Narcissists are deceptive, cunning and highly manipulative, dealing with them can be very challenging and exhausting. Below are the books that will help you deal with narcissists effectively.
If you are in a very close relationship with a narcissist (the narcissist is your partner) or there is a big power imbalance (the narcissist is your boss) then it’s more suitable to create an exit plan as the abuse often escalates with disastrous consequences for the victim.
Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People
Author: Nina W. Brown
Average goodreads score: 3.6/5
In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People, Nina Brown explains why many people who don't exhibit all of the characteristics required for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis still exhibit a destructive narcissistic pattern (DNP) that causes much of the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. Thankfully, she also includes practical techniques for dealing with a narcissistic coworker, supervisor or boss, parent, or intimate partner.
One of the most remarkable features of the book is how the author puts emphasis on the reader's need to focus inward as a necessary component of living with the DNP of others. Because the destructive narcissist is unlikely to change his or her conduct, we must examine our own behavior, as well as the responses elicited in us by the behavior of a person displaying DNP. Our own behaviors, responses, and feelings are considerably more malleable than others. As the author writes, "it becomes empowering to realize that there are actions you can take that will help to reduce or eliminate negative effects [of the DNP] on you".
While reading this book, it is apparent that the author, Nina Brown is the foremost authority on DNP. If you have to regularly interact with someone who you believe may have DNP this is without a doubt the book you should read for guidance.
In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People
Author: George K. Simon
Average goodreads score:4/5
Written by a psychologist Dr. George Simon, In Sheep's Clothing (1996) examines the psychology of power-hungry and manipulative people.
"Manipulators", according to the author are character disordered individuals who tend to make poor decisions mainly because they are unable to see beyond their own self-interest. In sheep’s clothing serves as an excellent guide to recognizing character disordered individuals─ narcissists, psychopaths, borderlines. This book also explains how manipulators think and the tactics they employ to exploit, manipulate, and deceive people in order to achieve their goals. In addition, the book goes through the many forms of aggressiveness, including the passive aggressor, which is perhaps the hardest to handle. In the last chapter of the book effective techniques to deal with manipulators are discussed.
This book is a fantastic read and resource for those who are in, or have been in an abusive relationship; it will help them recognize abusive behavior for what it is. Anyone in the HR field, as well as middle managers and small and mid-size enterprise owners would benefit from having this book in their workplace.
How to Deal With Narcissists
Author: Michael Trust
Average goodreads score: 3.75/5
This book can give you a deep understanding of the mind of a narcissist. In addition, the author explains different tactics that narcissists use to wound you emotionally and psychologically. He then goes on to explain how you can use those same tactics to inflict pain on the narcissist. If you are interested in learning about how to inflict narcissistic injury then this is a suitable book. The author also explains how you can protect yourself without attacking the narcissist. So even if you fail to learn the tactics about inflicting narcissistic injury, you will learn about a few valuable things that will help you protect yourself.
The author is of the opinion that appeasement is not always the right strategy to deal with a narcissist. with some narcissists we need to inflict pain or narcissistic injury so that the narcissist loses interest in us as a source of narcissistic supply. If you let the narcissist to hurt you and do nothing in return the narcissist will like it. He/she will see you as an easy target and will keep on hurting you. Pain is the only language that character-disordered people understand.
In my opinion if the narcissist is in position of power (for example, he/she is your boss) then appeasement would be a good strategy while you look for another job.
Escape: How to Beat the Narcissist
Author: H.G. Tudor
Average goodreads score:4/5
What is usually called narcissistic supply, H.G. Tudor considers it fuel. In Escape: How to Beat the Narcissist he teaches you how to stop giving fuel to the narcissist. The tactics that he teaches seem like variation of grey rock technique. So if you want to learn a sophisticated form of grey rock or ways to stop giving fuel to the narcissist, this book is for you. In addition, the author also teaches you a few necessary steps that you need to take before your escape.
It’s written from the perspective of narcissistic partners, So in order to use the same tactics in workplace you will need to be creative.
Who's Pulling Your Strings? How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life
Author: Harriet B. Braiker
Ave goodreads score: 3.9/5
This book lays out a comprehensive plan to help you break free from manipulators and reclaim control of your life. Millions of individuals, both men and women, might find themselves in relationships with manipulators ─ persons who exert power over others via emotional manipulation, insults, and mind games. These toxic relationships undermine the victim's self-esteem and make life difficult. Whether the manipulator is a family member, a spouse or love partner, a boss, coworker, or subordinate, or even a trusted friend or adviser, Dr. Braiker, guides you how to halt the destructive pattern once and for all. Dr. Braiker empowers you to: recognize the signs of a manipulative relationship; assess your own vulnerability to manipulation; use effective resistance tactics against manipulators' efforts; extricate yourself from manipulative relationships that do not change and protect yourself from falling prey to manipulators' ploys in future.
Surrounded by psychopaths
Author: Thomas Erikson
Average goodreads score: 3.46/5
Surrounded by Psychopaths teaches readers how to deal with psychopaths in their life by being aware of their own behavior and weaknesses, using the same easy four-color method of behavior classification (DISC) that made Surrounded by Idiots so successful. Detailed examples show how psychopaths exploit various sorts of behavior, allowing readers to see their own flaws and take proactive steps to defend themselves. Erikson discusses some of the most frequent manipulative techniques employed by psychopaths and others to control people around them. The book also provides practical strategies and approaches that that you can adopt to protect yourself.
The information in this book is not only affective against psychopaths but it’s equally effective against any relationship characterized by insidious manipulations and deception.
Surrounded by Psychopaths will educate you how to defend yourself against manipulative influence in your career, social life, and family by understanding your conduct as well as the habits and strategies of abusers.
Don’t let low average score on goodreads prevent you from reading this book. We are surrounded by manipulative toxic people and this book is an excellent guide.
Danger: 50 Things You Should Not Do With a Narcissist
Author: H.G. Tudor
Average goodreads score:4/5
If you are entrapped in a relationship with a narcissist, this book is your manual for survival. H.G Tudor teaches you what you must never do while you are in any kind of entanglement with a narcissist. He lists 50 things that must be avoided. The topics covered range from why you should not try to seek any kind of support from narcissist to why you should not expect to enjoy your holiday with a narcissist.
Heeding the superb advice of the author will likely result in far less damage that you suffer and your escape would be easier. A person who is living with a narcissistic partner really needs to read this book.
The Psychopath Code: Cracking the Predators that Stalk Us
Author: Pieter Hintjens
Average goodreads score: 3.62/5
Don't look for serial killers... one in every 25 persons in your vicinity is a psychopath concealing and leading a double life. Psychopaths use their charm and intelligence to get what they desire. They only experience predatory emotions ─ anger, jealousy, frustration and hate. Pieter Hintjens decodes the mystery of the psychopath in this book. Why are there individuals like this? What are their modes of operation?, and most importantly, can we learn to avoid or escape them? You will be enlightened by the answers. This book provides practical skills and strategies for dealing with psychopaths, narcissists, and borderlines.
The author really shines when he discusses various types of emotions and shows you how to keep your emotional house in order, just like a financial advisor will guide you how to keep your finances in order. This means that we must be aware of the appearance and structure of emotions inside ourselves and others.
The Devil’s Toolkit
Author: H G Tudor
Ave goodreads score:4.19/5
There are moments in my life when I walk away from encounters with others with a pit in my stomach, a weight on my heart, or a cloud of confusion in my mind. I've frequently questioned whether I imagined what happened or the other person really said or did what I believe they said and did. In The Devil’s Toolkit Mr.Tudor discusses a formidable range of manipulative and wounding tools that a narcissist uses to controls and harms those that come within his or her grasp. He not only defines each tool in detail, but he also explains how, when, and why it is utilized, as well as why it works. After reading The Devil's Toolkit, I was able to detect not only what instrument was being used against me, but also when it was being utilized. This understanding enabled me to no longer be harmed by tools and to disconnect and walk away before the tool was used to complete the task. Awareness is important, and knowledge is power.This is another book by HG that provides insight into how to preserve and shield one's soul and sanity while dealing with a narcissist in one's life.
Shell Vera from Connecticut, USA on September 30, 2021:
Going to bookmark this for my future reading list. I experienced some narcissistic behavior from a friend a few years ago that blew my mind. Gaslighting and so much more. I am more in tune with it now and spend less time with the person but it's always good to read about the subject to learn more! Thanks for sharing!