I am the author of Twenty Ways I Thought I Died 1& 2, Paradise Street, Paint My Heart, and Pathetic Couple.
Truly depression is a safe place for those who cannot face the realities of life. I became depressed not because I actually was but it was safe for me that way. I had gotten into a huge mess and the only way out of it was to stay strong and sober at the same time.
Why Oju loved me this much is still unknown to me. Was it I she loves or the idea of being married. To her marriage is an accomplishment so she would do everything and anything to accomplish it.
My in-law please manage this drinks I get for you. Oju’s mother offered me as we sat in her big room which served as both bedroom and living room.
Ma thank you soo much for your hospitality. I sipped the drink quickly because I was hungry.
Don’t thank me. This is nothing. I still will prepare food for you.
I noticed that her English was better than that of her daughter. She looked better taken care of and had a very unique dimple which added to her beauty.
My in-law, which tribe you come from?
Well ma, I am from Ekiti state. I am yoruba speaking. I lied. I had to lie because I couldn’t tell her I am from Togo! Maybe she won’t accept. I could not risk risking my plan.
Yoruba are good people o! They like take care for many wives. I wish I can marry yoruba man. They have plenty money and keep many women and make them happy. You remember MKO Abiola?
Oh yes. I was surprised she knows him by name.
That man is my.... what do you people call it em em. She struggled. Image yes that’s it.
No ma its idol not image.
Yes yes idol. I love him very much. If to say he is alive, I will like to be his wife.
Wow. I said to myself. And I thought MKO was a terrible womaniser and world’s most worst gift to women. But here this woman proved me wrong! That’s the thing about ignorant naive women who know nothing but marriage and submissiveness. They had no other goal than being married and staying married with lots of gifts, no matter how it came and who the idiot is.
My in-law, do you have plenty money? Because I can see that you are almost old like MKO Abiola when he died.
I almost coughed out the drink that was in my mouth. Thank God I’m the only one with this woman, imagine if Moin was still here, he would have laughed at me so hard, knowing fully well I have no money. I mean he even gave the drink and Kola nut I brought here.
Moin was truly a wise man. He could tell by looking at me that something wasn’t right. He knew I won’t be interested in marrying Oju but he kept his lips sealed until he was about to leave and he shook my hand and whispered. Whatever it is you are planning, I hope you go safely to where you belong and never hurt my Oju again.
In-law you did not hear the question I asked you? Oju’s mother asked again bringing me out of my thoughts.
I am very rich ma. Infact MKO is my first uncle. He is my relative.
You call me ma but you very older than me my In-law. She laughed. If you have plenty money, why did you not bring plenty things?
I looked at this woman hard wondering if Oju knew her mother at all! How could she have told me that her mother said, mother Agatu cannot be trusted because she love money too much, whereas she loves it a whole lot more!
Okay ma, there is something I need to tell you. I am just like MKO. I have a wife in Lagos and one in Delta. I came to visit Benue for business interest with my wife when I saw Oju. I followed her to where she lived and I slept with her as a customer. I gave all the money I had with me to mother Agatu. Then I realised I love Oju, so Oju pressured me to prove my love by coming here to ask for her hand in marriage. So I didn’t have time to go back to my house to bring money. It is the love I have for her that brought me here impulsively.
Hmmm your grammar is plenty but I understand you love my daughter.
Yes I love your daughter, I love her soo much. I quickly added. But the problem is that I left all my cash, ATM card and cheque books in the hotel with my wife. So right now I don’t have a dime on me to return to my home in Lagos. Please can you just help me please. And I promise you I will send you 1million naira the following day.
1million naira! Me Joy? 1million naira! Oga sir my in-law, no worry again. I will put you inside bus first thing tomorrow morning and pay for it. Just rest now okay and sleep. Infact let me enter kitchen and cook good food for you. I have sent message to my husband that Oju has brought husband o! He is with our tenth wife, he will soon be here.
Tenth wife? I exclaimed. Which number are you?
Me I am number fourteen. And I am very happy! Let me go cook food okay oga sir in-law.
With that, she ran off like a happy teenager. Her daughter Oju is just like her. Stupid and ignorant. How can she be number fourteen and be so happy? Men are just selfish and wicked. Useless set of people with no self respect and decency. Just arrogant egotistic promiscuous people. I can’t even believe I am a man, why am I even a man? I asked out loud. And this woman here has started calling me Oga sir in-law just because I told her I have plenty money and will give her one imaginary 1million. How stupid can she even get?
The kitchen was outside and Joy; Oju’s mother was very busy. So I used that time to strategically plan my movement. I would wake up very early, bath and leave with her for the bus park. At last I will be out of this mess and see my family again. My family, the thought of them made me sick. What kind of condition were they now in? Ruth had been raped by Krunchgrizzly. That idiot that wants me to work with him for the benefit of his people. How dare he even touch my wife and give her marks? Krunchgrizzly is very manly and good-looking far better than I am. And he is much younger too. He is the hero of the Urhobo clan. He is not an ordinary person. And that was what made me sick. Did Ruth enjoy it with Krunchgrizzly than me? Has she fallen in love with him and wishing he came back again. What if Krunchgrizzly decides to go look for Ruth again to use her as a bait to get me back? Would she follow him once she knew how much of a hero he is? Oh my God what was I thinking? I slapped myself. My wife had been taped and battered and I was here talking about love and one heroic clan. I have to focus. This isn’t the time to think of my pride or manhood. I really do hope my family was in good condition. God please help me. And Ahmed that bastard! I don’t even know who he is, what he is or who he works for. My life had been a lie! And what did Ese mean when she said my country sold me? My president doesn’t know me. I need to find out what is going on but before that, I need to find my family first and keep them safe.
Food is ready! Joy announced with a tray of whatever she had cooked.
So quick? I asked bluntly.
No oga sir in-law, I have been cooking for forty five minuets now. But you just sat down there thinking. I come in many times and you did not even notice me.
Really? How time must have flew. I was soo deep in my thoughts of Oju. I can’t wait to go back to Lagos, get money and come marry her.
Okay Oga sir in-law. But aleast eat something first.
Yes please. I had not eaten this kind of stew with yam before. The stew was sort of black but it was very delicious with lots of roasted fish in it. I ate so much because I was very hungry. I never knew how hungry I was until now. As I ate, Joy smiled at me lustfully. I wonder what she was thinking but I was not even interested until she said..
Oga sir in-law, you really love your food. Any man that eats a woman food like that, love her.
I didn’t know when the next slice of yam going down my throat choked me.
She rushed to my side and gave me water to drink. I am sorry my lord. She used her wrapper to clean my mouth which even disgusted me the more.
Its okay. I sprang up from the chair I sat. Go back to your sit.
Okay my lord just eat more.
No I no longer want to eat. Please just step back.
Why my lord? You love my body?
I didn’t know when I slapped her. I think that slap was long coming because I just couldn’t stand this naive women anymore.
My lord any man that beat his woman loves her. I know you love me from the way you hit me. Come and sex me my lord.
With that she flung her wrapper off her waist and she had just one tiny tight on.
What the hell are you doing? I screamed. Have you gone mad? You know I love your daughter and want to marry her.
It does not mean anything. I love strong rich yoruba men and I want you too. See if you do not sleep with me now I will not give you the money to go to Lagos. So if you want to go, sleep with me.
I looked at this woman soo hard that I could see her literal heart. It was dirty with no hint of innocence. You know we men are just soo stupid. We look at these ignorant naive women and we feel their desire for marriage and submissiveness is part of their innocence. But no it isn’t. It’s just a ticket for them to go to whatever country, shopping mall, event centre, salon, boutique they want. It’s just a means to an end for them.
What are you saying mama Oju? I tried to destabilise her.
Yes. I want you to make love with me.
You want me to make love to you? Are you even listening to yourself? Don’t ever utter such rubbish again.
You think I am talking rubbish? Okay wait. She came for me and dragged me by the hand to her bed. Then pushed me soo hard on it and then fell on top of me. The she started doing everything Ruth use to do to me. At that point, I didn’t know if it was only by her strength I laid on the bed with her, or it was my weakness as a man. She kept on going and going and I just couldn’t stop her anymore because I had become so weak and I fell for it.
It was a long sex. I was ashamed to say it felt good. I didn’t know what I was thinking but it felt good as well. Krunchgrizzly slept with Ruth, so I slept with Joy as well. Now we are even and the jealousy that was eating me up ever since Krunchgrizzly Auwenagha touched my wife vanished.
My lord you did not do any work. You just lie on the bed. You are lazy in bed but your pocket is very big with money.
What the hell did she just say? Did she just bruise my ego or was I dreaming. I was about to reply her when the door opened up wide with force and a slim tall man stood at it’s entrance.
Joy! What are you doing?
The freight in her voice told me I had to run or die.
You brought this man into your room to disguise as Oju’s husband to be, so you can sleep with him? How disgusting can you be Joy! Just wait for me, I am going to get my koboko.
With that he left and common sense told me I just had to run. Who is that man! I screamed at Joy.
That is my husband. We have to run now he will come back and kill us both. She panicked as she dressed up and rushed to her cupboard to get a bag.
But you said he is Hausa, how come he speaks good English? I asked as I hurried into my cloths.
My husband is a teacher. Very educated. He teach me English that is why I can speak it better than my daughter. Now common let’s go now! I know a shortcut that he doesn’t know.
With that, our race began. We ran through a bush behind her window and kept running for an hour if I am not mistaken.
Where are we going. Eventually I asked.
To a bus park. But we will not go to the one going to Lagos because my husband have brothers there. We will go to the one going to Delta. From Delta we go Lagos.
Del..ta? I stammered. Why Delta?
That place is far from here and no one will ever think that we will go there. Trust me it’s safe okay.
Oh God I can’t go to Delta. I said forcefully.
Why? You are from Ekiti right? Nobody know me and you in Delta so why you fear to go there?
You are soo stupid Joy! You do not even know how to cheat. Why did you not lock the door? You wanted to have me and you could not even protect yourself from your husband.
You are my husband now. You will marry me because I cannot go back.
What? Have you gone mad? Marry you! Why would you even say something as ridiculous as that?
Wetin wetin? Abeg please o. You will marry me now and then marry Oju.
How can I marry mother and daughter? Do you not have any shame?
But you sleep with me already? So why can you not marry me? What is bad there? You are a rich yoruba man and can marry many wife. You marry me first, then we go to mother Agatu house and marry Oju my daughter. Oju will be very happy that I and her will now be together.
I am shocked at life. Why is it so cunning and full of deceits and everything vile. What kind of rubbish woman is this! My plan is ruined.
Look we cannot go to Delta. I tired to convince her. My wife Ese is from there and her people might see us.
So what? Are you going to hide me from her? She is first wife and I am second, while my daughter third. She has to see it and accept it. Now let’s go to the park and sleep there so we can leave with its first bus for Delta.
How long will it take us to get to the park? I asked totally exhausted emotionally.
Maybe three hours if we walk fast.
What do you mean maybe three hours? Which route did you follow that is soo long?
I follow backyard okay. So stop shouting and walk fast. You can’t make love to a woman well and now you can’t even walk fast. Lazy man.
What did you say? I asked like I didn’t hear her.
Nothing. She lied.
We better start walking before I lose my temper.
It was really a long trek but finally we reached our destination. The park was very dark when we arrived and bus drivers were fast asleep in their buses. There were a few passengers who claimed they had to stop at the bus park to continue their journey the next morning.
I need to find somewhere to lie down Joy, I am completely exhausted.
Come with me. We can lie down in one of the buses going to Delta.
Will they allow us lie down inside it?
Of course. Why not? Are we not customers. Come here my love.
Don’t you ever call me that again. I snapped at her. Who do you think you are you this ignorant illiterate.
Me illiterate? Well at least I have got your bus fare, that’s something you educated man don’t have.
That’s enough woman. Don’t insult me over some change.
I’m sorry my love. I know you are a millionaire and you are going to make me one too. This is just an issue my daughter caused you. I get okay. Now have your rest, the day will soon break.
As I laid down to rest in the bus, I just couldn’t think anymore. It’s like I didn’t have a plan anymore. This disgusting woman just came and ruined everything and now I will be on my way to Delta. What if I steal her money bag and just go to Lagos bus park and leave from here. That will be a great idea but what if her husband catches me. The reason we didn’t go there in the first place is because her husband’s brother work there according to her. Domingo Domingo you have to think of her to get rid of this woman! I am feeling so sleepy and my legs ache so badly.
My husband should I massage your feet?
Husband? I am not your husband woman.
Please let me massage your feet, don’t be too angry. I know you are tired from the long trekking we did but I am use to it so I will massage you while you sleep okay.
I wanted to steal her money bag and now she wants to massage me to sleep. It’s like this woman knows my every plan and is bent on ruining it. I couldn’t resist her massage when she started because it felt soo good.
© 2021 Jade George Anibor