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Aggressive Personality Linked To Testicle Size

Mary loves looking at the funny side of life and injects humour where possible into her articles.

Physcian

Testicular Research

Testicular Research

Aggression Linked to Large Testicles

New research coming out of China has discovered a connection between the size of a man's testicles to the level of aggression they exhibit in stressful situations.

Dr Xing Wang made the connection after studying inmates in a maximum security prison in the Hang Dong province of China. He noticed that men who were being held for violent crimes were 69% more likely to have enlarged testicles. Dr Wang was determined to discover the truth and went to work to determine if this was an anomaly specific to China or if this was a global issue?

Aggression linked to large testicles

Aggression linked to large testicles

Measuring Testicles Size

Dr. Wang contacted colleagues in other parts of China and explained his findings. He asked other doctors to begin a program measuring their patients' testicle size to determine if there was indeed a correlation. Factors taken into account were the criminal records, if any, ambient room temperature, and choice of underwear. Dr. Wang's colleagues were astounded at their findings and discovered that they too recorded similar results.
When asked why the choice of underwear was requested, Dr. Wang hypothesized there could be a link between the dyes used in the manufacturing of different types of undergarments. To determine whether or not this was a factor, data was sent to the local medical university where 1st-year medical students were asked to wear either plain cotton or patterned synthetic underwear and record their behavior for a month. This data was analyzed and assimilate by Dr. Wang, who worked at a feverish pace, only leaving the data center when his services were required back at the prison.

At Least This Big

Determining a Control Group

To determine if this was specific to the Chinese population, he contacted friends within the medical profession in England. They were asked to check the testicles of clergymen to determine a control group. The medical professionals were asked to conduct their tests without alerting the patients to the possibility of a link to their aggression levels. The increased blood pressure could have resulted in a misrepresentation of figures.

The average testicle size after puberty measures around 2 inches long, 0.8 inches in breadth, and 1.2 inches in height (5 x 2 x 3 cm).

Icelandic Monks

The next group to be checked were monks living in Iceland. They were recorded as wearing only loose woolen undergarments that had been stitched by the nuns at the local convent. The wool was from locally raised sheep and were not suspected of carrying or eating anything untoward. The sheep's diet consisted only of lichen and grass fed with pure glacial waters.

Military personnel

Military personnel

Testicles of Soldiers

Because it is often thought that being brave is linked to levels of testosterone, retired and currently enlisted soldiers were asked to participate in this experiment. They were found to have larger testicles than all the groups, even the inmates whose crimes were linked to aggression.

Selection of results

This is just a cross section of all the results that were correlated.

NameOccupationCrime if anyRoom TemperatureUnderwear

Prisoner 39394

Inmate in maximum security prison

Assault

15 °C (59°F)

Prison supplied Boxers 50/50 Orange

Rev J

Clergyman

None

7°C (44°F)

Y fronts Cotton (Red)

Dr. W

Physcian

None

23° C (73°F)

Boxers Cotton (White with cowboy print)

Prisoner 8897987

Inmate local jail

Grievous Bodily Harm

15°C (59°F)

Prison supplied polyester Pink

Brother Bill Icelandic Parish

Monk

None

25°C (75°F)

Organic Icelandic Wool Boxers

Bubba J

Soldier

Always thrown out on technicalities

32°C (89°F)

Posing pouch red satin

 

 

 

 

 

Summary

Unfortunately, Dr. Wang was dismissed from his post at the prison in the Hang Dong province of China due to allegations that he mishandled his patients. He is currently being investigated for lewd conduct unbecoming a prison doctor. Authorities have said that it is unlikely that charges will be brought against him and he is living in exile in San Francisco, California. There he plans to open a rescue center for abandoned goats and has declined to comment.

The Chinese government has decided the research will not be continued and the documentation will be classified and stored for the foreseeable future.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2012 Mary Wickison

Comments

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on May 04, 2020:

Hi Marcy,

I'm glad you and your husband enjoyed it. I like writing humorous pieces.

Marcy Bialeschki from Cerro Gordo, IL on May 04, 2020:

Over the top funny!! I laughed out loud and my husband kept asking what was so funny, so I had him read it. Men usually don't take kindly to comical references to, you know, their man-parts; however, he laughed hysterically. Well done!!

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on January 12, 2014:

Hi Rebecca,

Oh thanks for that. The funny thing is, since I wrote this, a 'real study' has been done suggesting men with small testicles are better fathers. I had to laugh when I read that.

Glad you enjoyed it.

Rebecca Mealey from Northeastern Georgia, USA on January 12, 2014:

I agree with your first comm-enter...SNL material!

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on May 28, 2013:

I'm glad you found it funny. I got the idea whilst raking! I think I had spent too much time in the sun and needed a break.

It was my first attempt at writing humor, and the response has been positive. Thank you for taking the time to comment on it.

Melody Collins from United States on May 28, 2013:

Yikes! This is pretty funny, but also through provoking!

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 19, 2012:

Hello Lipnancy,

I had to make Dr. Wang go to San Francisco, Hubpages HQ.

Glad you enjoyed it.

Nancy Yager from Hamburg, New York on October 19, 2012:

I fell for it right up until the end. And the call you Blond. You did make me laugh.

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 15, 2012:

Hello Btrbell,

I am pleased you enjoyed it.

Thanks for commenting.

Randi Benlulu from Mesa, AZ on October 15, 2012:

Funny and clever! Very enjoyable read!

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 15, 2012:

Hello Flashmakeit,

I hope you found it funny and that it gave you a giggle.

Always a pleasure to hear from you.

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 15, 2012:

Hello Diyomarpandan,

Alas Dr. Wang is content handling his goats in SF. The world will never know if it is true or not.

Hope it gave you a chuckle.

Thanks for visiting.

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 15, 2012:

Hello Drbj,

Thank you. I am glad it tickled your funny bone.

Great to hear from you.

drbj and sherry from south Florida on October 14, 2012:

I knew something was UP (sorry) when I read Dr. WANG was the physician. Interesting that the rescue center will be handling goats. Do hope no KIDS will be involved. That could be BIG trouble for WANG!

This was funny stuff, Blond Logic.

flashmakeit from usa on October 14, 2012:

Really, and now the doctor is rescuing goats. I enjoyed reading this interesting subject!

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 14, 2012:

Hello UnnamedHarald,

Thank you for your vote, I am glad you enjoyed it.

Have a great evening.

David Hunt from Cedar Rapids, Iowa on October 14, 2012:

Okay... I thought I was being a little racist when I smirked that the doctor's name was Wang. I was "drawn in" till the very end. Well done. Voted up and funny.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on October 14, 2012:

I just shared this on Facebook and people are laughing out loud!

Mary Wickison (author) from Brazil on October 14, 2012:

Hello,

Wow, thank you. I don't tend to write humor but I thought I would give it a go. Actually, to tell the truth, you are partly responsible. I remember reading your hub about yoga positions and had a chuckle. That started me thinking I should expand my writing a bit.

Thanks for the inspiration.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on October 14, 2012:

This was perfectly written my friend. I was intrigued and then found myself laughing out loud at your beautiful wit. That table is a classic; you should be writing for Saturday Night Live! Great fun!