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What Is Asperger's By Proxy?
If you are reading this article here of mine, then you probably have heard of "Asperger's Syndrome." Supposedly, it is a high-functioning form of Autism Spectrum Disorder. In other articles of mine on this writing platform, I have dismissed it as nothing more than just a theory and a concept because of its shady origins and its questionable popularity in American pop culture as well as all the fraud and the abuse that always seem to gravitate toward it, among other things.
There appears to be a trend among fathers here in the United States of America to jump to the conclusion that their sons suffer from "Asperger's Syndrome" whenever they are unhappy with how their sons have turned out for one reason or another that may even be highly trivial in nature. More often than not, these young men with these kinds of fathers have nothing wrong with them, and they have never had anything to do with the autism spectrum in their lives.
Nevertheless, among these fathers who obsess over "Asperger's Syndrome," a large majority of them suffer from a subset of Munchausen's Syndrome by proxy known as Asperger's by proxy. That is, they are dead set on labeling their sons as Aspergians no matter what lengths to which they have to go. These fathers often go undiagnosed with this disorder and become not only a danger to their own sons but to society in general. Two very good examples of fathers who likely have Asperger's by proxy are Michael Barnett and Peter Lanza.
You're probably wondering why I'm focusing on fathers who have Asperger's by proxy herein rather than mothers who do so. I am not skeptical of the existence of mothers who fit that description, but I do not seem to come across as many situations in which a mother is attempting to demonize her son or even her daughter as being an Aspergian as I do situations in which a father is doing so. Asperger's by proxy appears to plague father-son relationships more than anything throughout our nation and throughout the world.
It is bad enough that fathers with Asperger's by proxy have been victimizing their minor sons with the above-described pattern of misconduct. It is absolutely outrageous that many of these fathers are targeting their adult sons also regardless of how old their sons are.
If you are an adult man and your father insists that you suffer from "Asperger's Syndrome" and he has been hounding you to go to a psychiatrist to get tested and treated for it, then you need to beware of the warning signs that your father may have Asperger's by proxy. Herein I describe those same warning signs.
Child-Abuse Survivors Are Often The Most Vulnerable To An Asperger's-By-Proxy Father's Manipulation
Even though I am skeptical of whether "Asperger's Syndrome" is a legitimate neurological, developmental disorder or condition, what I find so interesting about the characteristics that mental-health professionals claim Aspergians to have is that a large number of them are identical to those of child-abuse survivors who suffer from Childhood Post-Traumatic Syndrome Disorder as a result of their ordeal. Anna Runkle even explains in a video of hers below how certain behaviors of child-abuse survivors can be easily mistaken for autism.
Anna Runkle Reports That Childhood Post-Traumatic Syndrome Disorder Makes It Hard For Someone With It To Read People
If you are an adult man and your father abused you as a child in any manner, you should take it as a red flag if he tells you that he thinks that you have "Asperger's Syndrome" and that you need to seek testing and treatment for it from a psychiatrist. Moreover, if you do not have heath insurance and he is not offering to pay for such testing and treatment, then you should realize that he is not making his proposal to you in that regard out of the kindness of his heart.
A caring and loving father is not going to shove this whole "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale of his down your throat all at once. He may suggest that you get tested for it, but he is not going to jump to the conclusion that you have high-functioning autism of any kind unless he has legitimate reasons to believe that you are truly suffering from any kind of difficulty with your cerebral health.
If your father beat on you and belittled you when you were a child and has not made reparations to you for his actions no matter how far back in time they occurred and he has not even as so much acknowledged the abuse, he does not have the moral high ground even to be suggesting that you get involved in "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment. He is the one who needs to go to a psychiatrist, but, being the sociopath that he likely is, he is not going to do so inasmuch as he will often believe that he has a clean bill of mental health. Furthermore, it could be that your father is suspicious that you are getting ready to expose him for the way he mistreated you and abused you during your childhood, and getting you misdiagnosed with "Asperger's Syndrome" is a way for him to fool the entire world that he was some kind of amazing father to you when you were growing up instead of the monster that he really was and likely still is.
Another concern you need to have is that your abusive father may also be looking to use a misdiagnosis of "Asperger's Syndrome" against you to cover up all of his abuse-related transgressions against you from your childhood, so that when the day finally arrives that you out him to the whole world as a child abuser, he will be able to turn around and have your accusations dismissed as the ravings of an autistic head case. In other words, he is looking for a future way of discrediting you at your expense.
If everything that I have explained so far describes your father, chances are he may also have Asperger's by proxy. He knows that it sounds much better to his friends and other acquaintances of his that you may be stumbling in life inasmuch as he was this amazing father who got you into "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment than it does if he tells them that he beat on you and belittled you when you were growing up.
Abusive fathers have found inventive ways of weaponizing the autism spectrum to compound the abuse on their adult sons that they inflicted upon them when they were children. These abusive fathers clearly need to be tested for Asperger's by proxy and treated accordingly. Assuming only for the sake of argument that your abusive father is correct in his assertion that you suffer from some kind of high-functioning autism, his sustained efforts to pressure you into "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment is like the blind leading the blind. You simply do not want to do something that drastic based upon his so-called advice.
One characteristic that abusive fathers who fit the description above have in common is that they will make fun of their sons for problems that they themselves have caused rather than the son. For example, child-abuse survivors often struggle with their weight as a result of the trauma that they have suffered at the hands of their victimizers.
If your father beat on you or abused you in some way when you were a kid and he now constantly fat-shames you in front of other immediate family members of yours, you definitely have to know that it would not be a good idea to take your father's so-called advice to see a psychiatrist for "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment. He probably has Asperger's by proxy, and he is the one who really needs to go to a psychiatrist. Victim-blaming and victim-shaming are child abusers' two main tactics in inflicting harm upon the people they abused as children.
Another good example of this behavioral pattern by an abusive father is when he may have done something as rash as push or throw his son down a staircase or a stairwell when that son was a kid and that son sustained a permanent injury. If that son was you and your father makes fun of your limp or walking gauge, then he certainly doesn't have any moral high ground to accuse you of having "Asperger's Syndrome" or any kind of autism. He's trying to manipulate you into doing something that will only compound your situation with him. Do not fall for his "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale. It is a road that will only take you downward possibly to a level of no return.
If you are going through a rough patch in life, remember that your father abused you as a child and that his damaging actions upon you are most likely the cause of your life being financially unstable. If he has Asperger's by proxy, he is going to want to extricate himself of all culpability and pin the blame on an autistic condition that you don't even have. Resist the "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale that he is trying to bestow upon you. It's a trap.
Your Father Speaks Derisively About People He Perceives To Have "Asperger's Syndrome"
Supposedly a myriad of celebrities who excel at what they do best suffer from "Asperger's Syndrome" according to Nicol Natale's article titled "7 Famous People You Didn’t Know Had Asperger’s Syndrome," and yet these same people are financially successful and well-known for their individual skills throughout the world. It is even rumored that Bill Gates has "Asperger's Syndrome," and yet he has made himself into a corporate mogul.
With all of these above-described success stories regarding celebrities and tycoons who supposedly have "Asperger's Syndrome," this so-called high-functioning form of autism cannot be justly equated to failure and disappointment. Therefore, if your father has been pressuring you into getting tested and treated for "Asperger's Syndrome" and you notice that he accuses people of having "Asperger's Syndrome" after he describes them as losers, it is probable that he has Asperger's by proxy. Your father is searching for an inventive way to demonize you any way he can; and because he likely suffers from Asperger's by proxy, he believes in his mind that you must have "Asperger's Syndrome."
The fact alone that your father may contend that any financial hardship you may be experiencing is a telltale sign of "Asperger's Syndrome" serves as enough of an alarm to warn you that he has Asperger's by proxy and he is using you to feed his affliction. If your father claims that financial failure and being a loser define high-functioning autism, it only goes to show you that he has very little or no knowledge of what the autism spectrum is all about and he has likely done no research on the subject. He is taking his assertions of what high-functioning autism is and pulling them from off the top of his head.
Your Father Doesn't Believe That Autism Could Ever Exist On His Side Of The Family
I have noticed that numerous reports have surfaced throughout the Internet that state that it is usually the father who passes down Autism Spectrum Disorder to their offspring. There is a report as recent as 2021 that lays out all the biological blueprints to explain how a father can pass Autism Spectrum Disorder down to his son.
A good way to assess whether your father may have Asperger's by proxy in the event that he attempts to shove his "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale down your throat is to show him one of these types of scientific reports that claim that a son normally inherits the genes for Autism Spectrum Disorder from his father. You may even want to provide him with a printout of one of those same reports from the Internet so that he'll know that you are telling the truth. If your father gets on the defensive and starts ranting and raving about how the men in his family have such perfect and pure DNA and that you could only have inherited your alleged "Asperger's Syndrome" from your mother's side of the family, then you know that there is a very strong chance that your father has Asperger's by proxy.
A father with Asperger's by proxy doesn't care about the truth, and he will aggressively attempt to get you misdiagnosed with "Asperger's Syndrome" only to serve his own agenda if he can find a way to do so. Once he starts talking about how perfect the men on his side of the family are, you're going to be in for an entertaining event that might even provoke you to laugh at him as it unfolds. When your father is arguing against scientific findings, you know that he is not being honest in his crusade to brainwash you into believing that you have "Asperger's Syndrome."
Your Father Has A Female Golden Child Who Can Do No Wrong
If you are an adult man, the most conspicuous warning sign that your father may have Asperger's by proxy is the fact that he has a female golden child with whom he constantly compares you. Now, I don't want any of you to think that I am a male chauvinist, because I realize that women confront undesirable situations in life too. However, because men do not have the benefit of hypergamy as women do in their road to financial success, there can be no justice in a father comparing his financially struggling son with his glittering success story of a daughter if that daughter is married.
Keep in mind that this father's superstar daughter may not have been able to accomplish all of her goals in life if she did not have a financially secure husband to fall back on whenever she might have hit a slightly rough patch in life. You may remember a movie titled Parenthood. Well, in that movie, there was a scene in which Steve Martin was playing the role of a man arguing with his wife that women had choices, whereas men had responsibilities. Feminists may argue that this line in the movie was unfounded and unsupported.
Nevertheless, a father is not as likely to pass harsh judgment on his adult daughter if she becomes unemployed as he is on his son. An adult daughter may not have the same pressures as an adult son does to succeed in the career world. If she is married, then she has more leeway for failure on a professional level than her brother does inasmuch as she has a husband who is not going to let her starve to death or become homeless.
When a father has Asperger's by proxy, he takes a predilection of comparing his financially struggling son with his professionally prosperous daughter only to gaslight his son into believing that perhaps there is something really wrong with him that warrants a visit to a psychiatrist for "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment. Do not fall for it!
If your sister has anger-management issues or some other kind of anomaly in her behavior that your father conveniently ignores, then you really need to be on your guard at all times with your father. Chances are that your sister may even side with your father in his ludicrous perception that you suffer from "Asperger's Syndrome." The more warning signs that are there with your father, the more resistant you need to be against submitting to his manipulation. Your father may even be working through your sister surreptitiously to get you to walk into his trap as described in my article titled "Stay Off The Spectrum And Stand Strong!"
In general, it is unfair for a parent, especially a father, to compare a brother with a sister when those two individuals happen to be his offspring. The rules of prosperity are somewhat different for women from what they are for men and vice versa. A parent making such a comparison can even be unjust against their daughter. For example, if a parent's son is a high-school quarterback on his football team, it is not right for that same parent to want his daughter also to become a football star when she may really want to become a ballerina instead. A parent comparing a brother and a sister is no more logical and reasonable than comparing apples and oranges. Nobody is going to accomplish anything in doing so beyond causing feelings of resentment in the long run.
Your Father Always Sides With Your Enemies
A good parent teaches their kids right from wrong and to do unto others as they would do unto them. If you have a loving, caring, and protective father who jumps on your case whenever he feels that you have treated someone unfairly, then he is only trying to get you to do the right thing inasmuch as he knows that you have the goodness and decency in you to do so.
On the other hand, when your father always sides with your enemies against you and goes so far as to justify any wrongs that they have committed against you, then you know that he does not have your best interest at heart. I'm not only describing a one-time incident but rather a pattern of behavior on your father's part.
There may have been a bully back in middle school who made your life miserable. If your father made excuses for that bully's behavior, he obviously does not care about your safety and well-being. If a girl sexually harassed you all throughout high school and your father laughed at you about it or even went as far as telling you how beautiful he thought that girl was in the event that he had the chance to meet her, he was not doing so to build your confidence and self-esteem.
If a boss wrongfully terminated you from your job position and sabotaged your chances of getting unemployment compensation insurance benefits by lying that you engaged in fictitious misconduct connected with work and your father believes in all the garbage that your boss said about you insofar as he condones your boss's actions against you, then you know that your father couldn't care less about your future and whether you will die poor and homeless. If you got fired from your job for something that you did wrong, then that is a different story. Then your father has every right to chastise you. However, I am describing a father who sides with your enemies no matter what the circumstances are.
If your father has committed any of these above-described transgressions, then why in the world would you want to comply with his wishes for you to go to a psychiatrist for "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment or for any reason that is bogus? If your father is this person and he insists that you have "Asperger's Syndrome," it could very well be possible that he has Asperger's by proxy instead.
Your Father Always Looks For A Reason To Disagree With Your Opinion And Contradict You
We cannot always agree with our parents about everything. Because you are from a different generation from that of your father, you are bound to disagree with him on one thing or another. However, if your father constantly contradicts you and takes an opposing opinion insofar as his actions appear as erratic to you, then you at least have to suspect that something is off about him. If he insists that you have "Asperger's Syndrome" and he argues with you about any information you learn about it that disproves that you suffer from it or from any other kind of autism, then he may have Asperger's by proxy.
A good example of a situation in which your father disagrees with you in an unreasonable fashion is if you tell him that you believe that Jim Jones should have been put away long before he took the People's Temple to Guyana and he comments that he believes that Jim Jones was some kind of legendary hero, then you know that your father has to be contradicting you on purpose to go against you despite that he may not really mean what he says. If he attempts to persuade you into going into "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment, then he probably has Asperger's by proxy and his chronic disagreement with you and his repeated contradictions against your opinions are his way of conditioning you to become vulnerable to his attempts to force you onto the autism spectrum needlessly and detrimentally.
Your Father Constantly Blames You For Your Personal Life Tragedies
If your father laughs every time he finds out something tragic that has happened to you, you at least have to question where his loyalties lie. If you worked hard for a promotion and your boss gave it to someone else who was much less qualified than you or anyone else in your office, you cannot believe that your father is empathetic to your situation when he starts laughing at you and even blaming you for what happened.
If you get railroaded for a crime that you didn't commit or the likes and your father believes that you are guilty of whatever charges that were lodged against you despite that exculpatory evidence proves otherwise, you have to start doubting that your father is one of the good guys. If you ended up serving time in jail for something you didn't do and your father tells you that you put yourself there, then you got to wonder whether he would even care if something bad or even deadly happened to you behind bars.
If your father makes fun of you because a camp counselor abused you or acted inappropriately with you when you were a kid, then you at least have to question why your father ever decided to procreate you. If someone pickpocketed your wallet and destroyed your financial reputation and drained you of your assets, you cannot praise your father for cracking jokes about it and telling you that you should take it as a learning experience.
If your father has done all of the things that I described above, you would have to be out of your mind to follow his so-called advice to go to a psychiatrist for "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment or even believe anything that he tells you whenever he rambles on about how he is certain that you must have "Asperger's Syndrome." Once you realize what he is really doing, you'll want to tell him to take the autism spectrum and stick it where it best fits. In any event, it is more probable that he has Asperger's by proxy than that he does not have it.
Your Father Talks Behind Your Back With Others About His False Claim That You Have "Asperger's Syndrome"
Older men have a propensity to discuss even some of the most personal stuff on a golf course. It can be expected that they will talk about their own kids and/or their own grandchildren. However, even on the golf course, there are certain sensitive and personal topics related to one's family that should never get shared.
If your father has a conversation with a golf buddy and after that golf buddy tells him that he has a son or a grandson who suffers from "Asperger's Syndrome," your father is not looking out for your best interest if he turns around and tells that golf buddy of his that he thinks that you may have "Asperger's Syndrome" also. In essence, he is really slandering you inasmuch as he is making a baseless claim about you and soiling your reputation before this individual before you have even had the opportunity to meet him.
You may be one of those men like me who never speak about their father with others in their father's absence. Probably most men adhere to that same code of conduct regarding their fathers' personal business. Therefore, if your father is going behind your back and telling people, even relatives, that you may have "Asperger's Syndrome," he is not doing so out of respect for you. I don't care how well-meaning his intentions are. He is still trespassing on your pride.
If your father engages in this same behavioral pattern, it is not unreasonable for you to question whether your father may have Asperger's by proxy. This behavioral pattern of his rises to a level of obsessiveness on his part, and it is not something that you should have to tolerate under any circumstances.
If your father is spreading lies about your past behavior and encouraging other people he engages in his conversations about you to collaborate with him in psychoanalyzing you in one way or another, he is not doing you any favors, to say the least. His mere insincerity is enough to set off alarms in your head that something is not right with his mental faculties. His conduct does warrant that he be tested for Asperger's by proxy.
Your Father Rewrites History In A Way That Puts You In A Negative Light
If your father has a different version of your childhood in his mind than you do and he did not spend very much time with you when you were growing up, he really has nothing legitimate on which to base his claim against you that you suffer from "Asperger's Syndrome." He has concocted a deluded fantasy in his mind that you are his genetically mutated offspring that he wants to save in his imaginary role as a paternal white knight in shining armor. Because he is one who is obviously losing touch with reality, he is the one who needs professional help rather than you.
If your father blames you for your involuntary separation from a job position despite that it is evident that it was due to no fault of your own, then he is clearly not rooting for your success and he couldn't care less about the truth. He will go as far as making up events that never took place in relation to this same tragedy, when he was never there when it happened in the first place. He will commit these actions to depict you as someone who cannot hold down a job, and he will misrepresent this same perception of his as a telltale sign of "Asperger's Syndrome." In other words, he is like someone who has lost touch with all reality to suit his own twisted agenda to demonize you as some kind of autistic head case.
At the same time, your father may be someone who takes no accountability for his actions. He views himself as someone who is incapable of even the slightest of mistakes. He thinks of himself as Mr. Perfecto. He never admits guilt to any wrongdoing of his. He's infallible in his own eyes. However, he does have a very serious problem. He likely has Asperger's by proxy, and he needs to get it treated instead of fabricating an alternate, fictitious version of you that bears no resemblance to reality.
Your Father Makes Unrealistic Demands Upon You In A Blackmailing Manner
An abusive father who likely has Asperger's by proxy will constantly talk with his son about how his son disappoints him all the time. Such a father has a pattern of seldom ever praising his son for his accomplishments and always nitpicking at anything about him that he perceives as negative.
If your father demands that you get married and produce male grandchildren to carry on his family name, his expectations for you are ridiculous enough. However, when he takes matters so far that he threatens to sever all ties with you or even disinherit you, he is the one who clearly has psychological issues rather than you. If he abused you as a child, it could very well be that you don't want to father any children inasmuch as they will be his grandchildren and he may not treat them with respect. You also may wonder whether any woman you could ever marry would want someone like him for a father-in-law in view of the kind of person that he is.
If your father does decide to sever all ties with you, it is probably not a good idea for you to attempt to reestablish contact with him in the near future. You will be amazed at how peaceful your life becomes during his absence from it. Then again, he may attempt to operate through another immediate family member of yours to zero in on you.
If your father has Asperger's by proxy and you are single and childless, what he'll likely do is start the conversation off by making it a point that men with "Asperger's Syndrome" are socially challenged and usually do not get married and start a family. Then he'll attempt to put you on a guilt trip that you have never found the right woman, settled down, got married, and procreated children. He'll tactically weave in the whole "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale to make it seem as though you could win his love and respect back by agreeing to go along with his foolishness in this regard. Don't do it!
This sort of behavior of your father's will likely be something that he has done for a long time. For example, when you were in the sixth grade, perhaps your grades were not what your father wanted them to be and he may have brought up some story about having met some other kid your age whose school gave students an "O" instead of an "A" if their performance in class was outstanding and more deserving of praise than perfection.
Your father may go as far as wanting you to be a corporate executive or be in possession of some other impossible dream. If his golden child is your sister and she is making a six-figure income, he will disparage you in the event that you are going through a rough patch in life. Then he'll run his mouth about how he feels that you're nowhere in life and that it must be the "Asperger's Syndrome" paving your road to ultimate failure. However, it's likely his Asperger's by proxy taking control.
Your Father Encourages You To Sign Up For Welfare Programs
Social Security Disability Income ("S.S.D.I.") is not a financial assistance program meant for someone with high-functioning autism of any kind. An abusive father with Asperger's by proxy will always shame his son for hitting a rough patch in life and then brainwash him into believing that he has something wrong with him insofar as he cannot successfully hold down a job. Then he will lure his son into applying for S.S.D.I. and perhaps even Section 8 Housing.
If you're that son and you've heard your father disparage both Federal and state welfare programs, you must at least realize that your father is not doing what I described above to build your sense of dignity. He may try to make himself look like a good Samaritan by "guiding" you on what to do so that you never end up in the poor house or out on the street.
Let me just spell it all out. There are shyster lawyers out there who will encourage you to cheat the Federal government in obtaining any kind of public assistance that you can get your hands on. Do not be drawn into this deception. The United States Social Security Administration actively and aggressively investigates and prosecutes cases of S.S.D.I. fraud, and illegally obtained benefits for "Asperger's Syndrome" are no exception. There is where I regret to inform you that your father's Asperger's-by-proxy condition could get you into serious trouble if you allow it to overpower you.
In my article titled "Stay Off The Spectrum And Stand Strong!," I thoroughly explain how dangerous this same path can be if you allow for your Asperger's-by-proxy father to drag you down it. Your father may even personally know a shyster lawyer who will guide you down this same destructive path and that lawyer may go as far as offering to accept you as his client on a contingency fee basis. Don't do it! Your freedom is way too valuable to throw it away on something like that, and your father will not be there to bail you out once the situation spirals out of control and you find yourself getting locked up for a criminal offense that you never meant to commit.
If your father shames you and belittles you for not having the dream job, he probably is someone who complains all the time about how unfair it is that welfare programs exist and that his tax money funds them. He may even whine about how he views recipients of those programs as lazy bums and parasites to society. If he talks this way, you are not going to gain his respect and love in the long run by getting involved in what can be best described as Federal welfare fraud.
In view of your father's hostile opinion of welfare programs in general, the simple fact that he is attempting to sway you into illegally accessing such programs already should indicate to you how very little respect he has for you. He only wants to compound the prospective pain you feel for not being able to win over his love and respect. Moreover, it is very costly to get an "Asperger's Syndrome" evaluation. Don't waste money you probably don't even have. Your father is the one who needs to reach into his deep pockets and pay a psychiatrist to test him for Asperger's by proxy.
Even if your financial situation is on thin ice, do not get involved in any Federal welfare fraud into which your father attempts to lure you. If you don't have money for an "Asperger's Syndrome" evaluation, then you definitely will not have money to retain a criminal defense attorney once the Federal authorities have you cornered into a bad place.
If your father still pressures to go down that road, then tell him that you will only do so if he pays for the "Asperger's Syndrome" evaluation, which is usually $6,000.00 for people without health insurance coverage. If he asks why he should be the one to pay for it, simply stress to him that this is something that he wants rather than something that you want. He'll likely back off right then and there.
It should also be noted that an "Asperger's Syndrome" evaluation is specifically for children rather than adults. There is currently no specific test or diagnostic criteria for diagnosing Asperger's syndrome in adults. However, beware that there are still unscrupulous mental-health professionals out there who could lure you into taking what they claim to be an authentic "Asperger's Syndrome" evaluation for adults. Such mental-health professionals should be stripped of their medical licenses, but, unfortunately, too many of them get away with such crimes because of the lack of oversight of their activities.
Your Father Acts Really Cocky Upon First Approaching You With His False "Asperger's Syndrome" Claim Against You
The first time your father approaches you with his bogus claim that you suffer from "Asperger's Syndrome," you're going to be peeved and furious that he would even entertain such a ludicrous notion. Instead of listening to what you have to say, he is going to laugh at you and make it a point that Aspergians initially go into denial that they are autistic. A father who behaves this way is bound to be diagnosed with Asperger's by proxy.
When you lash back at your abusive father and tell him that he doesn't know what he's saying in accusing you of having "Asperger's Syndrome," he will gaslight you in every manner he can think of. That is when you need to go into full battle mode. Never mind his garbage about being this tough-love father that has the solution to all of your problems. He is not on your side, and you need to remember it. He may have given you life, but he will not guarantee that it will be happy.
If your father was never abusive with you during your childhood, then he will probably not approach you on something of this nature. If you really do suffer from some kind of autism, then your father may offer to pay to send you to someone who can evaluate you for it in the event that you don't have enough money to pay out of pocket for that expense. However, if your father was abusive with you during your childhood, he is going to throw this "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale right at you and make-believe that you somehow have the ability to clap your hands and make a large bag of money fall out of the sky in the event that you don't have health insurance to cover the evaluation for this so-called form of high-functioning autism.
If your father was abusive with you during your childhood and he shoves the "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale down your throat, think of him as the sexually promiscuous 15- or 16-year-old punk who has recently found out that his 14-year-old girlfriend is pregnant and he insists that she gets an abortion at her own expense to make life easier on him. This is the way that fathers with Asperger's by proxy think. They create a problem that wasn't even there before, and then they expect you to finance its solution.
Your Father Attributes Instances Of Normal Behavior On Your Part To "Asperger's Syndrome"
Have you ever been in a situation where a neighbor's dog has barked and kept you awake all night? Perhaps a bird has built its nest in your roof over your bedroom, and its squawking from the wee hours of the morning to late at night wears thin on your nerves. Maybe you simply have tried to read a book in a library and someone sits next to you and sniffles really loud on a chronic basis, and you've had to ask that person politely if they would blow their nose. It is perfectly normal for someone to find these noise nuisances to be aggravating.
Nevertheless, if your father has Asperger's by proxy, he is likely to claim that these same noises bother you as a result of "Asperger's Syndrome." Your father's ongoing obsession with "Asperger's Syndrome" is going to make you feel as though you are on trial for a crime you didn't commit every time that you are in his presence. The hypocrisy of your father's behavior is that in all due likelihood these same noise nuisances have gotten on his nerves at one time or another, and you will have clear, crisp memories of instances of when they did. Therefore, my suggestion is that you remind your father of those instances, and you will finally shut him down before he continues on with his false claims against you.
Your father may even go as far as accusing you of suffering from "Asperger's Syndrome" merely because you close the blinds in your bedroom whenever the sun shining through your windows gets too bright. If your father has Asperger's by proxy, you will be surprised about some of the nonsense he pulls out of his mind. Even when you explain to him that you close your window blinds in your bedroom at a certain time of day inasmuch as the sunlight is dangerously too bright then, he will get on the defensive and insist that you are in denial of your alleged autistic condition despite that he is the one who likely has a psychological problem instead of you.
It is because of your father's obvious lack of education on the topic of autism that he doesn't have a clear distinction in his mind between autistic behavior and neurotypical behavior. If he suffers from Asperger's by proxy, then he is going to look for every way to demonize you as an Aspergian head case; and everything with him will likely be one colossal double standard.
Now, I'm well aware that there are certain sounds and the likes that people with autism find annoying. I'm not here to rewrite the entire Fifth Edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ("DSM-5"). However, the majority of us neurotypical individuals are bound to encounter one noise nuisance or another in our lifetime that causes us to take action against whomever or whatever is causing it. Also, we recognize that sunlight can be harmful to the eyes if too much of it gets in them.
I may not be a doctor, but I have been on this planet long enough to know how dangerous an "Asperger's Syndrome" fairy tale can be when the person shoving it down your throat is your own father and he has Asperger's by proxy. No matter what your father says or does, you must be strong at all times and never let your guard down. If he abused you in your childhood, he has no right to micromanage your adult life.
If your father has more than one or two of the above-described warning signs of Asperger's by proxy, then you are better off keeping as much distance between you and an "Asperger's Syndrome" evaluation as possible. You don't necessarily have to cut off all ties with your father, unless, of course, you want to do so or you feel that it may alleviate the situation or if you find him to be a danger to you. However, if he decides to sever all ties with you or you feel that he is becoming too much of a danger to you or both, give him his desired hiatus from your life. It is unhealthy for you to argue and go back and forth with him about something of which you want no part.
If your father has Asperger's by proxy and he abused you as a child, he is going to try every way he can to make you feel less than zero if you refuse to go along with his plans to get you misdiagnosed with "Asperger's Syndrome." Just remember that, at the end of the day, you have more reasons to be ashamed of him than you do of yourself. He is the one who ruined your childhood, and he is the one who is trying to destroy you in your adult years.
The contents herein also apply equally to childhood incest survivors as they do to survivors of other forms of child abuse. The only difference is that if you fit that description and your father is the one who violated you in that manner during your childhood, then he will likely be more dead set on coercing you into going into "Asperger's Syndrome" testing and treatment inasmuch as he will see it as an escape path for himself in the event that the authorities someday find out about his crimes against you. Remember that in most state jurisdictions here in our nation, there is no statute of limitations for sex crimes against children. Therefore, you have to be even tougher than a survivor of childhood physical abuse when your father begins putting the pressure on you to believe that you have "Asperger's Syndrome"; and if he has Asperger's by proxy, he is like a ticking time bomb that could unleash major chaos in your adulthood if you submit to his ploy.
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This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2022 Jason B Truth