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Tell Me…How Am I Supposed to Live Without You?

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Writing is my passion. I have an undying thirst and quest in the field of writing. Some eat, drink or use drugs when stressed; I write.

tell-mehow-am-i-supposed-to-live-without-you

It is hard to believe it has been a little over nineteen years, and you are no longer with me. Before I knew it, God called you home. One of the most testing things I had to bear was the truth that you would never come back home. I never felt so unfilled and lost. As I view your body, I thought there was nothing left in the world for me. That second, I ask. “Tell me… How am I supposed to live without you?”

It appears to be more and more unbelievable to accept that you are no longer here. Some years are more farfetched than others. What it meant to lose you, no one will ever know, and your place no one can fill. I tried to balance the hurt of losing you, but my heart still aches in sadness. Many tears still flow, and the memory of you will always be in my heart.

Scared to love and to feel, losing you put my soul in a bind; I did not know what God’s plan was for me. The time, the moment, the day. The doctor said you did not make it. I had so much grief that; I became overheated and passed out. When I came back to reality, it took me a while to get myself together.

Although all left in front of me was just your body, the decisive moment I shared with you meant so much to me. I do not have the words to describe what I felt for you and how hard life will be without you; how I will miss experiencing the emotions of all those precious moments we shared. Although I desired to be resilient and let you go, it was hard, and I just wanted the pain to go away.

As I struggled to put all you meant to me in words, It is as if I could hear you say in final words; “When I am gone, release me, let me go - I gave you my love, and much you gave to me brought happiness. I thank you for the love you have shown, I love and will miss you, but now it is time for me to go home. Do not tie yourself to me with tears, be happy; we had so many incredible years.” God knows I tried to honor your request, but all I could think, “Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you?”

The day God called you home, I can remember it like yesterday. I lost myself and felt as if I could not breathe, No air. As I sit there in a deep stare in a room that seems dark, my world is collapsing on me; I tremble. My mind is blank, a single mother with so much grief searching for hope as my heart beats faster and faster, and I could not imagine a life without you. All I can think is how am I to live alone with just me?

I am left feeling lost and confused, but how can I blame you for leaving? It was not your fault; you did not get to decide. The Lord called you home. If you had a choice, I know you would stay with me. Now, I must plan how to continue to live my life. Although I cannot help but think, “Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you?”

tell-mehow-am-i-supposed-to-live-without-you

Without you, I found it hard to live, and I will never stop thinking about you. There are even days I have an overwhelming desire to be in your arms. An aching soul, remembering every day that we spend together, I can still feel your hands hold mine. The truth be told, my heart is an open sore that in need of healing.

You played a primary role in my life, which assist me with a happy life that shows me how to enjoy the amazing things the world offers. I can remember how easy it was to share my most captivating thoughts with you. You knew how to take away my many stressful concerns. You made me look forward to what’s coming tomorrow. For this reason, “Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you?”

I cherish all the special moments we shared in life, the unbreakable bond, and I understood that although you were friends with me. You were so much more; you were the love of my life. I can remember the first time you walked up to me and said hello. I didn’t know it then, but at that moment I fell in love with you. Even when I said, go away and leave me alone, you refuse to give up on me.

You patiently waited, stolen my heart, which was something difficult to do because I had given up on love, and I admire the man that gave me a change of heart and brightens up my entire world. Also, you taught me to trust and love again; our relationship shaped me to become the person I am today. You assist a woman in being the most reliable person and the best authentic version of herself. Because loving you was so easy, I wondered, “Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you?

And the day I recognize that big, bright smile you flashed at me. I knew then that something was so special about you. From that day, I forgot why I did not believe in love. Suddenly, my nights that consists of deep darkness, without stars and no sight of the moon, turned into nothing but light with laughter, smiles, and many sunny days.

It has been many years since I lost you, and still, I wake up a tearful mess, no control of how my mind racing, head trumping to the sound of despair. I am always dreaming of you, even when I am awake. In my dreams, you are here with me. Oh, how I miss you, and all I can think, “Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you?”

tell-mehow-am-i-supposed-to-live-without-you

Sudden days, I awake I know I am not dead, yet I don’t feel alive, and as I continue striving to trench the earth, my mind tells me you are at the end of your rope. I miss and want to feel the beat of your heart next to mine. I crave the long talk, even being able to touch you and to kiss your lip, and most of all, just you being near.

After losing you, I am yet to overcome my regretful days. And I have to learn how to deal with my awful days with just me. I miss being able to lean on your shoulder and share everything with you.

Most of all, I miss having you around to love me even when I make a colossal mess of a sudden part of my life. You brighten my days when it felt like the world was collapsing down on top of me.

Without you, I lost my way. I feel robbed of my happiness. Yet, determined to find my way and live. Striving to see life differently, one that shines so bright that the darkness is never in sight. Please “Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you?”

I ask myself. “How am I supposed to live without you?” Especially since I had the pleasure of loving you for a long time. Michael Bolton, written and echoed this title in a song, “How am I supposed to live without you?”

On October 14, 1989, Tell Me…How am I supposed to live without you is released as a song. It is a song that is written by Michael Bolton and Doug James. A tune performs to grieve the loss of a loved one, whether they have gone through death or no longer a part of the other person’s life because of a breakup.

The song was to be released by a duo named Air Supply to record, but Clive Davis wanted to change the lyrics. Bolton was against the changing of the words, so Davis turned down the song. Laura Branigan records per the lyrics in 1983. Also, Bolton recorded it in the 1990s. The song was a tremendous success for both singers. It is Bolton’s first significant hit.

Tell Me…How am I Supposed to Live Without You?

Michael Bolton - How Am I Supposed To Live Without You (Official Music Video)

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.

© 2018 Pam Morris

Comments

Pam Morris (author) from Atlanta Georgia on January 05, 2019:

Afia, thank you so much for stopping by to share you enjoyed reading my post, it is so appreciated. I write from the heart, love sharing with other my life ups and downs. I look forward to hearing more from you in the future.

Afia anjum from Bangladesh on December 28, 2018:

nice, i enjoyed