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I Know A Little Bit About Everything And A Whole Lot About Nothing

I've been everywhere, nowhere, and places in between. During my travels, or non-travels, thoughts just float through my mind. Some are funny, thought provoking, and others are just down-right stupid...so, so mundane.

This list is a compilation of my thoughts and actual experiences, and is not catergorized in any particular order; hence the title; "A Little Bit of Everything and a Whole Lot of Nothing". After reading this you may think "...this chile' is crazy!", or you'll think that my brilliancy exceeds me, which...by the way...are random thoughts too!

 

1. I think James was mess'n around with Willona on Good Times.

2. If Captain Chesapeake was the Captain of the Chesapeake Bay, then how was Mondy a Sea Monster?

3. I used to think a whopper jr. w/ cheese met the five basic food groups.

4. Did you know that there's a slave cemetery in Cockeysville, Maryland?

5. My son went in the refrigerator again and I yelled at him. He asked, "Can a playa' get a slice of cheese?"

6. I live for today, I dream of tomorrow and I don't miss yesterday.

7. Was Miss Mary Mack her real name? ...Miss Ma-ry Mack, Mack, Mack, all dressed in black, black, black...remember that rhyme? I can't prove it, but I think her real name was Gertrude!

8. House bums of the world unite!

9. Did you know that jockey's on front lawns were used to steer runaway slaves to safe houses?

10. Feed a man fish, and he'll eat for the day. Teach a man to fish and he'll buy a bag of frozen lake trout!


11. I think if my dog could talk, he'd say, "Will you PLEASE shut up!.

12. When life gives you lemons...buy limes, they're cheaper.

13. Put up, stand up, or shut up!

14. It's okay to talk to yourself. It's okay to answer yourself, after you've asked yourself a question. You only have a problem, if you ask yourself to repeat what you said.

15. One day I saw the Blue Bird of Happiness in my backyard...and then a cat ate it...so much for happiness...damn cat!

16. Don't push me, cause' I'll push back...but only harder!

17. Guys who wear their pants off their hind-parts will wonder why they have back and leg problems later in life. Pull your britches up!!!!

18. Why do people throw a fit, but have a ball?

19. Life IS like a box of chocolates...sometimes semi-sweet, and mixed with an occasional nut!

20. I offer no excuses, and I make no apologies.


21. I awoke today feeling energized...recharged, and then realized...I was dream'n.

22. See a penny pick it up, and all day you'll have...a dirty penny.

23. I think Rocky the Squirrel and Bullwinkle the Moose had a little sumth'n going on.

24. I'm still mad at Miss Sally for not calling my name on Romper Room, "...and I see Sharon", was all she had to say!

25. Why do Gas Stations still have Self Service signs? When was the last time you saw a station attendant pump gas?

26. Has anyone else noticed that Mr. Clean is looking m-i-g-h-t-y fine these days?!

27. What came first the chicken or the egg? It doesn't matter...I'll fry em' both!

28. When it rains cats and dogs, should you call animal control?

29. What is the time that heals all wounds?

30. If laughter is the best medicine, then what is the proper dosage?

These are only a portion of my random thoughts. Had I published any more, you'd either be bored, say a prayer, or dial 911!

Comments

Barzo on May 14, 2019:

Absolute rubbish, heard funnier in Xmas crackers

Mike on February 22, 2012:

I had a good time reading your hub. Really made me lol. http://www.micoequipment.com/

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on October 29, 2011:

Well she got me "D", and I was mad for a looooong time...obviously! It's so good to hear from you!! Made my day!

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on October 29, 2011:

See, Miss Nancy could not really see me. She 'saw' me in her magic mirror because I sent her a (bed) picture. I hope not to disappoint, but it was not magic at all. She was fooling all those dear little children. But she didn't fool me. Ha HA!

Kristin Trapp from Illinois on October 27, 2011:

Well this gave me a good dosage of the much-needed laughter medicine (random thought #30)!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 05, 2011:

Thanks justateacher...you are more than justateacher...you are the bomb-diggity!!!!

LaDena Campbell from Somewhere Over The Rainbow - Near Oz... on September 04, 2011:

Another great hub!

Lene Lynn on September 04, 2011:

Thanks for reading it. They were all way funnier in person, I swear! :) I hope you are doing well. :)

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on September 04, 2011:

Hey Lene, just to let you know...I did already read Memorable Moments of funny.

Lene Lynn on August 30, 2011:

Girl, you are something else! I sure do miss you! hehehe!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on August 30, 2011:

Hi Lene, no I haven't read Memorable Moments of Funny..wait...I can't remember if I did or not. I'll take a look at it to see if it jogs my memory. If it doesn't, then I didn't read it. I'll let you know.

I'll likely update this hub as other stuff infiltrates my mind! My son is extremely funny too, but he gets on my nerves, so his funny doesn't always count.

Lene Lynn on August 14, 2011:

You are too funny! Did you ever read my hub called, "Memorable Moments of Funny"??? You had to be there in person to get the full gist of what I did, but those were the funniest moments in my life! And guess what? Those kinds of ideas float through my head all the time, like for instance, "Did Adam have a belly button? He didn't have a Mother or Father, you know!" AND, "Why is there no such thing as 'jello art'???" hehehe! I love you, girl, you crack me up! My oldest son is much like me in the "quick wit and repartee" area!!! :)

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on August 14, 2011:

It's crazy...these thoughts, actually do float through my mind, and I crack up OUT LOUD! I threw the one in about my son, because I often think of it...he's nearly as funny as I am. Sounds like you made the bakery lady's day, AND a real big and gigantic BOOOOOOO on the ex...they're ex's for a reason! As a child Miss Sally had me so mad that I thought if ever I see her in person, I'm going to stick my tongue out at her...that'll show her!!

Lene' Lynn St. John from Glendale, AZ on August 14, 2011:

These are HILARIOUS! I love the one about your "playa" son just wanting a slice of cheese! I love the Whopper Jr. encompassing ALL four food groups - whoa! If I had a dog that could talk, he would tell my BOYFRIEND to shut up because that man is constantly on a stream of consciousness! The box of chocolates saying is so true! I went to a bakery once and told them I wanted the brownie with the whipped cream and the nuts and cherry on it because it was "fluffy (whipped cream is fluffy, you know!), sweet, and a little nuts just like me!" The bakery lady laughed and said I should be a stand-up comedian, and I told her that my ex told me once, "The only thing funny about you is your face!" So, that took care of that issue! And as far as Miss Sally on Romper Room - when I was little, I used to get sad everytime I watched her because I just KNEW she was never going to say MY name since it is French and so different from everyone else's! She was one of the main reasons I suffered from low self-esteem for so long, because I felt non-existent and non-important! heheheh! Love ya, girl!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on August 12, 2011:

Sorry to disappoint you "D", but Miss Nancy was in cahoots with Miss Sally...they had all the kids believ'n in their magic mirror! I hate magic and handheld mirrors to this day because of them!! Go suck an egg Miss Sally...Miss Nancy too!!!

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on August 11, 2011:

Wait a minute. You mean Miss Nancy did not really see me through the magic mirror? Another bubble burst :(

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on August 06, 2011:

Miscegenation definition...I had to look it up too. I knew what word I wanted to use but had to be absolutely clear. Glad you looked it up...anyone else may have simply said, "Uhm...okay."

And yes that would be a good hub topic...perhaps I'll explore it...one day, but right now...I like stick'n to the fun stuff. Thanks again...you're a dear!!

Kim Harris on August 06, 2011:

Thanks imatellmuva. Now I get it. I had to look up "miscegenation" though. That would be good hub topic in itself. Hmmm. Thanks for the fyi:)

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on August 06, 2011:

Hey Kimmy Kimh039, I was convinced that the whopper jr WITH cheese was a full course...and then I started reading.

The black jockey was (is ) considered offensive, because of the exaggerated features; jet black skin, bug-eyed, large red lips. There are actually two stories behind the use of the jockey. I only referenced one, but the other still relates to a black person as a faithful servant. It's offensive because blacks are often portrayed in this stereotypical fashion. After slaves were brought to America our features changed due to miscegenation. We all don't have those features, so don't only portray us that way.

Right...about the self-service signs at gas stations...maybe I need to move...cause' the service stations round' here ain't (yes ain't) pump'n gas for NOBODY!

It's a pleasure to hear from you Kim...thanks!!

Kim Harris on August 04, 2011:

I'm guessing the whopper jr is not a full course? I can't believe that about the jockey! We actually had one of those in our front yard where i grew up. In the 70s my parents removed it because they were told it was racist and offensive. I never really knew what it meant. That's very interesting, imatellmuva. Oh, I know of two full service stations! You're right though, they should not say anything unless they are full service! Imacrackup everytime i see that now:)

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 26, 2011:

@Neil, my dog just gives me THAT look!! Thanks for stopping by...it's good to see you...hear from you!

Neil Sperling from Port Dover Ontario Canada on June 25, 2011:

LOL -- number 11 makes sense. My dog would agree for sure.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 24, 2011:

Hey "D", no, I'm not outta here, I've just been doing A Little Bit of Everything AND a Whole Lot of Nothing. HaHa

1). I forgot about that station on Taylor Ave. It gives me the creeps. If you block out your peripheal vision, you'll think you're in a small town. Since 98% of stations IN Baltimore City do not provide service, my thought counts as the majority.

2.)I heard about the Captain being a drunk. He's the one who likely named Mondy The Sea Monster...now it makes sense!

3.)Miss Nancy musta' been drinking along with Captain Chesapeake! Now I'm r-e-a-l-l-y mad! (kidding).

Dolores Monet from East Coast, United States on June 23, 2011:

Well hello! I thought you were out of here! I loved this hub so much and have way too much to say about it:

1) There is a gas station where they pump your gas on Taylor Ave. in Balto. County between Loch Raven Boulevard and Oakleigh Rd. It's a cheap gas too, but my mechanic said don't use it in my old car.

2) A friend of mine took her son to see Capt. Chesapeake in person. The Captain was drunk as a skunk!

3) Well, you are sure younger than I am. I saw Miss Nancy on Romper Room. When I was 14, my friend and I drew pictures pretending to be young children, with a couple of the letters of our names backwards, like that. Not only did Miss Nancy display our pictures, but she mentioned us when looking through the magic mirror. You gotta get involved in these things.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 07, 2011:

@Sheronda, yes we do have many talented people in our family...we're so fortunate to have and be related to one another. Thanks for leaving a comment...it's greatly appreciated.

@Ashantina, I am a penny-picker-upper! I thought of #22 after picking up a penny, and started saying the chant, "See a penny pick it up, and all day you'll have good luck." I surmised that filth and not luck was more likely. Thanks as always!!!

Ashantina on June 07, 2011:

Personal fave no 19/22 :) You have a such a witty mind, imatellm :) loved this!!!

up/funny

Sheronda on June 04, 2011:

Now that was funny Cousin Dear. We have one talented family... and we are good looking too. Do your thing Girl!

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 03, 2011:

@Latrice, I'm glad the article brought you much needed laughter. Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment.

@AuntDarlene, Yeah if you lived in my head, you'd be in t-r-o-u-b-l-e!! Yet, you always give me something to think about...so, this is partially your fault! (LOL) Thank you for stopping by and leaving a comment.

AuntDarlene on June 03, 2011:

I'm kinda glad I don't live in your head. some of those heavy thoughts might knock me down. Here's one, when you stand o your head, does your dress fall up or down?

LaTrice on June 03, 2011:

I needed that!! Lol

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 03, 2011:

@Kelvin, maybe where you live, stations pump gas for the elderly, disabled, and anyone who doesn't want to pump gas. Where I live, there is ONLY ONE PERSON at all stations, and THAT ONE person is operating the cash register, AND does not come out of his booth for anything or anybody. Perhaps the elderly or disabled have a passenger with them in their travels to assist. I think in all of my years of driving, and the thousands of times I got gas (at different stations at that), I would have seen this.

AND it was already acknowledged that attendants pump gas in New Jersey.

I can only account for what happens (or doesn't), where I live. Not in New Jersey, or any other city, state, or country.

Kelvin on June 03, 2011:

"25. Why do Gas Stations still have Self Service signs? When was the last time you saw a station attendant pump gas?"

Stations still pump gas for old people, disabled people, and anybody who just doesn't want to get out of the car.

Plus, in New Jersey, self-service stations are outlawed. You have to let a worker pump it for you, whether you want to or not.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 02, 2011:

Kwadaddy...heeeeyyyyy!! I know...I know...I laugh at myself too!!

Kwadaddy on June 02, 2011:

#14 hahahahahaha

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 02, 2011:

@Strong and Focus, I am special, but I got off the short yellow bus, tripped...and here I am!

@AA, I think Miss mary Mack's real name is Gertrude...I can't prove it...but I have a feel'n!!!!

AA on June 02, 2011:

This article is hilarious! My sister told me once that she met a woman whose name was Mary Mack and she couldn't resist singing the song to her.

Strong and Focus on June 02, 2011:

I knew you where special I just didn't know how "SPECIAL" LOL this was great

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 02, 2011:

Yogi, I guess I can only account for gas NOT getting pumped in Baltimore! Actually, I was told that there are attendants in Jersey...might be worth a move...considering the gas prices! I thank you so much for stopping by AND leaving a comment...YOU ROCK!!!!!!

Yolanda Harris on June 02, 2011:

Girl u crazy...why am I sitting here singing Miss Mary Mack while getting my gas pumped by an attendent...Jersey Girls don't pump gas, its the only reason I like it here.

imatellmuva (author) from Somewhere in Baltimore on June 02, 2011:

@The Last Born Child, thank you for your comment. I truly think that Penny was the love child of James and Willona. AND, she was raised by the woman alleged to be her Mother, who was angry because she was ready for the truth to be told. Had the show lasted for one more season, the truth would have come out. That's my story and I'm stick'n to it!

@Yahkeem, thank you my brutha for taking the time out to not only read my article, but respond. That shows excellance in your character...and I like it!!!!

Yahkeem on June 02, 2011:

I love this article, it gave me a much needed laugh.

The Last Born Child on June 02, 2011:

Wow! This article got me crackin up! I think James was sneakin over Wilona house too! Wilona was fine!