CL Grant has authored many relationship books, including "30 Day No Contact Rule," "The Reality of Being the Other Woman," and "Ex Addict."
If you’re dating a man with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) then you may not know it yet. You’ve probably reached the stage where your gut tells you that something is not quite right or, worse still, your narcissist lover may have left you feeling totally drained and utterly worthless. Not only will he hurt you emotionally, but he may harm you financially also.
Unfortunately, men with narcissistic personality disorder symptoms have unstable emotions and an inability to feel any empathy towards others. So, don’t expect him to understand, least care, about how you may be feeling. NPD men have an inflated sense of their own self importance and expect to be admired and revered. They’re not interested in you, never have been, but expect your life to revolve around them and their inflated ego.
Even though you may see the warning signs, you don’t really want to believe them.
Furthermore, narcissistic men are manipulative and exploitative. They make you believe that they are the victims and that any relationship problems are all down to a misunderstanding on your part. It’s never their fault, so don’t expect a sincere apology.
NPD men have an inbuilt sense of entitlement. They ask, you give...without question. They also have a fragile ego, so criticise them at your peril.
Why Do Women Date Narcissistic Men?
Borderline personality disorder in men is often not uncovered, until it is far too late! NPD men are charming, charismatic and exude great self confidence which belies their inner fragility.You are coerced into loving the persona they want you to love and not their true self. Often, you will not realize that you are in love with a narcissistic man until it is far too late. Like most things in life that are bad for you, narcissistic men can be highly addictive.
Your narcissistic lover will have convinced you, very early on, that you were his soul mate. Often a passionate, whirlwind romance, with him pledging his undying love within a matter of weeks, if not days. You believe that you have finally found “the one” as he sets out your future life together. Unfortunately, Narcissists are big on empty promises which they never deliver.
Narcissistic men also spend a lot of time talking about themselves. It’s never about you, it’s always about them. As part of their manipulation, to gain control over you, they will pathologically lie. When confronted with evidence of their lies, they convince you that it is all a misunderstanding. Your misunderstanding. It is this distrust that first begins to destroy the relationship.
You soon come to realize that the narcissist is unreliable and you suspect that he may be being unfaithful to you. If you confront him your fears, he flies into a rage, acting totally indignant by your accusations.
He retaliates with verbal and sometimes physical abuse. He knows your insecurities and attacks with cutting remarks which, over a period of time, shatter your self esteem.
Sadly, when he’s taken every thing that you can possibly give, both emotionally and financially, he will callously dump you, without a second thought. Indeed, he will already have his next victim lined up and ready waiting in the wings.
How to End a Relationship With a Narcissistic Man
Ending a relationship with a narcissistic man can be extremely traumatic, especially when it is not his decision. You need to step back and not engage in any dialogue with him. Remember, he is a “Master of Manipulation” and you need to stop his game playing dead in its tracks.
The only way to achieve this is through indifference. This is the only way you can successfully end a relationship with a narcissistic man. If you are struggling, you may find it useful to implement no-contact and take things one day at a time. The only thing to remember is that you are not looking to reunite with your narcissistic lover or get revenge. You are looking for an exit strategy.
Also, do not play into the narcissist’s hands by being melodramatic about the break up. You cannot show any signs of weakness. The only way to make a narcissist man understand you are leaving for good is to withdraw completely and deny him any control or influence over your future life.
This content is for informational purposes only and does not substitute for formal and individualized diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed medical professional. Do not stop or alter your current course of treatment. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.
© 2012 C L Grant
C L Grant (author) from United Kingdom on November 03, 2016:
Sorry to hear that you have been dating a narcissistic man also. You have definitely got a lot to be thankful for. As you say, you may have wasted four months of your life but you have learned a valuable lesson. You may not think it now, but the experience can also make you a stronger person. Best wishes and God bless to you also.
Glenne on November 02, 2016:
i just now realized im dating a narcissist,,, so painful right now,, im drained emotionally and he even asked me for money every time i go home after our dates...i hope i have read this article before i come to realized he has this behavioral disorder... im glad i came out of that relationship and come into my senses... ive wasted 4 months of time, money and energy for this kind of man... he dumped me but thank God im out of him... thank u for this article, it helped me a lot for my recovery and painful experiece right now..Godbless and all of the victims of narcissist.
Heather Mcdougall on October 05, 2013:
Lauren, never believe the best about a narcissist - they are utterly ruthless , manipulative and totally toxic. He will say absolutely anything to keep you giving him narcissistic supply (please look that one up). Get away as fast as you can. These parasites will bleed you dry emotionally, then they will entice you to marry them and then bleed you dry financially and in endless working slavery for them. They will never respect you.
Just try this - make a small criticism of his recent behaviour and see how he reacts. is he hostile and full of excuses and ultimately blaming you for being distrusting etc?Is the converstaion all about him?
Run! Run now before it's too late and you suffer the kind of hell and imprisonment that make jail look like paradise. This level of suffering is real, I promise you. Get out right now and save yourself from what us who were taken in for so much longer, and even had a child with these toxic , malignant narcissists, suffered. Believe me, the worst pits of hell look like a hilday camp and a nice respite to us who have really suffered at the hands of these people. Please, save yourself from years of the worst agony you could ever imagine. They are consummate liars.Utter con-men who only want you as a total slave. You deserve better than getting serially dumped by e-mail or text, as he finds or seekd to find someone who is more pliant and serves his toxic needs better than you, or as well as you. He won't change!
C L Grant (author) from United Kingdom on September 30, 2013:
Hi Lauren, sorry to learn of your problems.
To be perfectly honest with you, the above 2 posts could have been written by myself, insofar as, my experience has been very similar, even down to the guy salivating after girls half his age! You have clearly forgotten that you are 'beneath him' and that he owes you no explanations whatsoever!
The main difficulty, that victims of NPD men have, is that they are trying to rationalize behavior that is totally irrational. Or to put it another way, attempting to make sense, of the nonsensical!
You need to break the cycle which means locking the door and throwing away the key. One reader said that you 'never get closure with a NPD man,' and that is so true. Your brain is constantly scrambling around trying to make a totally illogical situation, seem logical.
I wasted almost 2 years of my life being involved with a NPD man. Please don't do the same. They are not capable of change and you are just lining yourself up for further heartache and disappointment. Just tell yourself that you deserve better and walk away. Don't contact him or stalk him on social media sites.
The best form of revenge is success. Getting on with your life, and making the best of yourself, will hurt him more than any words can. Don't feel foolish as tens of thousands of women have fallen prey to a narcissistic man. Just tell yourself that you deserve better, much, much better, and that it is his loss and your lucky escape!
Best wishes and don't hesitate to update me as regards your progress.
Lauren on September 30, 2013:
I have walked away many times after getting dumped via text, email over the phone and every time foolishly I bought his I am sorry's and his changed act.when he came back into my life.It is true what they say about being involved with NPD men you come away feeling depleted and me- I feel foolish, I have a tendency (to a fault) to want to believe the best in people..
Lauren on September 30, 2013:
Mine has dropped off the radar screen (knee deep in the silent treatment) again for the umpteenth time this year after a falling out with me questioning him over why he was telling a colleague on facebook who is half his age that he wanted to meet up while she was in town? He is constantly on me about how he isn't sure he can trust me, etc...when he can never give a reason why he feels that way towards me. I finally told him the more he hounds me about trust the more guilty he looks like he's trying to deflect his guilty behaviors onto me.
C L Grant (author) from United Kingdom on March 03, 2013:
Sorry to hear that Louise, but at least you have emerged with your sanity in tact, if not a little battered and bruised. You may find that he continues to 'play his games' even after you have separated. Breaking up from a narcissist is not an easy or pleasant experience. You need to remain strong and put yourself first. Take care.
Louise on March 02, 2013:
Mine was my first love, that's the catastrophy of all the story, I thought he's that special angel, he made me loose 15years of my life, almost made me become crazy.......15years, in his game, all what the article says is in him, word by word, .......am chocked that I WAS WITH SUCH A PSYCHO. Gosh!
Jandayi on February 23, 2013:
1) Had me feeling like I was 'the one' for him: tick.
2) Iam the bad person: tick.
3) Feeling hurt, drained and worthless: tick.
4) Financially: tick.
5) Everything taken from me and dumped: tick.
6) Iam his 'soul mate': tick.
1) unstable emotions: tick.
2) inability to feel empathy: tick.
3) hes the vitim: tick.
4) charming: tick.
5) confident: tick.
6) a compolsive liar: tick.
7) fit of rage when confronted with the truth: tick. (calling him a liar).
8) everything taken from me and dumpted: tick.
And this man is my 'husband'.
Thank you Marketing Merit.
jcwink on January 24, 2013:
NPD men or women have an inbuilt sense of entitlement. They ask, you give...without question. They also have a fragile ego, so criticize them at your peril!....... Especially the truth.. they lose it...
me on October 14, 2012:
. correction. he said I was too desperate for a relationship . . . also . . this man is a workaho.lic . . . never takes time off of work . . . he thinks the place will fall apart without him . . SELF IMPORTANCE. . . also he gas two kids that he openly admits he never wanted . . a friend explained it best to me once . . . this man is not finally connected to his own children . . . why do you think he could care about you if he doesn't even connect with his own kids . . . another friend doesn't think he ever loved his ex wife . . that he married her because that's what he was 'supposed' to do after college . . when I found out he was seeing my cousin . . . . I asked if that was awkward and he told me . . .AT FIRST IT WAS . . . are you kidding me?????
me on October 14, 2012:
I was involved with a narcissistic man too. he would never commit to a relationship with me. we became friends while he was going through his divorce and became lovers during his separation. once he finally left the house. . he became very indifferent with me. unwilling to commit. . he always told me I was too deserved for a relationship. . but it was his way of placing blame on me. I never understood why being my boyfriend was so impossible . . until the frst time he ran with someone behind my back and my doc explained that he was a narcissist . . I forgave. him but could never trust him again. I took him to a wedding last year where he met my cousin and they went behind my back and started dating. . . she is now posting pictures of them together on Facebook and to make matters worse. . she friend requested my best friend of. 17 years so she'd see the pic of them together. I'm convinced that my cousin is also a narcissist . . question is . . . will they last??? I don't want him back and never want to see her again . . but I don't want him with my cousin . . . my goodness we have the same DNA!!!!! I moved five hours away to get away from both of them but I still feel sick whenever I think of them together. she's a class A whore and doesn't care who she hurts to get what she wants . . . will they last??? I hope not!!!! :(
C L Grant (author) from United Kingdom on September 28, 2012:
Sometimes, Gottoleavehim, I wonder if we have all been dating the same fella!! Mine was exactly the same.
In truth, part of me will always love the person I 'thought' he was and/or was capable of being. But he was bringing so much upset and negativity into my life that I knew I had to get rid of him for my own sanity.
These men are capable of totally destroying you...but only if you let them.
My very best wishes to you Gottoleavehim...I do know how hard it is.
Gottoleavehim on September 28, 2012:
Thank you Marketing Merit !! He just amazes me how he can just ignore me when I make a valid point about his actions during an argument and then act like everything is ok, and change the subject. I'm reading up on the narcs behavior's and it's helping me, and also it's confirming me wanting out of this relationship. It's just sad that he is this way, because if it weren't for that he wld be a great guy. Thanks again
C L Grant (author) from United Kingdom on September 27, 2012:
If he's anything like mine was Gottoleavehim, he will accept no responsibility for his behaviour and will turn everything around so that he's the victim are you're the bad guy!
Best of luck with this...
Gottoleavehim on September 27, 2012:
Trying to leave one know..
jamisewilson from Suffolk, VA on June 19, 2012:
Thank you! I can definitely relate.
dotty1 from In my world on June 15, 2012:
Really informative hub :) and oh how I can relate to this having dated one !!! or two