The urge to give in and say yes is increasing every day in today's environment of high stress and infinite options, resulting in overload and overwork, growing e-mail, and weakening ethics. No has never been more necessary. By allowing us to say yes to what matters–our own needs, values, and priorities–a tactful no has the potential to radically alter our lives.
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life
Authors: Henry Cloud, John Townsend
Average goodreads rating:4.18/5
In this New York Times bestseller Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend's teach you when to say yes and how to say no so you can take charge of your life and create healthy boundaries with your spouse, children, friends, parents, coworkers, and even yourself. The book is divided into three sections: What Are Boundaries in the First Place? Part 2: Boundary Disputes Part 3: Establishing Healthy Boundaries.
I believe it contains useful information on taking control of your own life and letting go of the belief that you can control others or that your life is in some way dependent on others. This book was really helpful in clarifying for me that setting boundaries in your personal life is not selfish. Setting your boundaries should continue to be a priority, even if others react negatively. That is their issue with others' boundaries, not yours.
I bought it expecting it to be psychology-oriented, but it's more of a biblical view on boundaries. Although some of the arguments and chapters take a non-spiritual, practical approach to defining, practicing, and effectively creating boundaries for one's own benefit and health, I believe that this book is primarily for Christians. This may not be the best book to learn about boundaries if you are not a Christian or religious person.
Don't Say Yes When You Want to Say No: Making Life Right When It Feels All Wrong
Authors: Herbert Fensterheim, Jean Baer
Average goodreads ratings:3.82/5
Yes, it is possible to learn to speak exactly what you mean and to mean exactly what you say. This best-selling book teaches you how you can change your life.The author employs a number of assertiveness training strategies to help the individual make changes inside himself that will in turn result in improvements in different areas of his life such as marriage, job, sex etc. Before going into detail about the numerous assertiveness tactics, the author asks the reader to identify what sort of assertiveness issues they are presently dealing with. Is it an inability to communicate effectively with others or being a pushover in order to gain others' respect.
The reader is then encouraged to consider what kinds of adjustments he would like to make as a result, assisting him in establishing his assertiveness objectives. Once you've identified your objectives, it'll be simple to implement the techniques outlined in the book to achieve them.
This was a fantastic read for me. This book is one of those underappreciated treasures with a wealth of practical advice on behavioral treatment, assertiveness, and self-esteem. Everyone should read this because there are parts of our lives about where we are unassertive. This world would be a better place if individuals knew how to appropriately communicate their feelings for others - a loved one, a friend, or a supervisor.
The Power of a Positive No: How to Say No and Still Get to Yes
Average goodreads ratings:4/5
The word "no" is arguably the most significant and powerful in the English language. Every day, we are faced with circumstances in which we must say no to individuals at work, at home, and in our communities because no is the word we must employ to defend ourselves and to stand up for everything and everyone that is important to us.
However, as we all know, the incorrect no may ruin what we love most by alienating and enraging others. That's why it's so important to say no in the correct manner. The art of the positive no, a proven skill that anybody can learn, is the key to saying no without damaging relationships.
This important book teaches you how to express a positive no in three easy steps. It will teach you how to express and protect your most important interests, how to make your no firm and powerful, how to fight the other side's aggressiveness and manipulation, and how to accomplish all of this while still getting to yes. Finally, the positive no will help you get to the proper yes, the one that genuinely serves your interests, not just any yes.
The Power of a Positive No is one of my favorite books. It's chock-full of fantastic advice, wonderful examples, and practical applications. It's an excellent text for improving your communication skills, increasing your influencing abilities, and being a more assertive person in general.
When I say No I feel guilty
Author: Manuel J. Smith
Average goodreads ratings:4/5
Are you allowing your children to commit murder? Allowing your mother-in-law to force her will on you is a bad idea. Is it easier for you to be embarrassed by compliments or devastated by criticism? Do you find it difficult to deal with other people? When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the best-selling book has groundbreaking new strategies for helping you get your own way.
The book discusses a variety of novel approaches, including 'Broken Record' and 'Fogging' techniques. It's a 1975 book that provides effective ways to cope with self-doubt and deal with problems in a sensible way by putting your ideas on the table. Dialogues are included throughout the text, which aid comprehension. The finest part of the book is how many examples it has, which makes it very easy to understand difficult concepts.
Readers who want a thorough grounding in assertiveness techniques would benefit greatly from this book.
Stand Up for Your Life: A Practical Step-by-Step Plan to Build Inner Confidence and Personal Power
Author: Cheryl Richardson
Average goodreads rating:3.98/5
Many of us feel as if our lives are being scripted or dictated for us by others. Our preoccupation with meetings, the needs of our families, friends, and coworkers has come at the expense of our physical, emotional, and mental health. This leaves us with little time or energy to pursue our inner lives and personal aspirations. In Stand Up for Your Life, America's top life coach encourages readers to engage in the inner work that will help them overcome barriers like self-doubt, guilt, and a fear of what others will think so they can live a life that represents their genuine beliefs.
By combining the role of a sympathetic best friend and a wise no-nonsense teacher, Richardson urges readers to do less and feel more, set better limits on the expectations of others, and re-establish the emotional ties that truly count. Stand Up for Your Life follows in the footsteps of Richardson's earlier books, offering practical tools, inspiring client experiences, and reasonable, tried-and-true answers to the challenges we all encounter when we take on the responsibility of directing our own lives.
8 Keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness
Author: Andrea Brandt
Average goodreads rating:3.87/5
Many individuals say "yes" to things they would prefer say "no" to. They express their willingness to work together with words, yet their actions contradict their statements. That's what passive-aggression is all about. Passive-aggression is really about being untrue to oneself, which makes having an honest connection with others impossible. The use of passive-aggression as a means of communication does not make someone "evil." It's just a coping technique developed as a youngster but it is an unhealthy and difficult habit to overcome. Changing passive-aggressive behavior needs information, skills, and practice.
Dr. Andrea Brandt, a prominent psychotherapist, presents practical strategies for changing passive-aggression into healthy assertiveness to speak in constructive ways, based on her experience utilizing mindfulness to release anger and express emotions honestly. 8 Keys to Eliminating Passive Aggression is a fantastic book that taught me a lot. Brandt is assisting me in identifying and correcting my own passive-aggressive behaviors. Many of us, I feel, have at least a little bit of passive aggressiveness in our character.
You'll identify that the individuals who say no simply and fast, are in the minority. 8 keys to Eliminating Passive-Aggressiveness can help you comprehend passive aggressive people even if you aren't passive aggressive yourself. If you're dealing with a passive-aggressive mentality or are passive aggressive yourself, I strongly suggest this book. But, regardless of where you fall on the assertiveness spectrum, if you're interested in communication and human interactions, I'd say this is a must-read.
NO! The art of saying NO! with a clear conscience
Author: Jesper Juul
Average goodreads rating: 4/5
Jesper Juul shows us how to set limits with children in this book. He explains why saying "Yes!" to yourself is only feasible if you also feel liberated and free to say "No!" to others. It is easier to connect with your actual identity and retain a healthy mind and social skills when you let go of the responsibility to be pleasant and the urge to serve and satisfy others. When you read this practical book, you'll see why "No!" is also known as "the most loving answer," and why it's the best gift you can give to yourself and your children. It's a fast read, and the principles are applicable to all relationships, not just parent-child ones.