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Life Distractions at Loathing Time

Christmas is about giving in the true way of Jesus Christ: Without expecting a return other than the joy of giving.

Tis the Season to be Hecking Jolly

Waking up in the morning was not the bright and shining expected outcome the last 21 and a half years of life have given. Bright. Yes. Bright did occur, but that was the end of it. You know how in the morning sometimes your eyes open and you see this bright blinking light before the world comes into focus? Well, after a few blinks the brightness remained but the focus did not come in my left eye, my good eye.

Growing up, I thought it was normal to have a good eye or a good ear or a good nostril hole. Sorry if that sounds bit coarse and uncivilized. Living on the East Coast in the Coastal Plains of Georgia brought with it ignorance about a reality that vanished in the plane ride to the Rocky Mountains later in life. Until my adulthood, I believed that breathing out of one side of my nose was a given. Some decree of mortality that with life came the expectation that something on my person, on each person was not supposed to work properly was normal.

After one visit, my sinuses cleared up in the crisp dry air of Northern Utah and eventually Southern Arizona, I lived life with one nose hole closed to clean breathing. When that first breath of clear breathing took effect, I promised myself to get away from the East somehow without having to take allergy medicine ever again!

This a here time, the hole in my face that was "blocked" was the eye hole--blocked from seeing the world around other than blazing bright! Utter trash was my right eye. Oh, it could see everything, but it was out of focus and the images did not connect with my brain properly to give context to what I was seeing. I could see EVERYTHING, but I could not always understand what was in the images that came through.

First, the nose; and now, the eyes? And a Merry hecking Christmas to me?

Oh, yeah. I cain't even profane right. That cognitive dissonance about being a person of faith and using profanity... Even the fake swear words carried the same sentiment as the actual word according to the Bible! I might as well just say the word! Right? Maybe next time. Maybe...

I hate to have found out that I have a good eye instead of two good eyes. Merry hecking Christmas to me again! Nope! Still not brave enough to give my feelings the proper English profanity.

So, life really bites cookies sweetened with salt instead of sugar! Did I tell you that I'm irritated? School would not wait on my bright eye that couldn't see. I had stuff to do, even though COVID-19 made Christmas at college more prison than anything.

Hecking Christmas. That was under my breath. I guess you could not tell that since you're reading. My eye is a life distraction and hecking Christmas is a loathing time, though I am not supposed to say that as a Christian.

Hecking Reality

Plans to tell people were not in the works. My girlfriend would stress me out about going to see an ophthalmologist. It is an easy enough profession to spell, sort of, but I could not say it if you paid me! I said it in class one day, the day I met my girlfriend, nonetheless. My college speech class was having debates and I said the word three times before the auditorium erupted in laughter. Meg said that I sounded cute trying to use the word in a debate and talked to me afterward. The rest is history with us. Anyway...

That image above? I went to work, half-blind. I was on campus at the bookstore. What I saw was a broom next to a neat stack of boxes I had just organized. As you can see with your two good eyes (or maybe your eyes are suspect too) is that unorganized mess. I don't even know where the leaves came from! There are no trees next to the bookstore that I noticed anyway. It was my, like, my first day too. And by first, I mean the first week. It's work-study. Parents dropped my allowance the third year... It's a whole deal I won't get into now.

The only reason I have the photo is because the manager, another communications major, snapped the image as proof of my incompetence to get me removed from the program. Lance hates me. We are roomies too but that is probably unrelated to his hatred of me. I am a bit of a slob, but anyway...

Hecking Christmas. He used my shampoo--the last of it! Anyway...

He was right, though, about the image. I could see the issue with my vision in the images but not in reality. What was that all about.

I could see the issue with my vision in the images but not in reality.

Hecking Morality

Meg was like, "You need to make an appointment. What if you popped a blood vessel or something," like she knows medical things. True, the only reason why she was in the class with Lance and me was because she had to take a communications class for her undergrad in biology and human anatomy. She IS going to go to medical school but she isn't there yet!

I did not disagree with her, of course. I was getting by just fine with my new visual perceptions. I lied that I would set up the appointment so that we could start watching the movie already, Home Alone. She put her hand on her hip with a tense look on her face. My mom's face spread over her's! Meg's eyebrows were raised with a crinkly forehead.. her limps were pursed as she tapped her tiny food on the carpet in the rec room s if there would be a sound.

I planned to propose to her senior year. This image of her being my mom makes me question that just a little. She was too cute to let that stand in the way, though. Still,.. just a little. Luckily some dumb jock burped and we both laughed. It was me. We snuggled up and watched the movie. The date was PG but my thoughts were a bit more graphic than I should admit. Being a religious person, I really had to keep myself in check! Hecking Christmas, always reminding me of my standard of morality!

Christmas, always reminding me of my standard of morality!

Scrooge and Tiny Tim

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I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach!

— Ebenezer Scrooge i.e. Charles Dickens

Hecking Truth

"Watch it, jerk," yell another student at me. "I should be the checking Hades out of you for that."

He had on his mask. I had on my mask. I smiled underneath it so big that I am sure he saw the edges of my face show. As a Christian, I said excuse me. What I smiled about was him beating the Hades out of me That's not exactly what he said, but I am sure you get the drift of it.

I had stepped on his white Converse Classics. I could not see them. My left eye made me have a blind spot, no pun intended. I am a mixed martial artist. I needed my visual acuity intact. The last thing I needed was a student picking a fight with me on campus because I dirtied his shoe getting me bounced from my training gym for fighting out of class.

I converted my lie to Meg into the truth when I called her to take me to her friend's mother who was an eye doctor seeing patients from home. Hecking COVID-19! Hecking Christmas! Again, I don't hate Christmas. It's my favorite hecking holiday. It's just...I'll tell you later.

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Seeing the neighborhood, as you can discern from the image above, I was underwhelmed. Doctors are supposed to make beaucoup figures, right? I expected a house and neighborhood similar to the one that my parents lived in, something that looks less woody and middle-income. I expected the place to appear more, I don't know, rich.

I smiled at Meg. As a Christian, I could not say anything about it. Come to think of it. It is a good thing I made my lie to Med into the truth. That was a close call,. Hecking Christmas. That time it was in my head. Look, I don't hate Christmas at all. It just reminds me of the fact that I am supposed to be doing the right things. It gets on my nerves! That's why I express such a sentiment.

All the trees and greenery blinded my other eye. i felt like I was Willow going into the forest. I figured the house would be a hollowed-out tree and the doctor an elf or something.

I let out a one-tone chuckle for a millisecond and Meg asked, "What's funny?"

Heck to the no was I about to tell her I was making jokes to myself about Sherwood Forest here, so I just shook my head as she knocked on the door. Disney put out a movie with the young boy Arthur, who would one day be king of England and his age Merlin called The Sword in the Stone. Merlin's foe in this cinema is the elusive Mad Madame Mim. When I tell you the mother of Meg's friend looks like Mim, believe it! She had on a Santa hat, thick glasses, and a total Mim-ness going on about her vibe.

Hecking Mad Madame Mim

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Hecking Vision

Mim invited us to her huge office! The little house front Keebler Elf thing the neighborhood exuded ended at the facade. This was some Dr. Who Tardis type of deal going on here! Which Dr. Who, I cannot decide.. Mim's real name is Dr. Owens.

Mim was a more exciting idea for a name. My family history completed, my mom found an ancestor named Mim. She was married to Arthur. Guess what my grandfather from the union's name ended up being. Guess!

No. Not Merlin. I bet you thought so, though. Anyway...

Mim... Dr. Owens checked out my eye using drops of liquid and machines that should not be in a residential neighborhood in my opinion. Since it was benefiting me, I should forebear my criticisms. Hecking forbearance!

"Wow, you have beautiful eyes," said the single Dr. Owens as she checked over my face!

"I know, right," agreed Meg. "They make you want to fall into them."

That was a bit cheesy and cringey for her to do in front of Mim... Uh... Dr. Owens.

'That too, I suppose," Mim said. I give up. She is Mim! "Besides that, his eyes are the most; perfect I have seen in years. I bet he has greater than 20/20 vision."

"Is that even possible," I chimed in.

"Well, yes. It is only in your left eye, however. Your right eye seems to be normal," Mim informed.

"Usually blindness in the eye like this is caused by restricted blood flow of some kind. I mean, being as young as you are excessive exertion could cause it, Either you are an athlete, which you definitely appear to be, or very adventurous in the bedroom.?"

"Not with me," screamed Meg glaring like my mom in disgust.

"No, I am an MMA fighter. I train several times a week," I coughed out trying not to get in trouble with Meg. Mim is a character! She really is Mad Madam Mim. I am a Christian. We agreed to wait until marriage to do bedroom things! That is why I fight so well trying to let out all of the sexual excesses in a sport!

"Oh, yeah. That can do it," Mim confirmed. "Especially getting slammed on your head or repeatedly punched there."

"Yes. No bedroom activity here," I followed up giving my signature smile that makes Meg smile each time. She did not smile this time. Both of us had on clear masks, a new item we wanted to try. Hecking Mim! Hecking COVID-19! Hecking Christmas!

"Can you see anything," asked Dr. Mad Madame Mim.

"White is all I see--like a bright light."

We went back and forth like this for a minute or so. Meg was pursed-faced for a while before she unclenched her jaw. Being a jock comes with a supposed reputation. Being a textbook hunk does not help. I mean, I am not bragging. I am just pointing out the truth. I am 6'3" 190 lbs and decently muscularly defined. I look good. I am pretty strong too. Okay, that was a brag. If I fought professionally, I would be a middleweight or light heavyweight division fighter--the group that usually has the best physiques. I'm just saying...

Dr. Who and Tardis

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After the visit and some recommendations, if the eye did not clear up soon, Mim and Meg started talking about a youth center for troubled boys that need strong young adults to fo volunteer as role models. I turned my listening ears off. Again, I have the textbook look for the right guy and Meg most definitely has the textbook look for it!I used to be a teen. I remember how horrible I was until Mom and Dad sent me to Grandpa's for the summer of my15th year. Hecking Grandpa, in a good way.

He is the reason I became a Christian. He wasn't one though. He told me that he wished he would have started going to church when he was young. He was loud, always had a drink in his hand, and was the life of every family gathering. Grandma died before I was born, breast cancer.

Four years ago, grandpa died on December 23rd. Hecking Chrismas. On his death bed, he told me to remember to go to church. I had to look at him through a clear shield as I watched the life leave his eyes. hecking COVID-19!

On the drive away from Mim's office//home I saw a sign. it was a stop sign.

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Whether it was the stop sign or the green wall of trees that seemed to frame it, I could not tell but I alerted Meg to stop the car and go back to Mim's office. I remembered being a teen. Grandpa saved me from myself. I had never returned the favor to anyone. That stop sign spoke to my right hecking eye!

  • S: Service
  • T: Tolerance
  • O: Opportunity
  • P: Practice

The thinks that Granpa taught me that summer and the years that followed swarmed my mind up until the day I watched him slip into the afterlife.. he told me that it is a good man who is willing to serve other people. Tolerance, he taught, was the hallmark of a good society. Take advantage of every opportunity to serve and be tolerant he stressed. Practice those things as often as occasion permits.

At Dr. Owens's house again, I told her I would love to sign up for volunteering with the at-risk youth she mentioned. I told her that my grandfather had been my volunteer to help me when I had a hard time. COVID-19 took him in 2020. This year at Christmas was my year to bring him back in my own behavior. 2024 was my year to practice what I believed. You know what? My left eye cleared right up right there. Merry Christmas.

© 2020 Rodric Anthony

Comments

Rodric Anthony (author) from Surprise, Arizona on December 20, 2020:

Pamela, thanks for reading, and a very Merry Christmas to you! It was fun to write too. I did not think it would be so funny to other people because I don't find it amusing personally. I find it a tiny bit witty, which was my aim. Well, my aim was very witty, but a tiny bit is good for this short.

Rodric Anthony (author) from Surprise, Arizona on December 20, 2020:

Rudy, the funny thing about this being funny is that I was not trying to be funny! I honestly was trying to have a tiny bit of whit, but that is all. I was taking real stories from my life and putting them into the narrative for kicks. I wanted it to come off as a person who was really good inside but was in a Scrooge mood but trying to hide it.

Rodric Anthony (author) from Surprise, Arizona on December 20, 2020:

Oh my heck! It is a ten minute read! Wow. I was carried away. I love your challenges. I could not get to it right away because of my vision problems as i indicated in the email. I was about to put a tribute at the end to you challenge but thought that would be too much. Apparently, it would have been. Ten minutes... I wanted to split it up into two articles but the rules said I had to use all three pictures. It took a week to write this because my vision is not to par. It is getting better though. Merry Chrismas.

Rodric Anthony (author) from Surprise, Arizona on December 20, 2020:

Merry Christmas, Peggy. Heckng Christmas. I get that word from my kids. We don't allow swearing at home, so they started saying checking this or checking that. We told them to stop saying checking too. the older kids were saying freaking too much and my ten-year-old started saying it. They just came up with checking as a different fake curse world. We are trying to get them to stop saying fake swerar worlds. I think it is kinda cute when they say checking. If they ever say it in anger though, we will have a discusion.

Rodric Anthony (author) from Surprise, Arizona on December 20, 2020:

John, thanks for reading. It did not start out as fiction. I have not been on Hubpages because of vision problems in my left eye. It is getting better. I decided to take a bunch of things that have happened to me and put them in a fictitious short. I have never been a MMA fighter or 6'3".

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on December 19, 2020:

This was such a hilarious read. When I started reading I didn’t realise it was a fiction piece from you, Rodric, but soon found out otherwise. This was wonderfully written, and a great way to finish. Have a very “hecking” but good Christmas lol.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on December 19, 2020:

I am chuckling at your "hecking Christmas," and all the things you related. Merry Christmas to you!

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on December 19, 2020:

You had ma laughing right out of the gate, and I never stopped. And then you capped it off with a happy ending, which made this a wonderful way to spend ten minutes on a Saturday. Well done, my friend. Thanks for taking on the challenge, and Merry Christmas to you and your family.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on December 19, 2020:

Oh my goodness, talk about laughter, I laughed from start to finish. Please SMELL the roses and SEE the beauty of Christmas. Loved this!

Pamela Oglesby from Sunny Florida on December 19, 2020:

Dear Rodric, This article was so much fun to read. A "hecking Christmas" with eye and nose problems was somehow very entertaining.

I hope you do have a very Merry Christmas.

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