Jessica is a freelancer who loves the art of writing and respects people's opinion.
Arthur Washington Tribute
My Brother Arthur is no more
My brother died in 1956. I can still cry over it if I think about that day. It never really goes away, but for me the pain is kept in a little box in my heart. I open it from time to time when I want a good cry.
Your brother is near to you in spirit. Pray for him as he prays for you. Talk to him as much as you want. He will hear you.
You realize that you will meet him again in the next world. One of our saints said that the separation from your loved one can be measured in a few days, but your reunion in the next world cannot be measured, even in many centuries.
The pain is too much
Not much, frankly. Time helps, but it's always going to hurt.
The pain we feel when someone we love dies can be part of the tribute we pay to them; our pain honors their memory and how important they were, and are, to us. It's not the only way we can, and there's nothing wrong or broken about someone who reacts differently, but, for most of us, that's how it works.
I'm forty-three years old, and my parents and siblings and two grandparents are all alive. I've lost two grandparents, and a bunch of great-aunts and uncles, all of whom were very old, and I was granted a good amount of time with them. I've only had losses that are normal and common.
And yet — sometimes I feel deep pain missing these people. And it hurts, and it always will.
Your pain is far, far worse than mine. The loss of a brother is far worse than the loss of a grandparent, and yours is more recent. So it feels presumptuous for me to try to tell you how to deal with it. But, because you asked, I will tell you what I do with that sadness that I feel.
When I remember my relatives who have died, and I feel that stab of grief, this is what I think — not necessarily in words, but just sort of generally as feelings.
I notice that grief, and I try to feel gratitude for it. I think something like, “thank you for this pain, which reminds me of my loved one. It hurts, and I'm glad my loved one is still in my life and mind. Thank you for making sure that my loved one is remembered and keeping their light alive in the world.
“Dear pain, you hurt and I can't ignore you, and that is a tribute to my loved one. Thank you for helping me honor them. It shows how important they were, and still are.”