Katie doesn’t have any experience with this topic—that’s why she’s opening up to all of you in hopes of learning more!
I’ve written and I‘ve erased, deleted, rewritten, and still wasn’t happy.
I have felt rather stuck lately—stuck between a rock and a hard place. It’s felt like a “damned if you do and damned in you don’t” type of month.
I guess this is writers block? But it feels more like a life block. Do you know what I mean? I type text messages then I delete them because I’m afraid of being bothersome. I get ideas and then I try and forget them because they’re too big. I say things and then I immediately regret or overthink my words.
I’ve been really worried about what people think of me lately. I’ve been scared to ask for help in fear of being too needy and I’ve been scared of taking risks in fear of messing something up beyond repair.
I’ve been pacing quite a bit lately. It keeps the dogs occupied but doesn’t really serve much purpose other than that.
It doesn’t feel right to say I’m unhappy. Because that’s just not true. I could say it’s the anxiety talking, which would be true, but that has to be handled and dealt with regardless of the feelings it gives me. No, I’m just — stuck. I feel like a jar of jam whose lid won’t budge. The lid has been off once but just got screwed back on too tight.
I try not to make excuses for myself. Sometimes I won’t even admit the full truth because that feels like an excuse (Cons of being a ‘pull yourself up by the boot straps’ gal - don’t admit when it’s hard).
Ok. I just needed to get that out. I needed to get those thoughts and falsities out of my head, on to paper, so I could see them and acknowledge them. I’ve been doing myself a disservice by keeping it bottled up. But I’m proud of myself for finally getting it out there.
Now, here’s my challenge to myself: tackle one thought at a time. If I try and tackle them all, they’ll knock me down before I take the first step. I have to be reasonable. I can pull up my boot straps but if they’re not attached to actual boots…you get my drift.
The point of this article today really was mostly for me. Admittedly when I started this article I didn’t know this is the direction it would take. It’s really amazing what happens when you let God be in control of your boot straps. If you related to something, great. If not, then let this be your takeaway - one thing at a time.
I recently tried to replace our toilet handle lever. I got the old handle off but then hit an obstacle. I couldn’t get the rest of the old piece out because it had been siliconed to the toilet tank. Instead of tackling the silicone step, I tried to just override and do it all at once. I caught myself, luckily scared of cracking the porcelain tank, and thought about it. I needed to slow down and tackle one thing at a time.
I’m using the word tackle because I’m a huge NFL fan and it’s playoffs. But also because of what that word infers. This won’t be a meeting or confrontation. No, it’ll be a tackle.