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Certificate of Death

Author:
certificate-of-death

It's all about the demon beside me
Who help me rise every hell of a day
The one who tell me to take revenge
The one who make me realize I'm even weak enough to fight


It's all about all the people
Who judge me without even knowing my story
Who laugh at me because I'm ugly
When maturity change everything in me


It's all about my family
Who's been busy the whole time in our called home
Who doesn't even think of me
Who even judge my little actions


It's about the world
A selfish one and don't want me
Who laugh at a single mistake I made
And joke around about my dreams and all about me


It's all about me
Why didn't I just realize that the world was cruel
I should just stay in my room but now I also cried silently
Why did I become this ugly and didn't even realize it sooner and let other see it first


It's all about my parents
Why did they even gave birth of me
They should think first what the baby could look physically
How can they lie saying I Love You to me


No, It's all about the mirror
Who tell a different me
Looking at it thoroughly
I can clearly see why they judge me


I think it's about who judge me
How can they judge me when they're not even perfect
Their beauties can't even define themselves
They are walking liar fake paper


They all scared to get trashed by others
A hotness they all posses that can fade by water
But I can see it all I got pretty clear vision
It's all about my revenge to them all


I've got my plan and all
My body excites more and more
Let's see who's the pity of the all
Let's see who's the loser of the world


I'm now thinking everything
With a grin because this time I will win
Their tears is my strength and power for the day
I'm make them pay every inch of my pain


But


It's actually really about me
Why didn't I fight since the first day
Why now when I already lose the game
What if I just restart and open another pain


Now It's all about my life
I'm so stupid after all this time
How am I so late to realize
What a hateful life


I really don't deserve to live
What am I still doing here
I should end everything
Please don't wake me in this world again


If only there's a Certificate for Death
I would probably write my name
I really deserve it
Like they always say


But what if I write their name in there
Maybe I don't have to live the world in pain
But how can I define their death
Maybe I should write the best judgmental human without humanity


But what my definition if it's me
Is it should be about how everyone judge me
No it should be definition of myself
What actually I am?


A person who forgot that the love for it's own is powerful than insecurities and hate


It hits me, hard
When did I really love myself?
Why did I even care about everyone say
My family probably struggling the same in a different way


Why didn't I even remember my self in front of mirror
I probably got step by someone because I forgot myself to stand
I'm not stupid all the time
I just forget who actually I am


Lost myself in hateful words I shouldn't take care of
I'm better and they don't feel the same
So they stepped on people like me to be able not to be step by their own
I'm okay I can step in my self but I won't do it to them all


I know the pain
But now I have a gain
If there is really a Certificate of Death
It's just a trapped to really lost a path


Just don't forget who you are
And laugh while they stabbed
Just don't do anything bad
They'll stop when you reach the top


But there's no end when it's start
Losing yourself it's okay but don't give up
There's so many ways to rise up
Find your own and just let them watch


I have learned a lot
I have been through a lot
I almost fall into the trap
The Certificate of Death was then also make me realize me is enough.

certificate-of-death

Note: You can't ever find the love you need from someone when you can't fulfill the love from yourself and if it feels like it does, there is always a missing piece.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2020 zaiyne