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What It's Like to Be Schizophrenic

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In 2018, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, Anxiety, Schizophrenic-paranoia.

The Breakdown of My Life and World

In 2017, something went very wrong. I started experiencing very rare symptoms, that I had never had in my 50 years of life experienced, not to my recollection at least. I had no idea at that time that it was the beginning of the most painful, vicious attack that I would ever have to experience. I think if someone would have told me what was going to happen in the next four years of my life, I probably would have found a way to end my life.

Broken

Heading for Trouble But Not Knowing How to Stop!

By the time 2018 came, my symptoms were getting worse. I was doing things completely out of character for me. I trusted people I should not have trusted, instead of using my instincts. The voices in my head were trying to tell me that something was very wrong, I was already experiencing some of the common symptoms of Schizophrenia. I was headed for a severe mental breakdown that was about to change my life and my world forever; but since I could kind of function, job, driving, taking care of my children, I didn't seek medical help until it was too late.

By the time, I sought help, I was already distraught and confused about what was going on. I don't recall the order of events or a lot of how things happened. I just know that things were getting worse as each day passed. I started seeing things that were not there. After a while, I started hearing voices, but no one was there.

By 2019, my whole life had fallen apart. I heard voices from invisible people, I was getting freaked out by hand movements and sometimes words other people were using. I had already suffered many episodes of Catatonia (paralyzation) locking of my hands or waking up not being able to move my body. My memory skills had drastically reduced. I could not remember phone numbers, passwords, or addresses that I had memorized previously to 2017.

Good Advice, You Can't Use When You Are Having A Schizophrenia Episode

Who The Heck Am I? Where Am I?

Going bat shit crazy, doesn't even begin to describe what was happening to me. Many days. I didn't even know who I was, sometimes I didn't know where I was. I would lose consciousness while sleeping, but when I woke up, it still seemed like I was sleepwalking. Sometimes I would just sit there wondering what to do, but my mind wouldn't let me think clearly and left me unable to function properly.


My personality was changing, I didn't even recognize myself anymore. I went from an employed, well-dressed, happy-go-lucky person; raising two children who were doing very well; to a depressed, scared, and angry person who could not even get up the strength to take a shower and clean the home.


My emotions were severe. I was either emotionless, laughing hysterically for hours over things that were not that funny, or I would cry for many hours not even knowing the reason why I was so sad.

Sybil & Dissociative Identity Disorder

My Thoughts On The Above Video: Sybil

Full disclaimer about the above video. I have never read the book. I have seen the movie once when I was a teenager, but do not remember the actual story. One thing that I find interesting about the video is that although the identity of the woman was changed to Sybil, people still recognized the original woman who the story was about as Sybil. The doctor in the video does not mention if eventually a proper dosage of medication's eventually stabilized, Sybil.

I believe dissociative identity disorder is very real, I have had six extended hospital stays in the past four years. Multiple physicians had diagnosed me with some of the symptoms of this disorder. Whether Sybil actually experienced the disorder or was manipulated to believe she had the disorder; well only Sybil and her treating physicians will ever know the real truth.

Symptoms of Schizophrenia

  1. Disordered or Disorganized thinking, speech, or behavior.
  2. hallucinations- Seeing, hearing, or feeling things that are not there.
  3. Delusions- Belief that you are being persecuted, attacked, cheated, or conspired against.
  4. Incoherent - Speech that does not make sense to others or is hard to understand.
  5. Catatonia -Extremely overactive or underactive motor skills (paralyzation, or constant movement of body parts)
  6. Withdraw from Social contacts
  7. Loss of willpower
  8. Bland or Blunted emotions. (extremely happy, laughing for no apparent reason, crying for no apparent reason, no emotion whatsoever
  9. Suicidal Thoughts
  10. Abnormal behavior - Drinking when they usually don't drink. Doing drugs, when they usually don't. Promiscuous behavior, etc...

Increased Risks

  1. Impaired Brain or Neurotransmitters development or chemistry.
  2. Having a family member who has Schizophrenia

Some Things That Can Trigger An Episode of Schizophrenia

  • Loss of a loved one
  • Family Stress
  • College
  • Military Service
  • Marriage
  • Divorce
  • Pregnancy

Conclusion

If you have a loved one or have known someone for a long time and you start seeing abnormal behavior in them; Please take the time to sit down and talk with them. Explain to them the strange behavior that you see them displaying, and help them to find medical attention right away. You just might save their life and world.

The Sound Of Silence

Sources

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2021 Lori

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