The Gastric Bypass Surgery and It's Psychological Effects
In today’s world, obesity is a huge issue with many Americans and people all around the world. It seems more and more people are becoming obese at all ages.
Obesity is very dangerous and deadly. Many people struggle with dieting and exercise being an effective way for them to lose weight. It seems as if it’s an everyday battle and the motivation for diet and exercise is just temporary for most people. After some people have an unsuccessful attempt after attempt to shed the pounds they resort to a weight loss surgery such as gastric bypass.
The gastric bypass surgery is performed on people who have morbid obesity. This procedure divides the stomach and rearranges the small intestine The surgery aims to reduce the size of the stomach through the new arrangement. As an effect of the surgery, the patients lose weight because they end up with “smaller” stomachs because of the operation. If you have a smaller stomach, you tend to get full easily and you also tend to eat less. This is why gastric bypass can help you lose weight easily.
There are variations of the procedure, first is the gastric bypass roux en-y proximal, roux en-y distal, and lastly loop gastric bypass which is also known as a mini bypass. Surgeons decide on what type of procedure to push through with patients. These patients very rarely gain weight again because of the procedure. Weight loss due to the gastric bypass occurs a lot quicker than most diets and exercises. This is primarily due to the smallness of the intestines that is easily filled when one eats.
Whenever someone is considering having the gastric bypass they should really look not only into the facts of the surgery itself, but also the possible problems with their body after the surgery. These problems include vomiting, clogging (food blockage), reactive hypoglycemia, constipation, gas, gallstones, hibernation syndrome, very serious emotional problems, and other body changes. While the doctors do touch on the risks of the surgery and these issues they do not go into great detail. Many people are so stuck the idea of losing the weight they are not concerned with focusing on or researching the issues and problems that the surgery can cause.
One serious side effect of the gastric bypass surgery that people often fail to consider is how the overwhelming changes will affect their marriage. Studies show that the divorce rate after weight loss surgery is extremely high. Undergoing surgery is just a first step. Over the next year or two, the dramatic weight loss has ramifications for every aspect of your life. And since it happens so quickly, it’s really easy to lose touch with reality. Imagine living in a funhouse for a year or so. All the mirrors are warped, so you have no way of knowing what you really, truly look like. You may even begin to lose sight of who you are. It’s as if a new person is emerging from beneath the layers of fat.
Meanwhile, as these changes are occurring, the world around you starts treating you differently with every pound you shed. Every relationship you have will change in some way simply because you are changing. You start being noticed by the opposite sex. Some people may even flirt with and hit on you. This new attention can be frightening, but it can also really turbocharge your ego. All of this change can be very difficult for your significant other. Not to mention that you probably bonded over food before, but now that option has been taken off the table.
So suddenly, your partner loses the old, comfortable spouse, and gains a new, confident, attractive and outgoing one. And just like the change is a mind-bender for you, it can be overwhelming for your spouse as well. Some gastric bypass patients get so excited and full of energy that they just can’t wait to get out and enjoy life. They want to go for walks, socialize, see and be seen. They want to get out and live. The last thing they want is to sit around and watch TV all evening. Unfortunately, that may be exactly what your spouse wants and he or she may feel real insecure about the idea of you going out alone.
However, the surgery itself is not always to blame in a divorce occurring afterwards. Being morbidly obese makes many people feel inferior and undeserving, so they often settle for less than what they truly deserve, thinking it’s the best they can do. Some people put up with abuse, infidelity, or just a bad marriage because the weight has killed their self esteem. They just don’t have the confidence to stand up for themselves and demand respect. Others blame problems on their weight, believing that once they are thin things will automatically change for the better. After gastric bypass surgery, the excess weight is no longer there to take the blame, and confidence and self esteem begin to rise. All of these things together can make many take a long, hard look at what may be an unhealthy marriage.
The studies conclude that weight loss surgery has a very high divorce rate. Experts say that few procedures can test a marriage like bariatric surgery because, for one or both spouses it signals that their old life is over. Often it may not be what one or the other signed-up for. They may miss the old life so much that they seek a new partner. The bottom line is that gastric bypass surgery will have a dramatic effect on your marriage. Just be prepared for a wild ride.
Gastric bypass surgery has an emotional, as well as a physiological, impact on the individual. Many who have undergone the bypass surgery suffer from depression in the following months. This is a result of a change in the role food plays in their emotional well-being. Strict limitations on the diet can place great emotional strain on the patient.
The surgery reduces one’s stomach by about ninety percent. Energy levels in the period following the surgery will be low. This is due again to the restriction of food intake, but negative change in emotional state will also have an impact here. It may take as long as three months for emotional levels to rebound. Muscular weakness in the months following surgery is common. This is caused by a number of factors, including a restriction on protein intake, a resulting loss in muscle mass and decline in energy levels.
The weakness may result in balance problems, difficulty climbing stairs or lifting heavy objects, and increased fatigue following simple physical tasks. Many of these issues will pass over time as food intake gradually increases. However, the first months following the surgery can be very difficult, an issue not often mentioned by physicians suggesting the surgery. The benefits and risks of this surgery are well established, but the psychological effects are not well understood and potential patients should ensure a strong support system before agreeing to the procedure.
Vitamins are normally contained in the foods we eat, as well as any supplements we may choose to take. The amount of food which will be eaten after gastric bypass surgery is severely reduced, and vitamin content is correspondingly reduced. Supplements should therefore be taken to completely cover the minimum daily requirements of all vitamins and minerals.
An anastomosis is a surgical connection between the stomach and bowel, or between two parts of the bowel. The surgeon attempts to create a water-tight connection by connecting the two organs with either staples or sutures, either of which actually makes a hole in the bowel wall. The surgeon will rely on the healing power of the body, and it’s ability to create a seal like a self-sealing tire, to succeed with the surgery. If that seal fails to form, for any reason, fluid from within the gastrointestinal tract can leak into the sterile abdominal cavity and give rise to infection and abscess formation. Leakage of an anastomosis does occur in about two percent of gastric bypass procedures, usually at the stomach-bowel connection. Sometimes leakage can be treated with antibiotics, and sometimes it will require immediate re-operation.
As the anastomosis heals, it forms scar tissue, which naturally tends to shrink or contract over time, making the opening smaller. This is called a “stricture.” Usually, the passage of food through an anastomosis will keep it stretched open, but if the inflammation and healing process outpaces the stretching process, scarring may make the opening so small that even liquids can no longer pass through it. Infection of the incisions or of the inside of the abdomen may occur due to release of bacteria from the bowel during the operation. Nosocomial iinfection, such as pneumonia, bladder or kidney infections, and sepsis are also possible.
A hernia is an abnormal opening, either within the abdomen, or through the abdominal wall muscles. An internal hernia may result from the surgery, and re-arrangement of the bowel, and is mainly significant as a cause of bowel obstruction. An incision hernia occurs when a surgical incision does not heal well. The muscles of the abdomen separate and allow protrusion of a sac-like membrane, which may contain bowel or other abdominal contents, and which can be painful and unsightly. The surgical procedure puts patients at risk for a hernia.
While researching the surgery I have found horror stories from all over which are related to or caused by the surgery. While the number one downfall was divorce, I also found many stories of stomach bleeding, death, hernias, serious infection, denial of identity, stress, depression, hemorrhage, nutritional deficiencies, ulcers, leakage, weight gain, too much weight loss, surgery reversal, as well as other complications. The surgery not only effected the patient who underwent the surgery but also those people around them.
While talking to Virginia Harrison of Gulf Breeze, FL, I had a prime example of someone who had to have the surgery reversed because of stomach bleeding. She decided at 512 pounds and after falling through the roof of her upstairs apartment to have the weight loss surgery. She has struggled her entire life with her weight and was warned my her doctor that if she didn’t do something soon her condition could be fatal. A little over one year and about ninety pounds later she started having problems. She dealt with the issues for about eight more months. After losing another fifty pounds the she was admitted into the hospital for testing and was rushed into emergency surgery for the reversal. She has managed to keep the weight she lost off but has not lost any excess. She wishes she had never had the surgery to begin with but is proud of herself for giving it a shot.
I have personally had several experiences with knowing people who have had a weight loss surgery. Of these the people who are closest to me are my mother, aunt, and grandmother.I was twelve years old whenever my mother had “the surgery.” She had gained a lot of weight after marrying and having kids. She had progressively became addicted to eating and to food. Whenever her insurance approved her for the surgery because of her morbid obesity she weighed in at about three hundred and thirty pounds. Her recommended weight was about one hundred and forty. Our entire family was excited for her. Her surgery was a success and for the three years she had minor and mostly common aside from being admitted into the hospital once. As my mother lost more and more weight it was like she was an entirely different person from the woman that I and the rest of my family had always known. This change caused my parents to divorce after nineteen years of marriage, which has split up my entire family. Even without seeing my mother just a conversation with her you can tell she is different. She has been admitted into the hospital several times for iron deficiency and blood transfusions. These admittances seem to be more and more usual as time passes. My entire family worries about her all of the time. We wonder what happened to the person she used to be. When talking to her she said that “I sometimes feel like I am walking around in someone else’s body.” She also said, “there have been times whenever I didn‘t recognize the person looking back at me whenever I looked in the mirror.” This is really a lot to take in. At the same time, we are all very glad she seems like a happier person and the surgery did lower her risks for some very serious issues such as heart disease or diabetes.
All in all this gastric bypass and other weight loss surgeries are a lot to consider. It’s not just “going under the knife.” It causes serious change for the patient and their families and these changes are very permanent. I feel like more research should be completed and I also feel that all of the research and all that is already known should be emphasized by doctors and surgeons whenever they have a potent ional patient who is considering the surgery. I also feel that a patient should be required to see a psychologistfollowing there surgery to help them cope with all of the changes that they are undergoing.
Me and mama after the surgery
kelli on December 14, 2015:
I can testify to everything that is being written in these comments. I had gadtric sleeve surgery 1.5 years ago and it has changed my ehole personality. It has thrown me into a very dark place. I was a very loving mother and partner vety devoted sister and daughter. I am still trying to be but it has definitely chnged me and I am so scared. I am not the same and it haunts me evetyday. I see ghosts of my self evetywhere and I miss the old me. I was so on top of things and now thst has all chnaged. I think of suicide almost every day. I am so ashamed and I feel so guilty. What have I done?
peaceseeker2015 on June 03, 2015:
This surgery has destroyed our entire family. Our daughter had bariatric surgery 2 years ago and has lost over 120 lbs. She is no longer the loving and beautiful daughter, wife and mother our whole family knew. She has completely estranged herself from the entire family and has some disturbing psychological/behavioral changes. Her personality has completely changed for the worse. I would NEVER recommend this kind of surgery to anyone. The doctors don't care what it does to a person's live and to their family. They care more about the money they make doing this surgery. Take care and I'm very sorry for all of you going through the aftermath of this insidious surgery.
Mnw on April 06, 2015:
I can relate to many things all you have gone through since my surgery in 2010. Yes there have been many success stories and happy outcomes but they are few and far in between. Both my husband and I had the surgery together with hopes to start a healthier life together but things went in a totally different direction. We both started partying more loving the way we were starting to look. The drinking was getting more and more frequent. I backed off quite a bit because I really wanted to start a family after all that was one of my main reasons for getting healthier. He started drinking more and more and smoking (which he never did). One night at a friends party I also found out he was doing lines with his buddies (some friends). Then the affairs started first him and then me. I was so hurt by his affair I turned to someone else for comfort. Knowing I still truly loved him and two wrongs don't make a right. I went through more serious health issues not long after the GBS (not related, heart issues). When I was laid up in the hospital recovering he barely came to see me. Working and drinking was his life. My depression hit it's all time low and I started cutting. Then we ended it and I attempted suicide in 2012. He is now a full blown alcoholic. I can't stand the person I've become. Meaner, nasty, extremely irritable, insomnia, the worst ever anxiety, sever depression, destroyed relationships. Needless to say if anyone asks me my thoughts on the surgery I don't recommend it but everyone who has asked has still gone through with it anyways. Already I'm seeing a friend who asked me about it struggle with major depression and
Drinking more by the day only four months out. I just hope everyone educates themselves before making this life altering decision. I wish I had :(
Xenith on January 27, 2015:
It's not the GBS that is causing all this, although it might be the trigger. After you have the surgery (I had mine 6 months ago), you can't deal with feelings by eating over them anymore. You have to find other solutions. Hence the woman who turned to alcohol and became an alcoholic. If you've been morbidly obese for a long time, you're used to being abused and not admired. It is a shock when people no longer excuse you from: dating, flirting, exercise or success because you are fat. Suddenly you have to step up to the plate and now you want to! I've been through this before and I'm ready for it this time. In my 20's I lost 75 pounds and became thin for the first time in my life and I experienced the disorientation of not recognizing myself in the mirror, mood swings, etc. Now, I am recognizing all those stages in my current life. I think I'm lucky that I don't expect being thin to transform me into Miss America. I'm also lucky that my husband of 13 years did the surgery a year before I did. I saw how those women were looking at my really good-looking guy and I decided that it was time for my surgery now. We're walking together, hand in hand, into our new life. For the spouses out there, my best advice is that when your spouse wants to go out dancing, go with them! When they want to go to the gym, go with them! When they want to do an activity they couldn't do before GO WITH THEM! Yes, your spouse has changed and if you want to keep them, work on that relationship! Take an interest! Get up off the couch! Maybe get active, diet or have the surgery yourself!
BevM on July 17, 2014:
I'm so glad for you, fred2. I'm not sure why they change...but it looks like many of them do.
fred2 on July 17, 2014:
I posted on here about 2 years ago, regarding my GF and how mean and selfish she is. She had GBS about 2 years before we met. I tried very hard to understand her but it was no use. The longer the relationship went on the worse she became. She was a miserable bitch and after about 3 years of trying to help her and being very paicient with her I gave up.
I found another wonderful woman on Craigslist about 11 months ago. She is amazing and caring and has NO behavior issues. We have never argued or fought since we met.....not once! We both are very happy with each other.
Point is....there is someone else out there for you if your
sig-other had gone mad after GBS. There ARE happy and sane people out there looking for YOU. Be brave and seek them out and you can be happy after all.
BevM on July 17, 2014:
I have an hypothesis regarding the bariatric operation results. I wonder if the ensuing starvation changes the patient's brain structure. I have a sister who had a very successful bariatric operation, but after a couple of years she became a different person. She didn't have this until she was in her fifties, and she was never flirtatious--and that's still not the problem. She seems to have become viciously vindictive. We used to do everything together--as a couple of divorced moms we were "comadres" in most things. Now we don't even speak. She seems to think that nothing is "fair." She has even come between myself and my children. She especially seems to delight in spreading lies--which she believes--to cause division among us. It's as though she wants my kids, my grand kids--and her own grandkids--to "like her best," and she'll do whatever she can do to disrupt everyone else's relationships to get this. Essentially, she has become toxic for everyone. I hope that some neurologist will work on this hypothesis someday because I'd like to know if it's just me, or has sister's brain been altered?
marie on July 04, 2014:
Is anyone there
GBSVictimUK on April 11, 2014:
I am yet another victim of a partner who got GBS. I am in the UK. Same story, my wife her surgery 2 years ago, initially i supported her medically and as the changes began to happen i was so happy for her.... But then slowly but surely the woman who was my wonderful wife disappeared with every pound, she became more and more secretive, self righteous, selfish and mentally eratic.... About a year ago she started drinking and now drinks half a litre of vodka per day.... She started going out more and flirting to the extreme.... 2 weeks ago, she snapped threw me out and admitted cheating on me with a guy (really ugly one) down the pub she had been flirting with for some time. She hasn't even shed a tear just silence. I think she has serious mental instabilities and just want to act like a teenager... Drink and pull ... The more attention the better.... So again, the result is 3 children aged 15, 10 and 9 left without a father and with a mother who just wants to go out and leave them....
MissesC on February 26, 2014:
To all of you who think this Gastric bypass surgery has caused your marital problems. It is NOT you - of course, unless you were a serious jerk & extremely selfish.
This is truly what I believe is & has been going on since GBS became so popular & so many drs ready & willing to perform the surgery, motivated by $$. But in my experience, there have not been any or enough knowledgeable drs prepared for the necessary long term after care, or even knowledgeable enough to know what to look for if complications arise 2 months to 10+ yrs post op. I had my RNY surgery in June 2003. I was/am married to my 2nd husband in Aug 1998. He is 19 yrs older than me, not very tall, and mostly bald on top. (Point being looks aren't important to me). I was 5'8, with an athletic build - at the time. Not thin, but not overweight either. I was previously in the Air Force for 6 yrs and had no serious self esteem issues. I've always been a little insecure but at the same time, quite confident. I did put on some weight with my 1st child, during my 1st marriage. Took some time, but I was able to lose the weight. My serious weight problem didn't come on till after my 2nd/current marriage of Aug 1998. My husband, being a lot older than me, had a lot more experience home cooking. I gladly allowed him to be the cook. Then our son came along in May 2001. Gradually, my weight increased to 265 & I opted for the surgery. Plus, the dr that performed it was bringing us in like a hurd of cattle. After a month, I had emergency surgery b/c scar tissue was blocking an artery. From then on, I started having problems. I had symptoms that over the years have gotten worse.
My husband had been married 4 times b4 me & he was always accusing me of cheating. Even had me followed a few times. I NEVER cheated on him! My self esteem started slowly diminishing as did my weight. At times, I felt like it was all his fault. Then I was put on Prozac, seemed to help for a while. THEN, in July 2005, I started abusing pain medication. I had NEVER in my life taken any kind of drug, had never even tried Marijuana - nor exhibited any kind of addictive behavior prior to this surgery. Anyway, I found this stuff on the Internet called Kratom. Kratom helped me to get off the pain meds. Then I couldn't get off Kratom. I went 4 help and was put on Freakin Suboxone to come off Kratom. I learned later that Suboxone is prescribed for 'harder drugs' - meth, heroine, etc. Now, I'm stuck/addicted to a monthly/highly controlled prescription that's 10 times harder to come off of all because this dr didn't have enough knowledge or care to research the chemical properties of Kratom. Other problems have surfaced during this time as well. I started complaining to my drs about my hands going numb, then my toes. Still couldn't get any straight answers from my docs other than being diagnosed with severe carpal tunnel syndrome. What about my toes being numb or the pain in my hip joint - all this pain keeps me from uninterrupted sleep. Too many symptoms for the dr and I am IGNORED & treated with disrespect. Was hospitalized a couple times with small bowel obstructions - one cleared up just b4 surgery was initiated. I have gradually lost more and more weight cuz I feel sick every time I eat.. I've told them this so many times. Each doctor just looks at me like I'm crazy or I'm treated like a drug addict because I take Suboxone. My mind does not think straight anymore. My husband also took on the mentality of the drs. Self esteem gets lower & lower every day with terrible depression. I desperately want to be the person I was b4 these problems started. B4 the surgery. My husband says he still loves me but I honestly feel dead inside. I'm no longer affectionate and I know my kids are suffering as much - which totally breaks what's left of my heart/emotions. There's more but too much to list. I feel deep in my heart all these mental & physical problems are due to micronutrient deficiencies, but trying to get a dr to run these in-depth tests is like - well, they always get offended with me. It's so extremely frustrating! My brain & body is so weak & deteriorating. My weight is now 129-134 & I'm 5'8 & I can't seem to get any real help. I've since lost my job of 16 yrs. One last thing: because of the micronutrient deficiency, I am also dopamine deficient. Drs always just give some sort of band-aid for my symptoms. So, my psych dr put me on Adderall to patch that up. Pain Mgmt dr put me on Neurontin for nerve pain and with all this comes the emotional problems and I haven't been able to sleep well AT ALL in a very long time. I have also developed this twitching thing that's progressively gotten worse over 3 years - especially when anxiety sets in. I feel extremely alone because my husband thinks all my problems are a result of addiction. My family, as well think that if I were to stop taking all these meds, I would return to my old self. Again, I never had any addictive behavior prior to this surgery. Not even with food. I do admit, I have become an addict. Can I ask you or anyone this question? With all that I've told you about the continuing health problems and my desperate plea for help over the years, only to be either ignored or 'labeled' by the very drs we have to trust and totally depend on with our life
- Would you not end up doing ur own research and self medicating when you realize there's not a single dr out there that cares or is knowledgeable enough with post Gastric bypass care? Long term complications about all this are just now showing up in the Medical Publications.
Well, here's the kicker for me & what has sent me spiraling down to an even deeper depression: My father in Florida recently passed and I had to drive down to be with my mother. Remember: Lack of sleep, taking Adderall, Suboxone, and Neurontin, having an anxiety and twitching problem (F.Y.I. twitching slowly started yrs b4 Adderall came in to the mix, as well as the continued weight loss). Anyway, on my way to FL, stopped and got a coffee from Starbucks, pulled in to a McDonald's parking lot approx 11:30 pm to put in the sugar & cream - 10 minutes later, I'm actually arrested for DUI. I have NEVER in my life been in any kind of trouble like this! Every time they made me blow in this device, it showed 0 (zero) every single time! But they still treated me like I was drunk. I don't drink! I had broken my Adderall in to little tiny pieces so I could take it more often due to lack of sleep. I kept all the tiny pieces wrapped up in an empty Suboxone wrapper because of my severe neuropathy, making it easier to grab one. Nope. They actually accused me of snorting Adderall! Gross! It was absolutely traumatic! I know all this and my actions/movements/etc has to do with some sort of micronutrient deficiency. I JUST KNOW IT DOES. And I don't know where to find help.
Mnw on January 24, 2014:
I wish I had came across this article before I and my now ex-husband both decided to have Gastric bypass. We had researched the surgery and learned the physical risks and benefits but certainly were not prepared for the mental and emotional changes. As you described getting attention and how people treat you different played a big part in our split. I wasn't coping well and became extremely depressed and didn't feel my husband was there for me or understanding so I found comfort elsewhere. I have many regrets!! I lost the love of my life and best friend. If I could turn back the clock I wouldn't do it again. After we split I became a train wreck because another common thing after gastric is developing new addictions. For those of us who once turned to food for comfort we start finding other means of comfort like drinking or drugs to make us feel good. I started drinking in excess which led to very destructive behavior. I would look in the mirror and not know the person looking back at me. I was on a bad road then I met my currant boyfriend. Things happened quick and I became a mom which is something I always wanted and I've since turned my life around. She truly is my life saving miracle. If anyone ever asks me about the surgery I tell them I wouldn't (unless it's a life or death situation) recommend it.
JRD on January 20, 2014:
I was so glad to find this posting! My wife had surgery 2 months ago, she does not want to be around me or our 3 children. You can tell from her yelling and nit picking when she gets home from work. She is making everyone around her miserable. I filed for divorce today, hopefully I can save my 2 girls and son from the misery she is putting us through daily. I was all for her getting the surgery, just wish I had known that it would affect her so negatively, and would be the cause for the end of our marriage. 10 years down the drain. Hope she is happy......
tk on January 04, 2014:
Well i had the surgery, and sometimes i do wounder what it would be like being with someone else, I know its.my emotions,.I really love my husband so I decided to go back to counseling.i been with my husband for 23 years, I have invested my life in my marriage and will do what ever it takes to keep it, with all that said why wont my husband believe me, i am the one that had surgey and he is always
Ad on December 23, 2013:
Agreed! I just had the RNY on 11/26/13! The surgery was a revision from a surgery that failed in 2003! My doctor has admitted it was improperly done, and said I had the hardest one he has had to do to date! Aside from flatlining twice, once during surgery, and a second time when I was rushed to the ICU for a 110 degree fever brought on by sepsis. I have done nothing but cry! I have barely been able to move, and I can't hold down much of anything! I have had to go to the hospital for fluids once already! I pray this surgery is worth half the trouble it's causing! I do see a psychologist as a rule, but haven't been due to the surgery and the holidays. This is no joke and anyone who thinks so is a moron! I have two kids, and I can't believe I almost never saw them again! Please please realize this is no joke! My first surgery I flatlined twice as well, I obviously have a guardian angel somewhere, realize there are very real consequencences that are far from the "Some discomfort" they quote you! I love my surgeon, he's a wonderful Dr, but I may not have done this again if I knew!
Judy on December 07, 2013:
I had GBP several years ago after realizing that being sick, and morbidly obese (300+) I was not the way I wanted to die. Any life style change, be it, becoming sober, losing weight, returning to school for advanced training, moving does put stress on people. If the family or spouse are ridged and unable to adapt, the person making the change must make a decision. To stay in a relationship and continue the unhealthy lifestyle or move on. In my case; No I did not leave my husband; No I did not have affairs. No I did not become depressed, or vain or any of the other negative characteristic's mentioned by you and the responders. The Operation saved my life. It helped me regain my self respect. I was able to make love to my husband with out hiding under the covers or in the dark. I was able to hike in Yosemite and ski in Squaw Valley, sit in an airplane without paying extra for a large seat, and canoe in Alaska. All with my family and wonderful supportive husband. I am sorry for people who blame an operation for the failure of their relationship, but maybe the weight loss just uncovered and brought to light the codependency issues that were long hidden under a pile of food and lbs. of fat.
Cor on November 23, 2013:
It's 10 years since my husband had his GBS and I am still incredibly furious with him! I am angry as I type. I was suddenly abruptly abandoned and thrown away like toilet paper and saturated with his excrement, flushed out of his life. He now lives common-law with a Troll Doll - a woman so physically repulsive, other people are aghast at his choice for a new partner when I am regarded as strikingly beautiful. To this day, men 20 years my junior still persue me with lavish complements. My husband clearly went insane or MORE STUPID than he originally was!
Captain Africs on May 24, 2013:
Here's a line I picked up from the TV series Boss by Mayor Tom Kane (Kelsey Grammer) i thought to be relevant in my situation - "its a neurotic state it diminishes one ability to judge and to make wise choices to hold affirm to established loyalties!" Although I see elements of psychosis as well. Well this is from a 3 day Psychology degree course!!
Captain Africa on May 24, 2013:
I thought I was alone going through this extremely difficult time. My wife underwent this surgery about 8 months ago and I can see that the writing is on the wall - I will be gone soon!
She hardly has anytime for me and our two lovely kids, always too busy. Since her recovery from the surgery she's been too busy for her family spare only her brand new friend who seems to be the only person who has prime time, at least that we know of since she's away most of the time.
When she's around she's not a pleasure to be with. Shouting at the and constantly being abrasive with me.
I supported for this surgery and looks like I have invited the devil into my family.
I've seen people getting a confidence boost and improved self esteem from positive changes in their lives, but this is in my case is confidence & ego on steroids.
The environment is not conducive for family and the kids are suffering from the ever constant yelling whenever she's around.
I think my time is up in this marriage and must prepare my exit, for my sake and my beautiful toddlers.
Let her go and be a horror to someone else when the infatuation dies over.
Leslie on March 26, 2013:
I just had GBS last week. my husband is also getting GBS, his date is contigent on how fast I heal so that we can take care of each other. we have been married 11 years together 6 years before that. I wondered if there are any other couples out there that have done this surgery together and if they were able to stay together afterwards. I feel that our love is strong enough and the only reason I did this surgery was in hopes of having a family together(polycystic ovary sysndrome) I have always been happy with who I am as a person and honestly I wanted the lap band so I could control my weight loss and still have a healthy pregnancy but my BMI was too high it was either the bypass or nothing. my husband although a big man is already so social and outgoing so I don't think the attention will bother him. just would love to hear some success stories instead of all these horror tales that make me want to rip open my still fresh insicions and undo this if it means keeping my marriage
MissLeona on February 16, 2013:
Please do yourself a favor people try another way to lose weight.
Arun on December 31, 2012:
My wife had Weight loss surgery 2 years ago. Now it is almost 2013. She wants a divorce.
Thanks a lot to GBS.
cappman on November 04, 2012:
I supported my wife getting the surgery, and then a year later her personality had completely changed and she divorced me with no reason given. If I'd known then what I know now, I may not have been so supportive.
fred on September 22, 2012:
Please help us understand when you say "I want to run far away".....from your husband?
What are these feelings of wanting to be away from him?
Can you explain them?
ItHappenedtoMe on September 21, 2012:
I had surgery one year ago in August. I went through extensive pre-surgery evaluations, classes, etc...nothing prepared me for the new me. It was frightening. The explanation of being in a fun-house with the mirrors and not recognizing yourself is SO true. I cried to my husband one night, I didn't recognize my hands!!! I have lost 110 pounds, exercise like a madwoman, physically feel amazing. But emotionally I am a wreck. I cry everyday, sometimes for hours sometimes minutes. My doctor knows, my therapist knows. I am SO unhappy. I love my body but hate my life. I do not know how to handle the looks, the comments, the attention. I am angry because where were they 110lbs ago? Some days I feel like I am going crazy, it is amazing how dependent I was on food. What a huge part of my life it played. I am not sure what is going to happen between my husband and I. Right now I want to run far far away....I am relieved that I am not alone in this. I just pray I make the right decision so not to hurt the people I love in my life, myself included..
Cheshirecat on August 31, 2012:
I had the surgery 15 years ago. I dropped from 400 lbs to 220 lbs. I went into the surgery ALREADY loving who I was, so when I lost weight, it didn't really change anything for me. I was already confident and had good self esteem. I did it for the "health benefits". I had sleep apnea, was on blood pressure meds, etc...; thankfully, I no longer have to deal with that stuff. (I was and still am single, so I cannot comment on the relationship side of things) I did not lose any friends or family members after surgery. So I must not have been any crazier than normal :)
However, I have three VERY close friends who all decided to get the surgery. One of them has become a recluse, another one has decided not to talk to me anymore, and the third is on her way to losing her mind! (She JUST got it) That is how I found this article. I was researching emotional side effects to GBS, and there isn't alot of info out there. Thank you all for your stories, I think more counselling post-op is needed.
Candace Kane on July 23, 2012:
Maybe these people should have done more research. I don't think GBS is just that simple. You have to be prepared to change.