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Chinese Funny Jokes-Funny videos

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Multi-lingual Chinese Cop, Most Hilarious NYC Accent EVER!!!

Whom to Depend on:

There once was an old man aged 50, who had a lazy son aged 30. The son couldn't earn his own living, and still depended on his old father for food and clothing.

The old man was very worried about him, so he took him to the fortune teller to have his fortune told. The father and son both believed the fortune teller's prediction that the father would live to 80 and the son to 62.

After having found out how long they were going to live the son was very sad. His father comforted him.

"Don't be so sad! You are only 30 now, and still have 32 years of good days ahead of you." "I'm not worrying about my own age. It's just your age which causes me great anxiety," the son said.

Upon hearing his words, the father was deeply moved, and in tears said, "Don't worry about me so much I've got 30 years ahead of me too."

"I'm not worried about your age either," said the son, "I have figured out that you'll die two years earlier than I. So whom will I depend on in the two years after your death?"



A Chinese woman married a pilot and they had a baby. One day he had to fly to another state with a couple of other pilots. His wife was going to China so he had to take the baby with him. On the plane, the baby was getting annoying.

The pilot said, "We have to jump or we will have no chance to make it." They decided to leave the baby on the plane. One person jumps out then the next one then the Dad. The first person got to the bottom and he sees the baby.

The man said, "How did you get down her so fast. We left you up there." The baby replied, "Me Chinese me not dumb me hold on to daddy's butt he goes tooot I go zoom that's how I got down so soon."

This is China

Chinese Laundry Notes Joke

A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. So the next week she encloses a note to the Chinese man that says, "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!"

This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "USE MORE PAPER ON REAR END!!!"

The Same Age Next Year

A grocer once had a daughter born to him. One day a friend of his made a match for his babygirl, and told him the future husband was only one year older than she was.

The grocer discussed this marriage in private with his wife. "Our daughter is just one, the boy's age is the double of hers; when she is twenty and gets married, her husband will be forty," be said. "How do we have the heart to marry off our daughter to such an old husband?"

His wife smiled and said, "You're really dumb. Our daughter is now one year old, in one years time she'll be the same age as the boy, now won't she?"

Funny Chinese Love Song w/ English Lyrics

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A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup.

The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse."

The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis.

Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises"

So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub."

The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?"

The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself.


Learn Chinese in 5 Minutes

That's not right...
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?...
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP...
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man...
Dum Gai

Small Horse...
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?...
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table...
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift...
Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here...
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet...
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone...
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week...
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Staying out of sight...
Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile...
Wa Shing Ka

Your body odor is offensive...
Yu Stin Ki Pu

Pardon Me

A flat-chest woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her chest would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me."

Her chest instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her chest. She was in seventh heaven!

She walked into a Chinese restaurant,colided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"



asgher on January 22, 2011:

very good I like it

sir_tallest on August 30, 2010:

love it.....was very funny

Mr Nice (author) from North America on March 27, 2010:

Welcome Michael Shane,

Thanks for the nice comments. I am glad you likeed the hub. Please come again. Have wonderful weekend.

Michael Shane from Gadsden, Alabama on March 26, 2010:

Great hub! Enjoyed it very much!

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