Often verbal aggression goes unnoticed. You're aware that you're in pain, and you have a hazy idea where it's coming from; yet, because the aggressiveness is so effectively concealed, you're more inclined to blame yourself rather than the aggressor: "There must be something wrong with me."
Yes, there's probably something wrong with you. Your issue is that you are a victim of verbal abuse and have no idea how to protect yourself.
You need to learn verbal self-defense. Below are some of the most effective reading materials that will teach you how to defend yourself.
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion
Author: George J. Thompson
Average goodreads ratings:3.82/5
Verbal judo offers a unique approach to conflict resolution that can help you defuse arguments and foster collaboration with your boss, spouse and even kids. you will learn how to listen and speak more clearly, engage others via empathy, avoid the most frequent conversational blunders, and utilize tried-and-true techniques to effectively convey your point of view and win most arguments. This book, in my opinion, should be required reading for everyone. written by an ex-cop who spent decades verbally defusing dangerous situations, verbal judo teaches citizens how they may utilize his methods in everyday life, in both violent and nonviolent circumstances.
Thompson claims that as long as you can avoid taking things personally, you won't need much in the way of verbal judo. Even if you are unable to do so, I believe Verbal Judo will assist you in becoming a better communicator.
Here's a tip in the book that I like: start with the negative. When giving feedback, start with the negative and work your way to the positive.
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion is worth its weight in gold for its communication skills, with informal prose and plenty of examples taken straight from the streets.
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
Author: Suzette Haden Elgin
Average goodreads ratings:3.78/5
The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense is written by an applied psycholinguist and associate professor of linguistics at San Diego State University. Despite the fact that it was initially published in 1980, it’s still relevant to today’s social environment. I believe it is a good, easy-to-understand book that details the "hidden" intentions in some verbal conflicts. It teaches us simple methods for understanding unspoken messages in a conversation and easy-to-remember "come backs" that may be used in almost any circumstance.
The Gentle Art of verbal Self Defense is an excellent book, however it, in my opinion, lets the assailants off the hook too easily. You must occasionally take the offensive because if you let a narcissist off the hook too easily, they will continue to attack you. For more aggressive people I suggest reading The Machiavellian's Guide to Insults.
The Machiavellian's Guide to Insults
Author: Nick Casanova
Average goodreads ratings:3.83/5
Have you ever wanted to verbally strike out at someone but couldn't think of the right insult? The Machiavellian's Guide to Insults provides a lighthearted way to dealing with obnoxious individuals like the drama queen, the money flaunter, the self-proclaimed intellect, the temperamental idiot, and the talkaholic. The insults suggested vary from subtle and seemingly unintentional to blatant declarations of war. Both of these weapons have a place in your armory.
This is the book Machiavelli would have written if he had to write a book on insults. He would have advised quietly hurting your opponent with a custom-made barb without appearing to be hurt yourself. A statement that appears to be well-intentioned on the surface is frequently the best putdown. And ham-handed attempts to empathize or relate might be the most effective means of highlighting your opponent's flaws. These are considerably more humiliating than any angry rant. Learn how to wound the proud homeowner, the would-be tough guy, the bully, the boastful parent, the second-guesser, and many other characters.
Machiavelli would also advise having these insults prepared ahead of time, because, contrary to popular belief, retribution tastes best when served hot.
How to Disagree without being Disagreeable
Author: Suzette Haden Elgin
Average goodreads ratings:3.86/5
If you want to reply clearly to aggressive comments from others—or give essential negative messages of your own—without compromising your dignity or beliefs, How to disagree without being disagreeable offers the necessary skills. In this book you'll discover how to: Give feedback to bosses, coworkers or employees; keep household squabbles from spiraling out of control; handle threatening or derogatory remarks concerning religion, politics or race; maintain order without escalating animosity and use language that relieves stress and builds rapport.
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Verbal Self-Defense
Author: Lillian Glass
Average goodreads ratings:3.51/5
Glass gives a detailed explanation of how individuals who would use words and acts to harm another person communicate. These attacks are referred to as verbal murder by her since they destroy the spirit. I really enjoy the metaphor, and she offers specific suggestions on how to physically exhibit more confidence when confronted with someone who would verbally murder you.
There is a lot of repetition that, in my opinion, is needless. Furthermore, I don't believe that going into voice tone, voice exercises, or posture in a book on verbal self-defense is really beneficial. Yes, those sections are critical, but anyone serious about self-improvement will handle them on their own, and they want a book on verbal self-defense to be comprehensive and focused only on verbal self-defense. Although this book is a little diluted, it is a wonderful resource for learning about verbal abuse. In terms of power games, it's an okay resource for learning how to cope with verbal abuse.
Tongue Fu! : How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict
Author: Sam Horn
Average goodreads ratings: 3.93/5
Tongue Fu! is an essential resource for learning how to be more assertive in both workplace and personal life.This book provides constructive alternatives that can convert everyday animosity into harmony and help you get out of a verbal conflict unscathed. Tongue Fu! explores nearly every type of verbal conflict, from battles with your husband to stalemates with the kids and teaches you how to utilize martial arts of the mind and tongue to deflect assaults, disarm disagreements, and diffuse any combustible scenario using simple methods and proven techniques.
This book's lessons cover the fundamentals of polite human communication. Many of the recommendations are useful for those who want to be more compassionate and understanding in their daily lives. Some of her suggestions are basic yet effective in smoothing out some of the kinks in human interaction. It's an uplifting book that teaches the reader how to assert their rights without infringing on the rights of others.
As I already stated, this is for everyday disputes. In certain cases, the concepts in this book fall short, if you are dealing with a toxic person. When such is the case, I highly suggest her second book, Take The Bully by the Horns.
Take the Bully by the Horns: Stop Unethical, Uncooperative, or Unpleasant People from Running and Ruining Your Life
Author: Sam Horn
Average goodreads ratings:3.92/5
How many times have you wished you knew how to deal with difficult individuals in your life? Take the Bully by the Horns will give you real-life strategies to stop people from taking advantage of you, whether it's a neighbor who keeps disturbing your peace, an employer who manipulates you into unpaid overtime, a spouse who criticizes and controls your every move, a colleague who uses scare tactics to intimidate you, or a student who teases your child without mercy. You may reclaim your sanity and peace of mind with the techniques offered in the book.
From the playground to the office, you'll be able to fight back constructively and prevent bullying. Take the Bully by the Horns' bold recommendations will teach you how to persuade unjust or cruel family, coworkers, clients, or strangers to cooperate or leave you alone once and for all.
Comebacks at Work: Using Conversation to Master Confrontation
Author: Kathleen Kelley Reardon
Average good reads ratings: 3.39/5
A thought-provoking, fascinating book that teaches you how to break free from bad conduct, regulate office politics, and avoid tough, repetitious, and unpleasant working situations.
This book is useful outside of the workplace as well. This is good for those who don't have a quick answer to people who verbally abuse them. The author does an excellent job at describing verbal attacks and how to respond to them, as well as pointing out red flags such as repetition (are these attacks common?) aggressive body language, and so on. She also tells the reader that sometimes it's okay not to respond at all (after all, is it really worth it to get into a fight?) and when it's time to put your foot down.
In the Line of Fire: How to Handle Tough Questions When It Counts
Author: Jerry Weissman
Average goodreads ratings:3.76/5
Presidents of the United States, CEOs of corporations, and everyone else, including you need to rehearse tough questions and answers. If you are unprepared and believe you can avoid a verbal bullet in the interview, think again. What's the point of interviewing you if not to uncover information you've left out and would prefer to avoid? A disaster, a tanker explosion, 5 years missing from your resume, and all the remaining tough questions will be asked. Furthermore, difficult questions are frequently posed in front of others and there is only this time to answer. You won't be able to fumble over an answer and hope to perform better next time. As a result, you must be well prepared in advance for difficult questions. This book will show you how to do it effectively. If you don't buy the book, someone will undoubtedly ask you a difficult question in the future, and you will immediately recall this review and regret not purchasing the book!
When I Say No, I Feel Guilty
Author: Manuel J. Smith
Average goodreads ratings:4/5
Are you allowing your children to commit murder? Allowing your mother-in-law to force her will on you is a bad idea. Is it easier for you to be embarrassed by compliments or devastated by criticism? Do you find it difficult to deal with other people? When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, the best-selling book has groundbreaking new strategies for helping you get your own way.
The book discusses a variety of novel approaches, including 'Broken Record' and 'Fogging' techniques. It's a 1975 book that provides effective ways to cope with self-doubt and deal with problems in a sensible way by putting your ideas on the table. Dialogues are included throughout the text, which aid comprehension. The finest part of the book is how many examples it has, which makes it very easy to understand difficult concepts.
Why Didn't I Say That?!: What to Say and How To Say It
Author: Donald H. Weiss
Average goodreads ratings:3.6/5
Words frequently fail us in tough situations. Managers and supervisors can now utilize this one-of-a-kind book to prepare, plan, and even practice for difficult situations in advance. It includes genuine "scripts" —- example dialogs tailored to various issues like dealing with troublesome workers, arguing with the boss, and so on. Although it is primarily work-related, the ideas of dispute resolution, topic focus management, and motivation are universal.