These books teach you the art of setting boundaries with toxic or difficult people. When you set boundaries, you are doing something really important. You take a stand for yourself and what matters to you, and you communicate it to people in an effective and practical way.
Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People
Author: Nina W. Brown
Average Goodreads rating: 3.63/5
In Coping with Infuriating, Mean, Critical People, Nina Brown explains why many people who don't exhibit all of the characteristics required for a formal, full-blown narcissist diagnosis still exhibit a destructive narcissistic pattern (DNP) that causes much of the same anguish for those with whom the individual interacts. She, in the first half of the book, discusses in detail the character traits of a destructive narcissist. The second half of the book includes plenty of practical tools and techniques for dealing with a destructive narcissistic coworker, boss, parent, or intimate partner.
What makes this book a must-read is how the author teaches you to set powerful boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Among the different strategies and tools that Brown provides, my personal favorite is the "walling off" strategy. It's a type of emotional insulation technique that protects you from other people's projections. Brown advises preparing yourself mentally before dealing with a destructive narcissist. To accomplish this, you should visualize the image of high steel doors in a wall sealing you off from the projections of a toxic person. (You may also draw down a shade. Use whatever works for you). The concept is that you're aware that this individual has strong projective identifications that might make you feel ashamed, and you're consciously attempting to block them out. The steel doors will not only shut off the toxic projections but also reflect them back to the narcissist. You will be better able to withstand conversations with a narcissist now that you have instituted that symbolic walling off, and you will not leave feeling ashamed, in turmoil, or wondering why I feel the way I do. While you may not enjoy being walled off, it will help you retain your equilibrium.
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder
Author: Paul T. Mason, Randi Kreger
Average Goodreads rating: 3.96/5
Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mood disorder characterized by a poor self-image, emotional instability, and relationship difficulties. People dealing with disordered individuals frequently feel manipulated, controlled, or deceived. They are also often the target of unreasonable, aggressive, and violent rages. To avoid the next confrontation, they have to walk on eggshells so that they do not enrage or upset the BPD.
Stop Walking on Eggshells can help you better understand BPD, establish boundaries, and stop depending on risky BPD behaviors. Without getting too clinical or technical, It offers a decent summary of borderline personality disorder. It also offers excellent tips and advice on how to deal with BPDs. You'll be able to make sense of chaos; advocate for yourself; state your demands; defuse disagreements and confrontations and defend yourself against aggressive conduct.
Stop Walking on Eggshells is a must-have for anybody coping with BPD. Because NPD is frequently comorbid with BPD, the insights you gain may also be useful for dealing with narcissists.
Protecting Yourself from Emotional Predators: Neutralize the Users, Abusers, and Manipulators Hidden Among Us
Author: Steven J. Wolhandler
Average Goodreads rating:4.6/5
For emotional predators, life is a strategic game to dominate and control. You are either a player to be vanquished or a game piece to be used. Lacking any remorse or empathy, they’ll destroy your life, and traditional approaches to dealing with them often make things worse.
This book helps you identify these emotional predators and also discusses ways to avoid them. If you really must have them in your life, this book will assist you in limiting the damage they cause. Chapters 6 and 7 of the book are dedicated to teaching the reader how to set boundaries with these predators.
Most importantly, this book enlightens you about yourself and how to defend yourself from these individuals and reclaim your life.
With emotional predators "No good act goes unpunished," was a key piece of wisdom I learned from this book. If you are honest, trustworthy, and understanding towards emotional predators, they will rip apart your life. Treating an emotional predator like a regular person backfires every time because they are nothing like a normal person.
There is a lot of wisdom and understanding in this book. The author does not use filler words and wastes your time. I finished the book in only a few hours and learned a lot. This is without a doubt one of the most useful books I've ever read!
Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation, and Guilt to Manipulate You
Author: Susan Forward
Average Goodreads rating:4.1/5
Emotional blackmail by Susan Forward is a thought-provoking, eye-opening, and interesting read. She uses real-life examples to assist the reader to understand emotional blackmail."If you don't give me what I want, you will suffer," is the message underlying emotional blackmail. When friends, family, lovers, bosses, and coworkers use fear, obligation, and guilt to force you to do what THEY want, you may utilize the tactics, skills, and scripts in this book to respond positively and stand firm. The author offers step-by-step instructions for repairing relationships and regaining confidence, independence, and self-esteem. This book aids in dispelling the "FOG" that emotional blackmailers use to blind us. Fear, Obligation, and Guilt make up this "FOG." It equips the reader with the knowledge and skills necessary to detect emotional blackmail and to set effective limits against it. This book can assist you in shifting the power dynamic in your interactions with emotional blackmailers. Dr. Forward provides you with the knowledge you need to end the blackmail cycle once and for all.
Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life: Setting Boundaries on Unhealthy Relationships
Author: David Hawkins
Average Goodreads rating: 4/5
Healthy people dislike chaos and seek peace. They aim to address problems rather than assign blame and prolong the crisis. CrazyMakers, on the other hand, have a high tolerance for disorder and appear to be capable of creating turmoil where none previously existed. Unfortunately, innocent individuals often get entangled in the CrazyMakers' web of deceit.
According to the author David Hawkins, these difficult individuals are the hardest to deal with because they refuse to accept responsibility for their actions and thus cause devastation in their relationships.
In Dealing with the CrazyMakers in Your Life, he assists people who find themselves unavoidably caught up in the chaos of a disordered person's life. Hawkins teaches readers how to build healthy life skills, tools, and boundaries; when, why, and how to face a person who drives them crazy; and how disordered individuals think, act, and experience the world. To elaborate his point, he uses simple explanations and examples and offers practical solutions.
If you're caught in someone else's cycle of disorder, this book will show you how to adjust your attitude, perspective, and communication, and finally find peace amid the chaos.
Renovate Your Relationships: A Proven Guide to Setting Boundaries and Building Bridges with Those Who Matter Most
Author: Scott Vaudrey
Average Goodreads rating:4.2/5
By understanding the balance between creating bridges and setting boundaries, doctor-turned-pastor Scott Vaudrey shows readers how to create better and lasting relationships.
A demanding supervisor, an obnoxious neighbor, a manipulative family member, or a controlling spouse are all examples of difficult people in our life. How can you bridge the gap between where things are and where you want them to be in that troublesome relationship?
In Renovate your relationships, Scott Vaudrey draws on his expertise as an emergency-room physician and a pastor to show us how we can diagnose the problems in our relationships and then master the balance between establishing bridges and setting boundaries. Using practical tools and easy-to-understand examples, he unearths the fundamental reason for our relational breakdowns and helps us make adjustments that enable us to move forward with a new, more productive pattern of relating.
I find it difficult to establish boundaries. Rather than risk offending someone by speaking up, I'd rather remain silent and miserable. According to Renovate Your Relationships, I am an accepter─ someone who is typically too tolerant of others, hesitant to defend or argue for myself, quick to avoid conflict, and guilty of putting up with abuse from others. In some ways, that description makes me feel weak or like I'm always playing the victim. But I've learned from this book that there are times when I need to be more accepting by building bridges, and other times when I need to push myself outside of my comfort zone and be more of a protector by setting firm boundaries.
Scott utilizes useful graphics throughout the book to assist readers to understand how to set boundaries and build bridges. In my experience, it's simpler for me to remember a visual image than words. I believe this is a book that I will benefit from several readings, I appreciate how the visual representations make it easier for me to comprehend and revisit key concepts.
The teachings in this book have proven to be beneficial to me! Anyone who works with people , manages a team or several clients will benefit from this book.
Boundaries after a Pathological Relationship
Author: A.B. Admin
Average Goodreads rating: 4.34/5
If you have been abused by a romantic partner before, you're undoubtedly nervous about starting a new relationship. In the past, when you first met someone you liked, you didn't think about whether or not they were a psychopath. You've matured now. But you're also aware that it's difficult to discern the truth about someone in the early stages of a relationship. You don't want to be victimized again, but you're also unsure what you can do to safeguard yourself.
The only way out of this conundrum is to establish firm boundaries. Until you do, you aren't truly protected. It's that critical. Boundaries, when paired with the knowledge and experience you've gained thus far, can assist you in avoiding another abusive relationship. Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship is the best manual on how to protect yourself from being a victim again.
The author is very knowledgeable on the subject. She was once a victim of a psychopath herself and thus has a solid grasp of the mentality of abusers and their devious methods. She gives a clear explanation of what boundaries are, why they are necessary, and what they may do for the person who holds them. If studied and put into practice, this book has the potential to protect you from narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in all areas of life. In the dating arena, it would provide added protection and you will not choose another abuser. Toxic people are NEVER worth the amount of trouble they cause.