Swampass is a pain in the Butt
Whether you prefer to call it sweaty bum, wet tush, or monkey butt, you all know what I am referring to.
Regardless of what you call it, walking around with a wet butt is not only embarrassing, it is also highly uncomfortable.
Sweating is healthy to rid toxins and cool the body down but when it shows through your clothing and soaks your backside, this can cause chaffing, burning, itching, skin irritation and a sore bottom that does not cure easily.
When people have bowel movements and then wipe, this can further flare the irritation of the bum. This may lead to feelings of discomfort when sitting, exercising, and even walking. Furthermore, it can cause steady irritation even when swampass is not prevalent.
A lot of the time people get swampass when they are working. High temperatures and movement cause people to sweat. Normally, if someone is exercising they can wear loose clothing, shower, and change after they workout. Unfortunately, when working, people often get confined to wearing tight fitting clothing and are stuck wearing what they have on for at least eight to twelve hours.
So what is there left to do? Continue to walk around embarrassed and uncomfortable? Change clothes every few hours? Although changing clothes might help with the wet spot appearance, the person with the swampass will probably continue to work uncomfortably. The irritation of the butt may also continue for days afterwards.
Because this is such an embarrassing topic, most people tend to ignore talking about it.
The good news is there are ways to help and even cure this problem. The following are ways in which can provide people relief when it comes to swampass.
Don't be a Behemoth, Fight Back!
1) First, what you thought was swampass could actually be something more serious. Although you might have a wet bottom from time to time, if you are in excruciating pain and discomfort (especially after a bowel movement), you may be suffering from an anal fissure, hemorrhoids, or a leaky bottom. There are over the counter medications that will provide relief, but if the problem persists and doesn’t seem to be going away, consult with your physician to have an exam scheduled.
2) Although hard to say, the best way to get rid of the uncomfortable condition of swampass is to lose weight. People that have an ideal body mass index tend to sweat less and have more room in-between their legs. More room means less rubbing and chaffing. Likewise, the less space between a person’s legs means more friction which creates more sweating.
You can also refer to a few of my hubs to help you lose weight from home:
3) The problem is the cause of moisture. Keep your bum clean by wiping with baby wipes after bowel movements. Afterwards, thoroughly dry the area with a dry piece of toilet paper or a towel. Afterwards, apply Gold Bond, cornstarch or regular baby powder. There are also commercial products like Anti-Monkey Butt that works well.
4) Although I mentioned above that movement causes sweating, sitting for long periods of time can also cause your bum to sweat due to lack of air circulation and heat. If you work at a desk or drive for long periods, take time to get up and stretch your legs. You may also want to use this time to dry your butt.
5) Prevent chaffing. Chaffing is caused by friction and continuous rubbing. If you are the victim of chaffing when working out or working hard at your job, apply a lubricant such as Vaseline or a commercial anti-friction product such as Body Glide.
6) If you are trying to heal a previous irritated area that is the result of chaffing, use calamine or ozonol when you are not working. This will aid in healing the affected area.
7) People sweat when they are hot so keep it cool. Be conscientious of drinking hot beverages such as coffee and tea as these can tend to make you sweat more. Consider an iced coffee and a cold shower after a workout.
8) Bowel schedules contribute to the problem and the solution. Eat a diet that is high in fiber or consider taking a fiber supplement like Benefiber. Consider adding bran, flax and other high fiber products to food. These help keep you regular and keep you from straining too much during bowel movements. And of course, clean the area well after. A bidet works well too.
Sasha on May 26, 2017:
Leave it to a Frenchman to cause problems. Don't let Jacques Titsh into your life.
loisbigbutt on August 01, 2015:
I have it constantly. Its hard to reach my butt to wipe. Just douce it with powder.
47yo on June 19, 2015:
i've had this for about 30 years now, hopefully this helps: 1) take daily baths instead of showers if you can. this more thoroughly cleans away the dead skin, sweat residue, soap residue, and other buildup from the area. 2) avoid powders and products which might leave a residue on the problem area (odors tend to cling to these residues). 3) cotton underwear exacerbates this problem, but i do not know what to suggest except nylon shorts. 4) add *soluble* fiber to your diet to sop up excess moisture in the lower bowel. 5) do isometric butt clenches to tone the muscles in that area. NOTE: these suggestions are all from my own personal experience only, not from a doctor or other health professional. there is a possibility that it is a medical condition, so if it becomes too problematic, stop looking for help on the internet and seek a doctor's help.
Juan Concha on June 04, 2015:
I just wanna get rid of it
Justin on June 03, 2015:
I have tried gold bond but it seems to make my ass chapped. Then I put an anti fungal cream on at night. I drive truck all day with no air conditioning. I got swamp ass so bad that it bleeds when I take a crap. Sometimes I just skip wiping and hop in the shower cuz it hurts so bad. Right when the water hits it it burns so bad that I just about cry. Then comes the worst part......... putting the bar of soap between my cheeks!!!!! Gotta get in clean right? This is so bad that I don't even feel like living anymore sometimes. Help me please!
steelsmiley on May 24, 2014:
tried the Freshends, didn't work, not over weight, I cook in Florida outdoors, ALL DAY. Have serious SWAMP ASS. any other tips, were do you get Hüppo Powder Pocket?
kisha on February 25, 2014:
Welp I'm 5months pregnant and I don't have anal fissure or hemmoroids. I guess my as just got a lil more plump. Causing friction and sweat. Ugh. Its so aggy. Showering 3-4 times a day.
jeff on January 20, 2014:
Freshends are good to keep around after doing #2 but my routine to is to use (after showering) product called "shower to shower" to kill bacteria and then to add some weightlifting chalk or rock climber chalk (magnesium carbonate...can buy them in sports stores) This chalk will keep you super dry down there and helps a lot if you got swamp ass.
Nelson on January 17, 2014:
This is a real problem for men of all sizes. Powder works but is messy. I use Hüppo Powder Pocket. It lasts all day and is time released. Easiest way to use powder. It's powder without the mess!
ho on November 08, 2013:
Not true. I am quite thin, to the point where it is difficult to find fitting clothes...additionally my bmi is correct for my size
jaybird22 (author) from New York on September 10, 2012:
Never heard of those. Thanks for the tips.
freshends on September 05, 2012:
Have you tried Freshends flushable wipes? keep them with you when you play golf, work out or hike ..even keep them in your cooler. They are re-freshing and a sure cure for swampa**!!!
Michael S from Danville, VA on May 27, 2012:
Wow. I've never heard of this condition. Poor souls!
Daniel Peebles on May 27, 2012:
Just the title of the article made me laugh.... but I do realize that it can be very uncomfortable for many people. Way to go in getting a good article about an important issue people don't want to talk about, out in the open!