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A Warrior's Journey to The Truth

I'm an aspiring writer, poet, and author from the Philippines. Aiming to be a successful poet and author someday! :)

Just a little appreciation post to everyone, to my readers, to my friends, to the people supporting me.

I'm bound to be admitted at the hospital later today. I just wanted to leave this here in any case something happens in the next few days.

Good for keeps true friends will always appear on your darkest times to reach out to you, help you out, whenever they feel you need them. They will always find a way to get to you for rescue, assistance, or any kind of support you may need. Prayers is a huge thing to offer someone in need that's true. But clearly, people who make excuses saying they got no time for you but have so much time for others, that's when you'll know your how high or low your importance to them.



Thank you for my virtual friends and close friends for always being there and instantly responding to my messages despite a busy schedule. Will always be grateful for your support. I hope this year we still won't get tired and sick of one another.

For all the people treating me as part of their family too, thank you so much. I maybe a pain to deal with at times, but with your patience and so much understanding, you still accepted my flaws.



For all the people I bothered a couple of times for my selfish favors and to relay a message for me, I'm sorry and thank you for doing such a huge favor for me. It's tough being in between and sorry to put you in that situation, I was just scared and not well enough to face such confrontations or any heated conversations or arguments.



It has always been so difficult to express myself and explain myself to others. I'm an overthinker with an anxiety disorder.


Explaining myself to others is my waterloo. Especially if I already know what they will say and how will they react. It's better to do things on my own than explaining something to others to be done when in the end they will just let me do it too. They just wasted my time explaining over and over when in the first place I already knew that I'd have no choice but to do it on my own.



Growing up people would always ask me to tone down my voice, to the volume of the need to whisper always. I don't know why but when they would talk it's completely the opposite.They talk so loud that even the other municipality could hear their conversation. When I'd open up something, I'd never get an opportunity. It's already in my head that they would shut me up.


It's like treating a dog barking so loud.

"Shhhhh." just so I don't bother them being so busy.

Watching, talking, whatever it is they are doing.

I can't make a noise.I always have to read the room and leave, they don't want me eavesdropping but they are the number one when it comes to gossips of the community.

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Why does she speak so soft? Why can't she speak aloud so everyone can hear? Is she shy? Well now you know why.



I was always scared of being scold at to whatever I'm gonna say.


People around me, non medical personnel will always blame me for every complaint I have with my own body. That it's because of my bad habits, its because of the things I do, it's because of my lifestyle, basically it's because of me. Like it's happening to me basically because of my own doing. Therefore I should resolve it on my own.



What could have been more obvious and harsh ways to say things as such?


It's already a given that whatever is happening is because of me not taking good care of myself. Is that it? Do I really have to hear it over and over?


As if that's gonna change anything. If you'd give medical advice of what are the things I should have done and things I should have been doing without proper assessment and medical explanation, how would I believe so?



I'm not a medical practitioner myself but I know what's going on with my body. I know what's a typical headache is like, I know what a typical backache is like, I know what conditions can heal overnight with otc meds just like the flu.



It's easy for you to say that maybe it can be done just like that, maybe it's just minimal, maybe its just whatever reason you can say implying that it's not serious and just like a bruise it will go away in a few hours. Because you are not in my position and you don't know what exactly is happening.



You know what hurts me more? The more I complain a rather complicated symptoms the more you think within yourselves that I'm just making it up or just acting. Who would believe me anyway? My brain isn't stable. Staying in denial wouldn't help you accept what's bound to happen.



"Don't say things like that, it's nothing you'll be fine."

Are we saying this because you don't want yourself to worry or its because you are scared that what I'm saying might be true? Or maybe both?


If you'll be in my position, will you still choose to think that its nothing when your body says otherwise?



There is definitely something that's been going on. I was having that strong gut feeling and intuition but never named it. Until the doctor mentioned it bluntly when I asked what are the possibilities that's causing everything happening to me? She mentioned, a possible lump inside your brain that's slowly starting to grow. When I googled what's a lump inside a brain could mean, the results show tumor as description.



I'm not necessarily claiming negative energy here or whatever you call it.

I'm claiming whatever God has planned for me to go through.



Despite all inner struggles and battles I have faced alone these past few years, God never forsake me and leave me alone. He has been sending people to help me out which I'm forever grateful for. They might be people I don't know much but God send them at the right timing to lift me up, people whom I was able to rely on in unexpected ways.



I don't know what's bound to happen to me this year but I'm sure if I hold on tight to God's promises and to his hand, I'll get through this with victory.


Things may get worse or better, I don't know. But for sure people will always be out there, sending there love and prayers.



I'm not much to matter yet as a human being, a friend, or a family member.


But help this warrior by whispering a lil prayer.

"May she recover for the better. She still have dreams to pursue."


Thank you for everyone that took their time to read it upto this point.


It's gonna be a little bit scary and lonely,

but you got to stay strong our warrior!


#BeBrave #Godiswithyoualways

'till then,


Gianella.







This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2022 Gianella Labrador

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