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This Is Not My Body

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Ann is currently working with Disability Employment. Her decision to go into this field was because of her Mental Health experience.

Me at 35 kilograms - severe depression. Sadly, I forced smile trying to hold my grandchild.

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67 kg and feeling awful about my size.

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For as long as I can remember, I lived a life of stress and anxiety. That sick feeling in your stomach when you have to go to the dentist... or about to take an exam at school lived with me always. I never felt any real joy or happiness. I honestly thought everyone felt like that and it was "normal".

I had great dreams for myself. I wanted to become a Doctor and made really good grades at school. I could have made it. But the thought of University scared me to death.

I started out my late teens in a simple job working for a Pharmacy and then a Laboratory Assistant. This was when I met my husband.

I won't go into detail, but our marriage was tough. I know we loved each other very much but life was anything but smooth. He always concealed his emotions and never let me in. Tragically, as we were just nearing ten years of marriage, my husband committed suicide. The ensuing blame and rage from his family toward me led to a complete emotional and physical breakdown. Their anger and hatred continues even after 25 years.

For five years I couldn't eat. I lived on boiling water with fresh ginger to try and sooth the nausea. Half a banana when I could manage it and a warm chocolate drink in the morning. My weight had plummeted to 35kg even though before this I always sustained a weight of about 50kg. With many years of seeing a Psychiatrist for medication and Psychologist for therapy, a diagnosis of PTSD, I finally saw a light and the panic attacks ceased, the depression lifted and life became somewhat normal. And best of all, I could eat again without wanting to be sick.

That was when the weight gain started. I ballooned to 67 kilograms. This may seem light for many people but for me I felt huge. 35 to 67 kilograms is a lot of weight gain. I couldn't move well, suffered pain in my joints and generally felt miserable. So I set about the task of dieting. I had never needed to diet before so this was very new to me.

I tried whatever was trending at the time. First was Paleo, no, someone said Keto diet it the best. Neither worked. CSIRO diet.... nope! My cupboards were stocked with every kind of potato flour, almond meal and everything else suggested. How about those online delivery diets I thought, you know.... so many calories per day in different meals delivered right to my front door. I did that for a year and not a gram moved off my body.

After about 15 years of this I changed employment and came across a beautiful colleague who suggested Isagenix! "I think your body's metabolism needs a kick start", she said. I had been reading up a lot on line and had come to the conclusion that my body had gone into starvation mode after the breakdown. Everything I put in my mouth stored as fat ready for the next time I stopped eating again. I had also been reading about Eat Right For Your Blood Type... interesting. I was A negative and supposed to be eating a vegetarian diet with occasional small amounts of chicken, turkey and fish.

I tried both. The supplements and a high protein shake for lunch filled me so much, the shake being low GI that by dinner time I only felt like a small salad with a bit of chicken etc in it. I always felt satisfied and full of energy.

Within three months I had lost 14 kg. Slowly another four kilograms vanished. I am now stable at 49kg. I continue to take the supplements but can now eat whatever I want. Cheesecake, chocolate and other desserts are a favourite.

Please understand, I am in now way disrespecting the other diets. I believe that if my body hadn't been in that awful mode it chose, they would have been successful as well.

Never would I disrespect a person's body size. Whether someone is trying to lose 5kg or 100... if you are anorexic and trying to recover. Everyone has their journey and it can be long and hard. Respect that!

This is just MY story and how it worked for me.


This is me now... Happy, healthy and full of energy!

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Summary

No matter what you are struggling with... weight gain, weight loss, Mental Health... persevere. Set your sites high. Believe in yourself and that you can concur whatever you set your mind to. TRUST!!!