For the one who hates me so-i think that you should know
the moment you were born i loved you so.
You don't know the full story -you choose to assume
the pain and the glory the darkness and gloom.
Though i did not expect you, it was never a mistake
Sure it was a challenge, one i was willing to take.
I thought i was in love i wanted to believe
By three months old it was just you and me.
I was over caring and overly protective
One thing for sure, you were never neglected.
You slept in my arms never once did I mind
You were so beautiful, so peaceful at times.
I cried for you and with you to
Never wanting to hurt you not always knowing what to do.
We were alone I worked and went to school
I guess i should of listened I was young, I was a fool.
I thought of giving up but never to give you away
there has never been a time there will never come a day.
I was real young just barely twenty two
I was responsible I took care of you.
Everything i ever dreamed everything i ever knew
Changed the very first moment my eyes laid on you.
You became my life i had to keep you protected
Not once did i think you were feeling rejected.
I kept you close i needed to see
Could anyone love you or care for you like me?
Things were sometimes rough sometimes a lot of crying
Of course i have made mistakes i know there is no denying.
I tried to prepare you for the life ahead of you
I learned from my mistakes and I'm sure that you will too.
It takes a lot of time and love to help something beautiful grow
You are the flowers in my garden the only sunshine that I know.
It hurts allot to know inside you have been crying
I have reached out so many times but my love you keep denying.
Another was born,
You wanted so much to love him and hold him
Just offer your touch.
You only seem to see the things you see are real
No one could ever care so much or even feel the way you feel.
It seems kind of funny and a little bit sad
love was never missing, it's the one thing you've always had.
I tried to be upfront and honest with you
you hold it against me so what can i do?
I can only love you, I can't make you feel the same
some days are filled with sunshine some days flooded with rain.
I have never given up I have never let go
you were always the sunshine that helped me to grow.
Someday you may look your mirror in the face
you may see a part of me you wish you could replace.
Not till then will you realize until then you'll never know
in the eyes of the seed you plant the one you will someday help to grow.
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IN2Deep (author) from USA on December 24, 2010:
Thank you Annie--It is nice to know things will someday be better! It's the days that pass while waiting-that are toughest--It is also nice to know-someone else out there can relate..Enjoy this Merry season & the New Year Too.
AnnieRoseVA on December 24, 2010:
Sounds like you did great! I read once in a parenting book that the closer a daughter is with her mother when young, the more she fights and pushes away to gain her independence when older.
My daughter is older - almost 30 and married, so hang in there - it gets better - as you said, when they experience what we went through, then they understand.
Happy Holidays to you and your family.
IN2Deep (author) from USA on December 22, 2010:
Well i wrote this in 2004---yes similar most likely-We tried counseling to ..somethings get better-but at 23 now
she is at the age where it's all about her and her friends-- she gets too busy to just call and say 'Hi Mom,How are you doing?' -- It's hard to let them go-We just always want to protect them and guide them.But,You cant-you just have to trust they might have listened to anything you ever tried to teach them.I believe the most important thing to teach a child is how to survive with out you.LOL-and she can--so i guess I didn't do to bad..
AnnieRoseVA on December 22, 2010:
This is amazing, beautiful, and gut wrenching poetry. I too had an estranged relationship with one of my daughters for years. I so related to much of what you wrote here.
I'm speaking only of my own story, because I don't know yours, but I made a lot of mistakes as a young mother and then a single mother. My daughter was always angry with me and could not let go of the anger.
We just went to counseling together for a year as my amends to her, because I was the parent and she just a child, I let her say everything in her heart. I let her yell at me and tell all the things she was mad at. Everything she said to me was true and I could not deny it. But after awhile I was able to explain, not excuse, but explain things that were going on in my life when each incident happened.
The result is that we now have a wonderful relationship. We are able to go to lunch, coffee, shopping, talk, laugh, and do all those things that I so wanted to do with her.
But, the last year was terribly hard. Sometimes I just wanted to scream at her, but I had to keep stepping back and reminding myself these where little childhood thoughts and hurts - stuck in the adult. I had to hear it from the age that each event happened to understand why she was mad. It was hard. I had thought I was a good mother, but I was just a young mother.
Thanks for your honesty.
IN2Deep (author) from USA on December 15, 2010:
Well Thank you for saying that! I still cry when i re read this----I just love her so much---but children dont understand a parents love/or mistakes really until they become a parent themselves.and make a few mistakes of there own.she is still young---23 now--so much to learn---may god always help guide her..
ShakethaM07 from Washington County, Georgia on December 14, 2010:
Wow. This really, really touched me! You are a GREAT writer! Thanks for sharing this! Voted way up!
IN2Deep (author) from USA on December 06, 2010:
Thank you! I do hope our children will find the way back.It is so hard to be without them.Writing helps to ease some of the pain-but does not take it away..when we are young we are just are so free and smart (know-it-alls)-lol- not thoughtless but so free and curious we think our parents are trying to hold us back or prevent us from really living..i can see both sides-because i have been on both sides.(Briefly)When i was almost 14 yrs old-i ranaway from home.Valentine's Day 1979.Of all Days-but i survived.I have 5 sisters-things were rough,my mom and dad separated when i was 18 months old-My dad was in the service-he came back on leave to find my mom had cheated on him so he decided to leave her and raise us 6 girls on his own..We were poor-i grew up on hotdogs and beans and pasta w/sauce or butter-it was the cheapest way to feed everyone-anyway when i left home -i left because i knew my dad had taught me enough to survive and i thought it would be easier on him if he had 1 less mouth to feed...We were never allowed to do a lot of things our friends were doing because we could not afford it-In the 6 of us i was 2nd youngest. I was also always Daddy's little angel-anyway-it took 21 years
for us to reconnect-but we finally did-i have learned a lot over the years-and can only hope that i have given my daughter enough knowledge to survive on her own-After all i have come to realize that is the most important part of being a parent-Preparing your children for their own future.I also have a poem to my father posted you might like-written 7 years after i left--i tried to keep in touch with him but he was so hurt that i left he just completely ignored me and shut me out---how sad it was..Good luck with your children--and don't give up keep trying to connect-no matter how much it hurts-or how many times they reject you-i wish my dad would of at least made any kind of effort-all i really wanted was for him to be happy-i did not realize how much i hurt him --KEEP TRYING--DON'T GIVE UP. Thank You--i just re-lived that whole expierence..wow!
saddlerider1 on December 05, 2010:
How sad I feel your pain. I am estranged from 3 of my 4 children, through a marriage breakdown, their heads were turned against their Dad. Two are daughters and one is a son. How it hurts not having seen or spoken to my oldest daughter for 10 years now, my son 4 and my youngest daughter 2yrs...I cling to my youngest son stands by his Dad he is 15 and lives with me.
How sad it is when we lose a child, who turns against a parent, who is used as a pawn in a war of roses. I pray daily that they will come back into my life, before they feel the pain of standing over my grave some day.
Lovely poem, I felt it and I thank you for sharing,many will feel it as I have.
Peace and welcome to the Hubs, you will meet many creative writers on here like yourself and many will associate with what you pen. I rate this Hub Up...