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Christian Is My Name, If Only by Name

Jason doesn't always write poetry, but when he does, he calls out hypocrisy.

This poem is satire. It does not represent my actual views. Just like Trump holding this Bible upside down does not represent him as an actual Christian.

This poem is satire. It does not represent my actual views. Just like Trump holding this Bible upside down does not represent him as an actual Christian.

I love The Almighty, yes I do.

But I don’t believe he was a Middle-Eastern Jew.

The portrait on Grandma’s wall shows he’s white,

That’s a big part of why I feel he’s right.

I go to church every Sunday,

Then discriminate every Monday.

I’ve always led a Christian life,

I yell and scream at my Christian wife.

Surely it’s ok to chug a little booze,

While I’m blasting my beloved Fox News.

I love Trump, and DeSantis isn’t bad,

They’re the most respected leaders I’ve ever had.

All these flags, I’m never hidin’

Blue Lives Matter and Fuck Joe Biden.

I love stars and bars, the Confederacy,

Even though I live in Salt Lake City.

My kids don’t need no further education,

They’ll volunteer to defend this nation.

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Keep your hands off my guns, or you will see,

A situation get very ugly.

I walk around all proud and tall,

I wish they’d hurry and finish the wall.

BLM is still so racist,

All Lives Matter, that’s just the basics.

I don’t want trans people near where I piss,

I don’t believe more than two genders exist.

You can call me ignorant and that’s ok,

As long as you just, “Don’t Say Gay.”

QAnon always reveals the truth,

Eye for an Eye, Tooth for a Tooth.

You can say I’m an anti-vaccinist,

But at least I’m no dirty communist.

I’ll pray to Jesus, I’m a brave human being,

I’m damn sure not afraid of Covid-19.

I live my life without fear, no abandon,

Even my truck says, “LET’S GO BRANDON.”

That saying is as clever as it gets,

I’ll be admired more than even Matt Gaetz.

I don’t feel that I’m better than you,

Well maybe a few, or you, that’s true.

You may blow this poem all out of proportion,

But thank a conservative your mom didn’t get an abortion.

All of you liberals are truly inferior,

Your day has just become very much drearier.

When you try to debate a keyboard warrior,

It only makes you look even sorrier.

I type this out, or write with a pen,

Let’s all MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN.

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