Comedy And Funny Stories About ADHD: Funny Story About An Escalator

Author:
Audrey Kirchner
Feb 28, 2011

FUNNY STORIES ABOUT KIDS WITH ADHD

If you want to hear a bunch of unbelievable stories about kids with ADHD, give me a few hours of your time. I have only begun to write!

Having a child with ADHD is truly one of the most labor intensive things I have ever done in my life and with my life.

That said, having a child with ADHD has provided me with hours if not years of entertainment. I still recount the Jonathan stories with a gleam in my eye and a laugh in my heart so it could not have been all bad, eh?

Come along with me on yet another day when ADHD got the better of both of us but thankfully shot us both out on the other side safe and sound!

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COPING WITH CHILDREN WITH ADHD

If you've followed along with my two other stories about Jon when I was pregnant with our second child, you'll know that I kid you not....raising our son was truly a labor of love...literally.

I was very much in love with our little Jonathan at 2 years old. But I can guarantee you, I spent most of his first 2 years exhausted. To say that there was never a dull moment was putting it mildly.

This story picks up in Jonathan's busy second year. By this time in my pregnancy with Patrick, I had already rescued Jon from the teeth of the neighbor's German shepherd when he had climbed the fence and escaped.

I had also rescued him at the airport when he got his head pinned under a Hertz rent-a-car sign...although truthfully my baser instincts almost got the better of me that day and I was tempted to leave him there....at least for a while.

Sigh....I changed my mind and freed him that day, vowing to never, ever let anything that insane happen to him (and me) again!

FUNNY STORY ABOUT AN ESCALATOR

Enter the escalator. It was an impossibly hot and sticky August day in the armpit of Michigan as I used to call it...the lovely place known as Detroit. I'm a California girl and the fact that I loved my husband so much I followed him to this godforsaken place should speak volumes! I only kid...it was a great place to live if you don't mind tornadoes, temperatures below zero, blizzards, and humidity that equals the temperature! I learned a lot living there to be honest but I certainly don't miss it.

At this point in our life, we lived in a small little cracker box house on the outskirts of Detroit. The house was spic and span and perfect for the 3 of us with Pat on the way but in those delightful days back in the late 1970s, we had no air conditioning. No matter what I did, there was no way to "fix" 97 degree temperatures with 99% humidity.

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To make matters worse, I was long overdue to deliver Pat. I was 2-1/2 weeks overdue by this point in my life and was beginning to think I was going to be pregnant for the rest of my natural life. I was so big I had long since given up seeing my feet and to say that the heat and the humidity were not helping would be putting it mildly. I waddled through life as if I'd swallowed an Orca whale somehow and it was beginning to weigh me down a little....literally.

All that said, I decided on one exhausting afternoon to give up all my household chores and just go somewhere nice and cool. I had no trouble talking Jon into going anywhere so off we drove to the nearest mall....even though I wasn't supposed to be driving my rotund self anywhere! Once there, I began to feel better already and set about engaging Jon in playing in the kid areas while I sat in the blissful cool and tried to bring my body temperature down about 20 degrees.

I was always very strict about not letting Jon have sugars of any kind because we inevitably saw a spike in his hyperactivity but there were a few ices and things that we'd discovered that he could actually eat without reacting....much. Kids have to have some pleasures in life and let's face it....so do their adult counterparts. With that in mind, we set off hand in hand to the Baskin Robbins for a little indulgence.

ANOTHER ADHD MOMENT HITS

As I sat on the bench and thoroughly enjoyed my little bite of heaven in the sugar-free ice cream, I was beginning to think that life wasn't so bad. So I was pregnant and had been for 9-1/2 months or so it seemed. I figured that maybe I'd just keep being pregnant and sooner or later, something would explode and literally deliver me from this state of rotundness.

As I sat musing about these things and wondering how much more my stomach could possibly stretch or how much fatter my poor feet could possibly get.....a kind little old lady who was sitting beside me on the bench tapped my arm and said politely....."Dear....isn't that your little boy over there?"

By all that is holy, I don't know how I took my eyes off him for those few seconds. He was sitting beside me one minute and the next he was.....well....unfortunately holding onto the OUTSIDE of the escalator and going up. At least I have to say he had the common sense to hold on with both hands!!

For a pregnant cow, I have to say I moved pretty fast. I spiked my ice cream down (damn that was good too) and tore across the pavilion - I probably looked more like an elephant on a rampage. I was screaming out "noooooooo" as I ran and I definitely got a lot of attention!

Thankfully, the escalator wasn't that far away and Jon seemed to be going up the side in slow motion or maybe he was readjusting his hands to keep in one place. I have no clue but he was hanging there off the side where at least I could ALMOST touch him.....but not quite.

So I did what every other respectable mother of an ADHD child would do...I swore and then jumped up onto the wall surrounding the waterfall that just happened to be below the blasted escalator and started jumping. Not little jumps - these were huge big bounces....as much as a pregnant whale can bounce. I was bouncing up and down as high as I could and finally snagged his ankle.

Of all the bloody nerve, the little twerp didn't want to let go of the escalator! I imagine now in retrospect that he was scared....on thinking about it....no way! Someone was trying to loosen his hands up on the escalator and finally he let go. Was I ready for the sudden loose child that was plummeting my way? Heck no!

I caught him very handily but in so doing, I lost my balance and tumbled over backwards....thankfully NOT into the water in the fountain but instead onto the pavilion floor on my butt.....where I promptly burst into tears.

I still remember Jon looking up at me and saying the words I began to hear in my sleep and still do to this day...."I'm sorry, mom". By this time, of course, I was in the middle of a bloody spectacle as everyone came running to see if we were both okay.

"Oh honey....you shouldn't be jumping around like that when you're pregnant" some well-meaning lady said by my ear.

"No kidding? I do this kind of thing all the time - who knew?"

"You should have let someone grab him for you, dear...there's no telling if you've hurt the baby now bouncing all over the place and falling on the floor like a walrus." (Couldn't have put that better myself, lady)

I am here to tell you this.....bouncing up and down does NOT induce labor. It doesn't even come close. Or perhaps Patrick was so scared at what he perceived as "chaos central" that he decided to stay in there another week because yep, folks....a week later I finally delivered my bouncing baby boy! No thanks to gymnastics at the mall!

As I limped back to the car, I decided that maybe it was just safer to stay in the confines of my little house where I knew the logistics and I could get safely from one part of the house to the other (almost) without killing myself or ending up being a spectacle in the mall. For the rest of my pregnancy, I decided to stay home where at least I had locks on doors and other "safety nets".

ADHD - oh what a feeling!
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EPILOGUE ON RAISING KIDS WITH ADHD

For all of you out there with ADHD kids....I hear your pain and I send you my love and virtual hugs.

Take heart because it doesn't last forever....it just feels like it does some days.

For all the tears that I cried and all the days that I thought I could never make it until Jon reached adulthood, I would go back in a heartbeat and do it all over again.

It was the ride of a lifetime and looking back on it all, it did help shape me into who I am today. It also gave me an incredibly honed sense of humor! Who couldn't have one after all these things?

It also taught me a lot about life and to never quit trying. These kids are a learning experience and if you embrace that idea, it makes it a little easier....that and a shot of hard liquor! (Only kidding about the drink)

It does eventually all work out if you can embrace the eternal idea of taking every day like it's the first day....any other philosophy might put you into a state of depression.

Take heart and plod steadily forward....it also helps to talk about it so if you feel the need, please leave your comments below!

Comments

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on May 07, 2020:

Thanks, Marcy - yes - as most of life is - hilarious and frightening at times. Be safe!

Marcy Bialeschki from Cerro Gordo, IL on May 06, 2020:

Hilarious and frightening all at the same time. Glad everyone was ok and that you are able to laugh about it now.

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on August 10, 2018:

Thanks for stopping by, folks....ah yes - the ADHD or ADD experience. You never quite get enough of it! Well, sometimes you can. It was fun though and I wouldn't have traded a moment of it. Thanks for reading!

Readmikenow on August 10, 2018:

Good article. My wife was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago. Once she had the diagnosis many things made sense. I accept her behavior, but it can really upset her. There are many funny stores with us as well. Glad you wrote the article. I enjoyed reading it.

lambservant on August 10, 2018:

You are hysterical. I just love little Jon. I have to boys, now grown, who had ADHD. The first one nearly put me in my grave. He's 41 years old now and still going a hundred miles an hour doing this, then running to that, then somewhere else. When I see him, whether it's my house or his, he literally never sits down. He paces, or sits for ten seconds and pops up again. The younger one is not hyper anymore. He's pretty easy going as far as energy goes. But he does have trouble focusing sometimes. I hope Jon is still in one piece.

Nichol marie from The Country-Side on April 04, 2015:

Its so Awesome when Kids Make their parents Laugh. It.is what keeps us going

Joel Diffendarfer from Jonesville on November 21, 2014:

As a dad, with three of my nine kids being blessed with ADHD, along with myself...This is what I needed to read today...I have laughed more than I cried over the years. I (now) treasure every moment and adventure. Great article, thanks!

Maragret on May 17, 2012:

You write nice funny stories. I like all of your funny stories. I publish hubs too. I hope you will comment on them and follow me. Just visit Maragret

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on March 04, 2011:

Dolores - You said a mouthful there - hilarity and horror....I have so many Jonathan stories it's hard to imagine writing them all but I shall! Thanks so much for the read and for laughing along with me.

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on March 04, 2011:

Audrey - I love this story. And you have underscored that one of our best resources as parents is a sense of humor - it goes a long way. Believe it or not, I had the same experience. The son who performed this feat was not ADHD, but merely very intelligent. He was a risk taker and still is a bit of a kook, but watching him (he must have been about 14 at the time) evoked a mixture of both hilarity and horror.

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on March 03, 2011:

Crewman6 - Ah yes, they definitely have their own take but usually we end up laughing about it all. I'm not quite as fond when my son Jonathan especially starts doing a reenactment of me but then I end up laughing until I'm crying because he is right on. I have a story coming up that is insane and I absolutely cringe when he decides to tell this one...it makes me look so pathetic but then it was the truth so what can you say? The other one about the elk in Yellowstone is another of my favorites where he acts out my reaction...how embarrassing!

Crewman6 on March 02, 2011:

Lots of laughter and heart; your children were lucky to have a Mom like you. I'd love to hear their 'growing up with Mom' stories, I bet their take would be pretty funny too. You always get a chuckle and a smile from me. Thanks for the laugh!

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on March 01, 2011:

Cardelean - I hear your pain...ha ha - must be a lot of fun. Seriously you get what you get and I've never shied away from the challenge! Thanks so much for the read.

cardelean from Michigan on March 01, 2011:

Great humor in your Hub! I am a teacher and my class is filled with ADHD kids. I feel both your pain and your pride. Some days truly are better than others, thanks for the laugh.

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on March 01, 2011:

Sandy - Thanks so much for the comment and the read....lots to learn still about ADHD.

Sandy Mertens from Wisconsin, USA on March 01, 2011:

Wonderful and fun hub. It is more insightful on ADHD.

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on March 01, 2011:

FP - Yes, I asked him long before I started writing about his many escapades! Maybe I should get it in writing though, eh?

Pamela - I would love to do a book - I just need to find that time....and yes, I eventually did deliver that baby - another full WEEK later - so I went 3-1/2 weeks in total past my due date. He looked like he was 3 months old when he was born!

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on March 01, 2011:

Audrey, What a great story. You know you just can't make this stuff up as real life is definitely funnier than fiction. I do think the woman could have chosen her words a little better. You didn't tell us in the hub and I'm sure you did finally deliver that baby. I do think you can put all these stories in a book and it would be a bestseller. Voted/rated up.of

Feline Prophet on February 28, 2011:

Does Jonathan know you are telling tales about him? :D

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on February 28, 2011:

Nan - Thanks so much for the read. I actually tried every diet known to man and child. That is one reason I have always believed in cooking everything from scratch and thanks for your tip!

Nan Mynatt from Illinois on February 28, 2011:

The only thing that I know that will help is medicine. They say that white grapes or white grape juice will also help. Good information.

Audrey Kirchner (author) from Washington on February 28, 2011:

BJ - I bounce well - literally! I often wonder about poor Patrick inside there - first tumbling over the fence and then slamming myself down in the pavilion at the mall on my rear. Obviously, he did not dislodge easily!

I should really put these all into a book although I fear it might be as big as War and Peace...one of these days though in my 'spare time'.....

Thanks as always for the read!

drbj and sherry from south Florida on February 28, 2011:

I hope you are planning to put all your comedy and funny stories, ADHD included, into a book, Audrey. I'll be first in line to purchase it. Promise.

You really had me worried with your acrobatic, although successful, leap and tumble. And how insensitive of that crude woman to label you as "falling on the floor like a whale." The least she could have done was replace the word, whale, with walrus.

Delighted you and Jonathan survived to go on to even more comedic acrobatic pursuits. Can't wait to hear more about them. :)