Following is the list of the best books that will help you create boundaries with aging or difficult parents.
Understanding the Borderline Mother
Author: Christine Ann Lawson
Average Goodreads rating:4.38/5
Our mother is our first love in life. For survival, it is necessary that you are able to recognize her face, her voice, her moods and understand the meaning behind her facial expressions. Dr. Christine Ann Lawson, using layman’s speech breaks down Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)into easily digestible parts which is highly educational but not necessarily a fun read. She also explains how children are affected by the disorder of their mother. Even as an adult those children continue to suffer, futilely attempting to reach the shelter of a parental harbor, oblivious to the fact that their borderline parent lacks a pier, or even a noticeable shore.
The author divides mothers suffering from BPD into four character profiles: The waif mother, the queen mother, the hermit mother and the witch.While reading these character profiles some readers may identify themselves or their mothers. The author gives good recommendations to the readers for improving their relationship with their mother. Dr. Lawson demonstrates how you can care for your waif mother without rescuing her, attend to the hermit without feeding her fear, love the queen without becoming her subject, and live with the witch without becoming her victim.
So, if you feel that your mother is an emotional vampire, a blackhole for attention, unstable or you somehow feel like crap in her presence or meets other people's mothers and finds yourself in shock because those ladies might as well be an alien race from another planet, this book is a must read. This book will help you survive and put limits on her behavior.
Where to Draw the Line
Author: Anne Katherine
Average Goodreads rating: 3.87/5
This book gives us the tools and insights we need to set boundaries so we can devote our time and energy to the things that really matter. It also helps us overcome limiting barriers that stifle personal progress.
In Where to draw the Line, Katherine presents case studies demonstrating the ways in which individuals break their own boundaries or allow others to breach them, focusing on every aspect of daily life—from friendships and sexual relationships to clothes, appearance, money, food, psychotherapy and relationship with parents (The only topic that isn't thoroughly addressed is business and work).The author makes effective use of dialogue to depict both healthy and unhealthy boundary setting. She gives precise suggestions on making decisions that balance one's personal needs with the needs of others, using real-life examples ranging from self-sacrificing moms to compulsive tidy freaks.
Boundaries are the invisible structures that enable people to live healthy and productive lives. Where to Draw the Line teaches readers how to strengthen and maintain boundaries on a daily basis. This book is not religious at all, and is a valuable guide for anyone learning to set boundaries.
Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents
Author: Lindsay C. Gibson
Average Goodreads rating: 4.44/5
As a child, emotionally immature parents (EIPs) may make you feel lonely and neglected. Setting boundaries and expressing feelings becomes very challenging for children of EIPs. As an adult, you may become more vulnerable to other emotionally immature people as you strive to build romantic connections. Furthermore, as your parents grow older, they may continue to overstep your boundaries by criticizing and invalidating your feelings, disregarding your reality, and trying to limit and degrade your freedom of thought and emotional autonomy. EIPs, in summary, can be contradictory, self-centered, and inconsistent. So, what alternatives do you have for dealing with their harmful behavior?
Lindsay Gibson builds on the popularity of her bestselling self-help book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents to offer yet another useful resource. This follow up guide teaches you how you can identify signs of an EIP, protect your emotions, connect with your needs and feelings and attain emotional autonomy in all of your relationships. This is a how-to guide that includes suggestions and exercises for how to improve your emotional autonomy and self-awareness.
This book will help you gain the freedom to finally live your life your way if you are willing to put your own needs first, dispel the fog of self-doubt, and overcome the fear of judgment and punishment from an emotionally immature parent.
Healthy Boundaries: How to Set Strong Boundaries, Say No Without Guilt, and Maintain Good Relationships With Your Parents, Family, and Friends
Author: Chase Hill
Average Goodreads rating: 3.83/5
This book is quite thoughtful, informative, and practical. It provides a thorough examination of the boundaries for different types of relationships. Rich with examples that are both relevant and practical, the book covers boundaries for a wide range of relationships (e.g. with parents, with children, with partners, and with friends and colleagues). Although no relationship book will ever supply all of the answers, this one does offer a lot of practical advice offered with compassion and thoughtfulness. The book also includes links to guided meditations.
Coping with Critical, Demanding, and Dysfunctional Parents: Powerful Strategies to Help Adult Children Maintain Boundaries and Stay Sane
Author: David M. Allen
Average Goodreads rating: 3.54/5
Do you have a parent that invalidates, criticizes, demands, or despises you? In this necessary guide You'll discover how to set boundaries, identify the underlying intentions behind your parent's conduct, put an end to repetitious, harmful exchanges, and create healthy boundaries that are essential for your emotional health and sanity.
There's no way to sugarcoat it: if you grew up with a parent who made you feel unwanted or unloved, your pain is very real. You may choose to remove this parent from your life –which is not an unreasonable decision itself or you can learn how to cope with such a difficult parent. If you are in the latter category, this book can help you.
Coping with Critical, Demanding, and Dysfunctional Parents, written by a psychologist and relationship specialist, can help you establish boundaries with your difficult parent. You will learn about your rights and effective communication techniques which will help you speak up for yourself, become more assertive and put an end to your parent's abusive conduct.
This useful guide will help you put a stop to toxic relationships while preserving harmony in your family.
Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting over Narcissistic Parents
Author: Nina W. Brown
Average goodreads score:3.91/5
In this book, Nina W. Brown shows us the persona as well as the difficulties of dealing with a destructive narcissistic parent (DNP). In the beginning chapters, The author analyzes the DNP parent's behaviors as well as assessing your attitude toward your parent and how that attitude may have impacted your life to date.
A key issue in the book is identifying whether your parent is a DNP or not. This is easier said than done, since maintaining objectivity when such strong emotions are involved is hard. However, the author efficiently puts forth a series of identifying traits to help the reader distinguish between a DNP and the more common instance of a parental/child misunderstanding that has just festered.
The author understands the tough position that parents play at times, and she cautions readers throughout the book from diagnosing their parents with destructive narcissism too quickly. However, once you are sure that you are dealing with a DNP, you are free to explore the many helpful tools and techniques that aid and protect you in your dealings with the DNP. aid and protect you in your dealings with the DNP.
Aside from outlining the parent's destructive actions and the child's protection mechanisms, the best aspect of the book is that it is all about setting boundaries, developing skills for creating a less harmful connection with your DNP parent, and healing.
Children of the Aging Self-Absorbed: A Guide to Coping with Difficult, Narcissistic Parents and Grandparents
Author: Nina W. Brown
Average Goodreads rating: 3.59/5
It's challenging to grow up with a self-absorbed parent, and they may get even more difficult to live with as they grow older. This valuable guide explains how to deal with your elderly parent's narcissistic behavior and offers advice on how to protect yourself and your children from their self-centered and destructive conduct.
Hurtful relationships may resurface and become more strained as your self-absorbed parent becomes older and more reliant on you. Author Nina Brown delivers practical advice throughout the book. You'll discover actionable, effective ways for dealing with the overwhelming negative emotions that the abusive behavior of your parents can elicit, as well as how to protect your children from judgment, blame, or antagonism between you and your parents.
In this essential guide, you will gain a deep understanding of why and how your parent's destructive and selfish behavior worsens with age and how to deal with the bad feelings that might come as a result. You'll also learn to cope with feelings of guilt and shame when you don’t want to be a caregiver. Finally, you'll learn to create boundaries with your parent in order to maintain your sanity throughout this trying period.
Having an elderly parent is difficult enough but coping with an aging, selfish and narcissistic parent may be even more difficult. You need help from this crucial resource.
Setting Boundaries with Your Aging Parents: Finding Balance Between Burnout and Respect
Author: Allison Bottke
Average Goodreads rating: 3.64/5
This book is for adult children who want to improve their relationship with their parents but are stuck in a never-ending cycle of chaos, misery and drama.
With deep insight and compassion, Allison traces a reliable route through the unchartered landscape of setting boundaries and limits with parents while keeping personal balance and avoiding burnout.With the help of her expert advice, true anecdotes and scriptural truth readers discover how to establish healthy boundaries with their parents.