Authenticity is Key
If you're friends with a pirate from the high seas (or are mortal enemies and you need to get on his good side), it's a good idea to give a gift. Or, alternatively, if you've got a kid who needs a pirate costume, here are some great things to add to the costume to make it truly authentic.
Pirates don't need the same traditional stuff as landlubbers, they don't celebrate paper anniversaries as we do on the mainland, so it's important to choose items that would meet a pirate's specific wants and needs.
Don't worry, pirates are actually really easy to buy for! Just use the following list as a guide for choosing the perfect gift for your pirate friend/enemy.
Parrots, the Perfect Low-Maintenance High Seas Pet
Jobs on pirate ships have high turnover rates. Even the first mate may quit over workplace drama. Because of this, pirates can get pretty lonely. If you know a lonely pirate, you may want to consider getting him a pet.
A pirate will need someone he can talk to on those long sea journeys, so a parrot is a great option. Parrots make the perfect pets as they have no need for treasure maps or rum.
Pirates especially love parrots that previously belonged to other pirates, since they may share some secrets in exchange for crackers.
Oranges, Vitamins in Disguise
Both landlubbers and pirates love to find oranges in their Christmas stockings. Oranges are a special treat for anyone who sails the high seas for long periods of time. They taste great, are decent cannonballs when in a bind, and they're especially helpful in preventing and treating scurvy.
Pirates don't often spend time on land, so they're susceptible to scurvy (caused by a deficiency in Vitamin C.) Since oranges are packed with Vitamin C and grow in areas pirates love to hang out, they're perennial pirate favorites!
Of course, you could carry a bottle of vitamins, which take up significantly less space in cargo, but they make pretty worthless cannonballs.
Avast! Here's What Pirates Don't Want
There are tons of awesome things that pirates love, but there are a few things that pirates wouldn't use and some things they would even find offensive.
Boater's insurance - Pirates don't need boater's insurance. If their ship takes a great deal of damage, they'll just obtain a new one via other means. Easy peasy.
Rum cake or fruit cake - Yarr! That be a waste of good drink!
Rum is the official liquor of piracy and is a staple in the diet of any pirate. Pirates aren't picky, so any brand of rum will do. Of course, they're not opposed to the good stuff!
Hoop Earrings and Other Treasure
Hoop earrings are all the rage in pirate fashion! Any hoop earrings should, at the very least, be made from silver, but gold jewelry is definitely preferred.
Jewelry is something great for a costume if you're stumped on what to add to make it look authentic. And of course, it'll add to your pile of treasure!
A Treasure Map
Pirates love treasure maps! It's arguably the best items a pirate owns aside from the treasure itself. If you have a treasure map, you've got your pirate costume down pat. By keeping a treasure map in your possession, you're risking great danger. So keep your treasure map close to your heart.
If you're lucky, you'll be able to go on a treasure hunting adventure of a lifetime! What could be more awesome than that?!
Medical Equipment: Eye Patches, Hooks, and Peg Legs
Pirates are always getting themselves in trouble. If you've fought a pirate and have been injured on the high seas, you should really have some sort of prosthesis. That way, you can say, "___ gave me this hook/peg/patch."
Of course, you'll swear revenge, which gives your costume a bit of character development.
Patty Inglish MS from USA and Asgardia, the First Space Nation on September 19, 2012:
Wonderfully entertaining Hub! Does that pirate up top look like Leonard Nimoy to anyone else, or do I need my spyglass adjusted?
I'll take a parrot and a keg of rum, but I'll be makin' a cake with the rum.
Shasta Matova from USA on September 08, 2012:
This is hilarious and useful. Off to go shopping for my favorite pirate....
But first I might want to find that treasure on your map there!
mjkearn on July 08, 2012:
thoroughly enjoyed reading this hub and what a great title and idea. Not so sure about the parrot but definitely want a hoop earring. Thanks for writing and sharing. Voting up and all the rest,
Victoria Lynn from Arkansas, USA on June 30, 2012:
This is great. You're so funny! Now I know what to get for my next pirate friend. Excellent!
Cynthia Calhoun from Western NC on June 30, 2012:
Hehehe, I'm about to publish my pirate hub and funny, lots of things on this list are what I had to search for to make my crazy pirate video. My "beard" hid the gold rings, though. I didn't have a good sword, either. But, I'll have to plunder your hub and link to mine in my Blackbeard hub...soon to be published. :D
Deborah Neyens from Iowa on June 27, 2012:
This is great! It's given me a really good idea for the Christmas grab bag gift exchange my friends and I do annually. They are all pirate lovers, too.
RunningDeer from Iowa on June 22, 2012:
The pirates do love their rum. Good point they won't want iTunes gift cards. I'll have to remember that one come Christmas time.
Bill from Greensburg Pennsylvania on June 22, 2012:
This is really inventive and funny. Great hub thanks, it gives me some good ideas for the pirate friends in my life.
ElvenaDracos from Far far away lol on June 20, 2012:
If I ever befriend a pirate I'll know what get for them for Christmas through I doubt I'd get anything in return lol. Very funny and entertaining hub.
Sarah Johnson from Charleston, South Carolina on June 11, 2012:
Glad to know I wasn't the only one who received oranges at the bottom of the Christmas stocking!
This hub is hilarious! Love it!
WD Curry 111 from Space Coast on June 11, 2012:
I know about pirates. They will not turn down a flask of good gin (Dutch courage, they call it). Why do you think they put a lime in a gin and tonic? That's right, melbel . . . it helps prevent the scurvy!
Alissa Roberts from Normandy, TN on June 09, 2012:
Love this! I have always wondered what to give a pirate and you have given me so many good ideas. I think rum is definitely the way to a pirate's heart (and mine too!) Thanks for the laughs - voted up and over!
greeneryday from Some tropical country on June 08, 2012:
Like this hub, so creative...
Kelly Umphenour from St. Louis, MO on June 07, 2012:
Well Mel - this just might come in handy some day!
I went on a Pirate ship in Mexico (it was a mock cannon fight with the Black Pearl!). The pirates were all SO sweet! Now I'll know what to give them when I go back in 6 months!
Very clever and funny!!
Zulma Burgos-Dudgeon from United Kingdom on June 06, 2012:
I have always been stuck at Christmas on what to get pirates. Thank you, melbel, for posting this. Now Christmas this year will be a snap. (snapping fingers)
kelleyward on June 06, 2012:
My middle son loves pirates but this might be a little above his age level since he's 4 ha ha. I like this fun hub! Voted up! Kelley
Cynthia Calhoun from Western NC on June 06, 2012:
Awesome! I will make a treasure map as a gift for the pirate in my life. Hahah. I love how oranges could double as cannonballs. That's *awesome* :D You actually gave me a great idea for one of my next hubs. Voted up and more. This is great!
Spitfire07 from Calgary on June 06, 2012:
Anna from New York, NY on June 06, 2012:
Hey Mel! I'm always short on ideas on what to give a good "pirate" friend. For his last birthday, I gave him a brass flask with a skull. Now you got me thinking what I should get him for his next birthday and I think I'll go with a nice bottle of rum. Thanks for the idea! Oh and thanks for the warning about not wasting rum on rum cake!
Brian Slater from England on June 06, 2012:
hi, well this is different and you got me hooked (ha-ha) by the title of this hub. I can see you with your patch on one eye looking down from the crows nest shouting Land Ahoy. Welcome to treasure Island hope you've got sun tan factor 30 with you. Voted up.