I liked myself a lot more than I did a year ago.

Rambling Truths and Message

I am sorry that my story became a little all over the place there. I hope that I did not confuse you in any way? Well if you are confused maybe I can sum up a little of what I have told you so far. My hate for New years started at the age of Thirteen in which I went to live with my grandma Ida at the age of Fourteen and moved back home around the age of Fifteen.

My Aunt was able to tell me about my grandma and mom's relationship in just a short story but since being home I never really confronted my mom about it. I decided to wait until I was ready to actually be patient and have that talk with her. The talk came about one Saturday afternoon when my mom and I were out in the garden. she smacked my hand because I was about to pick up a tomato that wasn't ready yet.... I yelled "Ouch!" She jumped like I was going to hit her or something. I asked her was she okay, and she nodded. She told me that Grandpa used to smack her hand with a switch every time she got her test wrong. I pressed her for more, and so she told me that he would ask which tomatoes for example are ready to be picked if she went for the wrong one he would smack her hand. I thought that was really harsh of him to do, because she was a kid and that was not fair. Furthermore, I told my mom how I felt about her treating me like grandma Ida and Grandpa Joe treated her. she gave me a long look and put her head down.

I have never seen my mom so sad and quiet before. She looked up to the sky with her eyes closed and then back at me with a smile on her face. She gave me the biggest hug ever and told me how much she loved me and that she wasn't sorry that she got pregnant with me. Not only that, but she said that she knew I would be her saving grace that would keep her alive. My mom told me that on New Year's Day before she even knew she was pregnant she almost took her own life. There was a man that saved her that night, and if it wasn't for that man she would not be here today, and neither would I.

My mom grabbed my hands and told me to never think of The New Year as a curse, but as a blessing from God. Yes, things may happen that are bad, but good things happen too. I also learned that I don't have to start a trend or be like my peers to have friends. I can walk my own path and I will be just fine. Yes, I know my rambling was a little all over, but this story came with a message of Hope, Loss, and even Love. Oh, if you have not figured it out I was Born January 1st. I am a New Year Baby!!!

So until next time

My name is

Annalisa Thorne

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